i love the rain!
so its thanksgiving... today is the day were supposed to give thanks for the blessing in our lives... i guess theres a few people in my life worth giving thanks for... my two best friends... jenn and lita... besides that im kinda at a stand still...
something ive always noticed about my life and the peopel around me... mainly girls... ya know... when i get close to a girl and end up fallign for them... they tell me how who i am (not what i am) is exactly what they want in a guy... but what always happens.. i grow the balls.. ask the certain person out.. they say no, that theyre interested in someone else (blah blah blah blah)... the story continues, the girl in question hooks up with the guy they wanted... and gets hurt! every single time! here i am still, crushing on them with them knowing it yet they never turn my way... cuz im the ugly fat guy... but what these girls always fail to see is... i am the one who would never hurt them, id treat them right make them feel special. but it never works for me... i move on, but i never forget... cuz the pain they cause themselves, is pain to me.
i am the rejected.
right now it is raining.. i love the rain, but i love this kind of rain! it is pouring out... you cant even see right in front of you. its so beautiful, i think i may just go walk in it and take some pictures. i knwo its corny for me to love the rain, but in the rain noone can see the tears falling.
yes its true.. i hate my life.. i always have, and the way life continues to repeat itself i cant see myself ever being happy... i long for it, oh God i long to knwo what it feels like to be happy, to wake up and not want to cut my wrists... Lord grant me this one wish. Lord let me obtain that love i desire... lonliness has become my vice. ever since losing what me and amanda had i have been nothing but a wreck! i knwo that i shouldnt.. but still to this day i think abotu her and miss her more than anything. btu thats it abotu her...
it has been forever since ive updated... school is going good... im onyl 1 mor eclass away from getting my Phi Theta Kappa (thats 3.7 GPA) im really trying hard for this because the scholarship oppertunities, and the prestige that comes with it are awesome!
i have also made the decision to move to texas next fall for school. if all goes as planned i will be attending Texas Christian University next fall... and if i get my PTK i could get a $4250 scholarship from the school. i really want to go to this school... i need to get out of new york... i know theres bullshit everywhere.. btu id really liek to just move away and start all over...
maybe i can find a reason to live in texas, maybe i could find love... ya know.. that love that just lights up your life... see i dotn know because noone has ever loved me... not even my parents, the girl i fell in love with and gave myself to, or my friends... the only thing ive ever wanted was to be happy.. truly happy.. i knwo the only way for that is for me to knwo love... but i am the unloveable, the unwanted... the outcast that everyone says is perfect, but noone will ever be with. the guy with all the girl friends, but has never had a girlfriend.
the tears flood my face...
im going to go walk in the rain!
well i hope i havent bored you with my sappy life story... comment if you wish...
---jim---
Name
And even though the moment passed me by I still can't turn away Cause all the dreams you never thought you'd lose Got tossed along the way And letters that you never meant to send Get lost or thrown away And now we're grown up orphans That never knew their names We don't belong to no one That's a shame But if you could hide beside me Maybe for a while And I won't tell no one your name And I won't tell em your name Scars are souvenirs you never lose The past is never far Did you lose yourself somewhere out there Did you get to be a star And don't it make you sad to know that life Is more than who we are You grew up way too fast And now there's nothing to believe And reruns all become our history A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio And I won't tell no one your name And I won't tell em your name I think about you all the time But I don't need the same It's lonely where you are come back down And I won't tell em your name
Scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are
You grew up way too fast
And now there's nothing to believe
And reruns all become our history
A tired song keeps playing on a tired radio
And I won't tell no one your name
And I won't tell em your name