Comments | cyperian: I've had to learn how to spell new words.

cyperian

I've had to learn how to spell new words.

Feb 12, 2010 02:25

Over the weekend my Grandfather on my Mom's side was diagnosed with small cell carcinoma that has metastasized throughout his body. They don't know where it originated from but my completely uneducated guess would be his kidneys. It's not really a matter "if" he'll die but "when" and unfortunately the answer is likely sooner than we thought ( Read more... )

Comments 14

neshel February 12 2010, 17:17:14 UTC

*hugs*

cyperian February 13 2010, 00:49:51 UTC

: hugs back :

kitesareevil February 12 2010, 18:48:23 UTC

cyperian February 13 2010, 00:51:16 UTC

Yeah, I'm probably going to be inconsolable when my mother's time comes. She and I are co-dependent.

kriscynical February 12 2010, 20:32:19 UTC

Depending on how aggressive it is, it could be very, very quick, particularly if he's given up as you said. This can be a blessing in disguise in many ways if it's causing him pain. Is he going to have home hospice care or does he not need it?

cyperian February 13 2010, 00:49:34 UTC

Yeah, he lives in an assisted care facility. They have different levels of care and he has been moved into one of the rooms for the 24-hour care patients.

I think I'd prefer it to be quick because I don't want him to suffer or see my Mom wrestle between hope and dispair. It might be better for her if it was quick so she could grieve and move on, but at the same time I don't want to wish he dies. It's just such a confusing situation.

kriscynical February 13 2010, 01:08:49 UTC

I understand the confusion aspect of it. I was torn the same way with Angeline because there was absolutely zero chance of her recovering/surviving, and yet my parents were in agony over losing her. I found myself hoping every time the nurses gave us an update that they'd say it wouldn't be much longer. At that point, I think it's best for the sake of your loved one to let them go and pray for a quick passing.

I wanted to add: you're not wishing for him to die, you're wishing for him to find relief and peace and you're wishing for your parents to be able to heal. In this situation, it's not as simple as death.

cyperian February 14 2010, 03:26:38 UTC

You're absolutely right: this one of the more complicated issues I've ever had to deal with. I'm used to being able to figure out how I feel about something even if there are exceptions to a "rule". But figuring out what I should hope for in this situation is not something I can research in any tangible way. It's all anecdotal and varies in every situation ( ... )

drjmaxwell February 12 2010, 21:16:59 UTC

Your parents are nearing 70?

cyperian February 13 2010, 00:46:02 UTC

62 and 64.

drjmaxwell February 13 2010, 01:02:54 UTC

And your dad acts the way he does? Fuck.

cyperian February 14 2010, 03:28:42 UTC

Which way is that? No, I'm actually asking because I don't know if you mean his OCD-level control, the way he works, or how angry he gets. Or something else...?

quillwing717 February 13 2010, 06:27:11 UTC

A possible window into the future can be a bit bone-chilling; I've been having visions of my father on the same death-bed as my grandmother for quite some time now, and I just want to break down and bawl sometimes.

I think your mother is very lucky to have you. Co-dependency means always having someone to cry with you. Sounds like you're in for a rough few weeks.

( ... )

cyperian February 14 2010, 03:30:36 UTC

Thank you so much for the prayers! We really need them.

Yeah, I worry that with the health problems my mother already has plus this new look at possible future problems in her genes has shaken me more than I'd like. I know I'm not going to handle it well when the time comes.