098.001 - July 10, 2012 Resolution
It's one of these again.
I finally feel that the reparations I was supposed to pay have finally been resolved. Blood has completed its damage, partly by enacting all the subsequent damages as need. The person I aspired to be, in the format that it was, has acceded to those who are more in charge, and I can return to building the sort of life that I want for myself again. The distance has been completed, and the spacing has returned, whether I truly wanted it or not.
We innovated a lot during this subera. We outlined that a person can be fully capable of performing an act of systemic hate without any intention of carrying personal hate, and that such acts still licensed the appropriate reactions due to a hate act. We delineated what is meant by needs, wants, and rights. We really stepped up the game on conflict resolution. Life is actually much easier now.
Furthermore, we gained the stability that I have always wanted. You see, my friends, my job, my home, and my blood relations have all stabilized over the past 6 months. By settling out how I work out how my innermost circle worked--while getting some nice two-for-ones in the process--I am able to finally turn my attention to the stuff I want to do: social theory and World of Shards.
With that goal stated, the next subera is to focus on what makes things stable. These things are a bit unexpected. They are to keep a community hobby related to my interests (two actually: Magic and Exalted), continue to work on World of Shards, enact my Kyriarchy/Activist Divorce as my Others goal, space other Factors that seek to seep into my issues, and to rectify raw spots within my inner circle (home, with certain circles of friends, and with my relationship) so that I can breathe again.
Since I am no longer overwhelmed by possibility, fantasy, and an onslaught of problems, I can simply take the task the challenges at hand. I am going to have the World of Shards playtest very soon (next month!). I will try to continue my slow entry into Magic. I will continue to try out new boardgames as I try to remind myself why tabletop is a very compelling medium. I will continue to flesh out my world-building and try to come up with new ways for people to see themselves.
The keyword for the next subera is routine. Those who seek to oppress me are those who strip my control away from me, by doing things without consent, or imposing on me situations where it is far more detrimental to rid myself of the detriment than to feel violated and unwanted. Thus, I have set schedules for Magic. I have set schedules for World of Shards. I will plan outings. I have intended weekly routines for my inner circle. I will place my family in a certain timing schedule too.
I can only handle as much as I have, and I've been forced to deal with situations beyond my control because they're my so-called "responsibility." This includes yesterday, when my phone got stolen and I had to tack on $100 for the insurance deductible. Thus, now that the stuff I should be dealing with is finally on track, I'm shoving off everything that isn't want I should be dealing with. If people get offended by that, they can suck it. I know who I'm responsible towards, and for the first time in forever (perhaps ever), I can actually directly interact towards whom I am responsible rather than have to sort through some sort of middle management.
Thank you for everyone who has been patient with me during this really hard time, a time where I almost lost myself several times. To those of you in past times who told me to suck it up, get the fuck out of my life and don't talk to me.
It's time for me to figure out what to integrate so that I can make World of Shards the success that it deserves. For you Portland drama-types, there's a reason why my SC friends really want it to succeed: it is a really rich setting with nice possibilities. Stop scoffing at me because I won't succumb to your high-maintenance lifestyle. Or better yet, just get out of my face. I'm not going to pay you with attention if it won't make the game a success, and especially when the success doesn't involve nerds.
Yes, that's right, a game without nerds. Go figure.
My creativity has been stifled too long by people who don't believe I should be allowed to be creative because it's not their creativity. Once you understand what that meaning of oppression is, then you can better understand just why I am so hostile to the Portland nerd community (again).
Thanks.
I finally feel that the reparations I was supposed to pay have finally been resolved. Blood has completed its damage, partly by enacting all the subsequent damages as need. The person I aspired to be, in the format that it was, has acceded to those who are more in charge, and I can return to building the sort of life that I want for myself again. The distance has been completed, and the spacing has returned, whether I truly wanted it or not.
We innovated a lot during this subera. We outlined that a person can be fully capable of performing an act of systemic hate without any intention of carrying personal hate, and that such acts still licensed the appropriate reactions due to a hate act. We delineated what is meant by needs, wants, and rights. We really stepped up the game on conflict resolution. Life is actually much easier now.
Furthermore, we gained the stability that I have always wanted. You see, my friends, my job, my home, and my blood relations have all stabilized over the past 6 months. By settling out how I work out how my innermost circle worked--while getting some nice two-for-ones in the process--I am able to finally turn my attention to the stuff I want to do: social theory and World of Shards.
With that goal stated, the next subera is to focus on what makes things stable. These things are a bit unexpected. They are to keep a community hobby related to my interests (two actually: Magic and Exalted), continue to work on World of Shards, enact my Kyriarchy/Activist Divorce as my Others goal, space other Factors that seek to seep into my issues, and to rectify raw spots within my inner circle (home, with certain circles of friends, and with my relationship) so that I can breathe again.
Since I am no longer overwhelmed by possibility, fantasy, and an onslaught of problems, I can simply take the task the challenges at hand. I am going to have the World of Shards playtest very soon (next month!). I will try to continue my slow entry into Magic. I will continue to try out new boardgames as I try to remind myself why tabletop is a very compelling medium. I will continue to flesh out my world-building and try to come up with new ways for people to see themselves.
The keyword for the next subera is routine. Those who seek to oppress me are those who strip my control away from me, by doing things without consent, or imposing on me situations where it is far more detrimental to rid myself of the detriment than to feel violated and unwanted. Thus, I have set schedules for Magic. I have set schedules for World of Shards. I will plan outings. I have intended weekly routines for my inner circle. I will place my family in a certain timing schedule too.
I can only handle as much as I have, and I've been forced to deal with situations beyond my control because they're my so-called "responsibility." This includes yesterday, when my phone got stolen and I had to tack on $100 for the insurance deductible. Thus, now that the stuff I should be dealing with is finally on track, I'm shoving off everything that isn't want I should be dealing with. If people get offended by that, they can suck it. I know who I'm responsible towards, and for the first time in forever (perhaps ever), I can actually directly interact towards whom I am responsible rather than have to sort through some sort of middle management.
Thank you for everyone who has been patient with me during this really hard time, a time where I almost lost myself several times. To those of you in past times who told me to suck it up, get the fuck out of my life and don't talk to me.
It's time for me to figure out what to integrate so that I can make World of Shards the success that it deserves. For you Portland drama-types, there's a reason why my SC friends really want it to succeed: it is a really rich setting with nice possibilities. Stop scoffing at me because I won't succumb to your high-maintenance lifestyle. Or better yet, just get out of my face. I'm not going to pay you with attention if it won't make the game a success, and especially when the success doesn't involve nerds.
Yes, that's right, a game without nerds. Go figure.
My creativity has been stifled too long by people who don't believe I should be allowed to be creative because it's not their creativity. Once you understand what that meaning of oppression is, then you can better understand just why I am so hostile to the Portland nerd community (again).
Thanks.