Dancing

[dancingguy]

In a couple of places, there have been threads / comments about dacning, getting dance partners, interactions between older males and "cute young things", etc. I'm going to comment here, and post likes elsewhere, so that I can get all my thoughts on this in one place.

1: Compliments.
A couple of people (purchasemonkey and corpsefairy come immediately to mind) have

Comments

[joreth]

Hi, I found my way here through the original journal that prompted this, and found my way there through a friend. I'm not part of this scene at all and therefore can't comment on it specifically

[joreth]

Also, as someone else pointed out, if I'm wearing some kind of exceptional outfit, such as one might wear to a convention or a vintage dance event, I'm probably wearing it to showcase the outfit, not put myself on display. So if one feels absolutely compelled to give me a compliment about my appearance, the one I'm looking for with my attire is the one about my attire.

It's true that women cannot expect men to not notice their bodies when they display them, and I don't think anyone is suggesting that men be completely oblivious. We're specifically talking about how men express their appreciation towards women, and complimenting our appearance is more likely to be the least-desired expression of that appreciation.

[dancingguy]

Welcome. So far as I can tell, I do not know you, and I definitely have no idea who you are, so I'm going to operate here under the premise that I don't know you.

1: Well, like I said in the original post, my question is not "what do you want to hear from a random stranger", it's "what do you want to hear from someone you know?"

1a: If your automatic response to someone you know telling you "you look good tonight" is one of suspicion and distrust, then I feel sorry for both you, and the people you know

2: As I said to Laura (targeter), if you've made the outfit, you're certainly going to enjoy getting praise for your skill.

3: However, if you haven't made the outfit, and you'd still rather that your friends complement the person who made it, rather than complement you for picking out a piece of clothing that looks good on you, then we're just going to have to stare at each other with a complete lack of comprehension

[joreth]

No, as far as I know, we've never met

[chuckles48]

Y'know, after 20+ years of watching the con crowd, I really find the whole "she's 15/16/17/18/19/20/whatever" game to be quite amusing to watch. Mostly it's just posturing.

Funny to watch, though.

[dancingguy]

Mostly. :-)
:-(

[terpsichoros]

Having heard that conversation among people who knew damn well that they wouldn't end up dating said person when they did turn 18, I wonder how much of that is basically gossip of the form "Guess how much trouble she's going to get into once she turns 18 and can legally date the guys she's been flirting with."

[chuckles48]

Actually, I find that most of the active flirters tend to know very well that once they turn 18, the rules change. They use being underage as date-proof armor - and it works quite effectively.

Which makes all the talk _about_ them mostly posturing, as I said.

[marianme]

For compliments I mostly prefer #1 because usually I've selected what I'm going to wear and think that it looks great and will have no problems immediately saying thank you and feeling good.

If I'm wearing a great dress, but think I look terrible or feel terrible and am complimented about how good I look, it'll cause some internal turmoil because I don't agree. I'll probably say thank you anyway to be civil, but I won't believe the compliment.

And even for people I do know, if someone says I look great, sometimes I wonder if they're trying to hit on me and that makes me wary and not as comfortable. There are several poly people at costumed venues and I don't always know who's dating who.

So the compliment that will make me feel the best is 1.

p.s. The Golden Rule of do unto others as you would have others do onto you sometimes fails miserably. Some people love being bitten, but I hate it. It's much more difficult but we would be more successful if we do unto others as they would like to be done.

[dancingguy]

The "Golden Rule" I follow is "do unto other's as you would have them do unto you, until you know how they like to be treated and / or how they treat others. After that, adjust."

If I'm wearing a great dress, but think I look terrible or feel terrible and am complimented about how good I look, it'll cause some internal turmoil because I don't agree. I'll probably say thank you anyway to be civil, but I won't believe the compliment.

That's too bad. Because I know you, so I can honestly say I think you're being too hard on yourself.

But I will note for future reference your preference.

[dancingguy]

BTW, thanks for posting user pics that actually make it possible for me to figure out who you are. :-)

[marianme]

Hey, considering that's your hand on my waist, if you didn't recognize me, maybe you'd recognize yourself. ;)

[kid_lit_fan]

1. Compliments.
The best compliment I EVER got on a costume was "You should always wear that color! It brings out the blue in your eyes and the gold in your hair!" I guess there are people who would think that she was trying to control me (I knew "You should always" was hyperbole, not an order) and objectify me. But. If the complimenter had said "Nice costume," I wouldn't remember her. I knew it was a nice costume, I designed it and had a talented costumer friend make it! I could see it when it was done! But I can never be 100% sure if I look as well in something as I hope/think I do

[dancingguy]

2. Dance Partners and 3 Getting Dance Partners

I'm much more willing to believe "> 40" has a hard time finding dancing partners than I'm willing to believe "> 25". I'm sorry it's true.

Many gentlemen have promised their dances

FWIW, I've been in the situation (mainly at Gaskells) where I have promised the current dance, turned down others because of it, and then given up and grabbed the next available partner because the one I promised the dance too hasn't showed up, and the dance has been going on for > 30 seconds.

It's been a while since I've been to Peers (and, with luck, I may never be there again. Nothing against Peers, I'm just trying to find a job outside the Bay Area, and once I get one, I don't plan on ever moving back), so I don't know what things are like there these days.

4. The whole jailbait thing
Hmm. Ah, well.

I'm going to have to utterly disagree with you on this:
And I've heard a (sexually charged) performance including 17-year-old girls catcalled "Jailbaaaait!" ("Woo!" or "Oh, baby!" or even "Take it OFF!"

[kid_lit_fan]

I would have a strong desire to beat the living shit out of any person who shouted "take it off" at her, esp. so long as she is under 18.Except that the women (and girls) were doing a striptease. A 1950's-style striptease down to underwear that covers more than most modern women wear on a warm summer day, but it was a striptease (why the girls were involved is between them and their parents

[dancingguy]

Except that the women (and girls) were doing a striptease. A 1950's-style striptease down to underwear that covers more than most modern women wear on a warm summer day, but it was a striptease (why the girls were involved is between them and their parents.)

Don't care. Would have been pissed at the PEERS organizers if I'd been there. Don't sell sex when you're under 18.

Not sure why a lot of men (not saying you) can't stomach the thought of dancing with an ancient, fat twenty-six year old who weighs 130*, but it feels that way.

You're describing my most recent ex-girlfriend (rather, describing what she was like when we met).

Note, you've read me wrong. That wasn't "130 is so big", that's "even someone so light as 130 gets heavy pretty quickly, when they don't help."