[Lightbulb] broken! kanghyun
Title: Lightbulb
Pairing: broken! Kyuhyun x Kangin; implied Kangin x Yesung; implied Kyuhyun x Sungmin
Genre: Angst, romance
Rating: PG
Summary: Kyuhyun reflects on his unrequited love for Kangin. 2woon+ Kyumin. It's a tangled web of mess, Kyuhyun gets the bad end of it.
A/N: Postponed SJNM again~ :) Feeling angsty and my head hurted so I didn't want to write SJNM, apologies to readers for the lack of updates. I randomly asked three people to give me a character and here they are. Italics part based on a Cantonese song from Stephy Tang, so it's sort of a SONGFIC? One-shot~ish... not really edited. Comments are <3.
Kyuhyun developed a crush on Kangin pretty soon after he joined the group. Something about him just mesmerized Kyuhyun, making his heart beat faster and his stomach lurching uncomfortably, as he saw Kangin joke about on a variety show, throwing his head in loud bursts of laughter as his eyes curved into cute crescent shaped slits. His strong bold personality contrasted his own weaker, more mischievous state of mind. After a while, his feelings unconsciously developed further, their bond deepening as Kangin wrapped his arms around him on stage.
I love you.
Kyuhyun was too shy to approach him so he asked Yesung hyung to hangout together, generating more and more opportunities to see him outside of their idol life. Kyuhyun thought that having Yesung there would make it less awkward, since Yesung was pretty close with Kangin. Kyuhyun enjoyed spending time with them, every minute that deducted from his gaming made it twice as worthwhile if he got to see Kangin.
At first I had no intention in getting you two together. Now I’m both your best friends, gazing helplessly from the side…
Kangin and Yesung, they treasured Kyuhyun like no other, granting him whatever he wanted. The problem was they treasured him together. Kangin had even bought him a new laptop, later to Kyuhyun’s disappointment that it had been Yesung’s idea. Everytime Kyuhyun looked at the piece of technology, his heart sneered with disgust, jealousy blinding his eyes as he thought about trashing it.
Couldn’t you have at least lied to me…
Kyuhyun couldn’t take his mind off Kangin. He tried lying to himself but it never worked. Never.
All the rumours about Kyuhyun and Sungmin, or Sooyoung because he had called her on one of their radio shows, or even Seohyun simply because they were the magnaes of their respective groups, Kyuhyun had taken little interest except for the first.
Kyuhyun never denied the bit with Sungmin because it would hurt both of them. Sungmin was like a soul mate, someone you can turn to for anything. Someone you could cry your stress out, someone willing to lend you a shoulder, someone to have midnight chats with, someone for you to seek comfort in. Except that Kyuhyun had gone a bit too far...
Kyuhyun tried liking Sungmin, he honestly did try... but it just wasn’t there. It never was there to begin with, and after a while he realized it will never be there. He never told Sungmin because he knew Sungmin loved him unconditionally.
Leaving me all alone and helpless, was that the right thing to do?
During his accident, Kyuhyun had only seen glimpses of Kangin. The images whirled by so quickly Kyuhyun almost cried, begging them to slow down so he could get a last glimpse at Kangin before he left, his body feeling heavier and heavier. Splotches of his vision began turning white as Kyuhyun felt his mind going lighter and lighter.
Even today he doesn’t remember hearing Leeteuk’s voice calling out his name, or Eunhyuk and Shindong’s worried face hovering inches above his own. He only saw Kangin, Kangin’s voice calling out to him, telling him to stay strong. His dark eyes muddled with tears as he brushed Kyuhyun’s cheek, his touch electrocuting Kyuhyun back to his senses, making him fight for his life.
He still recalled everytime he would slip in and out of consciousness, his heart let down as he saw Ryeowook or Sungmin buried against his fragile body in the hospital, and even if he saw Kangin, Yesung was always there with him.
I should learn to accept it whole heartedly.
It was never meant to be. Just like Sungmin and him. It wasn’t that Kyuhyun had no feelings for Sungmin, like how he felt towards Sooyoung and Seohyun, it’s just that Kyuhyun wanted to be the weaker one in the relationship, the one being taken care of, the one being courted instead of being the pursuer…
Sometimes things don’t work out no matter how hard you try. But you should never give up, right? If Kyuhyun had given up, he wouldn’t be standing there right now. If Sungmin had given up, he and Kyuhyun would never have that many fans supporting ‘Kyumin’ (some fan name). If Kangin had given up, he wouldn’t even be with Yesung right now and if Yesung had given up, he wouldn’t even be an idol to begin with.
Can I ever admit that I purposely act as the lightbulb, hoping that one day you guys will break up, and I can easily enter in the relationship.
Kyuhyun still hung out with Kangin and Yesung, but he was never often the instigator like before. His hyungs would ask him to go out with them, for a coffee or a shopping spree, oblivious to Kyuhyun’s darker wishes.
I plaster on a kind mask, concealing my selfish wishes that you two would eventually break up, and maybe you will choose me.
Kyuhyun walked behind them, grimacing while Kangin swung the basket around happily. Yesung clung onto his right arm as if it was part of his own body. The two snuck glances at each other as they walked down the aisle, forgotten about Kyuhyun's presence whatsoever, as they shared a giggle. All three boys had a cap covering their eyes and scarves that covered the bottom half of their face, yet their disguise could not hide their happiness that radiated from their facial features.
Maybe I should wake up from this nightmare… end this torment and be happy.
Kyuhyun picked up a raccoon doll randomly on the way and held onto it tightly, not even realizing he had a tear rolling down his cheek as he watched their backs. He still had Sungmin… right?