Fail Faster Dating
Software development, particular the agile variety talks a lot about failing. The idea is that you're absolutely going to fail as you work towards success. Having a bad idea fail quickly so that you don't waste excessive time on it is a good thing.
If you apply that to online dating, the idea is that you talk to a whole bunch of people and go on dates sooner rather than later so that you don't waste too much time on a person who isn't right for you. I more or less adopted this technique after Christmas. Since then, I've gone on a lot of dates. Most of them haven't been terribly successful in terms of "was this person someone I wanted to date?" but at least I didn't spend weeks and weeks talking to someone online before finding out that I didn't care for them.
Since January 1:
#1 - N & I quickly scheduled date #1 at the Tap House. That went pretty well, so we had date #2 at Barroco Grill which from my perspective showed a bunch of reasons to stop there. She was actually really unhappy about this; she wanted a third date, although some aspects of her response validated my opinion.
#2 - A & I had a pleasant thread of messages back and forth, but half of them were after we'd already scheduled a date. One dinner at The Tavern Company (followed by dessert at Sweetie Fry) and I knew there wasn't much chemistry. Interestingly, she apparently disagreed as she asked for another date.
#3 - Due to scheduling issues, A & I exchanged a ton of messages, although most were after we'd set a date for a date. We had hot chocolate at Lilly's and a drink at Flying Monkey, and neither of us was impressed.
#4 - After five messages K & I had dinner at Aladdins. We had a nice meal, but neither of us was interested in more.
This only includes dates from the online site, but it applies to other dates as well.
#5 - Set up by a friend. T & I went on three dates in three weeks, all of which actually went pretty well in isolation but which collectively revealed enough for me to lose interest. I will say that I've never met anyone else who was as much fun to hang out in an art museum with as she was.
#6 - Set up by a relative. J & I had two quick phone conversations that led to a coffee date. This was probably the least fun of the dates, but at least it was over quickly.
That's 9 dates with 6 women in 9 weeks, and doesn't include any of the dates I went on with girls who I'm still talking to. Clearly I'm getting out there. That isn't translating to long-term success (yet) but at least I'm not wasting a lot of time on people who won't pan out, which is the point of the Fail-Fast principle. If nothing else, I'm not over-thinking these, which was a persistent problem the last time I was single a million years ago.
By comparison, in the last third of 2013 I went out on dates with only three different people. On the one hand, I went on many dates with all of those people (three with one, and too many to count with the other two). On the other hand, I invested a lot more effort and the long-term result was pretty much the same. Of course, two of them I would have been quite happy to call my girlfriend, so in that sense they were 'successes' in that they identified someone I really liked and was willing to invest more time in. One of them basically said she had too much work to get done by a June deadline, so if I'm still single around then I may give it a shot then and see if she was sincere in that response.
If you apply that to online dating, the idea is that you talk to a whole bunch of people and go on dates sooner rather than later so that you don't waste too much time on a person who isn't right for you. I more or less adopted this technique after Christmas. Since then, I've gone on a lot of dates. Most of them haven't been terribly successful in terms of "was this person someone I wanted to date?" but at least I didn't spend weeks and weeks talking to someone online before finding out that I didn't care for them.
Since January 1:
#1 - N & I quickly scheduled date #1 at the Tap House. That went pretty well, so we had date #2 at Barroco Grill which from my perspective showed a bunch of reasons to stop there. She was actually really unhappy about this; she wanted a third date, although some aspects of her response validated my opinion.
#2 - A & I had a pleasant thread of messages back and forth, but half of them were after we'd already scheduled a date. One dinner at The Tavern Company (followed by dessert at Sweetie Fry) and I knew there wasn't much chemistry. Interestingly, she apparently disagreed as she asked for another date.
#3 - Due to scheduling issues, A & I exchanged a ton of messages, although most were after we'd set a date for a date. We had hot chocolate at Lilly's and a drink at Flying Monkey, and neither of us was impressed.
#4 - After five messages K & I had dinner at Aladdins. We had a nice meal, but neither of us was interested in more.
This only includes dates from the online site, but it applies to other dates as well.
#5 - Set up by a friend. T & I went on three dates in three weeks, all of which actually went pretty well in isolation but which collectively revealed enough for me to lose interest. I will say that I've never met anyone else who was as much fun to hang out in an art museum with as she was.
#6 - Set up by a relative. J & I had two quick phone conversations that led to a coffee date. This was probably the least fun of the dates, but at least it was over quickly.
That's 9 dates with 6 women in 9 weeks, and doesn't include any of the dates I went on with girls who I'm still talking to. Clearly I'm getting out there. That isn't translating to long-term success (yet) but at least I'm not wasting a lot of time on people who won't pan out, which is the point of the Fail-Fast principle. If nothing else, I'm not over-thinking these, which was a persistent problem the last time I was single a million years ago.
By comparison, in the last third of 2013 I went out on dates with only three different people. On the one hand, I went on many dates with all of those people (three with one, and too many to count with the other two). On the other hand, I invested a lot more effort and the long-term result was pretty much the same. Of course, two of them I would have been quite happy to call my girlfriend, so in that sense they were 'successes' in that they identified someone I really liked and was willing to invest more time in. One of them basically said she had too much work to get done by a June deadline, so if I'm still single around then I may give it a shot then and see if she was sincere in that response.