(no subject)
“ blurry memories of us ”
Lost. Richard Alpert, Jacob. Jacob/Richard.
G through PG-13. Spoilers through season six.
50 sentences for 1sentence, theme set Delta.
Author's note: Title taken from "Sparks" by Röyksopp. edit-- gj self posting the version that wasn't polished. ctrl+x is not your friend. Everything should be fixed now!
01. Air:
He was drowning, suffocating, Jaocb submerging him again and again-only this time it was the submerging (the kisses), not the gasps of air, that proved he was alive.
02. Apples:
Richard was mesmerized by the way Jacob ate his food, the way his lips wrapped around the surface of a fruit; and Jacob knew this, too, for that was the only reason why he was eating that apple so slowly.
03. Beginning:
A touch that lingered too long, a call for attention laced with desire-Jacob wrapped his hand around Ricardo's (for he was Ricardo, then, before the identity became too inconvenient), pulling him close with a touch more human than divine.
04. Bugs:
He laughed at the other immortal (couldn't believe a man as old as Jacob wasn't used to bugs crawling over his bare feet), not knowing Jacob played up disgust just to get a reaction.
05. Coffee:
They ask him how he is and he says he's fine, not saying that just the other day he had stared at the menu of some chain coffee shop wondering what sickeningly sweet, childish drinks Jacob would order if he were there.
06. Dark:
Comments about his eyelashes bore him unless they come from Jacob, who stares at them more often than not.
07. Despair:
Nobody knows him well enough to forgive his delayed grief; so he counts it as yet another sin, a sign he didn't love Jacob enough rather than a consequence of chaos.
08. Doors:
The DHARMA home Richard lived in (alone, a luxury of seniority) had one perpetually unlocked door: in the back, facing the uncultivated back yard often disturbed by the silent, bare feet of the island's protector.
09. Drink:
Ricardo had asked Jacob where the wine he had given him came from only to learn, unhelpfully, that the wine was “very aged.”
10. Duty:
Later, when feelings had matured and relationships settled, doing his job became as close to fulfilling a vow to Jacob as Richard could get.
11. Earth:
It was just an idle fantasy-finding land to cultivate, building a farm, returning to his simpler roots and inviting Jacob to be with him-that could never come to fruition due to the urgency of their work.
12. End:
He walked away from the statue that afternoon assuming, as he always had, that he would see Jacob some time in the near future, that they would encounter each other by surprise in the forest, that he would slip inside his tent while the others were sleeping, that Richard would travel to the statue once more-that he would see Jacob again, alive and breathing, and not as a pile of ashes in some strange woman's bag.
13. Fall:
Richard could count on one hand the number of times they had been off-island together, two men who were nothing but lies in this world that had falling, colored leaves and cool, crisp air they both breathed in as they walked in silence down the road, pretending to be without hierarchy or cause.
14. Fire:
Night had fallen while Ricardo and Jacob sat around the fire, Jacob still reluctant to invite Ricardo into his home but grinning, just a little, as he looked across the fire to see someone sitting there: someone who didn't mind his company, someone who did not remind him of the mistakes of his past-someone who did not want to kill him.
15. Flexible:
“I thought you said you'd try everything once,” Jacob grumbled, knowing nothing he did or said would convince Richard to perform an act even Jacob was doubtful he could do.
16. Flying:
All it took was once glance out the window-recalling a moment he had shared with Jacob, staring up at the sky-to tell him the past wouldn't wait for Richard to disembark the plane before it caught up with him.
17. Food:
Richard was otherwise a competent cook, but nerves were the fault for the accidental near-arson committed while attempting to make dinner for a surprise guest, nearly undermining that guest's attempts to sneak into the barracks, undetected.
18. Foot:
“Did you know there's a hole in the roof?” Richard asked, pointing to the ceiling of Jacob's foot-shaped home.
19. Grave:
He had satisfied his curiosity about the caves; unsurprisingly, Jacob told him nothing about the skeletons he found there, just as Jacob had never told him why he suggested avoiding those caves to begin with.
20. Green:
He meant what he said to Locke, that the scenery of the island never stopped being beautiful; what he did not say was that it became more beautiful when viewed with someone who had been on the island much longer, who was still rendered breathless by the view (so long as it recalled no painful memories).
21. Head:
Jacob's finger lightly traced the contours of Richard's cheek, hand retracting quickly when Richard's eyes opened, groggily; he had forgotten how light a sleeper Richard was.
22. Hollow:
“I actually thought the structure of the statue was stronger, but your ship proved that wrong.”
23. Honor:
There was no honor or dignity in having your partner (your leader, and the bane of your existence) pin you down and tickle you until you couldn't breathe; there was only relief that he had done so in his foot and not in the middle of camp.
24. Hope:
Jacob was the closest thing he had to God these days; as such, he admired Jacob's unwavering belief in the goodness of mankind in the hopes he could find absolution in Jacob's optimism.
25: Light:
There were times when Richard, approaching Jacob's statue, and finding him staring towards the ocean, could not resist running his fingers through the other man's hair; and so he did, knowing Jacob's response would be (jokingly, because Richard knew he loved the sensation), “You could've just said hello.”
26. Lost:
Richard would not indulge Jacob's speculation on how their lives would be on TV on account of Jacob having never seen a single television show.
27. Metal:
The dagger represented a fatal argument Richard wished not to involve himself in any further; he was all too happy to leave it at the Temple, to let someone else determine the fate of the gods.
28. New:
To say he had never looked at anyone the way he looked at Ricardo would be a lie, but the beliefs of his mother and brother had made it hard for him to desire another person, as a person, as much as he desired Ricardo.
29. Old:
Richard always complained that his face never matched his age, as if that would make Jacob remove his immortality-as if Jacob didn't feel the same way about himself.
30. Peace:
The ocean breeze played Richard's hair against Jacob's neck as they reclined by rock near the water, Richard's head resting against Jacob's chest, his eyes closed, his breathing deep.
31. Poison:
He hands Jacob the vial of poison, says he drank it all, said it did nothing, then looks at Jacob with tired, bitter, angry eyes and thanks him for his gift.
32. Pretty:
He tells Richard he's the most beautiful man in the world and he means that, even if he hasn't stopped looking at other people, even though his relationship with Richard has made him more open to having relationships with other people.
33. Rain:
The rain that had fallen on the day he saw Jacob last seemed, these days, more melodramatic than as inopportune as he had thought at the time.
34. Regret:
It really was foolish of him to think the man in black couldn't hurt Jacob so long as he didn't have the dagger.
35. Roses:
The bouquet was the first thing he saw as he walked into his hotel room-unsurprising, considering its absurd size-and it didn't surprise Richard at all, knowing who else was off-island, knowing, too, that that person had an odd sense of humor.
36. Secret:
So many of the things Ben told him now Jacob had heard hiding in Richard's bedroom, listening as Ben launched into yet another litany of complaints that had dragged Richard out of bed late at night.
37. Snakes:
“I just don't understand how you can say you aren't afraid of snakes when you tried to shoot one without looking at it, Richard.”
38. Snow:
The island was thousands of miles away from New York City, too far away for Richard to feel the same flakes of snow falling on Jacob's face in Central Park-too far for Jacob to throw at Richard the same snowballs the boys ahead were throwing at each other.
39. Solid:
He envies that Kate and Sawyer saw Jacob before he vanished forever, because they hadn't anything to say to Jacob like he did, hadn't needed to beg forgiveness for oversight like he did.
40. Spring:
He pities Jacob for a number of reasons; today, which the calendar indicates is March 20, Richard pities Jacob for having never seen the steady growth from death to life that marked the progression of spring.
41. Stable:
That Richardus missed his wife was something that could not be helped; that he missed his horse and spoke of it often was not something Jacob could understand and thus provided him with no excuses with which to push his irritation away.
42. Strange:
Richard never knew how old Jacob was until he told him in an effort to highlight that it wouldn't be that odd for Richard to be involved with a mortal, not when a man as old as Jacob was involved with a man as young as Richard.
43. Summer:
“There aren't any seasons here, Richardus; the island moves so often in its location that what you think is summer could actually be winter.”
44. Taboo:
He looks into Jacob's eyes, runs his hands through his straw-colored hair, feels his lips press against everything, everywhere, and knows Jacob is the sum total of every fear he's had about himself long before he found legitimacy in marriage.
45. Ugly:
The result of idle speculation about Ricardo's appearance left Jacob frustrated by his lack of shaving utensils.
46. War:
Never had Jacob been more inclined to despise the nature of man than when he witnessed the toll his followers' violence took on Richard's soul.
47. Water:
In the quiet respites of their relationship, Richard liked to amuse himself with the memory of their first encounter: how they had both tried to kill each other, how they both had failed-how they both came to be here now, laying side by side, feeling each other's breath, keeping each other alive.
48. Welcome:
Here, it was understood why Richard was with someone else; why Jacob was alone; why, though they were not together as they had been in life, they still shared a tight embrace that acknowledged what they had been, what they had felt-what was understood, here, where love was the only constant.
49. Winter:
He sat on the floor, in front of the fire, listening to the winter winds whip around the house he planned to die in, imagining that Jacob was sitting next to him with his arms around his shoulder-a preferably fantasy than the reality of the nothingness that surrounded him.
50. Wood:
“I'm not sure if this place is more or less practical than your foot,” Richard said, frowning at the ratty interior of the cabin-but noting that it, at least, did not have a hole in the roof.