HIMYM fic? Say whaaaaaa?
It's true, y'all! Thanks to the drabble-fest on the B/R comm, I have now written HIMYM fic! At long last!! My 3 amazing drabbles are under the cuts:
Summary in case you forgot: Barney comes to James for advice about Robin.
(set during 4.01)
Barney continued to laugh at her joke, long after it had been even remotely funny. "Bogeyman with a teleprompter," he choked thought his laughter. "Classic!"
Everyone in the group just stared at him. Ted looked mildly concerned for his sanity. He ended his laughing fit with a cough and excused himself, heading over to the bar. As he walked, he got his phone out and began texting one-handed.
"bro, HLP ME. cnt take ths nemor."
He ordered another scotch and soda as he waited for James to reply to his text, drumming his fingers nervously on the bar. He was startled to hear his ringer a few minutes later; unfortunately, his brother had chosen to call him back, rather than send a more discreet text message.
"Dude, I can't understand your text-speak. What's wrong?"
Barney looked around, covered his phone's mouthpiece with his hand and whispered, "Remember that THING I told you about a couple of weeks ago when you and the baby came to visit?"
"Yeah..." On the other line, James sounded impatient.
"Well, it's starting to seriously affect my awesomeness."
"What do you mean?"
"I just spent literally the last five minutes laughing at a lame joke she made about work."
"When did you start saying 'literally'?"
Barney swore under his breath.
"Wow." Over the phone, James laughed. "You must have it bad for her, huh?"
"If by 'it', you mean 'a boner,'" Barney replied with some attempt at his usual swagger and only half-succeeding.
James sighed. "Do you want my help?"
"I just need you to tell me how to make it stop!" he hissed, still trying to keep his voice low.
"Make it stop?" James laughed at his brother's naivete. "Listen, Barney. You can't help the way you feel about someone. It's not something you can just turn on or off."
Barney stammered. "James! Are you listening to me? My awesomeness is at stake here!"
"Barney..."
"THE AWESOMENESS!!" he screamed into the phone, forgetting to keep his voice down. Several of the bar patrons stopped their conversations to stare at him; he laughed to hide his mortification. Over at their booth, Ted now looked even MORE concerned about his sanity.
"Okay, Barney," came James's voice in the phone, still choked with laughter over his brother's slip-up. "Here's what I think you should do. Nothing's ever going to come of this unless you tell her how you feel."
Barney was silent for a long moment as he digested his brother's words.
"You still there, bro?"
"I should... tell her?"
"That's it."
"You want me to tell her I'm in love with her?"
"That's what I just said."
Barney blinked. "That's terrible advice, bro."
Even though he couldn't see it, Barney knew James was rolling his eyes at him. "Seriously, Barney..."
But Barney was half-laughing now. "That's the best advice you can give me? To tell her? I bet even Lily could give me better advice than that." He laughed to himself. "Hah. Lily."
"You're making a mistake, Barney," James warned.
"Nope, sorry bro. I'm going to see what Lily has to say on this subject. I just hope she won't give me a time-out!" And with that, he hung up, realizing too late that the zinger on which he had ended his conversation was even lamer than Robin's quip about the bogeyman. He sighed to himself. His awesomeness was taking a nosedive for sure.
--------
Summary: Lily and Barney talk, post "Shelter Island". (It's not really an angstfest, so much.)
The four of them rode back home on the ferry in complete silence. Marshall's arm was still around a silent Ted's shoulders; Ted still didn't seem to have processed his breakup, and they were all holding their breath waiting for him to finally lose control. Lily, on Ted's other side, stroked his arm in a vain attempt to comfort him. Barney, meanwhile, sat on Lily's other side, unusually quiet even for him.
"What a grinch," Ted finally said, breaking the silence. Only he didn't say "grinch". "That Stella, she's... such a... GRINCH!"
"I know, dude," Marshall said quietly, playing the supportive best friend, finally able to return the favor for all Ted had done after Lily had left him that long-ago summer.
Lily was about to say something comforting to her friend when Barney finally cleared his throat. "Lily, I have to tell you something."
Lily looked over at Ted and Marshall; they were too distracted by Stella's betrayal to notice their conversation. "What's up?"
"Now, I don't say this oft- EVER, and I'm only going to say it once, so pay attention."
Lily nodded silently, her brow furrowed in confusion.
Barney took a deep breath. His face was screwed up as if the words he was about to say were going to cause him physical pain. "...You... were right."
Lily was taken aback. That wasn't what she had expected him to say at all. "I was right? About what?"
"I need to give up the bimbos."
He never elaborated, but Lily thought she understood what had happened.
-------
Summary: Robin goes to the laundromat and meets Billy... aka Dr. Horrible!!
Robin opened the washing machine and groaned inwardly. Somehow, a red sock had gotten mixed in with her underwear and dyed everything pink. "Great," she muttered. "Now I've got to wash this all over again!" She slammed the lid shut in frustration and started to measure out more detergent, only to discover she was out. "Great," she muttered again. She turned to the fellow laundry-person next to her. "Excuse me, could I borrow your..."
She stopped mid-sentence.
"Barney?"
The blond man beside her didn't seem to hear her, so intent was he on sorting his T-shirts from his... lab coats.
"Barney!" Robin repeated, tapping her friend on the shoulder. He jumped about a mile in surprise.
"Aah!" he yelled.
"Oh!" Robin was startled by his reaction.
"Aaaaah... hah." Barney was now looking her up and down, as though he had never seen her before. "What?"
"I just... wanted to borrow some deter-" Robin stopped dead, taking in what he was wearing. "Why aren't you suited up?"
"Excuse me?" Barney said slowly.
"Yeah, what's with the hoodie sweatshirt? Oh God. Do you have the yips again?"
"I, uh," he blinked heavily and slowly, "think you must have me confused with someone else." He turned back to his laundry, throwing a nervous glance at a red-headed girl a few machines down, almost as though he was trying to work up the nerve to talk to her. Robin cast an appraising eye at the girl; not up to Barney's usual standard at all.
"You want her?"
Once more, Barney jumped about a mile. "I- what?!"
Robin grinned and tugged his arm, bringing them both closer to the red-headed girl. "Then I think it's time to play a game I like to call, 'Haaaaave you met Barney?'"
"My name's not-"
"Hi," Robin told the redhead. "Haaaave you met Barney?"
The girl smiled at Barney. "Hey, Billy!"
Barney shifted his gaze to the dusty floor of the laundromat. "H-hi, P-penny," he finally stammered.
Robin was completely baffled. "Why did she just call you 'Billy'?" she asked Barney. "Oh..." she stage-whispered, "playing innocent, huh? Fake name and everything. Niiice."
"Scherbatsky!" came a booming voice from the door of the laundromat. Robin whipped her head to see... BARNEY. The real Barney, suited up and grinning confidently and striding in her direction.
"Scherbatsky, what up? I thought you were going to be done with your laundry by now."
"Um..." Robin looked back and forth between Barney and his doppleganger. "I would have been, but I screwed up the white load." BizarroBarney was now eating a container of frozen yogurt the redhead had offered him.
"Well, come on! Laser tag won't wait forever, you know." With that, he grabbed her by the hand and began moving toward the door.
"Wait!" she cried as they passed her machine. "What about my clothes?"
Barney opened the lid to examine the washing machine's contents. "You don't love these."
Robin considered. "You're right. Let's go!"
"Bye, Barney," the non-suited Barney called as they left the Coin Wash.
"'Sup, Billy!" Barney replied as he and Robin left for their laser tag date.