An Apology
I am not a nice person.
Not a pleasant realization, but a true one nonetheless.
In the recent past, I’ve been told by more than one person that I’m a self-centered windbag who talks incessantly about myself. To be honest, the first couple of times that this was brought to my attention, it went in one ear and out the other. Or, occasionally, it would jar me momentarily, until I talked to the right person, who would reassure me by saying something like, “Oh, but I like your stories,” or “He’s probably just sore about something or other and taking it out on you.”
My other excuse for ignoring the advice had to do with my making a dreadful assumption about other people’s conversational habits. As a writer, I always feel like I have a story to tell, and therefore I never hesitate to tell them. Because of this, I foolishly believed that others were the same, and that, if someone had something to say, he or she would say it without provocation. In my wanderings, I have come across people who did this, and as for those who didn’t, I always assumed it was because they were shy, or they preferred to listen. I never considered the fact that there were those among my friends and family who were waiting for me to prompt them to speak.
I find it both funny and sad that it took my own brother to snap me out of it.
On the night it happened, I was in a bit of a weird mood and didn’t feel like I had much to say. Before Nick had called, I had been watching the season premiere of “My Name is Earl,” and Nick told me after a moment that he would let me get back to it. When I told him that I hadn’t been paying attention and that I’d like to keep talking if he wanted, he remarked that he didn't know what to say because I “don’t really ask questions.”
It hit me like a lead pipe to the face. Sure, I’d considered the problem before when I heard it from other people, but it didn’t really hit home until I heard it from someone so close to me. I was overwhelmed with guilt, and for the rest of the conversation, I refused to let myself say anything that wasn’t about Nick, or possibly something completely neutral.
I made sure to apologize several times, and I tried to let him know that I wanted to hear what he had to say, and that I didn’t mean to not ask questions. Still, the damage had been done, and I suddenly saw myself in a whole new light. I’m obsessed with myself, and all I ever seem to do is talk about me. Heck, I’m doing it right now!
More and more, I started noticing that everyone might see me as pretty or smart or funny, but not necessarily kind, or the sort of person they would want to spend time with.
At this point, it may be difficult for me to reverse the damage I've done, especially among those of you who have known me for years and are already set on this rather unfortunate idea of me. Still, I’m hoping that the steps I take in this entry will at least be a start.
First, if I have offended any of you with my behavior, I sincerely want to apologize. I never meant to make any of you think that I wasn’t interested in what you had to say, and I will try as hard as I can to keep my stories to myself, except when it’s permissible, such as on my blog or in my own books. In conversation, I will do my best to ask more questions and be a bit less self-centered.
For now, I’ve composed a list of questions for you all to answer and send back to me. It’s more than likely that I know the answers to some of these for at least a few of you, but heck…feel free to fill them out anyway. Then, go ahead and drop me a line with your responses.
1.) What is your full name, (first, middle and last)? What name do you usually go by? Do you have any other amusing nicknames that you occasionally use? What are the stories behind those?
2.) How old are you? When is your birthday?
3.) Where are you from originally? What was it like growing up in your household?
4.) Where are you living now? Who are you living with? Are you enjoying it?
5.) Are you currently in a relationship? Tell me about it!
6.) Do you have any pets? Tell me about them!
7.) Do you currently have a job? If so, where are you working and what do you do there?
8.) Are you currently in school? If so, where do you go, what is your major/minor, (if applicable), and what classes are you taking? If not, were you previously in school? Where did you go, and what was your major/minor?
9.) What do you like to do in your free time? What are your hobbies?
10.) Who is your favorite Harry Potter character, and why? If you aren’t familiar with the series, then just tell me about another literary/film character that you admire.
Well, there you have it. Enjoy! I look forward to chatting with you all soon. And please, keep in mind, I’m always thrilled to hear what you have to say. I’ll do my best to ask more questions, but if for some reason I fail, just go ahead and let it fly!
RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE DAY: Why does every movie set in DC have to have some kind of inspirational “talking to the Lincoln Memorial” scene?
Not a pleasant realization, but a true one nonetheless.
In the recent past, I’ve been told by more than one person that I’m a self-centered windbag who talks incessantly about myself. To be honest, the first couple of times that this was brought to my attention, it went in one ear and out the other. Or, occasionally, it would jar me momentarily, until I talked to the right person, who would reassure me by saying something like, “Oh, but I like your stories,” or “He’s probably just sore about something or other and taking it out on you.”
My other excuse for ignoring the advice had to do with my making a dreadful assumption about other people’s conversational habits. As a writer, I always feel like I have a story to tell, and therefore I never hesitate to tell them. Because of this, I foolishly believed that others were the same, and that, if someone had something to say, he or she would say it without provocation. In my wanderings, I have come across people who did this, and as for those who didn’t, I always assumed it was because they were shy, or they preferred to listen. I never considered the fact that there were those among my friends and family who were waiting for me to prompt them to speak.
I find it both funny and sad that it took my own brother to snap me out of it.
On the night it happened, I was in a bit of a weird mood and didn’t feel like I had much to say. Before Nick had called, I had been watching the season premiere of “My Name is Earl,” and Nick told me after a moment that he would let me get back to it. When I told him that I hadn’t been paying attention and that I’d like to keep talking if he wanted, he remarked that he didn't know what to say because I “don’t really ask questions.”
It hit me like a lead pipe to the face. Sure, I’d considered the problem before when I heard it from other people, but it didn’t really hit home until I heard it from someone so close to me. I was overwhelmed with guilt, and for the rest of the conversation, I refused to let myself say anything that wasn’t about Nick, or possibly something completely neutral.
I made sure to apologize several times, and I tried to let him know that I wanted to hear what he had to say, and that I didn’t mean to not ask questions. Still, the damage had been done, and I suddenly saw myself in a whole new light. I’m obsessed with myself, and all I ever seem to do is talk about me. Heck, I’m doing it right now!
More and more, I started noticing that everyone might see me as pretty or smart or funny, but not necessarily kind, or the sort of person they would want to spend time with.
At this point, it may be difficult for me to reverse the damage I've done, especially among those of you who have known me for years and are already set on this rather unfortunate idea of me. Still, I’m hoping that the steps I take in this entry will at least be a start.
First, if I have offended any of you with my behavior, I sincerely want to apologize. I never meant to make any of you think that I wasn’t interested in what you had to say, and I will try as hard as I can to keep my stories to myself, except when it’s permissible, such as on my blog or in my own books. In conversation, I will do my best to ask more questions and be a bit less self-centered.
For now, I’ve composed a list of questions for you all to answer and send back to me. It’s more than likely that I know the answers to some of these for at least a few of you, but heck…feel free to fill them out anyway. Then, go ahead and drop me a line with your responses.
1.) What is your full name, (first, middle and last)? What name do you usually go by? Do you have any other amusing nicknames that you occasionally use? What are the stories behind those?
2.) How old are you? When is your birthday?
3.) Where are you from originally? What was it like growing up in your household?
4.) Where are you living now? Who are you living with? Are you enjoying it?
5.) Are you currently in a relationship? Tell me about it!
6.) Do you have any pets? Tell me about them!
7.) Do you currently have a job? If so, where are you working and what do you do there?
8.) Are you currently in school? If so, where do you go, what is your major/minor, (if applicable), and what classes are you taking? If not, were you previously in school? Where did you go, and what was your major/minor?
9.) What do you like to do in your free time? What are your hobbies?
10.) Who is your favorite Harry Potter character, and why? If you aren’t familiar with the series, then just tell me about another literary/film character that you admire.
Well, there you have it. Enjoy! I look forward to chatting with you all soon. And please, keep in mind, I’m always thrilled to hear what you have to say. I’ll do my best to ask more questions, but if for some reason I fail, just go ahead and let it fly!
RANDOM THOUGHT OF THE DAY: Why does every movie set in DC have to have some kind of inspirational “talking to the Lincoln Memorial” scene?