Fic: Serpentine

[da_phoenix13]

Fandom: Harry Potter
Rating: PG-13 for evil and naughtiness
Pairing: Lord Voldemort/Bellatrix Lestrange
Word Count: 576
Setting: During the beginning of HBP.
Summary: Bella and Voldy get up to some hijinks. This is more or less pure, unadulterated crackfic, my friends.
AN: Written for the incomparable dozmuffinxc as part of my drabble call! Haven't written HP

Comments

[snogged]

“I believe we were about to torture that Muggle in the dungeon,” she said breathily, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.

“Is that a euphemism?” he asked her suspiciously.

Bellatrix smirked at him. “Doesn’t have to be.”

WIN! OMFG! This is made of the motherfucking win :)

[da_phoenix13]

Hehe, thank you! This was a lot of fun to write. And I think that bit was my favorite. =)

I really need to get a HP icon for the HBP premiere!!!! (Which I am SO excited for. =D)

[snogged]

I'm really excited for the HBP premiere too :)

I may not be seeing the midnight showing but I'm totally going opening night :)

[da_phoenix13]

Oooh, I'm definitely going at midnight on Tuesday. Even though I know I'll hate myself for it in the morning. =P

I just wish I had more time to get a better costume together!

[secondmezzanine]

“Do you mean my filthy blood traitor of a sister who you swore to never mention again under pain of disembowelment?” Bellatrix snarled, propping herself up on her elbows to glare at her husband through her disheveled curly black hair.

“Noooo...” said Rodolphus slowly. “It’s Narcissa.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!

right under the Dark Lord’s nonexistent nose.”

“I have a nose!” Voldemort growled;
DOUBLE HA!!!!

You clever girl. This was fantastic! And a pairing I have never read. :D

[da_phoenix13]

You know, it's a pairing I would never have thought to write if Jordan hadn't prompted me to do so. But Bella/Voldy is actually kind of fun in crack form, just because they're both such complete psychopaths. =D

I'm glad you liked it!

[roland44]

Lol this was hilarious :) not-nose hee!

[da_phoenix13]

Thanks hon! =D

[dozmuffinxc]

Oh. My. Dark. LORD!! You had me at "green corset" (*snerk*), but this whole thing was made of WIN!!!

Poor Rodolphus; Bella was just hoping it was a message from Andromeda so she could finally have a legitimate reason to kill her pure-blood husband.

"She wants to know if you’ll meet her next Tuesday night for a super sketch meeting in Spinner’s End, right under the Dark Lord’s nonexistent nose." Oh, the allusions. Oh, the puns! Oh idiocy of Roddy!

I desperately want an icon of Voldemort responding to the "no nose" jibe and finally replying "damn straight" in a very solemn tone.

Crack fic or not, you've got them both down to an art. Which is sad, because they're so pathetic in their maniacal cruelty... but it sure makes playing Bella a heck of a lot more fun!

THANK YOU!! I adore this, and it has absolutely made my week. And now as I finish my costume, I shall aim to be the personification of your crack-fic Bella *cackles*

[da_phoenix13]

"Oh my Dark Lord"? Hahaha. Oh Jordan. I love you. (And your icon!)

I'm THRILLED that you liked this so much, and it made me happy to see you rec'd it to your flist!! It's been a really long time since I wrote anything for the HP fandom, so I was kind of nervous at how this was going to come out. And I wanted to do them justice, even if the fic was cracky.

Haha, I loved writing the Roddy part. Because it's always in the back of my mind that she's married to him even though she loves Voldy so much. And, come on, how can I write Voldemort and not mock his appearance somehow? ;)

Anyway, you're very welcome! I had a blast writing this. And anytime you want more, just let me know! =)

[dozmuffinxc]

Ooh, you'd better not leave that offer wide-open. Fic whore *points to self*, remember?

*HUGS* Thanks again!

[da_phoenix13]

Hehe! True, this was a lot more fun than having to deal with the nightmare that is college registration. I can't remember, did you finalize everything last night?

And if you prompt me with something (because I'm crap for coming up with ideas on my own), maybe more HP crackfic will appear! =D

[da_phoenix13]

Oh my GOD, YES. I saw the pics on Mezz's journal, and she sent me the link at some point last night. When did Neville get so hot?!?!?!?

Okay. That's totally going on my list of things-to-write. Which is now lovely and long and cracktacular. =D

That's awesome about riding/cello!! I think usually the more fun classes end up being fewer credits so you can take more of them. And I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that everything works out! &hearts