Locked up in a world that's been planned out
Urgh. Everything's making me so angry today. I can't make anyone happy, and life doesn't want to do any of the little things I'd like to happen.
I asked for some specific food items to make me feel better, and bloody Morrisons didn't stock any. All I wanted was some Welch's Pear and Grape juice and a Wonka bar.
I'd like to watch POTC with Kath, since I think she'll enjoy it, but each time I thought I'd be left alone with her...she went off shopping or for a ride in the car. Ah well, at least Mum watched the making of it and Sleepy Hollow while they were out. It's not(just)because of my own selfishness that I wanna watch it with her...I just like seeing people's reactions to things I like. I like other people to enjoy them.
It's really selfish, but I feel (meh, just to undermine my rant, someone actually helps me with something *sigh*) like I haven't been able to do things for me. I mean, I have...I've been free to write and do what I want with a house to myself for a fortnight. But I've been alone, unable to share things with anyone. When the family are actually here...all we watch every single day is Emmerdale, then Corrie, then the Krypton Factor, then Bullseye. GOD DAMN BOREDOM.
I'd like them to watch my films with me, but they already have done, so I kinda want my rents to be out so I can watch them with Kath. And my week's running out, and I have so little time to write, and read the rest of my uni books. And I've had to cancel on Jake's party and also on going down to see Laura, who I wanna see but she's so far away. I think I'm travel phobic. Unless I've done it once before, the thought of the hassle freaks me out. And then there's the bank holiday with its crappy timetables and the so much time it will take up. Definitely will go in term time tho cuz I think I'll have those really long weekends again...I hope.
I want to have that Depp-charrie fest I promised Rachel, but now I don't think I can even do that. I organise something and it just gets snatched away from my own stupid dreaming. Both Mum and David are taking Kath home so no one would be home to feed the dog. Meh, maybe I can persuade Rachel to just come over to mine on the Saturday or Sunday after her driving (if she's okay with the dog) and we just watch the few films I have. That would be okay.
I just bring disappointment to everyone. I make promises I can't keep, my hormones are just going wild making me stressed and upset at upsetting people. And I'd just like my family to do things I'd like to do, but I don't want to get in their way or bother them by pestering. They already do enough, and they've already seen my silly films.
And I still need to sort out when I can go up and decorate my new room. And Mum needs to take me shopping for new boots and possible lookage in the Cinema Store. Bleh.
I hope we don't have to watch all those programmes tonight. They're all so repetitive. Movies are different. But please...the Krypton Factor and Bullseye? It takes up the entire night. I can't believe they complained when I watched Buffy every day. They're total TV hoggers. I only hog the internet because I can't bear most of what they watch...and I only do just to spend time with them. Just wish that we could watch something I liked too :( But I keep my mouth shut so much to balance out the whining I do the rest of the day.
Meh, but in general, my life's fine. I'm happy. Just pressed for time now and tired, and wishing I'd made plans to see Teri and Sammy again, and Taz too, and everyone else in Notts I want to see. But all that waiting for a job and then the job took the time up. Argh.
Methinks dinner is almost ready. *Calms self with Jack Sparrow thoughts* I'm just a silly moo. Where'd my self esteem wander off to. Jack, you stole it and ran away with it, didn't you!
I asked for some specific food items to make me feel better, and bloody Morrisons didn't stock any. All I wanted was some Welch's Pear and Grape juice and a Wonka bar.
I'd like to watch POTC with Kath, since I think she'll enjoy it, but each time I thought I'd be left alone with her...she went off shopping or for a ride in the car. Ah well, at least Mum watched the making of it and Sleepy Hollow while they were out. It's not(just)because of my own selfishness that I wanna watch it with her...I just like seeing people's reactions to things I like. I like other people to enjoy them.
It's really selfish, but I feel (meh, just to undermine my rant, someone actually helps me with something *sigh*) like I haven't been able to do things for me. I mean, I have...I've been free to write and do what I want with a house to myself for a fortnight. But I've been alone, unable to share things with anyone. When the family are actually here...all we watch every single day is Emmerdale, then Corrie, then the Krypton Factor, then Bullseye. GOD DAMN BOREDOM.
I'd like them to watch my films with me, but they already have done, so I kinda want my rents to be out so I can watch them with Kath. And my week's running out, and I have so little time to write, and read the rest of my uni books. And I've had to cancel on Jake's party and also on going down to see Laura, who I wanna see but she's so far away. I think I'm travel phobic. Unless I've done it once before, the thought of the hassle freaks me out. And then there's the bank holiday with its crappy timetables and the so much time it will take up. Definitely will go in term time tho cuz I think I'll have those really long weekends again...I hope.
I want to have that Depp-charrie fest I promised Rachel, but now I don't think I can even do that. I organise something and it just gets snatched away from my own stupid dreaming. Both Mum and David are taking Kath home so no one would be home to feed the dog. Meh, maybe I can persuade Rachel to just come over to mine on the Saturday or Sunday after her driving (if she's okay with the dog) and we just watch the few films I have. That would be okay.
I just bring disappointment to everyone. I make promises I can't keep, my hormones are just going wild making me stressed and upset at upsetting people. And I'd just like my family to do things I'd like to do, but I don't want to get in their way or bother them by pestering. They already do enough, and they've already seen my silly films.
And I still need to sort out when I can go up and decorate my new room. And Mum needs to take me shopping for new boots and possible lookage in the Cinema Store. Bleh.
I hope we don't have to watch all those programmes tonight. They're all so repetitive. Movies are different. But please...the Krypton Factor and Bullseye? It takes up the entire night. I can't believe they complained when I watched Buffy every day. They're total TV hoggers. I only hog the internet because I can't bear most of what they watch...and I only do just to spend time with them. Just wish that we could watch something I liked too :( But I keep my mouth shut so much to balance out the whining I do the rest of the day.
Meh, but in general, my life's fine. I'm happy. Just pressed for time now and tired, and wishing I'd made plans to see Teri and Sammy again, and Taz too, and everyone else in Notts I want to see. But all that waiting for a job and then the job took the time up. Argh.
Methinks dinner is almost ready. *Calms self with Jack Sparrow thoughts* I'm just a silly moo. Where'd my self esteem wander off to. Jack, you stole it and ran away with it, didn't you!