Cacoethes
Cacoethes
Sehun/Kai/Tao
NC-17
Warnings: Drug use (abuse), swearing and sex. Mentions of attempted suicide.
Angst, Romance?
A touch is 10, a kiss 25, a night 100, but what's the price of a soul? For Jongin, Sehun, and Tao, who are just trying to keep their heads above water, all they really need is each other, soulless or otherwise.
Prologue
Part 1: High for this (high for me)
"Jongin, get your ass in here," Sehun groaned, his hands shaking around his line of coke. "And bring me my lighter, fucker."
Tao walked in and threw his long body on the couch opposite Sehun. Instead of talking like a normal person, he just stared at Sehun, dark eyes narrowing on his hands.
"The fuck you looking at?" Sehun asked harshly. Truth was, it creeped him out when Tao stared at him like that. Sehun vaguely remembered the first time he'd met Tao, drenched in sweat after he'd smuggled himself in from M. Jongin had thrown one look at him and distrusted him. Sehun still couldn't understand how he'd known from looking at him, but he trusted Tao right off the bat and he was glad he'd listened to his gut. Still, sometimes his gaze was unnerving, and now was one of those times.
"Why are your hands shaking?" Tao asked, voice curt.
Sehun looked down at them and shrugged. "I'm on my third line of coke."
"Fucking damn it, Sehun," Tao got up and took the white bag away from Sehun's grasp. "I'm going to flush this shit down the toilet I swear."
"Don't you fucking dare," Sehun growled, standing up but falling short a few inches to rip the bag out of Tao's hand. "That was two week's salary."
"And you blew it on this shit?" Tao asked, incredulous.
"It's not shit," Sehun argued, standing on the couch quickly to take his bag back. "I need it to work, so technically I'm investing in my future here."
"Bullshit," Tao pushed him back fiercely on the couch and climbed on top of him, arms at either side of his head. When he spoke, his voice came out in a rough, feral growl. "You didn't pitch in for food last week and spent it on drugs instead. I have half a mind to suffocate you with this pillow."
Sehun merely grinned up at him. "How bout you suffocate me with something else?"
Tao was about to say something else when Sehun pushed up and kissed him. His lips shook and his hands hooked behind his head, causing Tao's body to fall on his. Sehun tasted like alcohol and traces of semen, and disgusted, Tao pushed him away.
"You taste filthy."
"You love my filth," Sehun replied. He caught one look at Tao's unimpressed frown and sighed. "Fine, I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry I didn't pull my weight last week but the streets have been shit lately."
"Come work at the Jungle Cat then?" Tao asked, for probably the millionth time. He knew the response that awaited him, but instead Sehun kissed him again desperately. The only types of kisses Sehun gave Tao were impertinent, sloppy, desperate ones. Tao had seen him with a client once and he'd tried not to laugh because Sehun had looked like a total dead fish. Tao didn't know if he could ever be special to Sehun, but he liked to think so sometimes.
"You know why I can't," Sehun murmured.
The bathroom door opened and Jongin pocked his head in a second later.
"Interrupting something?" Jongin asked. His face had a smile but his shoulders were hunched like an elephant had just sat on him. Even when he was tired, Jongin was still breathtaking, but Tao wanted more than anything to smooth back the lines on his forehead.
"Nothing you can't join," Sehun said. Tao got off him and sat down with his legs to his side. Jongin walked around the coffee table and passed his hand over Tao's arm in greeting, then kissed the top of Sehun's unruly hair.
"What are your shifts today?" Jongin asked, taking a seat next to Sehun.
"I'm out from 11 to 7," Sehun said with a yawn. He really should nap now if he was going to work in a few hours. Tao caught his arm and pulled him into his lap.
"9 to 6," Tao said, adjusting Sehun's head on his chest. "You?"
Jongin looked at the perfectly made line of coke and leaned forward to snort it before answering, "9 to 5, so you assholes better be quiet when you get back in the morning."
Sehun rolled his eyes and curled into himself. Tao stretched and his feet knocked against Jongin's thigh so Jongin took his ankles and placed his feet on his lap. He started rubbing Tao's feet and before he knew it, Tao was falling asleep.
At half past eight that night, Tao woke up to the smell of ramen cooking in the kitchen. Sehun was drooling on his shirt and Tao fought against rolling him to the floor. He carefully replaced his chest with a pillow and set Sehun's head down gently. He walked into the kitchen and caught Jongin hovering over a pot of ramen. He was shirtless so Tao came up from behind him and wrapped his arms around his torso. Jongin's breath hitched at the affection.
"It still surprises me sometimes how gentle you are," Jongin mumbled, blowing his hair out of his eyes.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Tao asked, his lips hovering over Jongin's tanned skin.
"Because you look like you could kill me," Jongin commented stirring the ramen absentmindedly.
"I probably could," Tao answered, laughing when Jongin elbowed him.
"No you couldn't. You can't hurt a fly," Sehun said as he walked into the kitchen, hair sticking up at the sides like he'd been electrocuted. He stuck his hand into his shirt and yawned. "It's my birthday this week," Sehun announced.
"We know," Jongin rolled his eyes. "We'd have to be stupid to forget. You remind us every day since the first of April."
"And it'll be my five year anniversary since escaping from M," Tao said softly. Jongin and Sehun exchanged a look. Tao kept tight lipped about the conditions up north, but everyone in K knew things were rough there. Crazy stories circulated the streets about all kinds of abuse to the poor, but neither Sehun nor Kai had the guts to pry into that part of Tao's past. Besides, relations between M and K were supposed to be nonexistent. The less they knew, the less chances they had of ending up in prison.
"How should we celebrate?" Jongin asked, twirling some chopsticks in his hair to keep it out of his face. His brown mane was long now, resting just past his shoulders. It was in the code that sex workers had to keep their hair long, but Jongin liked to take it one step further. In his hair he'd woven red strands, from the roots to the ends all over the left side. With his tan skin and wild hair, Jongin looked like the warriors Tao grew up reading about.
"Well I don't know, I was thinking of just getting high," Sehun said with a shrug. He climbed onto the table, ignoring the empty stools, and started picking at the bowl of salad.
"Naw, that's no way to celebrate being alive another year on this shit planet," Jongin said with a head shake. "We should go out, have dinner like normal people."
"You mean rich people," Sehun corrected. "Where in the fuck are we going to get enough money to eat at a restaurant?"
"I know someone," Jongin said, then hurriedly ducked his head, as if that would get them to ignore him.
Tao arched an eyebrow. "You know someone? What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means I know someone," Jongin wiped a drop of sweat from his forehead. "Just drop it, okay? Sehun'll get a decent birthday this year."
Sehun grinned, clearly missing the intonation in Jongin's words. Tao wanted to know what he meant, but the food was ready and they sat down together to eat before their shifts.
The sun came down as they each got ready to get out and work. Tao helped Sehun picked out an outfit in his room before getting ready himself. Because he worked the streets, Sehun needed the flashiest clothes in existence to avoid getting hit by the maniacs with driver’s licenses. None of them knew how to drive personally, but they knew hitting pedestrians wasn't part of it.
Jongin peeked into the bathroom as Tao put on eyeliner while Sehun got dressed in the room.
"Damn, sexy," Jongin said with a wink. He slinked in between Tao and the sink, merely wearing a pair of tight red spanks, and breathed in, smiling at the smell. "What's that?"
Tao grinned and pressed closer. "Persimmons."
"I thought so," Jongin said softly, his voice low and husky in their close proximity. "You look red-orange."
Tao frowned and moved away. "You're already high?"
"Just a tiny bit." Jongin leaned forward and enclosed Tao in his arms. "Don't be mad at me. We can't all get through the day with a sheer will to live like you."
Tao combed Jongin's hair back and kissed his exposed forehead. Jongin's hair was particularly dark tonight, the red strands contrasted and shined exquisitely when the light hit just right. In the mirror, Tao saw Jongin's back and the various designs engraved into his skin. Tattoos were only done for special reasons, and Jongin had enough to be considered a king among men. Tao knew he just knew who to ask and how many times to bat his eyelashes.
"I'm thinking of getting a new one," Jongin said, following Tao's eyes and looking over his shoulder at his reflection in the mirror. "Do you think Sehun would want to get one for his birthday?"
"That pussyass?" Tao laughed. "He can't tolerate pain in the slightest."
"And yet he hits like a bull," Jongin sighed, his eyes still on his back. "I think I want a red flower here," he said, motioning to an empty spot between his shoulder blades.
"I hope that doesn't mean the same thing it does up north," Tao said casually, but when he saw Jongin's smirk, he froze. "You-"
"Twice," Jongin said proudly. "It's not such a big deal after you've done it."
"Jongin if anyone finds out you've gone over the border you could be in jail for life."
"And that's why it's so fun," Jongin twirled around the bathroom, shaking his shoulders. "They only throw you in jail for the best crimes. Just think about it, jail must be a blast."
Tao narrowed his eyes. "No one's ever gone to jail and been happy about it. I don't want to hear that crap from you."
"Can't be worse than out here huh?" Jongin asked, his eyes poised out the window and on the decaying city they had once called home. Tao wanted to remind him that at least Jongin had had a home once, but that didn't amount to anything now. Ever since the government had issued that all orphans would pay their way by being sex workers, they'd all been screwed over of ever having a place to call home.
Jongin caught the tear that rolled down Tao's cheek and kissed him. "Slip into bed with Sehun, tonight? He drooled all over me last night."
Tao laughed at that and Jongin smiled in victory. He didn't look it, but Jongin had a way with words in certain situations.
"Okay, I'll take custody of the baby tonight."
‘Thank you’, Jongin mouthed and slipped out of the bathroom as soon as Sehun barged in, demanding they get out so he could smoke a joint.
Tao waited for Sehun to finish his joint and then walked him to his corner. They walked in silence, arms brushing in the darkness. Tao considered holding his hand but he knew Sehun would slap it away. Once they were on the corner of 45th or "Whore Road" as it was affectionately called by the locals, Sehun shoved his shoulder so he'd go.
"You don't have to do this every time." Sehun grumbled, taking out a cigarette. "I feel like you're my mom and you're making sure I go to school."
"I know," Tao murmured, kissing his cheek. "I just hate leaving you here."
"Oh shut up, I can take care of myself. Now fuck off, I've got clients to please," Sehun took a slow drag and smiled encouragingly. Tao didn't buy that smile, but he squeezed his hand and kissed him quickly before heading down the corner to the Jungle Cat.
*
Part 2: Sedate Me
Sehun wrapped his thin arms around his body and shivered. It was freezing tonight, and he'd only gotten one customer so far. A few guys down the street were huddled together, sharing a cigarette, but Sehun didn't like fraternizing with the other hookers. They smelt gross and always tried to steal his earnings. He made more than they did because he was more expensive, but that also meant slower traffic of customers. Fuckers were getting cheap on him.
Sehun took out his cigarettes and started smoking slowly, watching the fumes dance in front of his eyes. The good thing about working for himself was that he could take as many breaks as he wanted, and he didn't have to split the profits with anyone. When he'd met Jongin, they'd agreed to protect each other and live together so they wouldn't starve. Jongin and Tao made a considerable amount more than Sehun, but on a good night, he could have a few hundred bills stuffed in his tight jean pockets.
"Hey, how much for you?"
Sehun turned around and found a young man in a suit, shaking in the cold behind him. Sehun sized him up. His hair was trimmed short, clear sign of a business man, and he smelt of aftershave. By the way he was holding himself, he didn’t look like he was used to asking for service on a street corner. Sehun could get a good amount of cash out of this chump if he played his cards right.
"Depends on what you want," Sehun said, sauntering over to the man.
The man, obviously straight out of office, looked at Sehun up and down and cleared his throat. "You're really beautiful."
Sehun smiled, trying not to gag at the empty compliment. "Thank you," he leaned in and whispered in his ear, "I'm even prettier naked."
The man turned pink and Sehun looked away so he could roll his eyes.
"My car's parked over there," the man said, gesturing down the alley. Sehun looked over his shoulder at the other hookers and stuck up a finger. They were technically in competition, but they kept tabs on each other just in case anything happened. A secret, twisted camaraderie of sorts.
Sehun got into the guy's car and got comfortable on the heated seat. He wished, if only for a second, that he could just fall asleep in the warm space. He was about to close his eyes when he realized the man was just staring at him.
"Oh uhm," Sehun stuttered, twisting his body so he was facing his customer. "Uhm so what do you want?"
"You really are beautiful," the man said, hand coming up to cup Sehun's face. Sehun flinched, he wasn't used to soft gestures from clients. "Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you. Do you want to take something?"
Sehun shifted in his seat. "What do you have?"
The man riffled in his pockets and took out a bottle of yellow pills. "My coworker told me you like these."
Sehun arched an eyebrow. "Who's your coworker?"
"Kris, tall, blonde, handsome. He told me to come see you if I was ever stressed."
Sehun smiled. Kris was one of his favorites. He was pretty quiet during sex, more of a tap it and quit it kind. He wasn't gross or 40 which was enough for Sehun to love him. He was flattered that Kris had recommended him.
"So, do you want one?" the man asked, extending his pill covered palm at him. Sehun didn't have to think it over twice. He'd always take any opportunity to get high. No questions asked.
The guy turned out to be a nice lay. He kept telling Sehun how beautiful he was which was pretty annoying, but he was gentle and nice enough. Obviously it was his first time with a hooker, because he didn't try to gag or slap him around like men usually did. He even let Sehun keep the bottle of pills so that alone bumped him up to the top of his list.
"Take care, Sehun," the man said as Sehun climbed out of his car.
"You too, Suho. Tell Kris I said hi," Sehun got out and waved at him. Suho drove away and Sehun went back to his corner. Not even ten minutes went by before one of his usual customers showed up and had him gagging two minutes after entering his car.
Sehun was glad to be high for that next customer. He smelt of armpit and Sehun hated the way he held his head down. He closed his eyes and willed the moment to pass. Thinking of sinking into bed with Tao and Jongin later on somehow got Sehun through the night.
*
Part 3: In Our Wildest Moments We Can Be The Greatest (we can be the worst of all)
Tao found Sehun propped against his locker in the backroom during his break. Sehun was dripping sweat and his eyes were swollen; Tao didn't have to get too close to him to know he was on something.
"Damn fucking shit, Tao, could you stop spinning?"
Tao sat down beside him on the bench and forced Sehun's head onto his shoulder. "I'm not spinning, you're just high as fuck."
"Ohhh," Sehun started laughing, his eyes going cross for the barest moment. "I hadn't noticed."
Tao shook his head. He wanted to slap the shit out of Sehun for getting himself so fucked when no one was around to look after him. "I can't believe you risk getting high while on the job. You're going to have some random guy's dick in your ass later."
Sehun giggled again and wiped his sweaty forehead in frustration. "Exactly, I rather not remember that."
Tao sighed and pushed Sehun's hands away and replaced them with his own. He began wiping Sehun's sweat with his own shirt. He was already high, it's not like he'd mind.
"Damn, I fucking love you man," Sehun said, his eyes going cross again and Tao had to look away.
"I love you too, asshole," he muttered under his breath, knowing Sehun would forget all of this tomorrow.
"Where's Jongin?" Sehun suddenly yelled, and shot his head up to look around. Tao slapped his hand over Sehun's mouth. "Oh right," Sehun giggled. "I mean Kai, sorry, where's Kai?"
Tao rolled his eyes. "Last I saw him he was with some dealers, but that just means he could be thrown in a ditch somewhere."
Sehun nodded. "Shit, that's one of the downfalls of living with a drug addict, huh?"
"Sadly, I live with two."
That made Sehun go into another laughing fit until Tao slapped his shoulder and he looked around. "I should probably get back. My shift will be over soon." Sehun said and motioned as if he was going to go, but didn't move anywhere. He looked down at his watch and cursed, "Shit, I have two more hours until the end of my shift." He laughed. "I'm so bad at this."
Tao shoved him off the bench and watched him sprawl on the floor. After a second he got up to help Sehun off his ass. He got so frustrated with Sehun when he was high. He wanted to beat the stupid out of him and protect him from doing something stupid all at the same time. "I don't know how you manage to be so terrible at something so basic. Really, all you need to do your job is remember the hour and own an asshole."
Sehun giggled again and clung to Tao's arm. "Can we cuddle tonight?"
Tao shot him a glare and helped him outside. At Sehun's pout he groaned, "Sure sure whatever. Now get out, my shift hasn't ended. Don't be too late coming home."
Sehun nodded and wobbled down the alley. As he watched him go, Tao silently prayed he and Jongin would both get back in one piece.
*
Part 4: Sedate Me
Jongin liked to practice his routine on the roof whenever he wasn't working and ash wasn't covering the sky. There was something he found so enticing about dirty dancing to the sun and moon.
He usually danced nude, but today the winds had picked up so he was in a simple sleeveless shirt and red pants. As he spun and danced, occasionally incorporating some of what he'd learned when he was still in school, he laughed at the sky turning from every shade between orange and red before his eyes.
Jongin had fallen in love with Colorology after Sehun had introduced him to drugs. He'd done a bit of weed and he'd swallowed a pill or two before, but when he started hanging out with Sehun, he realized the entire world he'd been missing out on. Sehun had connections with all the best drug dealers, and soon enough Jongin was trying every different drug that existed on the damn planet. For everyday use, Jongin liked the natural stuff better, the one's you could find in a forest and smoke, but color only came in synthetic pills. He liked being able to paint the sky any color he wanted.
He heard the door open behind him and he was surprised to see Sehun there. At this hour, which was half past four in the afternoon, Sehun was usually passed out on the floor of the kitchen or making Tao help him nurse his hangover.
"What are you doing crazy fucker? It’s so fucking cold. Do you want that pretty ass of yours to freeze off?" Sehun asked with a laugh.
Jongin stopped with his hands in the air and turned around. "The view’s so nice today, though.”
"Stop your weird nature praising dances and get your ass inside. Or have you forgotten it's movie night? Because if I remember correctly, you’re the one who started the tradition. It would be really shitty if you bailed on it from now on. Do you want to be a shitty person?” Sehun asked, sticking his hip out like he tended to do when he knew, subconsciously, that he was being a pain in the ass.
Jongin crossed the distance between them and pinched Sehun's belly button. "Calm down, princess, I was just enjoying the view. Is Tao back with the movie?"
"He should be back any second now, but come inside I don't want you to freeze out here."
"Oh you do care about me!" Jongin exclaimed sarcastically and threw his arms around Sehun's neck.
"Barely," Sehun replied, opening the door to the staircase. They went back into their apartment and Sehun instantly dragged Jongin to the couch where he started trying to count the moles on his exposed skin.
"We've gone over this a million times," Jongin said a while later, after Sehun had lost count, twice. "You're never going to know how many moles I have because you're too stupid to count."
Sehun scoffed. "Well you're stupid because you have so many moles," he said, pushing Jongin's feet off his lap as the front door opened to Tao barreling in with the movie rental and a few groceries. Sehun stood up and latched onto Tao's arm. "Tao, tell Jongin that if he stops being a total asshole to me, I'll let him suck me in the shower later."
"Tao," Jongin called, "you tell Sehun I don't want to suck him in the shower and that his cock is too tiny for me anyway."
Tao looked between them and rolled his eyes. "Fighting?" They kept silent. "Oh so you're just stupidly high again? Well I brought something to make you feel better."
"Candy?" Sehun asked, perking up instantly.
"No," Tao deadpanned. He rummaged through one of the bags and pulled out two packs of gum.
"Gum?" Jongin asked, scrunching his face up in disdain.
"No, not gum," Tao sighed. He opened one of the packages and took out a slim, gum looking tablet. "I don't usually condone the use of drugs because I believe my body is a temple, but these are harmless."
Sehun had obviously zoned out after the word drugs was uttered because he was excitedly pulling on Tao's sleeve so he'd give him one.
"Open your tongue," Tao instructed. Sehun obeyed and Tao placed the pill on his tongue. "Let it dissolve. Jongin, you want one?"
"Sure, why the hell not?" He leaned over the couch and Tao pressed the pill onto his tongue as well.
They sat down while Sehun put in the movie. Jongin was incredibly tired, but he knew better than to blow Sehun off on their arranged movie night. "You know,” he mused, adjusting his position on the couch, “these things should be called movie afternoons because it's not even night time."
Sehun shot him a look as he climbed in between him and Tao. He'd brought in all their pillows and blankets and made a mini fort around the couch. "Movie afternoons doesn't have the same ring to it," Tao commented, as if he'd just given it great thought.
"Shush both of the you, the movie's starting," Sehun ordered, fitting his head on Tao's chest and his legs over Jongin's belly.
The movie, as it turned out, was boring. Not even half-way in, Jongin's head was lolling to the side, and he saw Tao try to discreetly cover more than a few yawns. Even Sehun didn't seem too into it, so he took the remote and turned it off.
"Okay, we're all falling asleep here, let's just actually go to bed, huh?" Jongin suggested, ready to get up and head to the room. Sehun stopped him, hooked his leg over Jongin's thigh, and frowned. "What?" Jongin asked, a tad annoyed with Sehun. It was starting to become like clockwork; every so often Jongin and Sehun would fight and stop talking to each other for a few days. It was never over anything serious or important, but they'd get annoyed and need their space. Tao was always there to glue them back together though. It made Jongin wonder how long they would have survived just the two of them. Without Tao, maybe they would have let their stubborn egos get in the way of their friendship. Tao wasn't a selfless angel, but he understood Jongin's and Sehun's separate moods.
"Don't shut me out," Sehun whispered, lowering his eyes to Jongin's mouth. "Please, not this close to my birthday."
Jongin rolled his eyes and gripped Sehun's hips. He eased him onto his lap and combed his hair back. "I'm not going to shut you out," he promised. The quiver in Sehun's bottom lip made Jongin's heart soften. He leaned in and Sehun met him halfway, his lips soft against Jongin's slightly chapped ones.
When Jongin pulled back, he caught Tao staring at them from across the couch. "You're just a spectator now?" Jongin asked, teasing. Tao crossed the couch like a lightning bolt across the sky and was on top of them both, his shoulders caging them in. Sehun hooked an arm around each of their necks and settled on their mess of legs.
"I feel funny," Sehun commented as he started to kiss down Tao's neck. "What are the drugs supposed to do?"
"They heighten emotions," Tao explained, head falling on Jongin's shoulder as Sehun's tongue swirled over his collarbones.
"Mhh," Sehun purred, turning his body towards Jongin to help get him undressed. "That's why I feel especially horny."
"Horny isn't an emotion," Jongin said, eyes closed and head tipped towards Tao. They shared a slow kiss, making Jongin moan when Tao's tongue grazed over the roof of his mouth.
"Yeah but I feel it," Sehun whispered, sinking his hips down over Tao's, his hand resting on Jongin's abdomen. He kept switching his attention between their bodies with a practiced ease Jongin was proud to think he only needed for them. "I always feel horny when I'm with you."
Tao rolled his eyes at Jongin and laughed. "Probably not a good idea to mix this with whatever was already in his system."
"I'm serious you guys," Sehun groaned, hands sliding down Jongin's thighs to get his pants off. "I love you both so fucking much it hurts in my chest. I don't...I don't ever want you to leave me."
Jongin exchanged a look with Tao. Sehun was never usually this needy and desperate during sex, or ever, at least not verbally. He'd smack you against the wall and suck you like his life depended on it; but he'd never actually tell you what he was thinking. Sehun was the master of blank stares and empty thoughts, so to have him so honest was surprising.
Sehun suddenly started to choke up and Tao hurriedly wrapped him up in arms, soothing him with reassuring words whispered in his ear. "We're not going anywhere, Sehun. Who said we were? Calm down okay? You're probably just tired and high and you want to sleep, don't you?"
"No!" Sehun exclaimed and sprung out of Tao's arms. He got back on Jongin's lap and hid his face in his hair. "I don't want to sleep, I want to stay here with you guys."
Tao was worried, it was evident in the way his brows knotted and his eyes stared at Sehun, as if he wanted to stare right into his brain. Jongin was worried too, but Sehun could get a little weird when he took a new drug. It was scary that at this point, they didn't know what was Sehun being Sehun and what was the drugs. The line that separated Sehun's being from narcotics had blurred a long time ago. He barely spent more than 3 days in a row completely sober.
"Okay okay," Jongin pushed at Sehun's shoulder. "Let's all go to bed then?"
Sehun seemed to not like the idea of moving at all, but their bed was infinite amounts more comfortable than the second hand couch they were currently wrestling around on. Without another word, Tao gripped Sehun's hips and lifted him up so that Sehun could wrap his legs around Tao's strong thighs. Then Tao smiled at Jongin and pulled him up by his shirt, dragging him to their door. He kicked it in, partly because his hands were full, but Jongin knew Tao liked being forceful during sex. As a stripper, he got the least amount of sex between the three of them, so when they were together he liked to take the reins and most times, Sehun and Jongin were too exhausted from pleasing others all night that they enjoyed his big hands on their slim bodies.
Tao placed Sehun on the bed and threw Jongin down next to him. He smiled at them, front teeth biting down on his lower lip, as he brought his body over theirs. He discarded his clothes and helped Sehun with his while Jongin chucked off his shirt and underwear.
Sehun flipped around onto the bed and let out a deep moan, hands tangling in the sheets as Tao's nails slid down his back.
"I swear if you don't fuck me within the next five minutes I'm going to scream," Sehun complained, rutting against the mattress, ass up in the air.
"That's too bad cause I love it when you scream," Tao whispered in his ear. Jongin laughed at Sehun's pout, then climbed on top of him and started attacking his neck with hungry kisses.
The room turned red in Jongin's vision. He was about to lay down so that things would go back to normal when Tao's tongue slipped down the defined line in the middle of his back. "Fucking shit," he moaned, fisting his hands in Sehun's hair. Jongin swore Tao had a magical tongue, because the things he did with it were ridiculous. A part of him floated at the thought that his tongue was one of the things few others could claim they'd experienced of Tao.
"Can someone put their cock in my ass?" Sehun bemoaned, thrusting into the mattress again. Jongin slid down so that his crotch sat on top of Sehun's ass. He ground down and Sehun groaned out. "Jongin, don't tease me I swear-fuck just-"
Jongin laughed and did it again, loving how he could drive Sehun wild. With each thrust, Sehun whimpered louder and whinier. Tao came up to the front and made a face at Jongin before slipping his dick into Sehun's mouth, effectively shutting him up. Jongin smiled at him and continued torturing Sehun's backside.
These drugs they'd taken were weird, because they made Jongin want to fuck Sehun senseless, but also ride it out slowly and for as long as possible. Maybe those were his emotions. He wanted to both dismantle Sehun and put him back together. Watch his face contort in pain, and then smooth it out in pleasure. Jongin's hands gripped Sehun's hips and he slid his body down until he lay on top of him. Tao had Sehun gagging now, and his eyes closed each time Sehun took him entirely into his mouth, but then rushed back open when he held him at the tip.
Jongin watched for a moment, remembering the first time he'd seen Sehun with Tao. To say he'd been jealous was an understatement. He had wanted to choke Tao, stuff him in a plastic bag and throw him into the polluted waters of what used to be a river. He couldn't stand how Sehun clung to him, pressed his chest against him and begged for a kiss when Jongin was right there. Sehun had been the first person who had ever truly wanted Jongin; Sehun had been his and the concept of sharing wasn't registered in Jongin's brain. But he'd slowly opened up to Tao, allowed him to climb into bed with him or share a morning shower. Funnily enough, sex was easy with Tao, but kissing him had taken him a while. Now Jongin never kissed anyone besides Sehun and Tao. Chanyeol had taken kissing off the list of things clients were allowed to do to him. It wasn't about principal or anything romantic, Jongin just hated the taste of everyone else's mouth.
"Look who's the spectator now," Tao said, breaking Jongin from his reverie. Tao slid his hand around the nape of Jongin's neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Jongin caught sight of Sehun before his lips collided with Tao's. He was slumped on the bed, Tao's release on his face.
"You guys have the weirdest traditions," Jongin commented as they parted, leaning across Sehun's face to get tissues from the bedside table.
"Sehun loves a facial during sex, don't cha, baby?" Tao cooed, cupping his hand around Sehun's chin. He took the tissues from Jongin's hand and cleaned Sehun's face gently.
Sehun beamed up at him and sat up. His arms wrapped around Tao and he kissed him slowly, tongues darting around obscenely. Jongin smiled and leaned in, snagging Tao's tongue into his mouth in one swift move when they were both gasping for breath. He saw Sehun frown out of the corner of his eye and pulled him in, pushing him towards Tao.
Jongin was about to take over Sehun's mouth when Sehun held them both at arm's length and breathed out, "I want to remember this forever."
Tao smiled gently, sliding his hands down Sehun's sides. "I don't think you'll be able to forget it if we do this again tomorrow."
Sehun just smiled, distracted, and took Jongin's face in his hands and kissed him hard. Sehun had traces of Tao's semen on his tongue and Jongin smiled against his lips, loving having a bit of both of them in his mouth at once. A rough palm came in contact with Jongin, and he thrust into Tao's hand, smiling at the warmth he provided with the contrasting cold that came in through the window. A breeze rushed in and Sehun dug his nails into Jongin's biceps as a shiver ripped through his body. Tao stood up from the bed suddenly and darted out the room. Jongin and Sehun waited for him until he returned, tiptoeing and smiling, with their pillows and blankets from the living room. Tao threw a pillow at Jongin and he placed it under Sehun's hips. Tao plopped down beside him and handed him the lube and condoms.
"No, no condoms," Sehun whined, twisting around to pout at Jongin.
"Sehun, don't start," Tao chastised. "You know we can't risk not using condoms with each other."
"But I hate condoms, they're so stale and stupid."
"It's not stupid if they protect you from dying of an STD," Tao reasoned. "Suit up, Jongin."
"But we're all clean," Sehun said, persistence wearing off. Jongin knew Tao was right, but he'd also wondered what it was like to have sex without the synthetic plastic in the way. It was punishable by law for sex workers to have sex with each other, but spreading diseases was deadly. They weren't even supposed to be doing this, so Jongin wasn't going to risk his entire life for one sexual experience. Besides, sex in any form with Sehun and Tao was incredible.
"Showtime," Jongin whispered, hands excitedly circling around Sehun's entrance. A flutter of fabric dropped onto Jongin's head and he looked up to see Tao trying to orchestrate a makeshift tent by tying one end of blanket to the window and the other to the headrest. After he was satisfied with his handiwork, Tao came up behind Jongin and placed his hands on his hips. He took Jongin's long hair and moved it aside so he could kiss his shoulder, breath hot on Jongin's shivering skin.
Jongin was about to close his eyes from the pleasure when Sehun's ass pressed into his crotch. "Hello! Hurry up, asshole."
Jongin smirked and pressed a cold finger into Sehun's entrance.
"Fuck damn it!" Sehun yelled, grinding back on the finger.
"Drama queen," Tao whispered in Jongin's ear, "his asshole must be pretty loose, isn't it?"
Jongin shook his head, slipping in a second finger with a bit of difficulty. "Not really. He doesn't feel that loose."
"I told you the streets have been shit," Sehun growled out. His face was pushed into the mattress, hair soaked and plastered to his forehead even though they'd barely started. Sehun tended to sweat profusely during sex, and even more so when he was high.
Jongin leaned forward and pushed Sehun's bangs away from his face. Meanwhile, Tao took advantage of the new angle to kiss Jongin's low back and swirl his tongue around places Jongin definitely wanted Tao's tongue to be.
"I'll do it myself, I swear," Sehun grumbled, "I will take your dick and put it in my ass and fuck myself on it if you don't move right now. Oh fuck, just please you fucking shit-"
Jongin would've laughed if Tao's mouth hadn't been on one of his balls. "Blame...Tao," Jongin choked out, air and words failing him because of the sensations running through his body.
"Tao," Sehun groaned, turning his head to get a good view of Tao's face full of Jongin's cock and balls. "Tao, get your face out of there so Jongin can fuck me."
Tao dropped Jongin's left testicle with a satisfied plop and smiled, wiping saliva from his chin.
"Sorry," he said, not looking apologetic at all. Jongin smiled and kissed Tao's hand and then guided it to his front.
"Just keep your attention on here for now," Jongin told him.
"You know Jongin can't focus when his balls are being sucked. He has the attention span of a goat," Sehun admonished, posing his ass at Jongin's crotch. "Now, get to fucking."
Tao let out a high giggle, cheeks tinted a cute pink.
"So this is what you're like when you're high?" Sehun asked, lifting his hand to cup Tao's warm, blushing cheek. "I like it."
"Well it's a onetime only thing," Tao said seriously, swallowing the last of his giggles. "I feel fuzzy all over and I don't like it one bit."
"You get used to the fuzz the more you do it," Jongin said as he entered Sehun without warning. "Don't you, Sehun?"
Sehun moaned in response. Jongin bucked his hips forward again and puffed his cheeks out, wishing he had a hair band to pull his hair out of his face. As if reading his mind, Tao came up behind Jongin, picked up his hair and pulled it back. Stretching his arm into the drawer, he retrieved a long black ribbon and used it to tie Jongin's hair back while he made shallow thrusts into Sehun's body. After Tao had finished tying his hair, Jongin grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to kiss him. "Thanks babe," he whispered onto his lips. Tao smiled in response and slinked away to get under Sehun.
"Oh shit," Sehun moaned. "Do I really get to fuck you?"
"Consider this an early birthday present," Tao said as he pushed Jongin back so that Sehun was sitting on him. He took up Sehun's previous spot and then pulled Jongin forward, Sehun now sandwiched between them.
"Oh I have big plans for my birthday," Sehun said, eyes shining mischievously.
"Let me guess," Jongin said, gripping Sehun's biceps so that he was taught against his chest. "You want us to double you up?"
"Fuck damn you Kim Jongin, it was supposed to be a surprise," Sehun groaned and then Jongin thrust up to give him something to groan about.
"It wasn't a surprise, we were planning on doing that anyway," Tao said, flicking one of Sehun's nipples with a smirk.
"Really?" Sehun looked like he was about to cry from happiness. "I fucking love you guys."
"I think you confuse love with lust," Tao teased but kissed him gently which Jongin knew meant more than an 'I love you'.
"Quit your yapping, we should hurry up. We all have to work later," Jongin said, but did the opposite of speed up and thrust in impossibly slow.
No one said it, but they all knew that if they could, they'd replace all the money and food and warmth in the world for that one moment under their fortress.
What followed was a blur. The combination of drugs and lust and love and heat had Jongin's head spinning and he couldn't tell how but at one point Tao was inside of him while Sehun was inside of Tao. And then Jongin was thrown over Tao's shoulder and they moved into the bathroom. Their shower was pretty small for three people, but miraculously, they made it work. Tao kept Sehun pressed against the wall, Jongin showered, and then they rotated. Once in a while, Jongin would find his hands in someone's hair and someone's hands on his body. He laughed a few times, at Sehun dropping the soap or Tao yelping at the hot water, and along with their moaning, that was the soundtrack to their frantic dance.
After the drugs started to wear off, it was time to go to work so Jongin popped a red pill and waited impatiently until he could be back between Tao and Sehun, missing their hands the second they were off his body.
*
Part 5: Shut it Down
After a long shift, Sehun spent a long time in the shower. He scrubbed meticulously, sometimes drawing blood when he couldn't get the smell of other men off his skin. He hated showering alone because he felt truly dirty without Jongin or Tao. He didn't know why, but knowing they had seen him dirty and managed to love him anyway, made him less insecure.
He was the first in the apartment that morning, and Sehun hated the silence. He whistled or sang under his breath to fill up the loud static that cracked in his ears. He momentarily remembered that drugs made you paranoid, and he knew that to be true because he kept looking over his shoulder like a convict. Sehun ducked his head under the spray and allowed the hot water to slide down his back. The thought of being alone, not just physically but emotionally, scared him. Sehun was abandoned by his parents when they died, and he'd lived a few years without depending on anyone, but now he was dependent of people again. He needed Tao and Jongin like he needed his heart and brain. He leaned on them for emotional stability, strength, and warmth at the end of a disgusting day. It scared him how much he wanted, no, needed, their constant presence in his life. Sehun didn't like being vulnerable. He learned that vulnerability equaled weakness, and the strong preyed on the weak. His thoughts carried down that train of thought and he realized he was sobering up. He frowned, being sober meant his thoughts took over his usually quiet mind.
He actually moaned in delight when he heard the front door open and Jongin's familiar steps pad into the living room. Sehun could tell Jongin and Tao apart from their scents to the noises they made. Tao's steps were light and agile, like wind whistling in Sehun's ear. Jongin's were heavy and held a rhythm. Step step pause step step.
"Sehun?" Jongin asked with a knock on the bathroom door.
"Come in," Sehun called, sounding a little too relieved for his own liking.
Jongin stepped into the bathroom and Sehun peaked at him from behind the curtain. "How was work?"
Jongin pulled a face and shrugged out of his jacket. He shimmied out of his pants and came into the shower, curling around Sehun from behind. "I danced for a group of business men that all ended up coming on my face like we were filming some bukkake shit." He bit down on Sehun's shoulder and turned them around so that he was under the water head. "What do you have?"
Sehun smirked. "I take your horror story and raise you this: Some fat dude sat on my face for fifteen minutes while the stick shift of his car pressed into my back."
Without warning, Jongin dropped to his knees and twisted Sehun's hips so that his butt was in Jongin's face. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the bruise that was forming on his lower back, the light touch sending infinite shivers through Sehun's body. He helped Jongin back to his feet and kissed him.
"Ugh, I've been wanting to do that all day," Jongin said with a sad smile. "I miss your lips most of all throughout the day."
‘I miss your everything’, Sehun thought of saying, but instead he kissed him again.
Sehun remembered the first time he'd seen Jongin coming out of the Jungle Cat with an insane amount of confidence that Sehun couldn't believe anyone his age could have. He'd bummed a smoke off Jongin and they'd started talking. They hit it off, finding each other mutually intriguing and attractive, and eight years later they were still friends.
Jongin gave Sehun a funny look and took the soap from his hands to start washing his chest and shoulders. For some reason, Sehun never got bored of looking at Jongin's body. It was incredible that he could come home to his tan, handsome best friend's body after a night of white, hairy, old bodies. Sehun also liked seeing the differences between Jongin's body and his own. Where Sehun was pale and thin, Jongin was tan and fit. Their shoulders and torso were similar in that they led to slim waists. Sehun was noticeably bonier than Jongin, his ribs protruded when he inhaled. Sehun thought he was ugly and frail in comparison to Jongin's well-developed body.
"What are you thinking about?" Jongin asked, hands on Sehun's shoulders.
Sehun forced a smile. "Nothing."
Jongin frowned. "I can tell when you're lying." He leaned forward and pressed a slow kiss against Sehun's mouth. "Haven't you noticed that already?"
Sehun smiled. "I'd like to believe I'm not such an open book."
"You're not. I have a hard time deciphering your thoughts Oh Sehun." Jongin sighed, taking Sehun's face in his hands. "What am I going to do with you?"
Sehun kissed him so that he didn't have to think of an answer. He wished he could kiss Jongin for ever so that he didn't have to think ever again. He felt his lips tremble so he pulled away, and tucked his head under the water again.
"Do you wanna get high later?" Jongin asked, running his hands through Sehun's hair.
"When have I ever turned down an offer to get high?" Sehun asked.
"That's why I love ya," Jongin answered with a smirk. Sehun wondered if that was true. Jongin might have known when Sehun was lying but Sehun couldn't say the same for Jongin. After knowing him so many years, he still felt like he was in the dark most of the time when it came to Jongin's emotions or thoughts. Maybe he didn't pay that much attention. Maybe he was too high to notice.
They got out of the shower, dressed and went onto the balcony outside of their room. Jongin brought a natural herb that only grew on the border between K and M and to get it you had to know the biggest dealers in the city. Sehun sat back with his wet hair clinging to his t-shirt and watched Jongin crush the herbs into the bong and light it up underneath. He took a good inhale and then passed it on to Sehun. A smile took over his face instantly.
"I fucking love getting high," Jongin said, swaying his shoulders side to side. "It feels like letting go, doesn't it?"
Sehun snorted. "You love this natural stuff because it makes you feel 'one with nature' don't you?" he joked, but secretly loved seeing Jongin so carefree and happy from the drugs. It was rare to see a sex worker happy, so when Jongin was happy, Sehun could pretend they had a bit of normalcy in their lives.
"You know what I want?" Jongin asked, eyes lit like he was going to reveal something grand and amazing.
"What?" Sehun humored him.
"World peace," Jongin said finally, and with a content sigh he started laughing and snorting and giggling like there already was world peace because he declared it.
Sehun took the opportunity to snake his arms around Jongin's waist and bring him to his lap. He held Jongin as he laughed and wished he could bottle it up and overdose on the sound. The way Jongin's shoulders shook, eyes squinted, jaw practically unhinged; such joyous content on his face should have been contagious, but it just made Sehun sad. He didn't know what was wrong with him but he couldn't enjoy the high. It felt more like a low.
He held Jongin the rest of the morning, pressing him tight against his chest to feel his laugh and breath in his own body. Sometimes he wished Jongin could live for both of them. Sometimes, Sehun just wanted to take off his heavy coat of burdens and sleep forever.
He knew when he'd be gone, he'd miss holding Jongin the most.
*
Part 6: Sometimes I can't believe it. I'm moving past the feeling.
Jongin worked in the private rooms at the back of the Jungle Cat and Tao worked on the poles by the bar. Tao had started off as a bartender when he first got to K, but after someone told Chanyeol that he was a waste behind the bar when he had an ass like that, Tao became a stripper. He was pretty good at it, his agility and flexibility finally came in handy for something other than climbing trees to hide from guards.
Tao usually tried to zone out the crowd when he was on the pole. He didn't give private shows or lap dances like a lot of the other boy's did to make extra cash. Tao could probably just stand by the pole all night and make more than most of them working overtime. Tao didn't want to stroke his own ego, but the patrons liked him, called him exotic. They had no idea he wasn't from around there, but he never bothered to clarify them. He usually kept his mouth shut at work. Tao hated that he worked separate shifts and areas than Jongin, but he knew that if he had access to him, he'd spend his entire shift fucking Jongin into the bathroom stall. Or being fucked by him, Tao wasn't picky.
What Tao was was surprised when Chanyeol called him into his office one afternoon five minutes before his shift.
"Take a seat, Tao," Chanyeol said, voice imposing but eyes welcoming. Chanyeol was a weird boss to have. He was barely a year older than Tao, and he sometimes acted like he was younger, but he'd owned the Jungle Cat for years. The story was that he'd left his home when he was young and met the owner of the previous establishment that was what the Jungle Cat was today, and he'd started a good business. It was one of the most upscale stripper bars in town, so he had to be doing something extremely right.
Tao sat down in one of Chanyeol's plush red chairs and frowned when another rip appeared on the front of his pants. He rolled his eyes, it's not like anyone could notice with all the rips his pants already had.
"So, Tao, I've called you in cause I want to know how Sehun's doing," Chanyeol said, getting right to the point.
"Uhm," Tao narrowed his eyes. "He's fine I guess, why do you ask?"
Chanyeol's eyes flashed to his phone and he sent a text before looking up at Tao. "Well, I just get so worried thinking of him working the streets. Did you tell him he can come work here? Have you let him know of the benefits you get with me?"
Tao tried not to laugh. "Benefits" just meant they didn't get beaten up.
"I just say it because I've heard the streets aren't the same way they once were," Chanyeol continued, flipping through a magazine and then turning to look at his computer screen. Having ADHD must suck, Tao thought vaguely.
"By once were do you mean dangerous and dodgy?" Tao asked.
Chanyeol laughed too much for the lack of joke. "Tao, I just want what's best for you and the people you care about."
It was odd, but Tao believed him. Tao believed Chanyeol was genuine about his worry over Sehun, but he also saw a pair of dollar signs behind the concern in his eyes. Chanyeol had met Sehun before a few times and somehow he knew he'd be a good fuck. Maybe that was Chanyeol's secret gift; he could tell a good lay when he saw one. Everyone had to have something they were good at.
"I've asked Sehun to come here but he has is reasons why he just can't," Tao said, not feeling comfortable enough with Chanyeol to tell him those reasons.
"Okay, I understand," Chanyeol smiled to prove his point. "Now I don't want to take up anymore of your time. Get out there and make those pervs make a mess I'll have to pay someone to clean up later."
Tao gave Chanyeol a look as he left his office. He really was a weird guy.
As Tao walked through the corridor to check his makeup in the bathroom, Jongin came out of a private room. Tao smiled at him, but Jongin was clutching the wall, stumbling over his feet.
"Jongin?" Tao rushed up to him and caught his arm before he fell over. "What the hell is wrong?"
"Nothing, I just got throughly fucked yesterday by you and I can barely move today," Jongin looked up and smiled earnestly.
Tao laughed and snaked an arm around Jongin's waist, fingers sliding between his ass cheeks. "Sorry about that."
Jongin smirked. "Don't you dare ever apologize for leaving me basically immobile after sex." Jongin looked down the corridor and reached forward to steal a quick kiss off Tao's lips. "I saw you coming out of Chanyeol's office, what did he want?"
"Oh he asked about Sehun," Tao said distracted by the blue feathers in Jongin's hair. Sometimes he'd switch up his hair accessories and add beads or streaks of different colors, but feathers were Tao's favorite. The texture of the feathers twisted through Jongin's soft hair was almost erotic.
Jongin sighed, leaning more of his body weight on Tao's chest. "Oh Sehun, we have keep an eye on that boy."
Tao quirked an eyebrow, hand tangled behind Jongin's right ear, fingering the cardinal's feather that was lodged there. "What for?"
Jongin looked up. "Sehun's birthday is tomorrow."
"And?" Tao asked, finding the two bite marks on his neck he'd left on Jongin yesterday.
"And," Jongin said, capturing Tao's hands and holding them still, "it's also the anniversary since his parents died."
Tao's throat closed up. How could he have forgotten? Sehun was always a mess about his birthday so he wouldn't have to think about his parent's death, but the fact that they were the same day made it hard to think about anything else. "It totally slipped my mind," Tao whispered, feeling ashamed of himself for forgetting such a huge detail.
"Don't worry about it, I almost forgot last year, but then he-"
Tao didn't need Jongin to finish that sentence, and by the looks of it Jongin didn't want to either. Jongin had found Sehun sitting against the back entrance of the Jungle Cat, beaten and drugged out of his mind. Tao had found him the year before, on the day after his birthday he'd taken a few too many pills. Seeing your friend like that once was enough to never want to think about it, let alone have it happen again.
"That's why I wanted to do something special for him," Jongin explained. "He's been acting weird lately and I want him to have a nice birthday for once."
Tao nodded. "We can take him out to eat, walk around, watch a good movie." Tao smiled. "I think this year will be different."
The way Jongin smiled at him, Tao knew he wanted to believe his bullshit too.
*
Part 7: Fragile N.4
This time, Tao found Sehun first.
He had decided to stop by the apartment during his break to freshen up before the rest of his shift. He rarely ever walked all the way to their apartment when he was already out and on the other side of town, but maybe it was fate that made Tao decide to trek the long walk to take a shower in the middle of the night. Or maybe, just maybe, Tao didn't really believe that this year would be different.
He walked into the apartment and everything was just like normal, but he smelled a stale muskiness clinging to the air, and the faucet was on hard in the bathroom. He wanted to believe Sehun had figured out a way to smoke a joint and shower at the same time and that was why it smelt so bad. The smell in the apartment got worse however, when he reached their room, and he paused, sniffing the air.
"Sehun?" Tao called out, heart starting to pound a little faster. This was all too familiar.
When he turned towards the bathroom, his heart stilled. He ran to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked, and instantly, he began to panic.
"Sehun? Sehun, are you in there? Sehun open up," Tao demanded, heart racing into his throat. "Sehun, please, please, shit, open this door."
He took a few steps back and barged into the door with his shoulder, properly hurting himself in the process but everything was numb from the fear of what he would find behind the bathroom door. He tried again, and again and again until he was afraid he'd dislocated one shoulder and started trying with the other. He finally kicked it in desperately and the door banged against something and bounced back. Tao caught the door and stepped into the bathroom.
The water was on full blast and had overflowed onto the bathroom floor and was now pooled around Sehun's limp body. Tao didn't have to look at himself in the mirror to know he'd gone pale. He shut the water off first and then mustered the courage to look down. Sehun's neck was bent to the side in an uncomfortable way and his jaw was slack, mouth open. Tao kneeled down and cradled his head to his chest. "Sehun!" he yelled, slapping his face, praying and hoping with all his might to get a response. "Fucking shit Sehun, don't do this to me again. Please, baby not again."
Tao searched the bathroom with his eyes to know what he'd taken and found himself crying tears of frustration when he couldn't find the bottle. It had to be somewhere, but he couldn't bare the thought of moving away from Sehun when he was like this. Tao held back a sob, propped Sehun against the wall, and crawled around the bathroom floor until his hands curled around a slim bottle and he brought it up to the light. It was a bottle of Jongin's Colorology pills. Tao sighed, that wasn't so bad. The last time Sehun had overdosed it had been on-
Tao's eyes landed on a few pills scattered on the floor and he followed their trail to the sink. He got up on shaky feet and found five more bottles of different pills. Most of them were half empty, and whether Sehun had taken them or dumped them, Tao wasn't going to wait around to found out.
Now furious, Tao dragged Sehun's thin, rag doll body and brought him to the shower. He propped Sehun's head forward, took two fingers, and shoved them inside Sehun's mouth. His fingers hit the back of Sehun's throat and his eyes flew open as bile came out all over the shower and Tao's hand. Tao held him up and passed a hand in reassuring circles on his back while Sehun coughed and coughed the contents of his drug filled stomach. After he was done, and Tao made sure his eyes were open and he was breathing normally, Tao grabbed Sehun and shook his shoulders so hard he was sure to give him whiplash.
"You listen to me Oh Sehun, and you listen clearly. I don't know why you've done this again but this is the last time I find you like this, understand? I will never, ever, let you do this again, are we clear?"
Sehun didn't say anything. He was blubbering and sweating, confused and spent from being on the brink of death.
"Do you understand me?" Tao yelled, tears falling like a dam bursting from the pressure. He couldn't stop once he started so he clung to Sehun's chest and made Sehun hold him in his limp arms.
He realized, terrified, that Sehun had been muttering happy birthday under his breath the entire time.
*
Jongin hated hospitals.
They were filled with blood and filth and whiny babies. Hookers usually filled the emergency room at this hour, and some for the same reasons Sehun was being treated right now. Jongin couldn't stay still from the nerves, and he was half furious with Sehun for chugging all his Colorology pills because it was a stupid thing and he could really use one himself right now.
Tao kept pacing in front of Jongin, hands shaking at his side. Jongin caught his hand and Tao stopped.
"This isn't your fault, you hear me?"
Tao pulled his hand away and kept pacing.
"Tao-"
"Leave me alone," Tao growled, "I should've been there for him. I should've-"
"What? Been with him all the time? Tao, if he wouldn't have done it today he would've done it tomorrow or next week or next month. He used to do this all the time before you came, he's a lot better now."
Tao turned to him, eyes blazing. "He's clearly not better. Jongin, how the fuck can you say shit like that?"
Jongin got up and took Tao to the side, holding his shaking hands in his own equally unsteady ones. "Tao, Sehun has tried to kill himself 7 times, you know this. Why he never succeeds, I have no idea but I could not be happier that he's terrible at killing himself. The first time I found him like that, I thought I'd lost my best friend forever. He always takes whatever can be thrown back up. Think about why he never tries other methods? He doesn't really want to die, Tao. He just feels obligated to try."
Tao's hands wrapped around Jongin's fingers and his head dropped onto his shoulder. "Why would he do this? Why does he keep doing this to us?"
Jongin sighed. He couldn't say he hadn't thought about it himself, but he could never quite get himself to actually go through with it. To think Sehun had been at a point where he wanted to die 7 times made Jongin's body numb. It made Jongin feel like a failure as a friend and someone who loved Sehun with all of his heart. He wanted to take better care of him, prevent him from ever doing anything this stupid again. Like every day of his life, Jongin wished he didn't have to sell his body to dress and feed it.
Tao and Jongin held each other until the doctor came out to tell them they could see him. Jongin knew the doctor from the Jungle Cat, and for once, he was glad for what they did. Otherwise, they'd have no way to pay for this or even have Sehun checked in.
Jongin entered first and Tao closed the curtain around them.
"Hey, guys," Sehun croaked out, voice rough from the vomiting. "Pretty glamorous way to spend my birthday, huh?"
"You're such a dumbass," Jongin said, but his fingers were gentle on Sehun's face. "I had an entire day planned out for you and you blew it."
Sehun smiled weakly. He looked horrible. A small bird, without feathers, broken and underfed. Jongin hated seeing him like this. Sehun was already fragile enough, but the hospital bed sucked him up and made him look half his age. Sometimes it hit Jongin like a ton of bricks that they were barely 20.
He combed Sehun's light brown hair out of eyes and poured him a glass of water. Sehun chugged it down in one gulp and Jongin served him another one. Sehun looked at the bed sheets, the television, the lamp, anywhere except at Tao.
"Hey," Tao called softly. Sehun's eyes snapped up. "You forgot what we were going to do to you today."
Sehun squinted at him, confused. Jongin caught on and smiled slightly. "See, this why you're a dumbass."
"What? What was it?" Sehun asked, looking a little bit like his old self.
Tao stepped forward, folding his thigh on the bed to get close to Sehun's ear.
Sehun's eyes light up but then frowned. "Shit, I forgot about that. I should have waited till tomorrow then."
Tao seized Sehun's thin wrists in his palms and held his hands against his chest. "Sehun, promise me you'll never do this again."
Sehun looked at Jongin, eyes wide and terrified. Jongin came up and loosened Tao's grip, but didn't completely pull his hands away.
Sehun looked between them and bent his head forward. "I'm sorry."
"No," Jongin told him, lifting his chin so that he was obligated to look at him. "Don't apologize. We are in this shit together, stop trying to find a way out. I don't want any more excuses. You're coming to work at the Jungle Cat."
"But Jongin-"
"No, I don't give a shit if your dad's friends all go there. You'll wear a mask, I don't care, but we're going to keep an eye on you until you demonstrate to us that you won't do it again."
Sehun pulled Jongin close and breathed in the scent of last night on him. "I don't want you guys to have to worry about me anymore."
Tao scoffed. "And killing yourself is going to make us feel better? Sehun," Tao sat on the bed this time and held his face, "we need you as much as you need us. We all need each other to survive. If you left, we'd fall apart. Please, come work with us. You don't have to have sex with anyone you don't want to. We can ask Chanyeol if you can wait tables."
Sehun looked at their faces as if he were looking at them for the first time. Jongin thought this was probably the most he'd been sober in a while. "Why are our lives so shit?"
Tao leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Sehun's, then Jongin joined in slowly. "These are the lives we've got," Tao repeated from last year when they'd been in the same situation and he hoped this time, Sehun would listen.
Side Taohun backstory
Sehun/Kai/Tao
NC-17
Warnings: Drug use (abuse), swearing and sex. Mentions of attempted suicide.
Angst, Romance?
A touch is 10, a kiss 25, a night 100, but what's the price of a soul? For Jongin, Sehun, and Tao, who are just trying to keep their heads above water, all they really need is each other, soulless or otherwise.
Prologue
Part 1: High for this (high for me)
"Jongin, get your ass in here," Sehun groaned, his hands shaking around his line of coke. "And bring me my lighter, fucker."
Tao walked in and threw his long body on the couch opposite Sehun. Instead of talking like a normal person, he just stared at Sehun, dark eyes narrowing on his hands.
"The fuck you looking at?" Sehun asked harshly. Truth was, it creeped him out when Tao stared at him like that. Sehun vaguely remembered the first time he'd met Tao, drenched in sweat after he'd smuggled himself in from M. Jongin had thrown one look at him and distrusted him. Sehun still couldn't understand how he'd known from looking at him, but he trusted Tao right off the bat and he was glad he'd listened to his gut. Still, sometimes his gaze was unnerving, and now was one of those times.
"Why are your hands shaking?" Tao asked, voice curt.
Sehun looked down at them and shrugged. "I'm on my third line of coke."
"Fucking damn it, Sehun," Tao got up and took the white bag away from Sehun's grasp. "I'm going to flush this shit down the toilet I swear."
"Don't you fucking dare," Sehun growled, standing up but falling short a few inches to rip the bag out of Tao's hand. "That was two week's salary."
"And you blew it on this shit?" Tao asked, incredulous.
"It's not shit," Sehun argued, standing on the couch quickly to take his bag back. "I need it to work, so technically I'm investing in my future here."
"Bullshit," Tao pushed him back fiercely on the couch and climbed on top of him, arms at either side of his head. When he spoke, his voice came out in a rough, feral growl. "You didn't pitch in for food last week and spent it on drugs instead. I have half a mind to suffocate you with this pillow."
Sehun merely grinned up at him. "How bout you suffocate me with something else?"
Tao was about to say something else when Sehun pushed up and kissed him. His lips shook and his hands hooked behind his head, causing Tao's body to fall on his. Sehun tasted like alcohol and traces of semen, and disgusted, Tao pushed him away.
"You taste filthy."
"You love my filth," Sehun replied. He caught one look at Tao's unimpressed frown and sighed. "Fine, I'm sorry okay? I'm sorry I didn't pull my weight last week but the streets have been shit lately."
"Come work at the Jungle Cat then?" Tao asked, for probably the millionth time. He knew the response that awaited him, but instead Sehun kissed him again desperately. The only types of kisses Sehun gave Tao were impertinent, sloppy, desperate ones. Tao had seen him with a client once and he'd tried not to laugh because Sehun had looked like a total dead fish. Tao didn't know if he could ever be special to Sehun, but he liked to think so sometimes.
"You know why I can't," Sehun murmured.
The bathroom door opened and Jongin pocked his head in a second later.
"Interrupting something?" Jongin asked. His face had a smile but his shoulders were hunched like an elephant had just sat on him. Even when he was tired, Jongin was still breathtaking, but Tao wanted more than anything to smooth back the lines on his forehead.
"Nothing you can't join," Sehun said. Tao got off him and sat down with his legs to his side. Jongin walked around the coffee table and passed his hand over Tao's arm in greeting, then kissed the top of Sehun's unruly hair.
"What are your shifts today?" Jongin asked, taking a seat next to Sehun.
"I'm out from 11 to 7," Sehun said with a yawn. He really should nap now if he was going to work in a few hours. Tao caught his arm and pulled him into his lap.
"9 to 6," Tao said, adjusting Sehun's head on his chest. "You?"
Jongin looked at the perfectly made line of coke and leaned forward to snort it before answering, "9 to 5, so you assholes better be quiet when you get back in the morning."
Sehun rolled his eyes and curled into himself. Tao stretched and his feet knocked against Jongin's thigh so Jongin took his ankles and placed his feet on his lap. He started rubbing Tao's feet and before he knew it, Tao was falling asleep.
At half past eight that night, Tao woke up to the smell of ramen cooking in the kitchen. Sehun was drooling on his shirt and Tao fought against rolling him to the floor. He carefully replaced his chest with a pillow and set Sehun's head down gently. He walked into the kitchen and caught Jongin hovering over a pot of ramen. He was shirtless so Tao came up from behind him and wrapped his arms around his torso. Jongin's breath hitched at the affection.
"It still surprises me sometimes how gentle you are," Jongin mumbled, blowing his hair out of his eyes.
"Why wouldn't I be?" Tao asked, his lips hovering over Jongin's tanned skin.
"Because you look like you could kill me," Jongin commented stirring the ramen absentmindedly.
"I probably could," Tao answered, laughing when Jongin elbowed him.
"No you couldn't. You can't hurt a fly," Sehun said as he walked into the kitchen, hair sticking up at the sides like he'd been electrocuted. He stuck his hand into his shirt and yawned. "It's my birthday this week," Sehun announced.
"We know," Jongin rolled his eyes. "We'd have to be stupid to forget. You remind us every day since the first of April."
"And it'll be my five year anniversary since escaping from M," Tao said softly. Jongin and Sehun exchanged a look. Tao kept tight lipped about the conditions up north, but everyone in K knew things were rough there. Crazy stories circulated the streets about all kinds of abuse to the poor, but neither Sehun nor Kai had the guts to pry into that part of Tao's past. Besides, relations between M and K were supposed to be nonexistent. The less they knew, the less chances they had of ending up in prison.
"How should we celebrate?" Jongin asked, twirling some chopsticks in his hair to keep it out of his face. His brown mane was long now, resting just past his shoulders. It was in the code that sex workers had to keep their hair long, but Jongin liked to take it one step further. In his hair he'd woven red strands, from the roots to the ends all over the left side. With his tan skin and wild hair, Jongin looked like the warriors Tao grew up reading about.
"Well I don't know, I was thinking of just getting high," Sehun said with a shrug. He climbed onto the table, ignoring the empty stools, and started picking at the bowl of salad.
"Naw, that's no way to celebrate being alive another year on this shit planet," Jongin said with a head shake. "We should go out, have dinner like normal people."
"You mean rich people," Sehun corrected. "Where in the fuck are we going to get enough money to eat at a restaurant?"
"I know someone," Jongin said, then hurriedly ducked his head, as if that would get them to ignore him.
Tao arched an eyebrow. "You know someone? What's that supposed to mean?"
"It means I know someone," Jongin wiped a drop of sweat from his forehead. "Just drop it, okay? Sehun'll get a decent birthday this year."
Sehun grinned, clearly missing the intonation in Jongin's words. Tao wanted to know what he meant, but the food was ready and they sat down together to eat before their shifts.
The sun came down as they each got ready to get out and work. Tao helped Sehun picked out an outfit in his room before getting ready himself. Because he worked the streets, Sehun needed the flashiest clothes in existence to avoid getting hit by the maniacs with driver’s licenses. None of them knew how to drive personally, but they knew hitting pedestrians wasn't part of it.
Jongin peeked into the bathroom as Tao put on eyeliner while Sehun got dressed in the room.
"Damn, sexy," Jongin said with a wink. He slinked in between Tao and the sink, merely wearing a pair of tight red spanks, and breathed in, smiling at the smell. "What's that?"
Tao grinned and pressed closer. "Persimmons."
"I thought so," Jongin said softly, his voice low and husky in their close proximity. "You look red-orange."
Tao frowned and moved away. "You're already high?"
"Just a tiny bit." Jongin leaned forward and enclosed Tao in his arms. "Don't be mad at me. We can't all get through the day with a sheer will to live like you."
Tao combed Jongin's hair back and kissed his exposed forehead. Jongin's hair was particularly dark tonight, the red strands contrasted and shined exquisitely when the light hit just right. In the mirror, Tao saw Jongin's back and the various designs engraved into his skin. Tattoos were only done for special reasons, and Jongin had enough to be considered a king among men. Tao knew he just knew who to ask and how many times to bat his eyelashes.
"I'm thinking of getting a new one," Jongin said, following Tao's eyes and looking over his shoulder at his reflection in the mirror. "Do you think Sehun would want to get one for his birthday?"
"That pussyass?" Tao laughed. "He can't tolerate pain in the slightest."
"And yet he hits like a bull," Jongin sighed, his eyes still on his back. "I think I want a red flower here," he said, motioning to an empty spot between his shoulder blades.
"I hope that doesn't mean the same thing it does up north," Tao said casually, but when he saw Jongin's smirk, he froze. "You-"
"Twice," Jongin said proudly. "It's not such a big deal after you've done it."
"Jongin if anyone finds out you've gone over the border you could be in jail for life."
"And that's why it's so fun," Jongin twirled around the bathroom, shaking his shoulders. "They only throw you in jail for the best crimes. Just think about it, jail must be a blast."
Tao narrowed his eyes. "No one's ever gone to jail and been happy about it. I don't want to hear that crap from you."
"Can't be worse than out here huh?" Jongin asked, his eyes poised out the window and on the decaying city they had once called home. Tao wanted to remind him that at least Jongin had had a home once, but that didn't amount to anything now. Ever since the government had issued that all orphans would pay their way by being sex workers, they'd all been screwed over of ever having a place to call home.
Jongin caught the tear that rolled down Tao's cheek and kissed him. "Slip into bed with Sehun, tonight? He drooled all over me last night."
Tao laughed at that and Jongin smiled in victory. He didn't look it, but Jongin had a way with words in certain situations.
"Okay, I'll take custody of the baby tonight."
‘Thank you’, Jongin mouthed and slipped out of the bathroom as soon as Sehun barged in, demanding they get out so he could smoke a joint.
Tao waited for Sehun to finish his joint and then walked him to his corner. They walked in silence, arms brushing in the darkness. Tao considered holding his hand but he knew Sehun would slap it away. Once they were on the corner of 45th or "Whore Road" as it was affectionately called by the locals, Sehun shoved his shoulder so he'd go.
"You don't have to do this every time." Sehun grumbled, taking out a cigarette. "I feel like you're my mom and you're making sure I go to school."
"I know," Tao murmured, kissing his cheek. "I just hate leaving you here."
"Oh shut up, I can take care of myself. Now fuck off, I've got clients to please," Sehun took a slow drag and smiled encouragingly. Tao didn't buy that smile, but he squeezed his hand and kissed him quickly before heading down the corner to the Jungle Cat.
*
Part 2: Sedate Me
Sehun wrapped his thin arms around his body and shivered. It was freezing tonight, and he'd only gotten one customer so far. A few guys down the street were huddled together, sharing a cigarette, but Sehun didn't like fraternizing with the other hookers. They smelt gross and always tried to steal his earnings. He made more than they did because he was more expensive, but that also meant slower traffic of customers. Fuckers were getting cheap on him.
Sehun took out his cigarettes and started smoking slowly, watching the fumes dance in front of his eyes. The good thing about working for himself was that he could take as many breaks as he wanted, and he didn't have to split the profits with anyone. When he'd met Jongin, they'd agreed to protect each other and live together so they wouldn't starve. Jongin and Tao made a considerable amount more than Sehun, but on a good night, he could have a few hundred bills stuffed in his tight jean pockets.
"Hey, how much for you?"
Sehun turned around and found a young man in a suit, shaking in the cold behind him. Sehun sized him up. His hair was trimmed short, clear sign of a business man, and he smelt of aftershave. By the way he was holding himself, he didn’t look like he was used to asking for service on a street corner. Sehun could get a good amount of cash out of this chump if he played his cards right.
"Depends on what you want," Sehun said, sauntering over to the man.
The man, obviously straight out of office, looked at Sehun up and down and cleared his throat. "You're really beautiful."
Sehun smiled, trying not to gag at the empty compliment. "Thank you," he leaned in and whispered in his ear, "I'm even prettier naked."
The man turned pink and Sehun looked away so he could roll his eyes.
"My car's parked over there," the man said, gesturing down the alley. Sehun looked over his shoulder at the other hookers and stuck up a finger. They were technically in competition, but they kept tabs on each other just in case anything happened. A secret, twisted camaraderie of sorts.
Sehun got into the guy's car and got comfortable on the heated seat. He wished, if only for a second, that he could just fall asleep in the warm space. He was about to close his eyes when he realized the man was just staring at him.
"Oh uhm," Sehun stuttered, twisting his body so he was facing his customer. "Uhm so what do you want?"
"You really are beautiful," the man said, hand coming up to cup Sehun's face. Sehun flinched, he wasn't used to soft gestures from clients. "Don't be afraid. I won't hurt you. Do you want to take something?"
Sehun shifted in his seat. "What do you have?"
The man riffled in his pockets and took out a bottle of yellow pills. "My coworker told me you like these."
Sehun arched an eyebrow. "Who's your coworker?"
"Kris, tall, blonde, handsome. He told me to come see you if I was ever stressed."
Sehun smiled. Kris was one of his favorites. He was pretty quiet during sex, more of a tap it and quit it kind. He wasn't gross or 40 which was enough for Sehun to love him. He was flattered that Kris had recommended him.
"So, do you want one?" the man asked, extending his pill covered palm at him. Sehun didn't have to think it over twice. He'd always take any opportunity to get high. No questions asked.
The guy turned out to be a nice lay. He kept telling Sehun how beautiful he was which was pretty annoying, but he was gentle and nice enough. Obviously it was his first time with a hooker, because he didn't try to gag or slap him around like men usually did. He even let Sehun keep the bottle of pills so that alone bumped him up to the top of his list.
"Take care, Sehun," the man said as Sehun climbed out of his car.
"You too, Suho. Tell Kris I said hi," Sehun got out and waved at him. Suho drove away and Sehun went back to his corner. Not even ten minutes went by before one of his usual customers showed up and had him gagging two minutes after entering his car.
Sehun was glad to be high for that next customer. He smelt of armpit and Sehun hated the way he held his head down. He closed his eyes and willed the moment to pass. Thinking of sinking into bed with Tao and Jongin later on somehow got Sehun through the night.
*
Part 3: In Our Wildest Moments We Can Be The Greatest (we can be the worst of all)
Tao found Sehun propped against his locker in the backroom during his break. Sehun was dripping sweat and his eyes were swollen; Tao didn't have to get too close to him to know he was on something.
"Damn fucking shit, Tao, could you stop spinning?"
Tao sat down beside him on the bench and forced Sehun's head onto his shoulder. "I'm not spinning, you're just high as fuck."
"Ohhh," Sehun started laughing, his eyes going cross for the barest moment. "I hadn't noticed."
Tao shook his head. He wanted to slap the shit out of Sehun for getting himself so fucked when no one was around to look after him. "I can't believe you risk getting high while on the job. You're going to have some random guy's dick in your ass later."
Sehun giggled again and wiped his sweaty forehead in frustration. "Exactly, I rather not remember that."
Tao sighed and pushed Sehun's hands away and replaced them with his own. He began wiping Sehun's sweat with his own shirt. He was already high, it's not like he'd mind.
"Damn, I fucking love you man," Sehun said, his eyes going cross again and Tao had to look away.
"I love you too, asshole," he muttered under his breath, knowing Sehun would forget all of this tomorrow.
"Where's Jongin?" Sehun suddenly yelled, and shot his head up to look around. Tao slapped his hand over Sehun's mouth. "Oh right," Sehun giggled. "I mean Kai, sorry, where's Kai?"
Tao rolled his eyes. "Last I saw him he was with some dealers, but that just means he could be thrown in a ditch somewhere."
Sehun nodded. "Shit, that's one of the downfalls of living with a drug addict, huh?"
"Sadly, I live with two."
That made Sehun go into another laughing fit until Tao slapped his shoulder and he looked around. "I should probably get back. My shift will be over soon." Sehun said and motioned as if he was going to go, but didn't move anywhere. He looked down at his watch and cursed, "Shit, I have two more hours until the end of my shift." He laughed. "I'm so bad at this."
Tao shoved him off the bench and watched him sprawl on the floor. After a second he got up to help Sehun off his ass. He got so frustrated with Sehun when he was high. He wanted to beat the stupid out of him and protect him from doing something stupid all at the same time. "I don't know how you manage to be so terrible at something so basic. Really, all you need to do your job is remember the hour and own an asshole."
Sehun giggled again and clung to Tao's arm. "Can we cuddle tonight?"
Tao shot him a glare and helped him outside. At Sehun's pout he groaned, "Sure sure whatever. Now get out, my shift hasn't ended. Don't be too late coming home."
Sehun nodded and wobbled down the alley. As he watched him go, Tao silently prayed he and Jongin would both get back in one piece.
*
Part 4: Sedate Me
Jongin liked to practice his routine on the roof whenever he wasn't working and ash wasn't covering the sky. There was something he found so enticing about dirty dancing to the sun and moon.
He usually danced nude, but today the winds had picked up so he was in a simple sleeveless shirt and red pants. As he spun and danced, occasionally incorporating some of what he'd learned when he was still in school, he laughed at the sky turning from every shade between orange and red before his eyes.
Jongin had fallen in love with Colorology after Sehun had introduced him to drugs. He'd done a bit of weed and he'd swallowed a pill or two before, but when he started hanging out with Sehun, he realized the entire world he'd been missing out on. Sehun had connections with all the best drug dealers, and soon enough Jongin was trying every different drug that existed on the damn planet. For everyday use, Jongin liked the natural stuff better, the one's you could find in a forest and smoke, but color only came in synthetic pills. He liked being able to paint the sky any color he wanted.
He heard the door open behind him and he was surprised to see Sehun there. At this hour, which was half past four in the afternoon, Sehun was usually passed out on the floor of the kitchen or making Tao help him nurse his hangover.
"What are you doing crazy fucker? It’s so fucking cold. Do you want that pretty ass of yours to freeze off?" Sehun asked with a laugh.
Jongin stopped with his hands in the air and turned around. "The view’s so nice today, though.”
"Stop your weird nature praising dances and get your ass inside. Or have you forgotten it's movie night? Because if I remember correctly, you’re the one who started the tradition. It would be really shitty if you bailed on it from now on. Do you want to be a shitty person?” Sehun asked, sticking his hip out like he tended to do when he knew, subconsciously, that he was being a pain in the ass.
Jongin crossed the distance between them and pinched Sehun's belly button. "Calm down, princess, I was just enjoying the view. Is Tao back with the movie?"
"He should be back any second now, but come inside I don't want you to freeze out here."
"Oh you do care about me!" Jongin exclaimed sarcastically and threw his arms around Sehun's neck.
"Barely," Sehun replied, opening the door to the staircase. They went back into their apartment and Sehun instantly dragged Jongin to the couch where he started trying to count the moles on his exposed skin.
"We've gone over this a million times," Jongin said a while later, after Sehun had lost count, twice. "You're never going to know how many moles I have because you're too stupid to count."
Sehun scoffed. "Well you're stupid because you have so many moles," he said, pushing Jongin's feet off his lap as the front door opened to Tao barreling in with the movie rental and a few groceries. Sehun stood up and latched onto Tao's arm. "Tao, tell Jongin that if he stops being a total asshole to me, I'll let him suck me in the shower later."
"Tao," Jongin called, "you tell Sehun I don't want to suck him in the shower and that his cock is too tiny for me anyway."
Tao looked between them and rolled his eyes. "Fighting?" They kept silent. "Oh so you're just stupidly high again? Well I brought something to make you feel better."
"Candy?" Sehun asked, perking up instantly.
"No," Tao deadpanned. He rummaged through one of the bags and pulled out two packs of gum.
"Gum?" Jongin asked, scrunching his face up in disdain.
"No, not gum," Tao sighed. He opened one of the packages and took out a slim, gum looking tablet. "I don't usually condone the use of drugs because I believe my body is a temple, but these are harmless."
Sehun had obviously zoned out after the word drugs was uttered because he was excitedly pulling on Tao's sleeve so he'd give him one.
"Open your tongue," Tao instructed. Sehun obeyed and Tao placed the pill on his tongue. "Let it dissolve. Jongin, you want one?"
"Sure, why the hell not?" He leaned over the couch and Tao pressed the pill onto his tongue as well.
They sat down while Sehun put in the movie. Jongin was incredibly tired, but he knew better than to blow Sehun off on their arranged movie night. "You know,” he mused, adjusting his position on the couch, “these things should be called movie afternoons because it's not even night time."
Sehun shot him a look as he climbed in between him and Tao. He'd brought in all their pillows and blankets and made a mini fort around the couch. "Movie afternoons doesn't have the same ring to it," Tao commented, as if he'd just given it great thought.
"Shush both of the you, the movie's starting," Sehun ordered, fitting his head on Tao's chest and his legs over Jongin's belly.
The movie, as it turned out, was boring. Not even half-way in, Jongin's head was lolling to the side, and he saw Tao try to discreetly cover more than a few yawns. Even Sehun didn't seem too into it, so he took the remote and turned it off.
"Okay, we're all falling asleep here, let's just actually go to bed, huh?" Jongin suggested, ready to get up and head to the room. Sehun stopped him, hooked his leg over Jongin's thigh, and frowned. "What?" Jongin asked, a tad annoyed with Sehun. It was starting to become like clockwork; every so often Jongin and Sehun would fight and stop talking to each other for a few days. It was never over anything serious or important, but they'd get annoyed and need their space. Tao was always there to glue them back together though. It made Jongin wonder how long they would have survived just the two of them. Without Tao, maybe they would have let their stubborn egos get in the way of their friendship. Tao wasn't a selfless angel, but he understood Jongin's and Sehun's separate moods.
"Don't shut me out," Sehun whispered, lowering his eyes to Jongin's mouth. "Please, not this close to my birthday."
Jongin rolled his eyes and gripped Sehun's hips. He eased him onto his lap and combed his hair back. "I'm not going to shut you out," he promised. The quiver in Sehun's bottom lip made Jongin's heart soften. He leaned in and Sehun met him halfway, his lips soft against Jongin's slightly chapped ones.
When Jongin pulled back, he caught Tao staring at them from across the couch. "You're just a spectator now?" Jongin asked, teasing. Tao crossed the couch like a lightning bolt across the sky and was on top of them both, his shoulders caging them in. Sehun hooked an arm around each of their necks and settled on their mess of legs.
"I feel funny," Sehun commented as he started to kiss down Tao's neck. "What are the drugs supposed to do?"
"They heighten emotions," Tao explained, head falling on Jongin's shoulder as Sehun's tongue swirled over his collarbones.
"Mhh," Sehun purred, turning his body towards Jongin to help get him undressed. "That's why I feel especially horny."
"Horny isn't an emotion," Jongin said, eyes closed and head tipped towards Tao. They shared a slow kiss, making Jongin moan when Tao's tongue grazed over the roof of his mouth.
"Yeah but I feel it," Sehun whispered, sinking his hips down over Tao's, his hand resting on Jongin's abdomen. He kept switching his attention between their bodies with a practiced ease Jongin was proud to think he only needed for them. "I always feel horny when I'm with you."
Tao rolled his eyes at Jongin and laughed. "Probably not a good idea to mix this with whatever was already in his system."
"I'm serious you guys," Sehun groaned, hands sliding down Jongin's thighs to get his pants off. "I love you both so fucking much it hurts in my chest. I don't...I don't ever want you to leave me."
Jongin exchanged a look with Tao. Sehun was never usually this needy and desperate during sex, or ever, at least not verbally. He'd smack you against the wall and suck you like his life depended on it; but he'd never actually tell you what he was thinking. Sehun was the master of blank stares and empty thoughts, so to have him so honest was surprising.
Sehun suddenly started to choke up and Tao hurriedly wrapped him up in arms, soothing him with reassuring words whispered in his ear. "We're not going anywhere, Sehun. Who said we were? Calm down okay? You're probably just tired and high and you want to sleep, don't you?"
"No!" Sehun exclaimed and sprung out of Tao's arms. He got back on Jongin's lap and hid his face in his hair. "I don't want to sleep, I want to stay here with you guys."
Tao was worried, it was evident in the way his brows knotted and his eyes stared at Sehun, as if he wanted to stare right into his brain. Jongin was worried too, but Sehun could get a little weird when he took a new drug. It was scary that at this point, they didn't know what was Sehun being Sehun and what was the drugs. The line that separated Sehun's being from narcotics had blurred a long time ago. He barely spent more than 3 days in a row completely sober.
"Okay okay," Jongin pushed at Sehun's shoulder. "Let's all go to bed then?"
Sehun seemed to not like the idea of moving at all, but their bed was infinite amounts more comfortable than the second hand couch they were currently wrestling around on. Without another word, Tao gripped Sehun's hips and lifted him up so that Sehun could wrap his legs around Tao's strong thighs. Then Tao smiled at Jongin and pulled him up by his shirt, dragging him to their door. He kicked it in, partly because his hands were full, but Jongin knew Tao liked being forceful during sex. As a stripper, he got the least amount of sex between the three of them, so when they were together he liked to take the reins and most times, Sehun and Jongin were too exhausted from pleasing others all night that they enjoyed his big hands on their slim bodies.
Tao placed Sehun on the bed and threw Jongin down next to him. He smiled at them, front teeth biting down on his lower lip, as he brought his body over theirs. He discarded his clothes and helped Sehun with his while Jongin chucked off his shirt and underwear.
Sehun flipped around onto the bed and let out a deep moan, hands tangling in the sheets as Tao's nails slid down his back.
"I swear if you don't fuck me within the next five minutes I'm going to scream," Sehun complained, rutting against the mattress, ass up in the air.
"That's too bad cause I love it when you scream," Tao whispered in his ear. Jongin laughed at Sehun's pout, then climbed on top of him and started attacking his neck with hungry kisses.
The room turned red in Jongin's vision. He was about to lay down so that things would go back to normal when Tao's tongue slipped down the defined line in the middle of his back. "Fucking shit," he moaned, fisting his hands in Sehun's hair. Jongin swore Tao had a magical tongue, because the things he did with it were ridiculous. A part of him floated at the thought that his tongue was one of the things few others could claim they'd experienced of Tao.
"Can someone put their cock in my ass?" Sehun bemoaned, thrusting into the mattress again. Jongin slid down so that his crotch sat on top of Sehun's ass. He ground down and Sehun groaned out. "Jongin, don't tease me I swear-fuck just-"
Jongin laughed and did it again, loving how he could drive Sehun wild. With each thrust, Sehun whimpered louder and whinier. Tao came up to the front and made a face at Jongin before slipping his dick into Sehun's mouth, effectively shutting him up. Jongin smiled at him and continued torturing Sehun's backside.
These drugs they'd taken were weird, because they made Jongin want to fuck Sehun senseless, but also ride it out slowly and for as long as possible. Maybe those were his emotions. He wanted to both dismantle Sehun and put him back together. Watch his face contort in pain, and then smooth it out in pleasure. Jongin's hands gripped Sehun's hips and he slid his body down until he lay on top of him. Tao had Sehun gagging now, and his eyes closed each time Sehun took him entirely into his mouth, but then rushed back open when he held him at the tip.
Jongin watched for a moment, remembering the first time he'd seen Sehun with Tao. To say he'd been jealous was an understatement. He had wanted to choke Tao, stuff him in a plastic bag and throw him into the polluted waters of what used to be a river. He couldn't stand how Sehun clung to him, pressed his chest against him and begged for a kiss when Jongin was right there. Sehun had been the first person who had ever truly wanted Jongin; Sehun had been his and the concept of sharing wasn't registered in Jongin's brain. But he'd slowly opened up to Tao, allowed him to climb into bed with him or share a morning shower. Funnily enough, sex was easy with Tao, but kissing him had taken him a while. Now Jongin never kissed anyone besides Sehun and Tao. Chanyeol had taken kissing off the list of things clients were allowed to do to him. It wasn't about principal or anything romantic, Jongin just hated the taste of everyone else's mouth.
"Look who's the spectator now," Tao said, breaking Jongin from his reverie. Tao slid his hand around the nape of Jongin's neck and pulled him in for a kiss. Jongin caught sight of Sehun before his lips collided with Tao's. He was slumped on the bed, Tao's release on his face.
"You guys have the weirdest traditions," Jongin commented as they parted, leaning across Sehun's face to get tissues from the bedside table.
"Sehun loves a facial during sex, don't cha, baby?" Tao cooed, cupping his hand around Sehun's chin. He took the tissues from Jongin's hand and cleaned Sehun's face gently.
Sehun beamed up at him and sat up. His arms wrapped around Tao and he kissed him slowly, tongues darting around obscenely. Jongin smiled and leaned in, snagging Tao's tongue into his mouth in one swift move when they were both gasping for breath. He saw Sehun frown out of the corner of his eye and pulled him in, pushing him towards Tao.
Jongin was about to take over Sehun's mouth when Sehun held them both at arm's length and breathed out, "I want to remember this forever."
Tao smiled gently, sliding his hands down Sehun's sides. "I don't think you'll be able to forget it if we do this again tomorrow."
Sehun just smiled, distracted, and took Jongin's face in his hands and kissed him hard. Sehun had traces of Tao's semen on his tongue and Jongin smiled against his lips, loving having a bit of both of them in his mouth at once. A rough palm came in contact with Jongin, and he thrust into Tao's hand, smiling at the warmth he provided with the contrasting cold that came in through the window. A breeze rushed in and Sehun dug his nails into Jongin's biceps as a shiver ripped through his body. Tao stood up from the bed suddenly and darted out the room. Jongin and Sehun waited for him until he returned, tiptoeing and smiling, with their pillows and blankets from the living room. Tao threw a pillow at Jongin and he placed it under Sehun's hips. Tao plopped down beside him and handed him the lube and condoms.
"No, no condoms," Sehun whined, twisting around to pout at Jongin.
"Sehun, don't start," Tao chastised. "You know we can't risk not using condoms with each other."
"But I hate condoms, they're so stale and stupid."
"It's not stupid if they protect you from dying of an STD," Tao reasoned. "Suit up, Jongin."
"But we're all clean," Sehun said, persistence wearing off. Jongin knew Tao was right, but he'd also wondered what it was like to have sex without the synthetic plastic in the way. It was punishable by law for sex workers to have sex with each other, but spreading diseases was deadly. They weren't even supposed to be doing this, so Jongin wasn't going to risk his entire life for one sexual experience. Besides, sex in any form with Sehun and Tao was incredible.
"Showtime," Jongin whispered, hands excitedly circling around Sehun's entrance. A flutter of fabric dropped onto Jongin's head and he looked up to see Tao trying to orchestrate a makeshift tent by tying one end of blanket to the window and the other to the headrest. After he was satisfied with his handiwork, Tao came up behind Jongin and placed his hands on his hips. He took Jongin's long hair and moved it aside so he could kiss his shoulder, breath hot on Jongin's shivering skin.
Jongin was about to close his eyes from the pleasure when Sehun's ass pressed into his crotch. "Hello! Hurry up, asshole."
Jongin smirked and pressed a cold finger into Sehun's entrance.
"Fuck damn it!" Sehun yelled, grinding back on the finger.
"Drama queen," Tao whispered in Jongin's ear, "his asshole must be pretty loose, isn't it?"
Jongin shook his head, slipping in a second finger with a bit of difficulty. "Not really. He doesn't feel that loose."
"I told you the streets have been shit," Sehun growled out. His face was pushed into the mattress, hair soaked and plastered to his forehead even though they'd barely started. Sehun tended to sweat profusely during sex, and even more so when he was high.
Jongin leaned forward and pushed Sehun's bangs away from his face. Meanwhile, Tao took advantage of the new angle to kiss Jongin's low back and swirl his tongue around places Jongin definitely wanted Tao's tongue to be.
"I'll do it myself, I swear," Sehun grumbled, "I will take your dick and put it in my ass and fuck myself on it if you don't move right now. Oh fuck, just please you fucking shit-"
Jongin would've laughed if Tao's mouth hadn't been on one of his balls. "Blame...Tao," Jongin choked out, air and words failing him because of the sensations running through his body.
"Tao," Sehun groaned, turning his head to get a good view of Tao's face full of Jongin's cock and balls. "Tao, get your face out of there so Jongin can fuck me."
Tao dropped Jongin's left testicle with a satisfied plop and smiled, wiping saliva from his chin.
"Sorry," he said, not looking apologetic at all. Jongin smiled and kissed Tao's hand and then guided it to his front.
"Just keep your attention on here for now," Jongin told him.
"You know Jongin can't focus when his balls are being sucked. He has the attention span of a goat," Sehun admonished, posing his ass at Jongin's crotch. "Now, get to fucking."
Tao let out a high giggle, cheeks tinted a cute pink.
"So this is what you're like when you're high?" Sehun asked, lifting his hand to cup Tao's warm, blushing cheek. "I like it."
"Well it's a onetime only thing," Tao said seriously, swallowing the last of his giggles. "I feel fuzzy all over and I don't like it one bit."
"You get used to the fuzz the more you do it," Jongin said as he entered Sehun without warning. "Don't you, Sehun?"
Sehun moaned in response. Jongin bucked his hips forward again and puffed his cheeks out, wishing he had a hair band to pull his hair out of his face. As if reading his mind, Tao came up behind Jongin, picked up his hair and pulled it back. Stretching his arm into the drawer, he retrieved a long black ribbon and used it to tie Jongin's hair back while he made shallow thrusts into Sehun's body. After Tao had finished tying his hair, Jongin grabbed his wrist and pulled him back to kiss him. "Thanks babe," he whispered onto his lips. Tao smiled in response and slinked away to get under Sehun.
"Oh shit," Sehun moaned. "Do I really get to fuck you?"
"Consider this an early birthday present," Tao said as he pushed Jongin back so that Sehun was sitting on him. He took up Sehun's previous spot and then pulled Jongin forward, Sehun now sandwiched between them.
"Oh I have big plans for my birthday," Sehun said, eyes shining mischievously.
"Let me guess," Jongin said, gripping Sehun's biceps so that he was taught against his chest. "You want us to double you up?"
"Fuck damn you Kim Jongin, it was supposed to be a surprise," Sehun groaned and then Jongin thrust up to give him something to groan about.
"It wasn't a surprise, we were planning on doing that anyway," Tao said, flicking one of Sehun's nipples with a smirk.
"Really?" Sehun looked like he was about to cry from happiness. "I fucking love you guys."
"I think you confuse love with lust," Tao teased but kissed him gently which Jongin knew meant more than an 'I love you'.
"Quit your yapping, we should hurry up. We all have to work later," Jongin said, but did the opposite of speed up and thrust in impossibly slow.
No one said it, but they all knew that if they could, they'd replace all the money and food and warmth in the world for that one moment under their fortress.
What followed was a blur. The combination of drugs and lust and love and heat had Jongin's head spinning and he couldn't tell how but at one point Tao was inside of him while Sehun was inside of Tao. And then Jongin was thrown over Tao's shoulder and they moved into the bathroom. Their shower was pretty small for three people, but miraculously, they made it work. Tao kept Sehun pressed against the wall, Jongin showered, and then they rotated. Once in a while, Jongin would find his hands in someone's hair and someone's hands on his body. He laughed a few times, at Sehun dropping the soap or Tao yelping at the hot water, and along with their moaning, that was the soundtrack to their frantic dance.
After the drugs started to wear off, it was time to go to work so Jongin popped a red pill and waited impatiently until he could be back between Tao and Sehun, missing their hands the second they were off his body.
*
Part 5: Shut it Down
After a long shift, Sehun spent a long time in the shower. He scrubbed meticulously, sometimes drawing blood when he couldn't get the smell of other men off his skin. He hated showering alone because he felt truly dirty without Jongin or Tao. He didn't know why, but knowing they had seen him dirty and managed to love him anyway, made him less insecure.
He was the first in the apartment that morning, and Sehun hated the silence. He whistled or sang under his breath to fill up the loud static that cracked in his ears. He momentarily remembered that drugs made you paranoid, and he knew that to be true because he kept looking over his shoulder like a convict. Sehun ducked his head under the spray and allowed the hot water to slide down his back. The thought of being alone, not just physically but emotionally, scared him. Sehun was abandoned by his parents when they died, and he'd lived a few years without depending on anyone, but now he was dependent of people again. He needed Tao and Jongin like he needed his heart and brain. He leaned on them for emotional stability, strength, and warmth at the end of a disgusting day. It scared him how much he wanted, no, needed, their constant presence in his life. Sehun didn't like being vulnerable. He learned that vulnerability equaled weakness, and the strong preyed on the weak. His thoughts carried down that train of thought and he realized he was sobering up. He frowned, being sober meant his thoughts took over his usually quiet mind.
He actually moaned in delight when he heard the front door open and Jongin's familiar steps pad into the living room. Sehun could tell Jongin and Tao apart from their scents to the noises they made. Tao's steps were light and agile, like wind whistling in Sehun's ear. Jongin's were heavy and held a rhythm. Step step pause step step.
"Sehun?" Jongin asked with a knock on the bathroom door.
"Come in," Sehun called, sounding a little too relieved for his own liking.
Jongin stepped into the bathroom and Sehun peaked at him from behind the curtain. "How was work?"
Jongin pulled a face and shrugged out of his jacket. He shimmied out of his pants and came into the shower, curling around Sehun from behind. "I danced for a group of business men that all ended up coming on my face like we were filming some bukkake shit." He bit down on Sehun's shoulder and turned them around so that he was under the water head. "What do you have?"
Sehun smirked. "I take your horror story and raise you this: Some fat dude sat on my face for fifteen minutes while the stick shift of his car pressed into my back."
Without warning, Jongin dropped to his knees and twisted Sehun's hips so that his butt was in Jongin's face. He leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the bruise that was forming on his lower back, the light touch sending infinite shivers through Sehun's body. He helped Jongin back to his feet and kissed him.
"Ugh, I've been wanting to do that all day," Jongin said with a sad smile. "I miss your lips most of all throughout the day."
‘I miss your everything’, Sehun thought of saying, but instead he kissed him again.
Sehun remembered the first time he'd seen Jongin coming out of the Jungle Cat with an insane amount of confidence that Sehun couldn't believe anyone his age could have. He'd bummed a smoke off Jongin and they'd started talking. They hit it off, finding each other mutually intriguing and attractive, and eight years later they were still friends.
Jongin gave Sehun a funny look and took the soap from his hands to start washing his chest and shoulders. For some reason, Sehun never got bored of looking at Jongin's body. It was incredible that he could come home to his tan, handsome best friend's body after a night of white, hairy, old bodies. Sehun also liked seeing the differences between Jongin's body and his own. Where Sehun was pale and thin, Jongin was tan and fit. Their shoulders and torso were similar in that they led to slim waists. Sehun was noticeably bonier than Jongin, his ribs protruded when he inhaled. Sehun thought he was ugly and frail in comparison to Jongin's well-developed body.
"What are you thinking about?" Jongin asked, hands on Sehun's shoulders.
Sehun forced a smile. "Nothing."
Jongin frowned. "I can tell when you're lying." He leaned forward and pressed a slow kiss against Sehun's mouth. "Haven't you noticed that already?"
Sehun smiled. "I'd like to believe I'm not such an open book."
"You're not. I have a hard time deciphering your thoughts Oh Sehun." Jongin sighed, taking Sehun's face in his hands. "What am I going to do with you?"
Sehun kissed him so that he didn't have to think of an answer. He wished he could kiss Jongin for ever so that he didn't have to think ever again. He felt his lips tremble so he pulled away, and tucked his head under the water again.
"Do you wanna get high later?" Jongin asked, running his hands through Sehun's hair.
"When have I ever turned down an offer to get high?" Sehun asked.
"That's why I love ya," Jongin answered with a smirk. Sehun wondered if that was true. Jongin might have known when Sehun was lying but Sehun couldn't say the same for Jongin. After knowing him so many years, he still felt like he was in the dark most of the time when it came to Jongin's emotions or thoughts. Maybe he didn't pay that much attention. Maybe he was too high to notice.
They got out of the shower, dressed and went onto the balcony outside of their room. Jongin brought a natural herb that only grew on the border between K and M and to get it you had to know the biggest dealers in the city. Sehun sat back with his wet hair clinging to his t-shirt and watched Jongin crush the herbs into the bong and light it up underneath. He took a good inhale and then passed it on to Sehun. A smile took over his face instantly.
"I fucking love getting high," Jongin said, swaying his shoulders side to side. "It feels like letting go, doesn't it?"
Sehun snorted. "You love this natural stuff because it makes you feel 'one with nature' don't you?" he joked, but secretly loved seeing Jongin so carefree and happy from the drugs. It was rare to see a sex worker happy, so when Jongin was happy, Sehun could pretend they had a bit of normalcy in their lives.
"You know what I want?" Jongin asked, eyes lit like he was going to reveal something grand and amazing.
"What?" Sehun humored him.
"World peace," Jongin said finally, and with a content sigh he started laughing and snorting and giggling like there already was world peace because he declared it.
Sehun took the opportunity to snake his arms around Jongin's waist and bring him to his lap. He held Jongin as he laughed and wished he could bottle it up and overdose on the sound. The way Jongin's shoulders shook, eyes squinted, jaw practically unhinged; such joyous content on his face should have been contagious, but it just made Sehun sad. He didn't know what was wrong with him but he couldn't enjoy the high. It felt more like a low.
He held Jongin the rest of the morning, pressing him tight against his chest to feel his laugh and breath in his own body. Sometimes he wished Jongin could live for both of them. Sometimes, Sehun just wanted to take off his heavy coat of burdens and sleep forever.
He knew when he'd be gone, he'd miss holding Jongin the most.
*
Part 6: Sometimes I can't believe it. I'm moving past the feeling.
Jongin worked in the private rooms at the back of the Jungle Cat and Tao worked on the poles by the bar. Tao had started off as a bartender when he first got to K, but after someone told Chanyeol that he was a waste behind the bar when he had an ass like that, Tao became a stripper. He was pretty good at it, his agility and flexibility finally came in handy for something other than climbing trees to hide from guards.
Tao usually tried to zone out the crowd when he was on the pole. He didn't give private shows or lap dances like a lot of the other boy's did to make extra cash. Tao could probably just stand by the pole all night and make more than most of them working overtime. Tao didn't want to stroke his own ego, but the patrons liked him, called him exotic. They had no idea he wasn't from around there, but he never bothered to clarify them. He usually kept his mouth shut at work. Tao hated that he worked separate shifts and areas than Jongin, but he knew that if he had access to him, he'd spend his entire shift fucking Jongin into the bathroom stall. Or being fucked by him, Tao wasn't picky.
What Tao was was surprised when Chanyeol called him into his office one afternoon five minutes before his shift.
"Take a seat, Tao," Chanyeol said, voice imposing but eyes welcoming. Chanyeol was a weird boss to have. He was barely a year older than Tao, and he sometimes acted like he was younger, but he'd owned the Jungle Cat for years. The story was that he'd left his home when he was young and met the owner of the previous establishment that was what the Jungle Cat was today, and he'd started a good business. It was one of the most upscale stripper bars in town, so he had to be doing something extremely right.
Tao sat down in one of Chanyeol's plush red chairs and frowned when another rip appeared on the front of his pants. He rolled his eyes, it's not like anyone could notice with all the rips his pants already had.
"So, Tao, I've called you in cause I want to know how Sehun's doing," Chanyeol said, getting right to the point.
"Uhm," Tao narrowed his eyes. "He's fine I guess, why do you ask?"
Chanyeol's eyes flashed to his phone and he sent a text before looking up at Tao. "Well, I just get so worried thinking of him working the streets. Did you tell him he can come work here? Have you let him know of the benefits you get with me?"
Tao tried not to laugh. "Benefits" just meant they didn't get beaten up.
"I just say it because I've heard the streets aren't the same way they once were," Chanyeol continued, flipping through a magazine and then turning to look at his computer screen. Having ADHD must suck, Tao thought vaguely.
"By once were do you mean dangerous and dodgy?" Tao asked.
Chanyeol laughed too much for the lack of joke. "Tao, I just want what's best for you and the people you care about."
It was odd, but Tao believed him. Tao believed Chanyeol was genuine about his worry over Sehun, but he also saw a pair of dollar signs behind the concern in his eyes. Chanyeol had met Sehun before a few times and somehow he knew he'd be a good fuck. Maybe that was Chanyeol's secret gift; he could tell a good lay when he saw one. Everyone had to have something they were good at.
"I've asked Sehun to come here but he has is reasons why he just can't," Tao said, not feeling comfortable enough with Chanyeol to tell him those reasons.
"Okay, I understand," Chanyeol smiled to prove his point. "Now I don't want to take up anymore of your time. Get out there and make those pervs make a mess I'll have to pay someone to clean up later."
Tao gave Chanyeol a look as he left his office. He really was a weird guy.
As Tao walked through the corridor to check his makeup in the bathroom, Jongin came out of a private room. Tao smiled at him, but Jongin was clutching the wall, stumbling over his feet.
"Jongin?" Tao rushed up to him and caught his arm before he fell over. "What the hell is wrong?"
"Nothing, I just got throughly fucked yesterday by you and I can barely move today," Jongin looked up and smiled earnestly.
Tao laughed and snaked an arm around Jongin's waist, fingers sliding between his ass cheeks. "Sorry about that."
Jongin smirked. "Don't you dare ever apologize for leaving me basically immobile after sex." Jongin looked down the corridor and reached forward to steal a quick kiss off Tao's lips. "I saw you coming out of Chanyeol's office, what did he want?"
"Oh he asked about Sehun," Tao said distracted by the blue feathers in Jongin's hair. Sometimes he'd switch up his hair accessories and add beads or streaks of different colors, but feathers were Tao's favorite. The texture of the feathers twisted through Jongin's soft hair was almost erotic.
Jongin sighed, leaning more of his body weight on Tao's chest. "Oh Sehun, we have keep an eye on that boy."
Tao quirked an eyebrow, hand tangled behind Jongin's right ear, fingering the cardinal's feather that was lodged there. "What for?"
Jongin looked up. "Sehun's birthday is tomorrow."
"And?" Tao asked, finding the two bite marks on his neck he'd left on Jongin yesterday.
"And," Jongin said, capturing Tao's hands and holding them still, "it's also the anniversary since his parents died."
Tao's throat closed up. How could he have forgotten? Sehun was always a mess about his birthday so he wouldn't have to think about his parent's death, but the fact that they were the same day made it hard to think about anything else. "It totally slipped my mind," Tao whispered, feeling ashamed of himself for forgetting such a huge detail.
"Don't worry about it, I almost forgot last year, but then he-"
Tao didn't need Jongin to finish that sentence, and by the looks of it Jongin didn't want to either. Jongin had found Sehun sitting against the back entrance of the Jungle Cat, beaten and drugged out of his mind. Tao had found him the year before, on the day after his birthday he'd taken a few too many pills. Seeing your friend like that once was enough to never want to think about it, let alone have it happen again.
"That's why I wanted to do something special for him," Jongin explained. "He's been acting weird lately and I want him to have a nice birthday for once."
Tao nodded. "We can take him out to eat, walk around, watch a good movie." Tao smiled. "I think this year will be different."
The way Jongin smiled at him, Tao knew he wanted to believe his bullshit too.
*
Part 7: Fragile N.4
This time, Tao found Sehun first.
He had decided to stop by the apartment during his break to freshen up before the rest of his shift. He rarely ever walked all the way to their apartment when he was already out and on the other side of town, but maybe it was fate that made Tao decide to trek the long walk to take a shower in the middle of the night. Or maybe, just maybe, Tao didn't really believe that this year would be different.
He walked into the apartment and everything was just like normal, but he smelled a stale muskiness clinging to the air, and the faucet was on hard in the bathroom. He wanted to believe Sehun had figured out a way to smoke a joint and shower at the same time and that was why it smelt so bad. The smell in the apartment got worse however, when he reached their room, and he paused, sniffing the air.
"Sehun?" Tao called out, heart starting to pound a little faster. This was all too familiar.
When he turned towards the bathroom, his heart stilled. He ran to the door and tried to open it, but it was locked, and instantly, he began to panic.
"Sehun? Sehun, are you in there? Sehun open up," Tao demanded, heart racing into his throat. "Sehun, please, please, shit, open this door."
He took a few steps back and barged into the door with his shoulder, properly hurting himself in the process but everything was numb from the fear of what he would find behind the bathroom door. He tried again, and again and again until he was afraid he'd dislocated one shoulder and started trying with the other. He finally kicked it in desperately and the door banged against something and bounced back. Tao caught the door and stepped into the bathroom.
The water was on full blast and had overflowed onto the bathroom floor and was now pooled around Sehun's limp body. Tao didn't have to look at himself in the mirror to know he'd gone pale. He shut the water off first and then mustered the courage to look down. Sehun's neck was bent to the side in an uncomfortable way and his jaw was slack, mouth open. Tao kneeled down and cradled his head to his chest. "Sehun!" he yelled, slapping his face, praying and hoping with all his might to get a response. "Fucking shit Sehun, don't do this to me again. Please, baby not again."
Tao searched the bathroom with his eyes to know what he'd taken and found himself crying tears of frustration when he couldn't find the bottle. It had to be somewhere, but he couldn't bare the thought of moving away from Sehun when he was like this. Tao held back a sob, propped Sehun against the wall, and crawled around the bathroom floor until his hands curled around a slim bottle and he brought it up to the light. It was a bottle of Jongin's Colorology pills. Tao sighed, that wasn't so bad. The last time Sehun had overdosed it had been on-
Tao's eyes landed on a few pills scattered on the floor and he followed their trail to the sink. He got up on shaky feet and found five more bottles of different pills. Most of them were half empty, and whether Sehun had taken them or dumped them, Tao wasn't going to wait around to found out.
Now furious, Tao dragged Sehun's thin, rag doll body and brought him to the shower. He propped Sehun's head forward, took two fingers, and shoved them inside Sehun's mouth. His fingers hit the back of Sehun's throat and his eyes flew open as bile came out all over the shower and Tao's hand. Tao held him up and passed a hand in reassuring circles on his back while Sehun coughed and coughed the contents of his drug filled stomach. After he was done, and Tao made sure his eyes were open and he was breathing normally, Tao grabbed Sehun and shook his shoulders so hard he was sure to give him whiplash.
"You listen to me Oh Sehun, and you listen clearly. I don't know why you've done this again but this is the last time I find you like this, understand? I will never, ever, let you do this again, are we clear?"
Sehun didn't say anything. He was blubbering and sweating, confused and spent from being on the brink of death.
"Do you understand me?" Tao yelled, tears falling like a dam bursting from the pressure. He couldn't stop once he started so he clung to Sehun's chest and made Sehun hold him in his limp arms.
He realized, terrified, that Sehun had been muttering happy birthday under his breath the entire time.
*
Jongin hated hospitals.
They were filled with blood and filth and whiny babies. Hookers usually filled the emergency room at this hour, and some for the same reasons Sehun was being treated right now. Jongin couldn't stay still from the nerves, and he was half furious with Sehun for chugging all his Colorology pills because it was a stupid thing and he could really use one himself right now.
Tao kept pacing in front of Jongin, hands shaking at his side. Jongin caught his hand and Tao stopped.
"This isn't your fault, you hear me?"
Tao pulled his hand away and kept pacing.
"Tao-"
"Leave me alone," Tao growled, "I should've been there for him. I should've-"
"What? Been with him all the time? Tao, if he wouldn't have done it today he would've done it tomorrow or next week or next month. He used to do this all the time before you came, he's a lot better now."
Tao turned to him, eyes blazing. "He's clearly not better. Jongin, how the fuck can you say shit like that?"
Jongin got up and took Tao to the side, holding his shaking hands in his own equally unsteady ones. "Tao, Sehun has tried to kill himself 7 times, you know this. Why he never succeeds, I have no idea but I could not be happier that he's terrible at killing himself. The first time I found him like that, I thought I'd lost my best friend forever. He always takes whatever can be thrown back up. Think about why he never tries other methods? He doesn't really want to die, Tao. He just feels obligated to try."
Tao's hands wrapped around Jongin's fingers and his head dropped onto his shoulder. "Why would he do this? Why does he keep doing this to us?"
Jongin sighed. He couldn't say he hadn't thought about it himself, but he could never quite get himself to actually go through with it. To think Sehun had been at a point where he wanted to die 7 times made Jongin's body numb. It made Jongin feel like a failure as a friend and someone who loved Sehun with all of his heart. He wanted to take better care of him, prevent him from ever doing anything this stupid again. Like every day of his life, Jongin wished he didn't have to sell his body to dress and feed it.
Tao and Jongin held each other until the doctor came out to tell them they could see him. Jongin knew the doctor from the Jungle Cat, and for once, he was glad for what they did. Otherwise, they'd have no way to pay for this or even have Sehun checked in.
Jongin entered first and Tao closed the curtain around them.
"Hey, guys," Sehun croaked out, voice rough from the vomiting. "Pretty glamorous way to spend my birthday, huh?"
"You're such a dumbass," Jongin said, but his fingers were gentle on Sehun's face. "I had an entire day planned out for you and you blew it."
Sehun smiled weakly. He looked horrible. A small bird, without feathers, broken and underfed. Jongin hated seeing him like this. Sehun was already fragile enough, but the hospital bed sucked him up and made him look half his age. Sometimes it hit Jongin like a ton of bricks that they were barely 20.
He combed Sehun's light brown hair out of eyes and poured him a glass of water. Sehun chugged it down in one gulp and Jongin served him another one. Sehun looked at the bed sheets, the television, the lamp, anywhere except at Tao.
"Hey," Tao called softly. Sehun's eyes snapped up. "You forgot what we were going to do to you today."
Sehun squinted at him, confused. Jongin caught on and smiled slightly. "See, this why you're a dumbass."
"What? What was it?" Sehun asked, looking a little bit like his old self.
Tao stepped forward, folding his thigh on the bed to get close to Sehun's ear.
Sehun's eyes light up but then frowned. "Shit, I forgot about that. I should have waited till tomorrow then."
Tao seized Sehun's thin wrists in his palms and held his hands against his chest. "Sehun, promise me you'll never do this again."
Sehun looked at Jongin, eyes wide and terrified. Jongin came up and loosened Tao's grip, but didn't completely pull his hands away.
Sehun looked between them and bent his head forward. "I'm sorry."
"No," Jongin told him, lifting his chin so that he was obligated to look at him. "Don't apologize. We are in this shit together, stop trying to find a way out. I don't want any more excuses. You're coming to work at the Jungle Cat."
"But Jongin-"
"No, I don't give a shit if your dad's friends all go there. You'll wear a mask, I don't care, but we're going to keep an eye on you until you demonstrate to us that you won't do it again."
Sehun pulled Jongin close and breathed in the scent of last night on him. "I don't want you guys to have to worry about me anymore."
Tao scoffed. "And killing yourself is going to make us feel better? Sehun," Tao sat on the bed this time and held his face, "we need you as much as you need us. We all need each other to survive. If you left, we'd fall apart. Please, come work with us. You don't have to have sex with anyone you don't want to. We can ask Chanyeol if you can wait tables."
Sehun looked at their faces as if he were looking at them for the first time. Jongin thought this was probably the most he'd been sober in a while. "Why are our lives so shit?"
Tao leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Sehun's, then Jongin joined in slowly. "These are the lives we've got," Tao repeated from last year when they'd been in the same situation and he hoped this time, Sehun would listen.
Side Taohun backstory