And yes that was the mother of all lj entries. But I sat here and read it all. Come back to the States, set back your surgery/therapy until you are able to move out from your parents, live your life according to how you want to, don't bother with crazy bitches. That is my advice to you.
You will. You should start looking for jobs before you move back here and have at least 2 or 3 lined up for you waiting for a proper interview. Once you have a certain amount saved, move out. This may take a year or two. Depending the job you end up with. The surgery is super importat and while you are working, in the process of finding an apt you should be able to do that.
Granted, this is the ideal world. But DEFINITELY look for jobs now - craiglists, monster, etc
well I still need to go to school there, though.. so I need to transfer.. and they probably won't take my fucking credits.. they usually won't. So no matter what I do, I need to finish school here first.
I don't know if there are any good jobs I can get there either.. I don't have great experience.. security, libraries, cashier and inventory lol.. I can work for the same inventory company there that I do here but they only pay $1 above minumum wage and I probably wouldn't get to travel so much, although I would have a hell of a lot more shifts, I'm sure.
I don't know if I want to do all that. Ack.
Why the fuck does everything have to be so fucking complicated?
Anyway, I'm younger and less experienced than you on the whole "life" thing, so I probably won't say anything useful. But what I do know is that you ARE still very young. Things this shitty won't last forever, even if they feel that way.
If your surgery is important to you (as I'm sure it is and extremely so) don't get discouraged. Take some time to get back on your feet, start looking for jobs now, and if you really have to you can move back to the states. I'd say move to Oswego (where I live) but I think you'd hate it, with what the conservative town and really crap winters (that's what we get for being right on top of the lake). =P But remember, not all places are as expensive as NYC! <3 Good luck. I miss you.
Oh I know not everywhere is as expensive as home but I think that if I move back to the US I'm going to want to go back home.. I miss the fuck out of home as it is to begin with! haha
I just related to so much of that. You don't even know.
I wish I could say more but I don't know what to say right now. All I've been doing lately is sleeping and crying when I can't distract myself. There's so much I'm not allowed to talk about either, and my brain is swelling up and it feels like it's going to explode. I feel like LJ is the only outlet I have right now, but then again now I everyone knows me on here too, and I feel so censored.
You know what, fuck Canada, FUCK CANADA Come back. ):
That's exactly it - I can't post a lot of things because of my friends... and yet I want them to also see what I have to say and understand me. It's dumb.
I might come back soonish.. but at the same time, I'm scared to... and I'm really scared to tell my parents.. they're so OLD and my mom's so old fasioned and homophobic.. :\
I know what you mean. There's a lot of things I just want to say and I want my friends to know what I;m thinking and I want us to connect. But. I can't. ):
Comebackcomebackcomeback!
I know it might be scary and I don't know your parents at all. But you don't KNOW how they're going to react. When you used to identify as lesbian, did they know about that? I told my parents, and my dad still hasn't come to terms with it. My mom has come a long way. And a few weeks ago I just started telling extended family. It's tough, but I feel more honest about myself, and better that there's not this huge sack of unsaid things waiting to explode over my head.
Well, my parents never knew I was identifying as a lesbian, but the comments my mom made about any of my friends that might have seemed gay were enough to really freak out and upset me.. If I defended them, she accused me of being gay and more or less threatened to kick me out of the house. Yeah, I can understand that. I'm glad your family has taken it moderately well.. I don't know if mine can.. :\
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And yes that was the mother of all lj entries. But I sat here and read it all. Come back to the States, set back your surgery/therapy until you are able to move out from your parents, live your life according to how you want to, don't bother with crazy bitches. That is my advice to you.
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What if I'm never able to move out from my parents place? My surgery means a lot to me and it's really important.. :/
Crazy bunches always find me :P
Reply
Granted, this is the ideal world. But DEFINITELY look for jobs now - craiglists, monster, etc
Reply
I don't know if there are any good jobs I can get there either.. I don't have great experience.. security, libraries, cashier and inventory lol.. I can work for the same inventory company there that I do here but they only pay $1 above minumum wage and I probably wouldn't get to travel so much, although I would have a hell of a lot more shifts, I'm sure.
I don't know if I want to do all that. Ack.
Why the fuck does everything have to be so fucking complicated?
Reply
Anyway, I'm younger and less experienced than you on the whole "life" thing, so I probably won't say anything useful. But what I do know is that you ARE still very young. Things this shitty won't last forever, even if they feel that way.
If your surgery is important to you (as I'm sure it is and extremely so) don't get discouraged. Take some time to get back on your feet, start looking for jobs now, and if you really have to you can move back to the states. I'd say move to Oswego (where I live) but I think you'd hate it, with what the conservative town and really crap winters (that's what we get for being right on top of the lake). =P But remember, not all places are as expensive as NYC! <3 Good luck. I miss you.
Reply
Thank you! I miss you too! :) <333
Reply
I wish I could say more but I don't know what to say right now. All I've been doing lately is sleeping and crying when I can't distract myself. There's so much I'm not allowed to talk about either, and my brain is swelling up and it feels like it's going to explode. I feel like LJ is the only outlet I have right now, but then again now I everyone knows me on here too, and I feel so censored.
You know what, fuck Canada, FUCK CANADA
Come back. ):
You should tell your family sometime, too.
Reply
I might come back soonish.. but at the same time, I'm scared to... and I'm really scared to tell my parents.. they're so OLD and my mom's so old fasioned and homophobic.. :\
Reply
Comebackcomebackcomeback!
I know it might be scary and I don't know your parents at all. But you don't KNOW how they're going to react. When you used to identify as lesbian, did they know about that?
I told my parents, and my dad still hasn't come to terms with it. My mom has come a long way. And a few weeks ago I just started telling extended family. It's tough, but I feel more honest about myself, and better that there's not this huge sack of unsaid things waiting to explode over my head.
Reply
Well, my parents never knew I was identifying as a lesbian, but the comments my mom made about any of my friends that might have seemed gay were enough to really freak out and upset me.. If I defended them, she accused me of being gay and more or less threatened to kick me out of the house.
Yeah, I can understand that. I'm glad your family has taken it moderately well.. I don't know if mine can.. :\
Reply
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