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[dallastwin]

The wall I had around my heart came crumbling down Sunday night faster than I could build it back up.  Two weeks after the second miscarriage I finally cried.  It was such a raw display of emotion for me.... so unexpected...  Ronnie just held me as I cried.

I had built up this wall with an automatic response of, "I'm fine."  I didn't cry with the

Comments

[jenbarbiedoll11]

Shelli, I just love you friend. And I'm so PROUD of you. Not for having an emotional breakdown, not even for not having one at first. But just for coming forward with it. For not only breaking the walls around yourself, but for sharing it with the rest of us. That takes so much strength. So, so much.

You and I talked so you know I've said this before, but you will have your day. I spoke with my friend Tracey the other day, who as you know is in your club, and she actually told me that once they discovered she had a clotting disorder, the rest was easy. She said the hardest part was the trauma of those first two miscarriages. Once they knew what it was, they fixed it. And as I told you, she has a beautiful baby boy. I hope, in a weird way, that it is a clotting disorder. We know how to fix that, and we know it can be successful. And Tracey is happy to talk with you if you need to share with someone who's been through it.

You are going to have your day. You are going to have your day. And you are going to be an amazing

[dallastwin]

I, too, hope in a weird way that I have a blood clotting disorder. At least it would be treatable.

Thanks for your wonderful response and for your continued support. It was therapeutic to my emotions on "paper," but even more therapeutic to hear from every one!

Hugs!

[sandy_williams]

:-(

Jenn's right: you do have many, many support groups. We all love you! She's much more eloquent than me, but if you need to vent, you can always email (and I can call if you want to talk!).

Don't listen to sad music too long.

*hugs*

[sandy_williams]

Thanks for the *hugs*!

Ya know, it'd be weird to chat with you on the phone because I don't think we've had a conversation on the phone other than coordinating get-togethers! You're so much cooler in person. :-)

[dallastwin]

Dang, that was me. I forgot to click the little "Log in?" box after I posted my previous comment.

[jackieduv]

I have been thinking of you for so long now, wondering what you were thinking and feeling and hoping you would want to talk about it. It's easy to feel alone when no one close to you is going through the exact same thing, but you are not. Although we can't completely understand your feelings, we can listen and cry with you. And once you figure out what the problem is, you will discover lots of other women who have had the same issues. Please call anytime you want to talk. Love you and Miss you dearly.

[dallastwin]

Love you and miss you, too!

[strikingflint]

Very sorry you and Ronnie are going through this. I know he doesn't blog, but give him our thoughts too.

Not knowing why it is happening is so hard. Being an engineering mind, I always want to know why and how to fix it. Maybe you are the same.

Hopefully the test will identify something that you can begin solving!

[dallastwin]

Thanks. It's nice to hear from the guy's perspective. I have to remind myself sometimes that I'm not the only one going through this and that my supportive husband needs me to be supportive as well.

I completely agree with you on having the engineering mind and wanting to know how to fix things. But alas, I'm an engineer, not a doctor, and so I have to leave things in their hands as well as God's.

[kas2662]

I'm so glad you grieved! You had been holding it together so well, I didn't want to talk to you about it since I thought you were putting on a "I'm fine" mask. Things will get better... I have faith!

Maybe someday you and I will be preggers at the same time. I know I'm weird but I think that would be fun.

[dallastwin]

Well, I was excited to be preggers at the same time as a few people, one being Emily, another a former co-worker of mine, and finally Jackie! But if you get preggers post-Hawaii as well, I can share with you, not them. :-)