Letter to all from the Frankity hermit fellah...
Dear world:
First off, let me kinda sorta apologize for being so consarned absent from the entire online scene for the last year or so. It's not you... it's me.
But seriously, folks...
I sometimes find myself missing pretty much ALL of you, you know? Seriously, every single one of you has a particular quality/fault/quirk that I have really come to admire/be jealous of/enjoy, and I totally and sincerely MISS said quality from each and every one of you [FRANK TANGENT™ : Can you guys actually guess which quality/fault/quirk about you that I admire? I'd love to see if you know my 'knowing' you as much as you may think you do! I double-dog-dares ya to tell me!]...
The last two years have been so... odd for me. So odd that I honestly wonder sometimes if I've forgotten who I am really supposed to be, or if I've just lost the ability to be myself, or if, well... if all the time I spent prior to graduating from three degrees really didn't count as Real Life™ *, which means by logical extension that I was never really really "me" until NOW...
Scary thought, huh?
But yeah...
Struggling to make ends meet and to keep my "family" afloat nowadays has really become my big raison d'être -- whether it be supporting myself and my darling Megs or any member of my immediate or extended faily.
But is that really who I am??
I mean -- and bear with me for a moment as I wax arrogant and prideful -- I know many of my skills and qualities. I know that perhaps chief among them I have the ability to learn and adapt to anything tossed my way. I know that I sometimes fool myself into thinking that I am wise enough to impart (flawed?) theory and idea to the masses or to people who are patient (or crazy?) enough to listen to my random ramblings...
I know that I tend to knowingly jump the line between genius and idiocy every chance I have... (and I know that I am impossibly arrogant to think of myself as either a genius or an idiot)
I know that I despite the vast amount of trust and confidence and appreciation and admiration and love and etc etc that I receive collectively from the world, I make it up as I go along, all the while projecting an image of wisdom and confidence...
I know that I know that I don't know...
So what the hell does any of that mean?
I dunno. I seem to be going through a lot more in the last two years than I have my entire life to date, and while I am surviving all of this, I can't help but wonder why it took so long for this flux and activity to pounce on me.
I can't help but wonder how much of what I go through is really just normal and I am simply fooling myself into thinking that I am special.
I can't help but wonder at how much time I spend wondering as opposed to the time I used to spend doing first and asking questions later...
I can't help wishing for some kind of "break" or "vacation" from all this, while full well knowing that I'd probably go mad if I wasn't constantly challenged on a minute-by-minute basis as I am now...
I can't help realizing how much I can ramble...
...which brings me to my next point:
I've been really busy for the last year or two.
How you doin'?
*not affiliated in any way with Greg Dean or Oreo milkshakes
First off, let me kinda sorta apologize for being so consarned absent from the entire online scene for the last year or so. It's not you... it's me.
But seriously, folks...
I sometimes find myself missing pretty much ALL of you, you know? Seriously, every single one of you has a particular quality/fault/quirk that I have really come to admire/be jealous of/enjoy, and I totally and sincerely MISS said quality from each and every one of you [FRANK TANGENT™ : Can you guys actually guess which quality/fault/quirk about you that I admire? I'd love to see if you know my 'knowing' you as much as you may think you do! I double-dog-dares ya to tell me!]...
The last two years have been so... odd for me. So odd that I honestly wonder sometimes if I've forgotten who I am really supposed to be, or if I've just lost the ability to be myself, or if, well... if all the time I spent prior to graduating from three degrees really didn't count as Real Life™ *, which means by logical extension that I was never really really "me" until NOW...
Scary thought, huh?
But yeah...
Struggling to make ends meet and to keep my "family" afloat nowadays has really become my big raison d'être -- whether it be supporting myself and my darling Megs or any member of my immediate or extended faily.
But is that really who I am??
I mean -- and bear with me for a moment as I wax arrogant and prideful -- I know many of my skills and qualities. I know that perhaps chief among them I have the ability to learn and adapt to anything tossed my way. I know that I sometimes fool myself into thinking that I am wise enough to impart (flawed?) theory and idea to the masses or to people who are patient (or crazy?) enough to listen to my random ramblings...
I know that I tend to knowingly jump the line between genius and idiocy every chance I have... (and I know that I am impossibly arrogant to think of myself as either a genius or an idiot)
I know that I despite the vast amount of trust and confidence and appreciation and admiration and love and etc etc that I receive collectively from the world, I make it up as I go along, all the while projecting an image of wisdom and confidence...
I know that I know that I don't know...
So what the hell does any of that mean?
I dunno. I seem to be going through a lot more in the last two years than I have my entire life to date, and while I am surviving all of this, I can't help but wonder why it took so long for this flux and activity to pounce on me.
I can't help but wonder how much of what I go through is really just normal and I am simply fooling myself into thinking that I am special.
I can't help but wonder at how much time I spend wondering as opposed to the time I used to spend doing first and asking questions later...
I can't help wishing for some kind of "break" or "vacation" from all this, while full well knowing that I'd probably go mad if I wasn't constantly challenged on a minute-by-minute basis as I am now...
I can't help realizing how much I can ramble...
...which brings me to my next point:
I've been really busy for the last year or two.
How you doin'?
*not affiliated in any way with Greg Dean or Oreo milkshakes