Thoughts on Mommyhood
Well, first of all, I have attempted to start this entry about 3 times unsuccessfully.
I am giving up on writing this in one pass, and will try and do this over the course of some time.
and um, now I am going to bed.
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hah-ha, that wasn't intentional, but it is a little funny. :)
Today was an in-service day at the daycare, so I brought Josh in to work. I did manage to get some work done, though not as much of the running around aspect of my job. Lunch consisted of 2 yogurts from my mini fridge, and then some instant oatmeal later in the afternoon. I was planning on getting something, but he was recovering from the over-stimulation of the weekend.
I just heated up a salmon burger with some cheese, and some rice chips so I can think straight enough to make dinner.
I left work early, (as it is Dr. King's day, and I clearly ate at my desk today.) so making dinner tonight won't be nearly as much of an energy drain as it has been on occasion. Cooking is something that I really enjoy doing, but it is a time and energy drain.
One of my biggest issues is asking for help before my head explodes, rather than while it is exploding. On one side of my brain, I know I need help. The other side is determined to do it solo. Derek and I have been doing a pretty good job communicating overall, but when it breaks down due to exhaustion, it does so pretty spectacularly.
Now I go to chop veggies for dinner. Hopefully I have enough other stuff to make soup for my office lunches.
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ok, that didn't last long. Josh woke up, I am now nursing him.
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done nursing, passed baby off to daddy, and finished making dinner. Amazingly, everything finished at the same time, with enough pasta salad for lunches, and split pea soup on the stove for lunches later.
I let the baby fuss in his Nana's arms while I finished eating dinner, then fed him again.
There doesn't seem to be much time for musing, but I try nonetheless.
I notice one co-worker has more issues than I thought she did, and she 'likes' to spread her anxieties over parenthood around like a ticker tape parade in the rain. It starts off as informing me of her own experience, but ends it like a cautionary tale that I should be concerned about all of these boogeymen around the corner. She doesn't mean it that way, but I out of habit unpack people's statements. (blame CMU)
I also notice that there is a deep seeded need in our culture to make women feel guilty, regardless of the choices they make. Kids/no kids, stay at home/have kid in daycare, married/single, blah/no blah, foo/bar. It's crazy.
My mantra, at least for now... I'm gonna make the best choice for the situation as it stands. When the situation changes, I'll make a new choice. Do the best I can, don't kill anyone.
Now, I need to get the boy ready for bed, it's a 'school night', after all.