Crazy Uncle JJ's True Story Time, Part 2...
After dinner, they drove us back home. Having a better sense of the town, Em directed them how to get from the hotel to Overhill. Naturally, there was the ever irritating "Which way's right/left?" Em dictated to her the way between the two points. As we went along, she asked Em numerous times, "It's right, right, right, right, left, right, left. Is that correct?" Em was using simple, clear, precise English, yet she was asking as if these were complex directions to perform complex surgery. Since the roads bend, curve, split and the names change frequently, it's easier to give directions by landmarks sometimes. This point was explained. A lot. I stopped counting how often she went overkill on questioning the directions. It turns out, even with all the excessive explaing in directions, it took them 45 minutes to get from Overhill to thier hotel. It's about an 8 to 10 minute drive one way. Due to thier flagerent idocracy, they manged to complicate fairly simple directions.
In the face that I had a couple glasses fo wine and Em had a "chocolate" Marintini as well as a rum and "coke," it just didn't seem no where near enough alcohol to purge the day from our heads. True Story. We stayed up for a couple of hours after that, assembling our new tv stand and talking. By "talking," I mean my wondering, how'd they'd manage to see life into their fifties, how Em got to be her age without being nutter than a can full of Planters, and could we wait a looooooong time to see them again. Sure, we've all whined about our parents, but seriously.
As per requested, Em called them at 9:30 to see what'd we do for the day. Alright, I've been found out, we got up at nine, but didn't call them until 10-ish. During said courtesy call, her dad woke up cranky because it was "early." At the beginning of the conversation, I thought pass the phone on to her so Mr. Pouty Pants could finish sleeping. Good idea, however, she wasn't around. I consider the plans that were made a minor miracle with Mr. Pouty Pants. Oh, that's right, said plans...both couples would have breakfast on their own, then they'd come over and we'd go grocery shopping.
With these "plans," I'm glad we got seperated from them in a local Meijer. Sure, it'd been just under 24 hours, but I got really tired of them whining about really stupid, petty bullshit. Anywhoo, we snagged a fair amount of groceries; which included a bunch of frozen stuff, some produce, perishables and, most importantly, booze. Trust me, if you'd know these people, you'd want something strong, True Story.
After checking out, we went back home. While putting away the groceries, we talked with them about lunch plans. Hey, it was about 12:30 eastern daily savings time and we were hungry. Those morons gave some lame excuse about "We're still mentally on central time, and we're not hungry." I couldn't call BS without using my Hulk Fists and matching anger, so I said nothing. This was their hella lame, passive aggresive way of not wanting to be around us anymore. They gave us some line about eating in Indy on the way back. I found great humour in this, and still do, because of his "diabetes" never came into the spotlight. As soon as they left, I could finally breath without my back being tense, clenching my jaw and or wanting to smash stuff. Seriously, how my wonderful lady managed growing up with these idiots with few hang ups I think is something of a marvel.
I do feel sorry for Adam and the waitress. He's the sales associate from Sears that we got the bed from. She, Em's mom, was pissing and moaning about buying a full sized bed for about $600. Em snapped back about if this was her younger brother, nothing would've been said, espesically since she bought him a king sized bed. Yeah, tell me about it. When this point was brought up, he had a shocked look of agreement, I was numbed out of my gourd what happened, and poor Adam had the deer in the headlights look. There's no way they're worth his comissions. The waiteress, that poor girl. she had the displeasure, as I said earlier, of walking in and out of the tables "conversations." She had to deal with his double order of olive oil boiled spinach, which I must add, he only ate one of and threw out the rest. No handsome tip is worth serving them. Speaking of things that remind me...because of his "diabetes" she can't have bacon, bread or taters. Saturday night, em told her if they wanted, we could cook a wonderful breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, diced taters, etc. Oh, the expression on her face was priceless. She had the look of a starving child standing outside of an Old Coutry Buffet on Christmas Eve. I enjoyed a mailced chuckle at this.
And now, I'd like to introduce Crazy Uncle JJ's...
True Story Top Five Quotes!!!
5. Five Dollars!
He was whining like a helmetless six year old about wanting a Diet Pepsi. Keep in mind we were at Sears purchasing stuff, and he's pulling this childish crap. So, she reaches into her purse, pulls out his wallet, and whips out a five. "Here's five dollars, I want my change back." ...Wow.
4. Emmy Jane's Weight!
When we were at he hotel Italian restuarant, those fucking morons actually had the rude stones to call her "fat." Thing was, they called her "fat" in as many ways without calling her "fat."
3. Humus!
In all the high praise of Em's younger, failure of a brother, she talks like he's bigger than Jesus. Well, he is, but in a useless sort of fashion. I mean Jesus seved a purpose, her brother is as useless as they get from my understanding. Anyway, she's going on and on about what a saint the little shit is, to which Em replied "He consists on a diet of ramen, potatoes and humus." He retorted with, "Among many other things," pointing to the boy's failiure in life. I almost had a piece of meat come out of my nose.
2. BAGELS!!!
Holy. Shit. I've never seen someone so hung up on bagels. I freely admit, I could make meal after meal out of bagels, bacon and Guniness, but even I know where to draw the line. However, the Helmetless Wonder(her dad) didn't. Though he's "diabetic" the majority of Sunday morning he kept going on and on about how he wanted a bagel with lox. She severly cock blocked him by reminding him of his "diabetes."
1. Grandpiggy!
She picked up Em's guinea pig Feyaro(pronounced 'Fay-ar-o'). Well, the lil' fuzzster is smart enough to realize there's flagernant crazy/stupid in the room, never mind being in it's arms. She thought she'd be nice by picking up the Fey and try to cuddle him. He started biting her, to which she replied, "Why doesn't my grandpiggy like me?" I couldn't help my think, "Well...DUH!!!" Lucky little runt, he can bite pure crazy/stupid and legally get away with it.
Well, kiddies, this has been a prolonged Crazy Uncle JJ True Story Time. I hope you've enjoyed this story. I'd like to thank Em, Sarah, Ray, Amanda, Kenyon and Sam for trying to prepare me for this well-behaved craziness. As thankful as I am for your help, but let's be honest, no amount of preperation for these "people," good behaviour or not. Now go outside and play. I'll let you know when another True Story pops up.
In the face that I had a couple glasses fo wine and Em had a "chocolate" Marintini as well as a rum and "coke," it just didn't seem no where near enough alcohol to purge the day from our heads. True Story. We stayed up for a couple of hours after that, assembling our new tv stand and talking. By "talking," I mean my wondering, how'd they'd manage to see life into their fifties, how Em got to be her age without being nutter than a can full of Planters, and could we wait a looooooong time to see them again. Sure, we've all whined about our parents, but seriously.
As per requested, Em called them at 9:30 to see what'd we do for the day. Alright, I've been found out, we got up at nine, but didn't call them until 10-ish. During said courtesy call, her dad woke up cranky because it was "early." At the beginning of the conversation, I thought pass the phone on to her so Mr. Pouty Pants could finish sleeping. Good idea, however, she wasn't around. I consider the plans that were made a minor miracle with Mr. Pouty Pants. Oh, that's right, said plans...both couples would have breakfast on their own, then they'd come over and we'd go grocery shopping.
With these "plans," I'm glad we got seperated from them in a local Meijer. Sure, it'd been just under 24 hours, but I got really tired of them whining about really stupid, petty bullshit. Anywhoo, we snagged a fair amount of groceries; which included a bunch of frozen stuff, some produce, perishables and, most importantly, booze. Trust me, if you'd know these people, you'd want something strong, True Story.
After checking out, we went back home. While putting away the groceries, we talked with them about lunch plans. Hey, it was about 12:30 eastern daily savings time and we were hungry. Those morons gave some lame excuse about "We're still mentally on central time, and we're not hungry." I couldn't call BS without using my Hulk Fists and matching anger, so I said nothing. This was their hella lame, passive aggresive way of not wanting to be around us anymore. They gave us some line about eating in Indy on the way back. I found great humour in this, and still do, because of his "diabetes" never came into the spotlight. As soon as they left, I could finally breath without my back being tense, clenching my jaw and or wanting to smash stuff. Seriously, how my wonderful lady managed growing up with these idiots with few hang ups I think is something of a marvel.
I do feel sorry for Adam and the waitress. He's the sales associate from Sears that we got the bed from. She, Em's mom, was pissing and moaning about buying a full sized bed for about $600. Em snapped back about if this was her younger brother, nothing would've been said, espesically since she bought him a king sized bed. Yeah, tell me about it. When this point was brought up, he had a shocked look of agreement, I was numbed out of my gourd what happened, and poor Adam had the deer in the headlights look. There's no way they're worth his comissions. The waiteress, that poor girl. she had the displeasure, as I said earlier, of walking in and out of the tables "conversations." She had to deal with his double order of olive oil boiled spinach, which I must add, he only ate one of and threw out the rest. No handsome tip is worth serving them. Speaking of things that remind me...because of his "diabetes" she can't have bacon, bread or taters. Saturday night, em told her if they wanted, we could cook a wonderful breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast, diced taters, etc. Oh, the expression on her face was priceless. She had the look of a starving child standing outside of an Old Coutry Buffet on Christmas Eve. I enjoyed a mailced chuckle at this.
And now, I'd like to introduce Crazy Uncle JJ's...
True Story Top Five Quotes!!!
5. Five Dollars!
He was whining like a helmetless six year old about wanting a Diet Pepsi. Keep in mind we were at Sears purchasing stuff, and he's pulling this childish crap. So, she reaches into her purse, pulls out his wallet, and whips out a five. "Here's five dollars, I want my change back." ...Wow.
4. Emmy Jane's Weight!
When we were at he hotel Italian restuarant, those fucking morons actually had the rude stones to call her "fat." Thing was, they called her "fat" in as many ways without calling her "fat."
3. Humus!
In all the high praise of Em's younger, failure of a brother, she talks like he's bigger than Jesus. Well, he is, but in a useless sort of fashion. I mean Jesus seved a purpose, her brother is as useless as they get from my understanding. Anyway, she's going on and on about what a saint the little shit is, to which Em replied "He consists on a diet of ramen, potatoes and humus." He retorted with, "Among many other things," pointing to the boy's failiure in life. I almost had a piece of meat come out of my nose.
2. BAGELS!!!
Holy. Shit. I've never seen someone so hung up on bagels. I freely admit, I could make meal after meal out of bagels, bacon and Guniness, but even I know where to draw the line. However, the Helmetless Wonder(her dad) didn't. Though he's "diabetic" the majority of Sunday morning he kept going on and on about how he wanted a bagel with lox. She severly cock blocked him by reminding him of his "diabetes."
1. Grandpiggy!
She picked up Em's guinea pig Feyaro(pronounced 'Fay-ar-o'). Well, the lil' fuzzster is smart enough to realize there's flagernant crazy/stupid in the room, never mind being in it's arms. She thought she'd be nice by picking up the Fey and try to cuddle him. He started biting her, to which she replied, "Why doesn't my grandpiggy like me?" I couldn't help my think, "Well...DUH!!!" Lucky little runt, he can bite pure crazy/stupid and legally get away with it.
Well, kiddies, this has been a prolonged Crazy Uncle JJ True Story Time. I hope you've enjoyed this story. I'd like to thank Em, Sarah, Ray, Amanda, Kenyon and Sam for trying to prepare me for this well-behaved craziness. As thankful as I am for your help, but let's be honest, no amount of preperation for these "people," good behaviour or not. Now go outside and play. I'll let you know when another True Story pops up.