Final Exams (repost from FB)
FINAL EXAM
Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately.
History: Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its
social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.
Medicine: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.
Public Speaking: 2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System. Prove your thesis.
Music: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
Psychology: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisis, Rameses II, Hammuarabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to
translate.
Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
Engineering: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel necessary. Be prepared to justify your decision.
Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist Controversy and the Wave Theory of Light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your
point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.
Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects if any.
Epistemology: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your stand.
Physics: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.
Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.
General Knowledge: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Of course, should you decide not to take any of that seriously, there are always:
50 Fun things to do in a final that does not matter (i.e. you are going to fail the class anyway no matter what you get on the final exam)
Enjoy!!!!!!!
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative, use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions out loud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! what's the deal? And who in the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...) Play with volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet;s Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don;t know one, make up one. For math/science exams try using Roman numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when he/she is not looking. Blame it on the person next to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out comment on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it where multiple choice or true false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell things out ( DCCAB, BABE, etc..)
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw down your papers violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means that at some point in the exam, you should start crying for mommy)
27. Every now and them, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper, DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor looks that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and yell, " I'm here the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don;t really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you. Enough said.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructors request for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave on way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
36. Come in wearing a knights outfit, complete with sword and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious.. like history notes for a calculus exam.... otherwise you're just not failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
39. When you walk in complain about the heat. Strip.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him or her.
41. One word: Wrestemania
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes, If you are asked to stop, say, it helps me think." Bring a copy of the student handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. (don't forget the phrase I told you so.
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons why Professor ____ Sucks."
Instructions: Read each question carefully. Answer all questions. Time limit: 2 hours. Begin immediately.
History: Describe the history of the Papacy from its origins to the present day, concentrating especially, but not exclusively, on its
social, political, economic, religious and philosophical impact on Europe, Asia, America and Africa. Be brief, concise and specific.
Medicine: You have been provided with a razor blade, a piece of gauze, and a bottle of scotch. Remove your appendix. Do not suture until your work has been inspected. You have fifteen minutes.
Public Speaking: 2500 riot-crazed aborigines are storming the classroom. Calm them. You may use any ancient language except Latin or Greek.
Biology: Create life. Estimate the differences in subsequent human culture if this form of life had developed 500 million years earlier, with special attention to its probable effect on the English Parliamentary System. Prove your thesis.
Music: Write a piano concerto. Orchestrate and perform it with flute and drum. You will find a piano under your seat.
Psychology: Based on your knowledge of their works, evaluate the emotional stability, degree of adjustment, and repressed frustrations of each of the following: Alexander of Aphrodisis, Rameses II, Hammuarabi. Support your evaluation with quotations from each man's work, making appropriate references. It is not necessary to
translate.
Sociology: Estimate the sociological problems which might accompany the end of the world. Construct an experiment to test your theory.
Engineering: The disassembled parts of a high-powered rifle have been placed on your desk. You will also find an instruction manual, printed in Swahili. In 10 minutes, a hungry bengal tiger will be admitted to the room. Take whatever action you feel necessary. Be prepared to justify your decision.
Economics: Develop a realistic plan for refinancing the national debt. Trace the possible effects of your plan in the following areas: Cubism, the Donatist Controversy and the Wave Theory of Light. Outline a method for preventing these effects. Criticize this method from all possible points of view. Point out the deficiencies in your
point of view, as demonstrated in your answer to the last question.
Political Science: There is a red telephone on the desk beside you. Start World War III. Report at length on its socio-political effects if any.
Epistemology: Take a position for or against truth. Prove the validity of your stand.
Physics: Explain the nature of matter. Include in your answer an evaluation of the impact of the development of mathematics on science.
Philosophy: Sketch the development of human thought. Estimate its significance. Compare with the development of any other kind of thought.
General Knowledge: Describe in detail. Be objective and specific.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Of course, should you decide not to take any of that seriously, there are always:
50 Fun things to do in a final that does not matter (i.e. you are going to fail the class anyway no matter what you get on the final exam)
Enjoy!!!!!!!
1. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.
2. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
3. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative, use the integral symbol.
4. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.
5. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions out loud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
6. Bring cheerleaders.
7. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About five minutes into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! what's the deal? And who in the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
8. Bring a Game Boy (or Game Gear, etc...) Play with volume at max level.
9. On the answer sheet (book, whatever) find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
10. Bring pets.
11. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
12. Fifteen minutes into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every fifteen minutes.
13. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.
14. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
15. Come down with a BAD case of Turet;s Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
16. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don;t know one, make up one. For math/science exams try using Roman numerals.
17. Bring things to throw at the instructor when he/she is not looking. Blame it on the person next to you.
18. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
19. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.
20. Every five minutes, stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with exam.
21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out comment on how easy it was.
22. Do the entire exam as if it where multiple choice or true false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell things out ( DCCAB, BABE, etc..)
23. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions answers completely blacked out.
24. Get the exam. Twenty minutes into it, throw down your papers violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.
25. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (i.e. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink)
26. Show up completely drunk. (Completely drunk means that at some point in the exam, you should start crying for mommy)
27. Every now and them, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper, DUH!"
28. Comment on how sexy the instructor looks that day.
29. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 minutes, put on a white mask and yell, " I'm here the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.
31. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don;t really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"
32. Bring a water pistol with you. Enough said.
33. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructors request for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave on way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
34. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.
35. If the exam is math/science related, make up the longest proofs you could possibly think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
36. Come in wearing a knights outfit, complete with sword and shield.
37. Bring a friend to give you back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.
38. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious.. like history notes for a calculus exam.... otherwise you're just not failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
39. When you walk in complain about the heat. Strip.
40. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him or her.
41. One word: Wrestemania
42. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.
43. Try to get people in the room to do the wave.
44. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.
45. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
46. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc... sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.
47. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
48. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.
49. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes, If you are asked to stop, say, it helps me think." Bring a copy of the student handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. (don't forget the phrase I told you so.
50. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons why Professor ____ Sucks."