I came back to Ithaca looking for not only something I'd missed, but something I was hoping for.

You always hope that when you go away, things change. Personality, preference, appearance, whatever it may be.

I haven't changed.

I'm still in the same place I was when I left, and I can't help that. I just.. do I want to be home?

Where is home?

So I just woke up and had a dream that my family went on vacation, and for some reason our upstairs was different in my dream, but anyway-- Instead of a bathroom there was one of those circular old-style grills on wheels in the middle of a bedroom that was all abandoned. Gross. So anyway, for some reason my clothes were on the bed in there so I ( Read more... )

More and more often, I'm not only recalling my dreams, but figuring out that a lot of my dreams are truly, without a doubt, fucked up. Is someone sneaking hallucinogens into my food? Is the secret ingredient that makes chex mix so good a light dusting of E? Did the waning of cracker popularity prompt the fine people at Saltine to replace salt with ( Read more... )

Can I just say, what an f'ed up night? For real.. it wasn't because I was drinking either. I had crackers, so I wasn't (that) drunk. Let's start at the beginning ( Read more... )

As I showered this morning, I realized just how much at my parent's house is a reminder of who I used to be. From the pantry full of food to the bags of chex mix all over what used to be my room to the bottle of medical cleanser I was to use to scrub for fifteen minutes the morning of my plastic surgery, the place was testimony to some former self ( Read more... )

Maybe this is one of them. As of late, I've been being told I'm 'very Aries'. One of those traits is frankness. I'm honest with certain things.. not so honest with others (not bad things - but things such as true feelings, etc. - like anyone). As some of my closest friends have observed and something that I did not note in my Year in Review/Letter ( Read more... )

Let's not pretend that this entry was started a week ago today. Okay, start pretending ( Read more... )

I lied. Too much drinking led to an impulsive, shamless purchase of Honey Nut Chex Mix at 7-11 in the very heart of Boystown at peak bar hours.. and that simply was not acceptable for my daily food journal. So, when I said 'Starting tomorrow' yesterday.. I actually meant starting January 1st. That's far more convenient.

Thanks.

People are stupid. Mostly men. Why can't they just see people for who they are and have that be enough? We're in the final days of 2004 and I hate myself 10x more than I did one year ago. Why is that? The residual temporary self-esteem boost of hotness left over from Ithaca burnt out in about two days ( Read more... )

I was pretty bitchy about coming home. But I threw myself headfirst into Christmas stuff.. finished shopping (for myself and others) yesterday, ate CPK last night.. loves it. Wrapped for my mom, and then ta-dar, it was Christmas Eve. Bummed around, and went to church eventually. Okay- yeah, Catholic boys at Christmas are hot, and should go to ( Read more... )