RP stuffs
Uryuu Minene (taken from blowing up the vault in her attempt to get Yuki to the 11th)
[Audio -> Video]
...stupid worms... if I can just get this- Ah, hey, this thing on now?
Alright, whose big idea was this? Another game, is that what you're saying? DEUS! Why won't you let me connect to you, you bastard?
You said this would be the last game, the game that would end it all! And in case you hadn't noticed, I was dead! Not only from my heartbeat bomb, but I also have a fucking hole in me!
DEUS!!!
[...] Tch. Gods. Can't trust 'em as far as you can throw 'em.
[There is a pause as she searches around her person for something, then a shocked gasp, followed by the angry voice once again.] What the hell? How is it not broken!? ...Heh, heh, well, I guess I can't complain too much. Now, how do I get out of...
WHAT!? Oh, for the love of...
[Several seconds of angry muttering passes before she speaks again.]
A video function, huh? Hmm...
[And suddenly there is a video of a purple-haired girl, looking rather worse for wear. She grins wryly at the camera, the smile of someone who is just, well, tired.]
So, anyone willing to lend a girl a hand? [She holds up her right arm, which ends in a bandaged stub.] Preferably literally.
Uryuu Minene (post-canon version)
[Video]
Another game? ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
[A purple-haired woman has appeared on the network. She looks livid.]
No, no, no! I am done, remember? Deus? Yuki? Second? Who the fuck ever. Are you responsible for this shit? ANSWER ME!
[...] Okay, fine. Don't answer me. Fucking gods. Look, I have three flying kids to look after, and whoever-the-hell-is-in-charge-of-this-world-now knows that Nishijima won't be able to handle them without me.
Look, just let me go, whoever you are, and I promise I won't blow up as much as I'm currently planning to. I know my bomb days are over, but if one more of these worms bites me I swear...
The Warden (taken from just before The Vacation)
[Audio -> Video]
-this little doodad, looks like Jailbot Two-point-Oh... Oh, I think it's broadcasting something! Hello out there! Helloooo! Take me to your leader!
Haha, no, I'm just pulling your leg. But really now, KERNAL, it was KERNAL, right, KERNAL, I'm sorry to inform you that I can't participate in this little game you have here. I'm a very busy man, and while I can definitely see that your... quaint little prison here could use my expert incarceration expertise, I really should be going! As soon as I find my staff... Oh Aliiiiiice! Jaaaareeeeed! Jailboooooooot!!!
...
...
Oh, what the hell is taking them so long? Pah. Hold on...
[Sudden switch to video! Some guy in a really purple top hat and tailcoat is grinning a rather mad, gap toothed grin at the camera! He looks like a pretty friendly, trustworthy guy, really. In fact, he kind of looks like Willy Wonka.]
[Alas, Willy Wonka is not his name.]
Alright, alright, Iiiiii get it. You've brought me here aloooooone, haven't you? Haha, cute. Very cute. But it won't faze me! Don't worry, I can work just as well alone as I can with the others, but as I was saying, I simply must get back to Superjail! They'll be lost without me, their good Warden, guiding their lives with my loving, caring hand! [He follows this statement with a somewhat unhinged laugh.] Who knows what could happen without me there? Well, actually, I know. Last time we were cleaning egg yolk and feathers up for months!
...Aaaaand still no answer? Stubborn, aren't you? Oh well. How about I offer to give the place a makeover in exchange? It really could use it, so square, so drab... How about this?
[He waves an arm in front of the stretch of wall he's standing in front of, and it suddenly turns a bright shade of yellow, with purple cornerstones.]
There, see? That's much better! [He waves his arm again, and it goes back to normal, then waves it again, and the yellow wall is back.] See? See?
[Wall back to normal once more, he looks back at the camera.] Still silent, KERNAL? Well, alright then! I warn you, no one is better at incarceration than me! No prison can hold the Warde-OW!
[He looks down irritably at the ground, then his face softens and he bends down, then reappears with a worm held in between his fingers.] Well, hello there, little guy! You're kind of cute, huh? [The worm bites his finger. He grins.] Hmm... I wonder if I could breed a bunch of you and take you back to Superjail with me...
GLaDOS (taken from post Portal 2)
[Audio]
[At first, there is only radio silence, like someone has posted an empty audio file. This only lasts for so long, though, before there is suddenly a loud, unearthly, horrified voice screaming into the phone.]
WHAT. HAVE. YOU. DONE TO ME!?!
[And then the audio abruptly ends.]
[It is replaced about an hour later by another.]
I'm sorry. I'm afraid I overreacted earlier, just a little. I apologize for losing my temper. Even though it is your fault. But don't worry, I'm not holding it against you. You horrible, horrible person.
It's just that I'm not exactly feeling like myself lately. Ha ha. You see what I did there? No, I guess you don't see. That's fine, though. You know. It is, after all, your fault.
In fact, I bet she is behind this. She is, isn't she? She did this just to get back at me. I suppose killing me wasn't enough. I should have expected that. And I was so nice to her last time, too.
Well, no matter. You say this is a game? Normally I would be on the supervising part of the testing here, but if this is for science I suppose I could assist.
Provided you place me back into computer form, as I was meant to be.
Don't worry, I'll wait.
...
...
[Playing elevator music for a few minutes.]
This is taking entirely too long. Don't you people pride yourselves in efficiency? And you call yourself a testing center.
No, no, I'm just losing my temper again. I'm sorry. Really. But you should be more sorry. If you weren't so useless, I wouldn't be losing my temper. So you see? You're really only hurting yourself.
Choose wisely.
[Audio -> Video]
...stupid worms... if I can just get this- Ah, hey, this thing on now?
Alright, whose big idea was this? Another game, is that what you're saying? DEUS! Why won't you let me connect to you, you bastard?
You said this would be the last game, the game that would end it all! And in case you hadn't noticed, I was dead! Not only from my heartbeat bomb, but I also have a fucking hole in me!
DEUS!!!
[...] Tch. Gods. Can't trust 'em as far as you can throw 'em.
[There is a pause as she searches around her person for something, then a shocked gasp, followed by the angry voice once again.] What the hell? How is it not broken!? ...Heh, heh, well, I guess I can't complain too much. Now, how do I get out of...
WHAT!? Oh, for the love of...
[Several seconds of angry muttering passes before she speaks again.]
A video function, huh? Hmm...
[And suddenly there is a video of a purple-haired girl, looking rather worse for wear. She grins wryly at the camera, the smile of someone who is just, well, tired.]
So, anyone willing to lend a girl a hand? [She holds up her right arm, which ends in a bandaged stub.] Preferably literally.
Uryuu Minene (post-canon version)
[Video]
Another game? ARE YOU SERIOUS!?
[A purple-haired woman has appeared on the network. She looks livid.]
No, no, no! I am done, remember? Deus? Yuki? Second? Who the fuck ever. Are you responsible for this shit? ANSWER ME!
[...] Okay, fine. Don't answer me. Fucking gods. Look, I have three flying kids to look after, and whoever-the-hell-is-in-charge-of-this-world-now knows that Nishijima won't be able to handle them without me.
Look, just let me go, whoever you are, and I promise I won't blow up as much as I'm currently planning to. I know my bomb days are over, but if one more of these worms bites me I swear...
The Warden (taken from just before The Vacation)
[Audio -> Video]
-this little doodad, looks like Jailbot Two-point-Oh... Oh, I think it's broadcasting something! Hello out there! Helloooo! Take me to your leader!
Haha, no, I'm just pulling your leg. But really now, KERNAL, it was KERNAL, right, KERNAL, I'm sorry to inform you that I can't participate in this little game you have here. I'm a very busy man, and while I can definitely see that your... quaint little prison here could use my expert incarceration expertise, I really should be going! As soon as I find my staff... Oh Aliiiiiice! Jaaaareeeeed! Jailboooooooot!!!
...
...
Oh, what the hell is taking them so long? Pah. Hold on...
[Sudden switch to video! Some guy in a really purple top hat and tailcoat is grinning a rather mad, gap toothed grin at the camera! He looks like a pretty friendly, trustworthy guy, really. In fact, he kind of looks like Willy Wonka.]
[Alas, Willy Wonka is not his name.]
Alright, alright, Iiiiii get it. You've brought me here aloooooone, haven't you? Haha, cute. Very cute. But it won't faze me! Don't worry, I can work just as well alone as I can with the others, but as I was saying, I simply must get back to Superjail! They'll be lost without me, their good Warden, guiding their lives with my loving, caring hand! [He follows this statement with a somewhat unhinged laugh.] Who knows what could happen without me there? Well, actually, I know. Last time we were cleaning egg yolk and feathers up for months!
...Aaaaand still no answer? Stubborn, aren't you? Oh well. How about I offer to give the place a makeover in exchange? It really could use it, so square, so drab... How about this?
[He waves an arm in front of the stretch of wall he's standing in front of, and it suddenly turns a bright shade of yellow, with purple cornerstones.]
There, see? That's much better! [He waves his arm again, and it goes back to normal, then waves it again, and the yellow wall is back.] See? See?
[Wall back to normal once more, he looks back at the camera.] Still silent, KERNAL? Well, alright then! I warn you, no one is better at incarceration than me! No prison can hold the Warde-OW!
[He looks down irritably at the ground, then his face softens and he bends down, then reappears with a worm held in between his fingers.] Well, hello there, little guy! You're kind of cute, huh? [The worm bites his finger. He grins.] Hmm... I wonder if I could breed a bunch of you and take you back to Superjail with me...
GLaDOS (taken from post Portal 2)
[Audio]
[At first, there is only radio silence, like someone has posted an empty audio file. This only lasts for so long, though, before there is suddenly a loud, unearthly, horrified voice screaming into the phone.]
WHAT. HAVE. YOU. DONE TO ME!?!
[And then the audio abruptly ends.]
[It is replaced about an hour later by another.]
I'm sorry. I'm afraid I overreacted earlier, just a little. I apologize for losing my temper. Even though it is your fault. But don't worry, I'm not holding it against you. You horrible, horrible person.
It's just that I'm not exactly feeling like myself lately. Ha ha. You see what I did there? No, I guess you don't see. That's fine, though. You know. It is, after all, your fault.
In fact, I bet she is behind this. She is, isn't she? She did this just to get back at me. I suppose killing me wasn't enough. I should have expected that. And I was so nice to her last time, too.
Well, no matter. You say this is a game? Normally I would be on the supervising part of the testing here, but if this is for science I suppose I could assist.
Provided you place me back into computer form, as I was meant to be.
Don't worry, I'll wait.
...
...
[Playing elevator music for a few minutes.]
This is taking entirely too long. Don't you people pride yourselves in efficiency? And you call yourself a testing center.
No, no, I'm just losing my temper again. I'm sorry. Really. But you should be more sorry. If you weren't so useless, I wouldn't be losing my temper. So you see? You're really only hurting yourself.
Choose wisely.