My morning
This morning was in one word Krap!
You know when the world comes along and takes all the streangth from your body and then throws things against you that you know you cannot handle.
When the secrets that are slowly consuming your joy and making you sad and depressed are pulled up to the surface to be almost revealed. When you lie there drained from your sadness and you come up with all the things in life that you just can’t seem to get right and all the things that make you different from all the other normal human beings. Gone in these times are positive rationalization of “well that makes me and individual” and “no-body’s perfect” and yr left only with a hollow lonely empty sphere of … emptiness.
When you think of life and you don’t see it getting any better when you sit and wonder what am I really doing all this for anyway!
When the pressure of constantly pleasing people has worn away your last bit of sanity and the constant nagging of your parents to be more perfect is a constant reminder to your imperfections. When you can look in the mirror and wish you were someone else. When you can shout at yourself for being such a miserable ball but nothing helps. When you meet someone but cannot show yr true self for fear of chasing them away. When you like someone but fear the rejection of being turned down. When you desperately seek attention and someone to love you but shun away and don’t accept phone call or people talking to you.
This was my morning when I woke up this morning at 5:43 to Allanis singing Uninvited. And I just couldn’t get up…. Too much work, stress, keeping people happy and being damn tired had finally got me down!
Way down.
But then two wonderful angels by the names of Thaakira and Laurie where there to life me out of my depression!
Thanx So much Laurie for being there for me today!
The message (which took up 2 of yr smses) meant so much to me and really made me survive the day!
So thanx for being my angel today!!!!!
I luf you soooo much!
chow