Blah blah blah
Papers are being drawn up. It's going to be an uncontested divorce. She's not fighting me on it anymore. Maybe I will be able to start healing once the ink is dry. One thing I'll never understand, though, is "I love you but I just can't be with you anymore." It doesn't matter though, we're approaching a year apart and it just needs to be over.
Does this make me happy? No, not really. I feel adrift with no anchor, no compass and no sail. Circling the same spot in a desolate sea, looking for land but not knowing which way to head. I don't know what to think, what to feel, how to move on. I want a better life, but I just have this nagging feeling that it's too late for me, that dating is a kid's game and once you're over a certain age you may as well just start getting more cats. Part of me feels like there's nothing left for me here, yet going somewhere else just feels like I'm running away. And there's no guarantees that somewhere else will be better, anyway.
I've even tried a couple of the internet dating sites, but there are a few snags with those. It seems that women aren't interested unless you're either 6' or taller, make more than $50,000 a year, or are Christian - or all 3. All 3 of which I am not. And if you're 6' or taller and make more than $50k a year, you probably wouldn't need to be on a dating site anyway, which makes me think that that's why all these people with unrealistic expectations are still looking. Are you interested in a person or a set of statistics? I still need a better photo, of course, as my crappy pic may be part of the problem. Maybe I should go to Glamourshots?
Then there's the philosophy that I shouldn't think about it, I should just work on myself and do things that make me happy. It's rather hard to find the energy or motivation to pick up projects, however, when you're still emotionally reeling, personally devastated, and have no self esteem or pride left. Usually I get that advice from people who are in the safety of long term committed relationships, and there's a bitter snippy side of me that wants to say "I hope it happens to you and see if you can take the same advice" but I know that that's just bitterness and frustration talking.
I think I feel especially hopeless after I was made aware of something this weekend. Short story time here. There's this girl I like. There are two available single guys she knows. I, who can take her out, treat her, shopping for a condo, got a good job, possibilities of a future; we always have a fun time when we hang out, and enjoy all the same geeky stuff. Or another guy who's jobless, living in his car right now, trying to figure out what he's going to do or where to go and has no idea... but he's 6'2, young, and easy on the eyes. Guess which one she wants... yeah.
Does this make me happy? No, not really. I feel adrift with no anchor, no compass and no sail. Circling the same spot in a desolate sea, looking for land but not knowing which way to head. I don't know what to think, what to feel, how to move on. I want a better life, but I just have this nagging feeling that it's too late for me, that dating is a kid's game and once you're over a certain age you may as well just start getting more cats. Part of me feels like there's nothing left for me here, yet going somewhere else just feels like I'm running away. And there's no guarantees that somewhere else will be better, anyway.
I've even tried a couple of the internet dating sites, but there are a few snags with those. It seems that women aren't interested unless you're either 6' or taller, make more than $50,000 a year, or are Christian - or all 3. All 3 of which I am not. And if you're 6' or taller and make more than $50k a year, you probably wouldn't need to be on a dating site anyway, which makes me think that that's why all these people with unrealistic expectations are still looking. Are you interested in a person or a set of statistics? I still need a better photo, of course, as my crappy pic may be part of the problem. Maybe I should go to Glamourshots?
Then there's the philosophy that I shouldn't think about it, I should just work on myself and do things that make me happy. It's rather hard to find the energy or motivation to pick up projects, however, when you're still emotionally reeling, personally devastated, and have no self esteem or pride left. Usually I get that advice from people who are in the safety of long term committed relationships, and there's a bitter snippy side of me that wants to say "I hope it happens to you and see if you can take the same advice" but I know that that's just bitterness and frustration talking.
I think I feel especially hopeless after I was made aware of something this weekend. Short story time here. There's this girl I like. There are two available single guys she knows. I, who can take her out, treat her, shopping for a condo, got a good job, possibilities of a future; we always have a fun time when we hang out, and enjoy all the same geeky stuff. Or another guy who's jobless, living in his car right now, trying to figure out what he's going to do or where to go and has no idea... but he's 6'2, young, and easy on the eyes. Guess which one she wants... yeah.