One-Sided Conversation
“I’m glad! I’m glad I made you happy with this small thought of your well-being. (pause) Yeah, you know? I thought-I thought I send you the ashes in the mail, I- You can keep them in an urn. You can carry them around with you and be like this is-this is the ashes of my friendship. Oh, you better-you BETTER-otherwise, you know, I’m not seeing you anymore. That’s it. I am breaking up with you. No more banana flavou-”
“- you decided you didn’t want to carry around the ashes of our friendship! You know? You know?! Like, I put together ocean dates for you, I burned postcards for you and w-”
“-Doctah!? Oh, see, I tied that in, I tied it in, it actually worked, it actually worked, an inside joke-”
“Well that’s too bad then, because you can’t pour it on her any more, our idea was just too late for you to-”
“(laughs) You’re playing in easy mode, aren’t you? (laughs)”
“Is he going to the zoo? We could…we could go to the zoo…”
“I didn’t get to do that, I didn’t do that.”
“Man, that-that’d be pretty epic, can you imagine people’d feel like riding a shark? That’d be hardcor-”
“-sharks attack the whales. Or just get a harpoon, man. I guess-I guess-I guess the Doctor doesn’t like people-like-hard devices, like, aren’t-isn’t a whale like a -”
“-white underbelly, shoot a seal. (pause)”
“Yeah, that’s actually pretty cool; I need a whale cannon. I like that plan. (pause) Yeah, yeah, and then there’d be a smaller cannon for, like, Orcas and they’d, like, bite people as they flew past.”
“I know! Yeah, you are, though, you are! I’m glad you’ve finally come over to my side. Finally come over to the side of the whale cannon!”
“(laughing) That’s why-that’s why you don’t have any Companions: you take them with you and you’re like, ‘Well…you can come with me!’ and they’re like, ‘Well, I don’t know’ you’re like, ‘I’ve got a whale cannon…’ We’re like-”
“That’s true. That’s true! You could…save the whales.”
“(laughing) We need to get a picture of the Doctor looking epic and just-and just put-put ‘Shoot Whales, Not Bullets’ underneath him. (laughing) Oh. Ow… …what?”