Griffin's nursing story
I had always planned to breastfed, but as many things I planned on doing, I left it to something I wanted to try but was not super passionate about. Somewhere along those first few weeks I battled my way from a breastfeeding mother to a breastfeeding advocate; nursing became something about my son's birth that I had some sort of control over, and empowered me to reconnect with my body after a lot of trauma.
Griffin was born via c-section on Thursday, May 27th after 4 days of labor, 4 hours of pushing, and 2 inductions. One of the only things I wrote in my birth plan was that I wanted to breastfeed as soon as possible. Because I had a fever during labor and there was myconium in my fluid, Griffin was automatically taken to the NICU as I was stitched up. It was several hours before I could see him, despite him being perfectly fine. The nurses did not appear to be in a rush to bring him to me in recovery, though that is what I wanted and would have done us both a world of good. I ended up finding my phone and having to text Ryan to have him roll Griffin down to me. I guess it was a busy day. Griffin was brought to me just as I was being wheeled to a room, which postponed our first nursing session that much longer.
In our room, we were finally allowed to bond and nurse for the first time, though I was in a lot of pain. I immediately asked to see a lactation consultant, just to be proactive. The nurses were all very helpful with his latch and nursing...and then the jaundice set in. His peditrician suggested we supplement with formula after feedings because my milk hadn't come in yet, but we consulted with the LC first. Looking back on it, had I known more I would have insisted we not supplement at all, but at the moment I was exhausted from laboring/not eating for days, from surgery, from everything, and the fight wasn't in me. We supplemented with two bottles and I remember feeling such a sense of relief that I could measure and be certain he was getting food; it's funny to me now that I felt that way about bottle feedings. Around this time I downloaded an app for my phone to keep track of diapers and nursing sessions, and I think that app filled my type-A void. I still use it because I'm fascinated to see the charts and changes our nursing has gone through.
The first day home was fine...until my milk came in and I was engorged. It was Memorial Day, so not LCs were available at the hospital or through my ped office. In desperation I emailed the local LLL and never heard back from either of the leaders. I turned to the online community after trying everything I could think of...and then he finally latched and relief came. It was a big point of desperation for me, though, because I felt so failed in my labor. I couldn't let this get me too, I had to make it work. I felt so empowered when we did.
Because of the c-section I couldn't sleep comfortably in our bed for a few weeks, so I slept in a recliner next to Griffin's cradle. When we finally started venturing out, I wrapped him and then realized I needed to be ok with nursing in public since there was no other option but to starve him. I was so nervous for so long because I literally NEVER see mamas nursing in public in my area. I nursed in my car for awhile, and still prefer it actually because of the comfort (air, high back seats, etc.) but the first place we nursed outside was at a balloon festival. It was also empowering and I think it was eye opening for my husband, who has become a real nursing advocate since our son was born.
Around 3 months, when Griffin outgrew the cradle my husband made, we switched to bed sharing. I never felt particularly sleep deprived with him as an infant but bedsharing when I went back to work was a life saver. Instead of having to fully wake up to nurse, I rolled over for a few minutes. It also helped me to feel closer to him and nuture my mothering instinct.
I had a few plugged ducts but have been very fortunate to have few problems in that regards. I returned to work when Griffin was just about 4 months old and then switched to nursing on demand at home but pumping 3 times a day; they re-arranged my entire schedule to make pumping fit in, which was nice. My colleagues were supportive but a bit clueless about pumping. They were constantly letting students into my room while I was pumping, leaving me to scramble to stop and cover myself. We finally got the knack of it after awhile. I was never great at pumping but almost always was able to pump just about what Griffin needed for the next day, and was happy with that. My freezer stash is small but it's ok because I don't rely on it.
Daycare began to notice that Griffin seemed to be reacting to the milk some days with an immediate facial rash. Though he was allergy tested and decided to be not allergic to dairy, he is certainly intolerant of cow's milk protein. I'm careful not too eat too much dairy for both of our sakes, and since he hasn't been switched to any milk other than mine it's been an easy transition to nursing a toddler and explaining that to family.
Once Griffin went to daycare, nursing really helped me reconnect with him after a long day. We came home and nursed right away, regrouping together and independently. I so looked forward to those minutes I was able to unwind with him and just snuggle. Suddenly I became sad to think about the days when he'd no longer want to nurse.
We're now at 13 months, and Griffin is nursing maybe 5 sessions a day. Nursing sessions now are very different - squirmy, quick, silly - but still wonderful. I often nurse him and think about the day when his legs will be longer, his face will look older, and he'll no longer want to nurse. My heart can almost not bear the thought, but I presume it'll get itself ready for that inevitable day. Until then, I'll enjoy every moment (and wish for my time machine in the future!).