Just me venting and complaining... again
DAMN! I am so bitter about Leann leaving me.
This isn't a situation where we couldn't work-out our problems. This is where she never told me how she was feeling and then just decided that it is over. AND her feelings were un-justified. They were assuptions. This is her not seeing the big picture or the long-term.
I am also pissed at her new girlfriend. If she hadn't written Leann that "love letter" when she was drunk, then Leann might have talked and spent more time with me rather than developing a new infatuation. That is all it is. Just something "new". I just know that at some point this girl is not going to be able to keep-up with Leann's wants and needs (revenge will be mine, but it will be a revenge un-wanted).
WHY WON'T THE KNOTS IN MY STOMACH GO AWAY???
I made a big mistake of re-reading journal posts from 1997 (when we first met). Before I met Leann, there was a period where evilest_kitten and I had stopped seeing each other. BUT, I was so busy with other aspects of my life AND I had a reliable social netowrk to help me through this time.
Now, there is no dance team. There is no FDO. There is no WDL. And, I have no close friends to turn to. Yes, I know many of you are friends and care about me. You are appreciated; I can't thank you enough. But, I no longer have anyone with whom I have been socially intimate. I truly feel utterly alone.
The worst part is my age. Turning 40 next week. When I was by myself in my 20's and 30's there was always the concept of "someone will come along".
Who would want to start a new life and family with a middle aged man?
I squandered my life as a filanderer. Always a couple of maturity-steps behind all others.
It is time to give-up on my dreams, again.