Cold Fusion: Twelve Days, Ch 6 (Part 2)
The plan is to drive straight through the rest of the way to San Francisco-they do a pretty good job of sticking to that plan, too, though Megamind is privately considering another road trip in the future without a set destination in mind. Or, if they have a destination, no time constraint. That would probably be more fun than going a bunch of places and then having to leave before they're ready.
Shortly after making it through the Sacramento traffic, Roxanne's phone starts ringing. At this point, she's the one in the driver's seat, so Megamind is the one who glances at the caller ID and answers the phone.
"Wait, who is it?" Roxanne asks belatedly, but he's already talking, grinning broadly.
"You've reached the reporter and the physicist, guess which one this is!"
Her eyes go wide. "Is that my brother?"
"Hey, great to hear from you, how are things? …Yeah, we're only about an hour out according to the GPS."
She squawks and grabs at him with one hand. "Give me the phone!"
He leans away, smirking. "Focus, Roxanne, you're driving! No, I…what? Oh." He puts his hand over the mouthpiece and hisses, "It's for me, anyway!" so that she'll stop batting at his elbow. "Hmm. Is this for that freelance project you mentioned a while back? …No no, I completely understand." He pauses. "Yeah, sure I'll try and help, it would be nice if you could get home early. Ssso." He slouches down in his seat and puts on his thinking face, the studiously blank one where his eyes flick back and forth like he's reading something. "Trying to block individual neurotransmitters is going to be really hard; if your client wants a drug that works quickly you're going to need some kind of catch-all and, frankly, I don't know if that's even possible-
He blinks and sits up a little. "No, I know you know that's the problem, I'm just-oh for the love of Albert, will you shut up for just a second, I'm trying to-what?" He's quiet for a moment, frowning in thought as Drew explains. "Okay. Okay. Have you tried inhibiting the calcium channels?"
This time, Drew's voice is clearly audible: "Course I have, dumbass."
"Right, of course-give me a minute." He massages the bridge of his nose and shuts his eyes.
There's a pause. Only a few seconds, but Megamind's brain covers a lot of ground in just a few seconds and it's almost the same as a minute, kind of. Megamind-to-human-standards conversions are fairly subjective.
"Well, how about reducing the connectivity of the synaptic vesicles?" he asks. "That might work. What?" He frowns. "Wait, why not?"
Roxanne, who has been listening to this one-sided exchange with some amusement, suddenly does a double-take and looks over at him in surprise. He'd been wrong? He'd been wrong about science? It shouldn't be so surprising; Megamind isn't exactly specialized in neurobiology, but still, she isn't used to him being wrong about science at all.
He's curled up against the window now with the phone clutched against his face and his index finger jammed in his other ear, scowling into nothing, his eyes flicking rapidly back and forth as though reading some invisible text document floating in midair. And then he says the impossible: "No, I don't see, explain it again and explain it better. Because if it isn't that, then I don't know what the problem-lissencephaly isn't something you can just induce temporarily-" He breaks off, blinking, and then his features contort and he actually hisses into the phone. "Oh shut up, I'm a physicist, not a neurobiologist, what did you expect? Just because mine is bigger doesn't mean I need to know how it works, so get down off your intellectual high horse and-several more than you, that's for damn sure. Yes, several." He suddenly looks guilty. "N-no, I didn't just hiss at you, don't be silly.
"Look, can we focus, here?" he asks desperately. "What about the usual monoamines? It's a little obvious, I admit, but norepinephrine, histamine, serotonin, haven't you tried those yet?"
He listens for a second, then throws his free hand into the air in consternation. "What do you mean, 'he has to remain conscious'? You're trying to temporarily limit cognitive activity, of course he's going to pass out! Hey, don't blame me, this is so far from any of my areas of expertise it's not even funny. But you really weren't kidding, this one's a real dwoozy." He bites his lip, and Roxanne can almost see the wheels turning in his brain.
When he finally speaks again, he sounds slower, almost uncertain. "Maybe we're thinking about this wrong. Maybe…maybe we need to be looking at the bigger picture. What about…could you do something with the postsynaptic density?" He sounds very tentative about this. "Make it…less dense, or something? I don't even know how something like that would work, but…" Then his expression clears and he sits up straighter. "Oh! Good! Well, try it then and let me know how it goes. Okay. Yes, I'm glad I could help too. Hurry and get home, I want to see you."
He closes her phone and stares at it.
"Well," Roxanne says into the silence that follows, "that sounded productive!"
Megamind's voice is low and utterly serious. "Your brother is far more intelligent than I gave him credit for." He looks over at her. "We're going to have to be careful."
"Sweetie, if you'd ever studied neuroscience you would have thought of a solution like that," she reminds him. "He's not smarter than you."
"You think that's what I'm worried about?" He grins grimly. "Roxanne, nobody is smarter than me. But that was the first intellectually two-way scientific conversation I've had with a human since Uncle Dexter overdosed."
"Does this mean I'm no longer the smartest person you know?"
"You'll always be the smartest person I know," he tells her with an involuntary little smile. "There's more to smarts than just book learning. But my point is, he's really smart, and I might say or do something that could tip him off to who I am."
She tries not to laugh, but only succeeds in turning it into a snort. Megamind blinks, surprised. "Oh, hon. Even if he does figure it out, which I don't think he will because he's never been really serious about us ending up together, it was all just teasing, it's not like he's going to say anything to my mom about it. He's not a total idiot."
Megamind fidgets. Logically, he knows she's right. From his correspondence with Drew, he's learned that the man actually holds him in fairly high esteem. But respecting a blue, badly-proportioned alien intellectually from a distance isn't the same as learning that he's dating your sister, and he says as much to Roxanne.
"Listen, this sounds like it's really bothering you," she says, her lips twitching, "but it really doesn't have to. Drew is even more romantically colorblind than I am."
"But I'm an alien," he says flatly. "Are you seriously telling me that won't affect his view of me at all?"
"If it does, it'll be points in your favor," she replies. "You won't be the first outworlder to show up for dinner on the arm of a Ritchi. Ganeesh was even less human-looking than you."
"Ganeesh?" He blinks several times, very rapidly. "Wait, Ganeesh ku Aea?"
"Why do you think I've always been so surprised that my mother seems to hate you because of your heritage?" she asks, ignoring the way that his eyes are bugging out of his head. "It doesn't make sense at all. She was fine with Gan."
He stares. "Th-they're not outworlders, they're native to…hold on, you met an amphibious tentaculon."
"Yeah, ku was nice. Very polite. A little on the slimy side, but that was to be expected." She tries not to smirk, but it's not every day that she gets to shock Megamind so completely.
"And not just any amphibious tentaculon. You met the most influential non-human researcher on this planet and you never told me?"
"Shame it didn't work out," she says mildly. "Drew's never been one for long-distance relationships and since humans can't survive the water pressure in Challenger Deep and tentaculae tend to desiccate if landed for too long…"
"No, you don't understand," Megamind says urgently, "I had a long correspondence with kin Dval-one of ku Aea's fellow researchers-back in the day. Most of it was formal, strictly business, I was worried about the ethical dilemmas inherent in creating intelligent machines. But anyway, kin said I was young and should be focusing on finding a suitable mate and I made some crack about my physical appearance, and kin mentioned at one point that a friend of kirs had been seeing a human male named Andrew despite the species and gender differences. You have got to be kidding me. He's that Drew?"
She shrugs. "It's a small world. Amoral, irritatingly hyper-competent beings tend to find each other. You're missing the point, though-the point is, my brother honestly isn't going to care where you're from as long as you have a brain in your head and a decent sense of humor. And you have both of those!"
It's Megamind's turn to snort. "I was not under the impression that his sense of humor is 'decent.'"
"I don't get his jokes very often, so I wouldn't know." She shrugs. "Either way, you've got a really strong ally there. My dad is another possible ally, if he shows up."
"I don't want it to be the four of us ganging up on your mom, though," he complains. "That'll come across like I'm trying to pit her family against her. And between you and me, I think that's what she's really worried about."
She bites her lip. "I suppose that's possible. She's mentioned a few times that my uncle was abducted by aliens when she was a little girl, so…it would make sense."
"Especially since they're twins," he adds. "I'm told there's often some kind of special connection there."
"What?" Roxanne blinks. "Oh-no, not Uncle Eric. Rodland, their older brother."
Megamind goes very still. "I was not aware that Rodland and Eric Allbright were related," he says faintly. And it's a good thing that little fact didn't show up in the background check, he thinks. "That's. Interesting."
She peers at him, curious, then has to look back at the road. "Something wrong?"
He bites his lip, closes his eyes. Frowns hard and shakes himself. Get it together. This is destiny; there's no other explanation for all these coincidences. When he speaks, he sounds completely calm. "No," he assures her. "Nothing's wrong. I was just surprised, I didn't know you two were related. He's, what…Under Secretary of Homeland Security for Science and Technology, right?"
"Oh!" She looks over at him, then back at the road. "Oh, I didn't think-do you know him?"
"No," he says quickly, glad that she's driving and can't spend too much time looking at his face. Destiny or not, he is very much startled and worried and not sure if he's hiding it very well. "No, we've never met. Is that how your parents met, though? Does your father work with him?"
She half-smiles. "Yeah, actually, it is," she exclaims. "How'd you guess?"
"The government isn't that big a place," he says dully. "People tend to know each other."
"Huh," she says.
There's a long pause. Roxanne isn't focusing on the silence or Megamind, she's thinking about how she's almost home for the second time in as many months after several years of not seeing her family. It's going to be stressful, but she can't help but be a little excited.
"Do you think she'll realize it's me?" he asks after a while. "Do you think she'll figure it out on her own?"
Roxanne shrugs. "That's possible. Anything's possible. I doubt it, though; I don't think it would occur to her that I would go so far as to date you."
"Perhaps not." He shakes himself and turns to scowl out the window. "I just wish I knew what her motivations are."
She snorts. "Her motivations are, she hates you. Simple."
"Yes, but why?" he persists. "Why does she hate me so much?"
"Sweetie, you made a career out of aiming missiles at her daughter's head," Roxanne reminds him patiently. "I'd probably hate you, too."
He huffs. "You're a lot of help."
"Well, what she doesn't understand is that I made a career out of you aiming missiles at my head, too. Anyway, we're almost there now," she says with loads of false cheer. "I guess we'll find out soon enough."
Megamind slumps. "Joy."
0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0
The house doesn't look very imposing from the front-it looks almost hilariously normal, compared to what Megamind is are used to. White siding, blue trim, blue door with a wreath. It has a spacious front porch, and when Roxanne finally pulls up to the curb Megamind can see a man with an unexpectedly long ponytail lounging on one of the chairs. His head is thrown back, limbs sprawling in every direction. He appears to be sleeping.
This is it, he thinks, wishing he were anywhere else, but it's too late; Roxanne is already out the door, the keys in her hand. He can't really blame her. As much as he's worried about the upcoming week, he's anxious to be out of the car.
The man on the porch sits bolt upright when Roxanne crawls out of the passenger seat and slams the door behind her.
"Anne!" he exclaims, bounding out of his chair. Megamind blinks and squints; he really hadn't expected to see the beard. Or for Drew's nose to be quite…that shape, whatever that shape is.
Roxanne turns. "Andie!" she cries, and races up the steps and flings herself into hug that makes the tall man stumble back, laughing.
He scowls at her, trying to ignore the dark-haired man climbing slowly out of the car on the street and mostly succeeding, though his gaze does flicker in that direction a couple of times. "I told you not to call me that."
"And I told you not to call me Anne, but you never listen. I see you still haven't shaved." Roxanne laughs. "Listen, I'd like you to meet-"
"Hold it." Drew lets go of Roxanne and stands at the top of the stairs with his arms folded and a stern expression on his face. Megamind blinks up at him, then down at his hands to make sure they're still reassuringly pink. They are.
Drew's eyes narrow. "So, chemical superagents and supervillains. This one agent, (O-O)7," he begins, and Megamind blinks a few times, "he gets caught by the nefarious evil genius, Dr. Nitrogen Monoxide, who's set a trap for him. Our hero finds himself stuck in a piece of white cotton. He calls out, 'Do you expect me to talk, NO,' and Dr. NO replies-?" Here, Drew stops and waits expectantly.
Megamind frowns warily, then grins, knife-sharp. "No, Mr. Dye," he calls, and Drew beams and bounces eagerly on the balls of his feet. "I expect you to bond."
Roxanne peers from one to the other. "What are you two on?"
Behind his sunglasses, Megamind raises an eyebrow. "Science."
Drew skips down the steps, two at a time, hand already outstretched. "Drew Ritchi. You must be Pavel."
Megamind laughs and shakes his hand. "It really is a pleasure to finally make your acquaintance."
"Are you two going to be like this the whole time?" Roxanne calls down from the porch, hands on her hips.
He glances up at her, slipping off his sunglasses and putting them in his pocket. "We'll try not to be totally incomprehens-eeble the whole time."
"Speak for yourself. But anyway," Drew says, bouncing again, unable to contain the broad grin splitting his face, "it's good to finally meet you too, Pavel."
Megamind looks up at him sharply, sees the grin, recognizes it for what it means. His mouth falls open. "What, seriously?"
Drew laughs and jerks his head towards the house. Megamind follows him up the steps, feigning outrage the whole way. "I don't believe this. How long?"
Drew is still laughing, shaking his head. "Oh, like I didn't know who the caffeine was for! Dude, everybody knows what your coffee intake is like, you think people didn't notice when you stopped drinking so much?"
Roxanne reaches between them as they come onto the porch and grabs her brother by the elbow. "Does Mom know?"
He grimaces. "She-ee. Suspects? I really don't know; I've tried not to talk to her about it too much-you know how she gets. Sorry, man, the eyes and voice are going to be a huge tip-off."
Megamind looks at Roxanne. "Disguise watch on or off?"
She stares at him. "You're asking me?"
"I'm asking you," he says firmly. "You know her best. Which will make a better impression: trying to hide, or facing her?"
"Nothing you do is going to make a good impression," Roxanne protests, but Drew interrupts.
"My advice? Face her, watch off." Megamind and Roxanne look at him. He shrugs. "She won't see it as bravery-at best, she'll call you stupid or naïve, at worst she'll say you were too ashamed to even try to hide, but you can phrase it to your advantage and use it against her when she finally snaps later on."
Megamind nods once and moves to turn off the disguise, but Roxanne grabs his wrist. "Wait."
"What? Is he wrong?"
She hesitates, then reluctantly lets her hand fall to her side. "No, just…"
Slowly, Megamind lets go of the watch. "You're right. It doesn't sit well with me, either." Then he turns and faces the house, squares his shoulders. "So we'll do this my way. Theatrics."
His determined pose might have been impressive if Drew hadn't sniffed and rubbed at his beard-which really is longer than it has any right be; Megamind will have to ask him about that-and said, "Oh, sure. That'll go over real well."
He pauses and deflates a little. "You don't think it's a good idea?"
Drew looks to Roxanne. "Is he dramatic with you? Crowing and dancing?"
"Not usually."
"If you're going to tell me to be myself, save it," Megamind warns. "That's never worked for me."
Drew smirks. "Well, I don't know about that one. My sister is pretty picky."
Roxanne slips an arm around Megamind's waist, and he flushes slightly. "Ah. Yes."
"It's up to you, sweetie," she murmurs, trying to hide the fact that her stomach is churning with anxiety. "Keep it on, or take it off."
Megamind is silent for a long moment, then shakes his head. "Let's keep it on for now. I'd like to try and get a feel for her, first." He shoots a nervous glance up at Drew. "Do you think that's okay?"
"Hey man, don't look at me. It's a powder keg no matter what you do." He bumps the smaller man gently with his elbow, trying for reassuring. "But hey! You've already got me and Roxie on your side, right? That's gotta count for something, right?"
"I'm fairly certain Roxanne doesn't count, in this instance," Megamind mutters. But he sighs and nods. "Well, then, let's do this."
Perfect timing; that's just when the door swings open and a woman with iron-grey hair appears behind the screen. "Well, are you three going to stand out there jawing all night or do I get to say hello, too?"
Drew spins on his heels, his usual sunny smile plastered across his face as his mother comes out and gives Roxanne a warm hug. "Ma, look, I found a nerd!"
"So I see." Linda Ritchi is smaller than her daughter is and she has none of Roxanne's curves, but when she pulls away and turns to look at Megamind he sees that the facial resemblance is striking regardless. Her eyes are brown instead of blue, though. "I probably ought to be nervous about a week with two scientists in the house, but," a smile softens the lines of her face; she has Roxanne's smile and he feels a little bit better, "that's the first time I've heard anyone respond to one of Drew's jokes in kind. I suspect this week will be interesting for all of us. Well, let me look at you." Behind her, Roxanne rolls her eyes and Drew's shoulders shake with silent laughter.
Megamind stands very still, his heart pounding. The other two are making it obvious that this is something that's happened before, many times and is nothing to worry about, but Linda is the person he's really hoping to impress. It goes without saying that he's nervous as hell. He's also not used to prolonged eye contact, and the old woman isn't exactly looking him up and down; she's staring at his eyes like they hold the key to the universe.
It doesn't help his nerves that after a few seconds, Roxanne's smile fades and she says, "Mom?"
"Well, you're a snappy dresser, I'll give you that," Linda finally proclaims. Megamind relaxes slightly, though he has to wonder when she had noticed his clothes. "Come on inside, you both must be starving."
"I'm hungry too," Drew says, and Roxanne and Linda respond in unison, "You're always hungry."
Megamind blinks. Even the inflection is the same. Weird.
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