[Let's Read] Maintaining: Chapter 3 and Chapter 4

[daffodil_brill]

Index
Brill's Intro

Quest
1 - Family || 2 - Weakness || 3 - Regret || 4 - Preparations ||
Okay, remember when I said we’d be getting to the meat of this? Well, I was mistaken. But it’s okay, because I do like this chapter! I like that it addresses how Goku is the BEST DAD EVER, personally.
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Comments

[guardians_song]

"We’re going to re-visit a rule from last chapter--Show, Don’t Tell. There is so much that you can expand on from these three sentences. This show is all about the fighting--what it reveals about the characters, their personalities, and the utmost patience they had when they were stuck on Namek for two years.

The point is, show us punches being thrown. Show them all phasing out and in of vision while knocking out a few trees. Show us something."
To be fair, it could be that the author just couldn't write fight scenes, knew it, and decided to gloss over it rather than forcing an incredibly awkward scene. I can think of a few professional authors who would have benefited greatly from doing that with sex scenes.

"I’ll get to why later, but we’ll just say that the reason I want it to be a thing that happens is because (1) Kurogane can bitchslap sense into people better than Chuck Norris can, and (2) I’m a dirty, hypocritical pervert."
And then it turns into a threesome with Phoenix Wright?"With that said, I do like that this fic is

[daffodil_brill]

That's likely the reality, and the truth is that she DOES get better at fight scenes as the story goes on. I was just pointing it out in general--sometimes showing emotion and character is better than telling us what they're feeling--or at least being descriptive in how they're feeling.

And I was planning on addressing it because it was originally you and one of my former LJ friends who introduced me to that! There are better and more effective ways of screwing a person up other than putting rape in. There's actually a moment coming up in Maintaining that can illustrate that point perfectly, and we'll get to that when it comes.

Also, kudos to you, Roy. I never thought I would be out-innuendo'd by a character with teal-colored text. As a reward, I just might analyze the sex scene where Goku and Vegeta destroy the bathroom with Super-Saiyan demolition sex.