Between Daylight And Darkness Chapter Five
Title: Between Daylight And Darkness
Chapter: 5/9 Who Is The Lamb And Who Is The Knife
Pairing: Naomi/Emily
Word Count: 8593
Disclaimer: I don't own, or claim to own, anything related to Skins. Borrowing the characters and throwing them into an entirely different universe altogether. I also don't own Twilight, and wouldn't ever want to. Chapter title from Florence And The Machine's 'Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)'
Summary: After things have taken a completely unexpected turn, Naomi turns to some familiar and one unfamiliar, but lovely, source to help her make sense not only of the possibility of vampires, but also of being a great dirty lez. (summary courtesy of doopits thanks, friend!)
Previous Chapters: Chapter One: Cause Anywhere Is Better Than Here
Chapter Two: Like Stars Burning Holes Right Through The Dark
Chapter Three: The Youth Is Starting To Change
Chapter Four: Happiness Hit Her Like A Bullet In The Back
Who Is The Lamb And Who Is The Knife
When she woke up she saw model airplanes suspended from a ceiling she’d never seen before. Her head hurt, and as she rolled onto her side, she heard a crinkling noise and felt something on her neck. She reached a hand up, still half asleep, and when she touched the bandages it all came rushing back.
Jesus fucking Christ.
She felt her heart thudding in her chest, and her eyes shot open. She thought, for a good few minutes, she was going to be sick. Violently. She sat up, clutching her stomach, and caught sight of three bodies in sleeping bags on the floor. She was breathing heavily, loudly. Her eyes were drawn to one of the walls in the bedroom she was in, and she frowned at it when she realised what it was.
It was a map, of sorts, with names scrawled all over it, in different colours, and a network of lines linking them all. Above the lines, words were written and scribbled out. She saw her own name, and threw back the blankets, getting out of the small single bed, and treading carefully over the sleeping bodies on the floor.
Naomi was linked to Pandora although the word friend written above the line had a question mark next to it. The same was above the lines to Thomas and JJ, and she felt slightly guilty as she reached out to run her hand over them. She traced another line from her name that led to Emily and jerked her hand back when she realised her fingers had lingered over the letters. Above the line was written friend or victim? and she frowned at it, stepping backwards and away from the wall. She cast her eyes over the other names, Cook’s and Katie’s, Effy’s and Freddie’s, the lines between them blurred as tears began to leak out of her eyes. She tripped on someone, falling to the ground, and starting to cry because she didn’t know. Didn’t know anything, any more, the least of all what she meant to anyone.
V^^^^^V
She remembered Pandora squealing and jerking the car forward, driving like a maniac as Cook had made as if to run after them. She thought she’d seen Effy behind him, holding his arm back, but she wasn’t sure. She also thought she’d seen fucking fangs in Emily’s mouth. But surely that had been the drugs. Fucking surely that wasn’t real.
She’d held her hand to her neck, had tried not to cry when JJ delicately applied a bandage, even though, as he pointed out, the blood was already congealing around the wounds. She wanted to check her thigh, had an awful feeling she knew what the sharpness had been against it in the bathroom cubicle, but the very thought had brought back everything that happened in the tiny stall, and it made her stomach drop with sickness and heat, and she was still fucking high as anything and it was all too much.
Thomas had tried to talk to her, but once the bandage was on her neck she put her face in her hands and refused to look at anyone.
JJ had rambled about following her, because they were worried she’d been brainwashed, and had finally gotten the courage to intervene. She didn’t know if he wanted a fucking congratulations or what, but she didn’t acknowledge anything he’d said, only a slight nod when he suggested they all camp at his house on account of staying together.
She had woken them up when she’d tripped over Pandora, falling to the ground and bursting into tears, and Pandora had looked at her in alarm before crawling over and hugging her, awkwardly. JJ jumped up, mumbling something about blood levels and left the room, and Thomas had offered a kind hand to her shoulder, rubbing gently and softly singing a French song she didn’t recognise.
“Here. It’s full of vitamin C and excellent for blood loss as mum always makes me drink at least a litre when I donate.” JJ thrust a juice bottle in her face, and Naomi just stared at it for a moment because, really. She saw Emily offering her the same with a guilty smile, and pushed Pandora off of her.
“I’m going to be sick.” She stood up quickly, pushing past JJ and leaving the bedroom, completely lost because she didn’t know where the bathroom was.
“Second door on the left.” Thomas said behind her, and she lurched toward it.
As she vomited into the toilet, feeling her neck twinge with slight pain every time she did so, reminding her of whatever the fuck had happened the night before, she realised, to add insult to injury, that she wasn’t wearing underwear. And she remembered why, couldn’t get the whole thing out of her head for just a moment. Saw Emily moving downwards, felt Emily’s tongue in her mouth and thigh between her legs, heard the ripping sound of her underwear, felt something sharp against her thigh even as Emily’s fingers curled inside her.
Fuck. She was going to have a panic attack.
She rested her head against the toilet seat, reached up blindly until she found the flush button, and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She was fucking hung over, and confused. The previous night felt like a dream, like it couldn’t be real. If she wasn’t in fucking JJ’s house, because that had to be where she was, she would’ve written the whole thing off as a bad trip. She felt her neck bandage, and quickly pulled her skirt up, peering at the bit of skin that joined her groin to her thigh, and finding nothing. No marks, no bruises, no sign that skin had broken at all. She sighed in relief, because maybe that meant, maybe that was because, maybe this whole thing was…
She remembered, then, Emily rubbing her thumb over her neck after that first night they’d gone out. Rubbing away the raised bumps of what she’d thought was a hickey. Remembered Emily lingering over the area near her groin after she’d orgasmed, shook her head because the whole thing was ridiculous, and impossible, and there had to be a better explanation. Maybe someone had accidently cut her as Thomas and JJ had dragged her away? And maybe the light had caught Emily’s teeth oddly, making them appear bigger than they were?
She took heaving breaths, standing and washing her hands in the sink. She stared at her own reflection, looked at the bandage, brought the edges of it back with trembling fingers, and examined the wound underneath. There were two slightly raised bumps, a small perfect hole in the middle of each, not too far apart. She hastily pressed the edges of the bandage back against her skin, and hurried back to JJ’s bedroom.
“Naomi, are you alright?” JJ stepped forward, Pandora and Thomas giving her concerned looks.
“I want to go home.” She hugged her arms around herself, couldn’t look at any of them.
“Do you want to talk about it? Because my therapist is dead keen on talking through hardship, says it helps ease the pain and shock and if you’d like to, we’d all love to talk to you about it.” JJ gave her an anxious smile, and she found herself staring at his braces for a moment, flashes of Emily entering her mind, but she pushed them away.
“I just want to go home.” She murmured, and Thomas smiled at her.
“Of course. You need your own bed, your father. We will talk when you are ready. Please. Pandora, you can show her where the phone is?” He turned to Pandora, who looked at him slightly panicked.
“Bonkers! I have to call mum, promised her I was staying at Aunt Elizabeth’s. She’s probably gone mental! Come on, Nai.” Pandora grabbed her by the arm, and led her out of the bedroom.
“My phone…” Naomi started, and then realised she’d left her jacket, and phone, and keys, and everything, in the car Effy had picked her up in the night before.
“You can call first.” Pandora offered her, holding out the phone with a shy smile. “Don’t worry, Nai. It gets easier.”
Naomi stared at Pandora for a moment, before taking the phone and dialling her dad. She had no idea what she was going to say to him about her neck, or why she probably looked like absolute shit. But before he arrived, Pandora took her into the bathroom and helped her wash her face, and all three of them gave her a hug when her dad showed up, his smile halfway between delight and confusion.
“I thought you were out with Emily last night, sweetheart.” He said as she buckled her seatbelt and squinted at the sunlight shining right into her bloody eyes.
“Change of plan.” She just said, turning her head, and she felt his eyes on her neck.
“Something happen to you last night?” He asked, his voice concerned and a hand reaching over to gently touch her knee.
She forced herself to look at him, give him a smile. “Just an accident, we were playing twister and Pandora’s nails are really long and…” She trailed off, shrugging as he mock winced.
They didn’t talk after that, and when she got home she went straight to her bedroom and lay down, shutting her eyes and forcing herself to think of someone beating a drum, over and over, the steady rhythm making it easier to block everything out and fall to sleep.
She didn’t dream, thankfully. Slipped into complete blackness, and only woke up because her dad was knocking gently on her door, and when she called for him to come in she saw her jacket in his hands. She sat up, her heart starting to race.
“Where did you get that?” She asked, and he just smiled.
“Your friend Emily dropped it off, said you’d left it in her car when she dropped you at JJ’s house. Lovely girl, that.” He gently put her jacket on her bed, and she stared at it.
“Emily was here?” Her voice cracked, and she hated that she wanted to run down the stairs in case she was still there.
“Said she couldn’t stay long. I invited her in, the poor thing was just standing there in the rain, but she was in quite the rush.” Her dad paused before leaving her room. “Naomi, are you alright? You’re sleeping an awful lot today.” His brow creased, and she wanted to roll her eyes at the concern on his face, because he had no bloody clue.
“Yeah, dad. Just had a busy week at college, catching up. You know.” She watched him nod, and shut her door behind her, and she lunged at her jacket.
Her phone was in one of the pockets, her purse in another, cigarettes and lighter all there. She hated herself for it, but pulled her jacket to her nose and inhaled, the faintest trace of Emily lingering in the material. She felt herself starting to cry again, and shook her head, willing herself to pull it together.
She stared at her phone, a single message from Emily staring back at her. ‘I’m so sorry. Please let me explain. I’ll wait till you call me. It’s not what you think.’ and she scrolled through her phone book until she found Emily’s name, her thumb hovering over the ‘Call’ button. She bit her lip, and threw her phone onto her bed.
She didn’t believe in vampires. She didn’t even believe in God. She was disinclined to believe in anything that didn’t have a scientific explanation behind it. Yes, her neck had weird puncture marks in the exact bloody spot that Emily had been nuzzling. But that could’ve been enthusiasm, particularly since they’d just fucked in the bathroom and Emily hadn’t, well, experienced any kind of release. Naomi shut her eyes as she remembered the orgasm, and Emily’s tongue against her. No one had done that to her before, and she felt the slight stirrings of arousal as she remembered. Her eyes shot open. Fuck’s sake, she had more to deal with right now.
She put her hands over her face, and took a deep breath.
Plus, she’d been on drugs, amazing drugs, and couldn’t be certain that what she’d seen around Emily’s mouth, or in her mouth, were actually real. Right? The lights were flashing, and there were loads of people around, and maybe it had been nothing? Thomas and JJ were the ones she should be angry at, filling her head with this shit. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.
She lay down on her back, staring at her ceiling, wishing it was night time so she could see the fake little stars on her ceiling.
They never ate anything. That was weird. It would’ve been weirder if any of them were overweight, though, she thought. They could all have some kind of eating disorder. That could explain it.
Fuck’s sake, she thought, why was she even debating this? There was a rational explanation. Had to be.
She’d never seen any of them in sunlight. But so what? They went camping, right? And colleges let their students go camping whenever the sun shone all the fucking time, she thought and rolled over with a frown. And they all lived together in some kind of commune, and Chris had looked really young, her own age, but had graduated years before…
Well, fuck. Obviously he was some kind of child genius. Or had, as he said, good genes.
She’d never actually seen them take drugs, had she? Had swallowed her own, but never once seen any of them, particularly Emily, with a pill of their own. Had assumed they took them before giving her one, which was weird now she thought of it. The few times she had done pills in London, they’d all taken them at the same time to ensure they’d all hit together.
And, her stomach dropped, the sharpness in her mouth when things with Emily got too heated. Her lip had bled both times, and the first time Emily had moved so fast to the end of the bed, had moved so incredibly fast…
No, she thought, sitting up quickly. No. It was bloody impossible. She remembered Cook howling with laughter when she’d told them after JJ’s birthday that someone thought they were vampires, remembered Pandora’s pyjama party story. Emily’s version had made sense. They just got out of control, and that was that. Cook was an aggressive lover, hence Pandora’s bruises, and Pandora’s mum probably hurt herself going to the bathroom or something.
It could all be explained. Had to be explained. She wished, for the first time, that they really were a sex cult because at least that didn’t require her to have a mental breakdown. Well, not too much of one.
Later, she pushed her food around her plate, eating half-heartedly. Every time she chewed something, especially the steak, she had a flash of one of them against the neck of a stranger at a club. She’d seen them all do it over the weeks, hooking up with randoms, always the same aggressive neck kissing. Every single week.
Which, she thought, gently touching her fingers to the bandage against her neck, what the fuck did Emily do to her neck every week? And her hands, when Emily touched Naomi’s knee, or arm, or neck, or anywhere, were always cool. Not cold, and not unpleasant, but just cool, while her own always became clammy and sweaty in the clubs, or sometimes while they slept.
Naomi excused herself after dinner, citing coursework responsibility, ignored her dad’s concerned look and rushed upstairs to her room. She wanted to remember putting her head on Emily’s chest, and hearing a heartbeat. Wanted to, but couldn’t. Had that ever happened? As silly as it was, she was starting to become desperate for anything that pointed toward normalcy.
She threw herself on her bed, curling into a ball and screwing her eyes shut, jumping slightly when her phone started to buzz. She picked it up quickly, seeing Thomas’ name on her screen.
“Hi.” She said, putting an arm over eyes.
“Are you alright?”
She sighed. “Not sure, really. Can’t seem to work it all out.”
“It would be very hard.”
“Yeah, well. Thanks for checking up on me.” She rubbed her eyes for a moment, as she heard whispered voices on the other end, and a scuffling.
“Naomi, hi. I just wanted to put forward again that if you wanted to talk about things that could be very beneficial for you and I’m here, if you like, to listen because while I may talk a lot I’m also a very good listener and I would,” She listened as he swallowed and sucked in a breath. “Listen to you.”
“Thanks, JJ.” She felt tears coming to her eyes again, and wondered when the fuck she’d become so emotional. “I just can’t make sense of it.”
“Of course, it’s scientifically impossible.”
She snorted. “Yeah. Listen, even if they are what you say they are. Aren’t you worried they’ll come after you?”
She heard JJ’s voice crack just slightly. “Absolutely. However, they didn’t when me and Thomas befriended Pandora after what they did to her, and if I look at it from a perspective other than fear, I think it would be silly of them to come after us because no one believes us anyway and I think that, since they’re at college, they’re trying to fit in or something and killing us would expose them quite a bit. I think so, anyway.”
“Right.” She said, sighing again, because she couldn’t believe she was talking seriously about vampires with JJ, of all people.
“Of course, I’m bloody petrified hence Thomas and Pandora are staying at mine again. Luckily Pandora’s aunt is more relaxed than her mother, or we’d get arrested for kidnapping or something.”
She listened as JJ chuckled. “Why do you think it was me?” She asked softly, squeezing her eyes shut, hoping JJ understood what she meant and she wouldn’t have to explain.
She heard JJ sigh, and then mumble the question to someone else. She heard shuffling, and then Thomas was back.
“I do not think it was anything you did. I think it was just unfortunate that they could get to you. They are very charming. Anyone would succumb.”
Naomi opened her eyes. That wasn’t the answer she expected, nor wanted, nor believed.
“Thanks. For everything. Even the apparent stalking.” She half smiled at her ceiling, rolling her eyes at herself.
“You are welcome. Call us if you need company, or are in trouble. We will see you on Monday?”
She paused, then, biting her lip. The thought of college was awful.
“You’re still going? Even if they’re there?” She didn’t want to, not one bit.
“Of course. There is nothing they can do to us there except call us names, and glare. And they do that anyway.”
“Well, glad you’re so calm about it. Bye, Thomas.” She hung up, feeling slightly disappointed when she saw that Emily hadn’t messaged her again. The thought made her feel sick. She didn’t want to keep thinking of Emily, particularly with anything resembling fondness.
But what had happened in the bathroom, well. Even if Emily was some blood sucking creature from hell, she’d still had sex, with a girl, in a bathroom, and it had been the most incredible experience of her life. She hadn’t known she could orgasm that hard, hadn’t known she could feel that much from kissing someone. Hadn’t known that she could want someone that badly.
It was decidedly unfair, she thought, that not only did she have to deal with possibly being a lesbian, but also the notion of freaking vampires as well.
V^^^^^V
On Monday she waved to her dad with a cheery smile as she left the house, Emily usually driving her to school these days, and only let it fall from her face when she’d locked the front gate behind her. She wasn’t going to college. Couldn’t stomach the idea. Had spent the previous day shut up in her room, sometimes staring at her phone, sometimes at her neck, wondering what the fuck she was meant to do.
She wanted to call Emily, but every time she went to she felt like she was going to have a panic attack, kept seeing her in the club with the fangs. Or big teeth. Or whatever they were. And blood on her mouth.
She almost called JJ the night before, wanting to talk to someone because she was driving herself crazy. But she didn’t want confirmation that vampires actually existed, as he would try to convince her. Because he seemed to believe it. And she wanted to talk to someone who didn’t, and who wouldn’t look at her like she was crazy.
Which ruled out everyone, really.
She would call Emily. Eventually. As she walked down her street, wondering where she would go, she looked at the clouds overhead and couldn’t help but wonder what would happen at college. Would Cook beat the shit out of Thomas and JJ, and Katie attack Pandora? Or would Cook, Katie, and even Emily, laugh at the three fucking vampire evading musketeers because of how ridiculous the whole thing was? And her. Would they be laughing at her because she, maybe, believed it too? Jesus, she thought, looking away from the sky. She didn’t know which was worse.
She walked aimlessly, gripping her shoulder bag tightly against her. She wanted to go back to London, wanted her mother. Wanted the world she knew back because this one was making her bloody mental.
Every time a car drove by her, she glanced at it, half expecting Emily to find her, demand she get inside and tell her the whole thing was nonsense. But none of them stopped, none of them were recognisable. She was alone.
She kept walking, having no idea where she was going, nor even how long she’d been walking for. She saw a park, and thought, fuck it.
It was lovely, really, and there weren’t many people in it. Some walking, some sitting on benches with newspapers and steam rising off the cups they held, almost all of them above the age of fifty. Naomi walked through it until she saw an empty bench under a large tree, and walked toward it, sitting down with a small sigh, closing her eyes and breathing in. Well, this was better than college, at least.
She turned her head, saw an elderly couple on a bench a little ways off. She felt the corners of her mouth lift slightly as she watched them. The woman had a knitted hat on her head, and was laughing and pointing at the tree above Naomi. Naomi could hear chirping, and wondered if the woman was laughing at birds. Which would have made her roll her eyes, but it was almost sweet, particularly since the woman kept nudging the man next to her, and he was doing his best to ignore her. He was holding a newspaper, his glasses painfully thick even from a distance. The woman was undeterred by his refusal to look at what was making her so happy, and after a while reached into the bag by her side and pulled out a sandwich, handing one half to the man who took it without looking at her. Naomi watched them as they ate, something in her chest squeezing when the man finished his sandwich and put a hand on the woman’s knee, patting it as she leaned into his shoulder.
“Sweet, aren’t they?” A voice said beside her, and Naomi turned quickly to see a girl standing near her, a smile on her face, long blonde hair moving with the breeze.
“Yeah, I suppose.” Naomi replied, feeling slightly embarrassed that she’d been caught watching an elderly couple, because really.
“I’ve always wanted a love like that.” The girl said, and Naomi frowned slightly.
“Like what?” She had no idea who this person was, and something was telling her to get up and walk away, or be rude enough so the girl would.
“That lasts.” The girl shrugged slightly, looking at Naomi with wide open eyes. “May I sit with you?” She asked, and Naomi felt a tinge of annoyance. She wanted to be alone, wasn’t that bloody obvious?
“I guess.” Naomi shifted slightly, though there was more than enough room on the bench. The girl sat down happily.
“Do you like the park?” The girl was leaning forward, her hands resting on the edge of the seat, looking at Naomi over her shoulder.
“It’s nice.” Naomi said, grabbing her bag and deciding she would find somewhere else.
“I hope you don’t mind me joining you. I didn’t particularly feel like being alone.” The girl shut her eyes as a strong breeze rustled the leaves above them, and made the ends of her hair dance around her shoulders.
Naomi shrugged, sighing. Fuck it, she thought. Maybe this would be a good distraction.
“You alright?” Naomi bit her lip, squinting slightly at the girl next to her, not really caring about the answer. But maybe she was a mental case, and fucked if she didn’t feel like one at the moment too.
“Everything will be.” The girl opened her eyes, looking sideways at Naomi. “You don’t look alright.” The girl shut her eyes again as another breeze blew past them.
Naomi thought she should feel offended, but she didn’t. “No.” She squinted at the sky, wondering if it was going to rain. “Things have turned to shit.”
The girl opened her eyes, gazed at Naomi for a moment, and then smiled suddenly. “Oh, wow, that’s sad for you.”
Naomi frowned, wondering why the bloody hell the girl was smiling. “Right.” She said, deciding again that she was going to leave. This girl was giving her the creeps.
“You should talk about it.” The girl leant backwards, resting against the bench, and turned to Naomi expectantly. Naomi sighed, what the fuck, really?
“It’s slightly unbelievable.” Naomi glanced at the girl, and then rolled her eyes. “Completely, actually.” She watched as the girl gave her a bright smile.
“Completely unbelievable is my favourite.”
Naomi raised her eyebrows. “I’m talking science fiction, impossible stuff.”
“Like Frankenstein?” The girl lifted her hands, moving them over the breeze, as if she was conducting an invisible orchestra. “Or extraterrestrials? I think they’re lovely.”
“What?” Naomi, despite herself, was intrigued. The girl was peculiar, but had something about her. Not that she found her attractive, or anything, because she might’ve had lesbian sex but it hadn’t turned her into a raging bull dyke. Something about this girl calmed her, and she realised she hadn’t thought specifically of Emily since the girl had sat down.
“Intelligent life existing on other planets. More advanced than us silly humans, experimenting on us like we do on rats. Knowing we’re not the only ones responsible.”
“Responsible for what?” Naomi was watching the girl as she stopped moving her hands, and looked back at Naomi.
“The universe.” The girl smiled at her again, her eyes drifting shut and her face turning toward the sky. “I really like this park.” She said, and Naomi felt something click as she thought this girl had to be on something. For some reason, the thought relaxed her.
Naomi chuckled. “I suppose so. Interesting way to look at it.” Naomi leant back, shutting her eyes briefly too as another breeze blew against them.
“I think it’s best to look at things from as many ways as possible. So you get every detail, and don’t miss anything.” When Naomi opened her eyes, the girl had tilted her head slightly and was gazing her. “There is always another side to a story.”
Naomi looked away from the girl, feeling slightly creeped out again.
“Have you ever read Gregory Maguire?” The girl asked suddenly, and Naomi shook her head. “I love him. He writes fairytales from the perspective of the bad characters, and makes you realise they weren’t so bad. Someone else just painted them that way.”
“Right.” Naomi mumbled, looking over to the other bench and watching as the old man helped the woman stand up, and they started to shuffle their way out of the park. As the man shakily opened an umbrella, Naomi realised it was starting to rain. “Fuck.” She said, standing.
The girl blinked at the sky, smiling in the rain. “Perhaps I’ll see you again?”
Naomi shrugged, walking quickly backwards. “Bye.” She said, turning and starting to run, remembering she’d seen a bus shelter on her way and standing under it, shivering. When a bus pulled up, she got onto it, and only got off when it reached a strip of cafes and shops.
She sat in a cafe, sipping hot chocolate, her philosophy coursework spread out in front of her because, she thought, even if she wasn’t going she didn’t want to fall behind again. She kept thinking of the girl in the park though, and what she’d said. It was true, really. Emily deserved to have her side of the story heard. She scratched absently at the bandage on her neck, wincing when it hurt.
V^^^^^V
She called JJ instead, that night.
“How was today?” She asked, biting her lip harder than she meant and grimacing.
“Strangely normal, which wasn’t to be expected but is awfully relieving.”
She frowned. “They didn’t say anything?”
“Oh well, Cook spouted the usual insults at me, and kept throwing paper at Pandora in philosophy, and at lunch time he was glaring at us quite strongly, but otherwise we evaded being killed or maimed in anyway.”
She rolled her eyes as JJ chuckled, because this wasn’t fucking funny.
“And Emily?” She asked tersely, waiting as JJ paused.
“She wasn’t there today. Or Katie, for that matter, which was extra relieving for me.”
She blew out a breath. Right. So Emily was avoiding her as much as she was avoiding Emily? If she wasn’t a bloody vampire, why else bother? She felt a heaviness in her stomach, and closed her eyes.
“Will you be there tomorrow, Naomi? Or do you want to, well, talk about anything…”
She cut him off. “I don’t know, JJ. And no, I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t even know what I’m meant to be talking about.” She sighed.
“I can’t imagine it’s easy being in love with a vampire.” He said softly, and for a moment she had no idea what to say.
“I have to go.” She hated that her voice was shaky, and that his was strong.
“I hope to see you tomorrow.”
“Bye, JJ.” She hung up, heart thudding in her chest, and she wondered how much more of this she could take before she had a heart attack.
She wasn’t in love with Emily. That was stupid. She’d had sex with her, really quite good sex actually, and couldn’t get her out of her head. But that wasn’t love. It wasn’t love that she missed her so much she could hardly stand it, or that her heart beat impossibly fast at the thought of calling her. She touched her neck, the bandage off, and ran her fingers gently over the raised bumps. That, certainly, wasn’t love.
That night she dreamt of the girl in the park, smiling at her softly and reaching toward her. The girl had someone else’s arms wrapped around her, from behind, but Naomi couldn’t make out who it was. The girl reached toward her, but Naomi couldn’t bring herself to reach back.
V^^^^^V
She sat on the same bench in the park the next day not because she expected to see the girl again, but because she liked the view. Particularly liked that the old couple were back. This time the woman had a book, and the man was dozing next to her.
Naomi was smiling as she watched them, feeling at ease.
“Oh, wow, what happened to your neck?” The girl was seated on the bench beside her, and Naomi was slightly alarmed to realise she hadn’t noticed her approach.
Naomi reached her fingers up quickly to touch the slightly raised bumps, and blushed. “I don’t really know.” Because she didn’t.
“Is it painful?” The girl was staring at the marks.
“Sometimes.” Naomi replied, thinking, in more ways than one.
“A dog bit me when I was very young, and I remember that hurting.” The girl absently ran the fingers of one hand over the back of the other.
“Oh?” Naomi just said, rummaging through her bag and pulling out a sandwich. “Want half?” She asked, feeling her breath catch slightly because she really wanted the answer to be ‘Yes’.
“Oh, wow, thanks.” Said the girl, reaching for the half sandwich, and Naomi bit into her own, squinting at the elderly couple as they did the same. “Spencer. That was his name.”
Naomi looked at the girl, chewing quickly and swallowing. “Pardon?”
“The dog that bit me. He was mine, and I was being too rough with him. So he bit me.” The girl was playing with the sandwich in her hand, and after a moment Naomi looked away.
“I’ve never had a dog.” She said, taking another bite.
“They’re lovely, I think everyone should have one at least once.” The girl smiled happily, her eyes drifting shut for a moment.
“Even though yours bit you?” Naomi raised an eyebrow, finishing her half sandwich and sipping from a bottle of water she’d remembered to bring.
“He didn’t mean it. We were playing, and I was too rough, and he bit me by accident. I knew he felt terrible afterwards. I still loved him.” The girl leant backwards, eyes opening, and Naomi realised the half sandwich was gone from her hands. She offered the water bottle, but the girl shook her head.
“Well, a dog doesn’t really know any better.” Naomi shrugged, looking back at the elderly couple as the man woke up, and opened a newspaper.
“You didn’t tell me, yesterday, about the completely unbelievable something that’s bothering you.” The girl had shut her eyes again, and Naomi wondered for a moment why she kept doing that.
“Oh, well.” Naomi took a deep breath. “Believe in vampires, by any chance?” Because the girl was loopy, anyway, so why the fuck not?
“Yes.” The girl said, smiling and tilting her head toward the sky.
“Oh.” Naomi said back, frowning because she hadn’t expected that, or had at least expected more than that.
“Is that what bit you?” The girl was looking at her, blinking prettily.
“I don’t know.” Naomi replied, and her shoulders sagged. “There was this girl, at college, Emily,” Naomi glanced sideways at the girl when she said Emily’s name. “And I thought we were really good friends, and then, now, I don’t know. I think she might’ve been, well, using me. But I also,” Naomi sighed deeply, the girl smiling at her patiently. “Don’t believe in vampires, so.”
“So why be wary of something you don’t believe in?” The girl raised her eyebrows, and Naomi frowned.
“Because I don’t know what to believe.” And it was true. The same thoughts had been rattling around her head for days, and she hadn’t come to a solution, or at least one she could stomach.
“Tell me more about Emily. I think that name is lovely.” The girl shut her eyes, lifting her face toward the sky and waited.
Naomi wasn’t sure where to begin. “Well, she’s very nice. Or I thought she was. She has this bright red hair, like really bright, but she pulls it off. And a freckle near her eye, on her cheek. I don’t know why I like it so much, but I do. And sometimes, when she laughs, it makes everything else not matter.” Naomi blushed, awfully, and shifted awkwardly on the bench.
“It sounds to me like you love her.” The girl was smiling at the sky, and Naomi felt panicked for a moment. “The Beatles were right, you know.”
Naomi frowned, annoyed that the girl kept wandering off during their conversations and she couldn’t seem to follow. “I don’t love her.” Naomi said, her voice low, and she scoffed, embarrassed.
The girl looked at her after a moment, reaching her hand out to gently touch Naomi’s knee. Her hand was cool, and Naomi shivered slightly, as a breeze blew up around them.
“There used to be something in me that made me hate everything.” The girl shrugged, taking her hand away. “But then the sky opened up, and so did everything else, and I realised all you need is love. Everything else makes you rot inside.” The girl pulled a face, but started smiling again.
Naomi floundered for a moment, and then stood. “Right, well, nice to talk to you again but I should go.” She felt stupid, hating herself for opening up.
“Perhaps I’ll see you again?” The girl had her eyes shut, was swaying slightly and humming.
Naomi didn’t respond, walked away from the girl briskly, and everything she’d said to her. She caught the bus to the cafe again, spreading coursework in front of her, and frowning at it until she stopped thinking about her stupid declaration and could focus on it.
She was definitely not calling Emily that night. Or ever. Maybe. Particularly since she was definitely not in love with her, and resented that anyone thought so.
V^^^^^V
“I’m not in love with Emily.” She said, instead of ‘Hello.’ when JJ picked his phone up that night, and she huffed out an exasperated breath.
“Oh, well then, if you say so Naomi, though it would be understandable particularly if you’d been brainwashed or something which, I believe, they do so you let them drink from you.”
“Fuck’s sake, who even says they exist at all? Why the fuck did you even intervene because I was happy, JJ, before you and bloody Thomas ruined everything!” She hung up on him, throwing her phone into the corner of her room, and then throwing herself onto her bed.
Again she dreamt of the girl that night, reaching toward her, with arms wrapped around her from behind. The arms were clutching the girl tightly, and Naomi thought she caught a glimpse of bright red hair over the girl’s shoulder. But still, she didn’t reach back.
V^^^^^V
The girl was waiting for her when Naomi walked over to the bench, and sat down without a word.
“They’re not here today.” The girl nodded toward the other bench, and Naomi felt a little disappointed that the elderly couple weren’t sitting there, after all.
Naomi didn’t say anything, just looked around the park, slipping her shoes off and running her feet through the grass.
“I believe in everything.” The girl said softly, and began to hum again as Naomi sighed and then looked at her.
“Everything?” Naomi asked, because that was silly.
“Yes.” The girl just said, slipping off her own shoes and scrunching her toes delightedly in the ground.
“Why?” Naomi frowned, curling her toes over blades of grass and trying to pull them out.
“Why not?” The girl responded, smiling at the sky. “I don’t mind admitting that there are things beyond my comprehension. That the world is much bigger than me.”
Naomi wanted to roll her eyes. “But some things are impossible.” She muttered, her face lighting up when she saw the elderly couple shuffling slowly to the other bench, her arm through his.
“Is Emily, your Emily who you don’t want to love, a vampire?” The girl was watching the couple too, her head tilted to the side.
“Allegedly.” Naomi replied, watching as the couple sat themselves down and pulled a book and a newspaper out of a bag.
“Your neck looks better.” The girl said, and Naomi nodded. There were just scabs on her neck now, the bumps gone, and it didn’t really hurt anymore. “Have you talked to her?”
Naomi shook her head. “I can’t. I don’t know what to say.” Naomi sighed, reaching into her bag for her sandwich, offering half to the girl, who took it.
“You could say, ‘Are you a vampire?’, and see what she says?” The girl was smiling coyly, playing with the sandwich, and Naomi rolled her eyes, biting into her own.
“And she could say, ‘Are you crazy?’, and laugh in my face.” Naomi chewed, squinting at the sky.
“Is that a bad response?” The girl asked, shifting herself back until her legs could swing back and forth over the edge of the bench.
“Well, not really I suppose. Better than, ‘Yes, prepare to die.’” Naomi snorted, feeling lighter than she had in days.
“Better than constantly wondering.” The girl said softly, jumping up when Naomi looked at her and tumbling onto the grass. The girl lay on her back, her arms behind her head, and her eyes closed. “Can I ask you a question?” The girl squinted at her for a moment, and Naomi shrugged, finishing her sandwich, wondering when the girl had finished hers. “If your Emily is a vampire, and wants to kill you, why didn’t she when she had the chance?” The girl started to hum softly again, and Naomi frowned, taking longer to drink from her bottled water than she needed.
“So what, you’re saying that she isn’t a vampire, and I’m just stupid?” Naomi put her water in her bag, feeling entirely stupid because that question hadn’t entered her head once.
“Maybe.” The girl said. “Maybe I’m saying she is a vampire, but doesn’t actually mean you harm. She sounds lovely. She doesn’t sound like a killer. And she could’ve, at any time since you’ve known her, any night you’d gone out with her, any of them could’ve killed you. Easily.” The girl was staring at her now, a smile on her face, her eyes wide and intense.
Naomi felt her blood run cold. “I didn’t tell you any of that.” She hurriedly put her water in her bag as the girl shrugged.
“You don’t have to tell someone something for them to know it, Naomi.” The girl gazed at her calmly. “Oh, wow.” She said softly, as Naomi realised she hadn’t told the girl her name.
“Fuck.” Naomi said, standing. “Who are you?” She felt her breath hitch, felt her heart starting to hammer in her chest.
The girl stood gracefully, her head tilted, a delighted smile on her face. “My name is Cassie, and I’m ever so enchanted to meet you.” The girl stuck her hand out, and Naomi recoiled from it.
“But, but you ate my sandwich.” Which was pathetic to say, but she didn’t know what else she could say.
“Did I?” Cassie said back, laughing and clapping her hands together. Naomi frowned, looking at the bench, seeing bits of white between the bench slats, the sandwich halves on the ground beneath the tree.
Naomi ran, then, feeling stupidity and anger licking at her heels, and tears in her eyes. She ran the entire way home, her dad reaching for her in alarm when she burst through the front door, and she was grateful that he just held her, and waited till she had calmed down to ask any questions.
“Naomi, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” He stroked her hair, and she clung to him tightly.
“I hate it here.” She sobbed into his shoulder, and he sighed.
“Oh love, I thought you were doing so well.”
She breathed in the smell of him, trying to calm herself down, letting the feeling of his hand against her hair ground her.
“I’m not.” She mumbled, feeling childish.
“Why don’t I make us a cup of tea, and you can tell me why you’re home so early, ey?” He pulled back from her, giving her a small smile, and she nodded.
He went to make the tea, and she slumped onto the lounge, breathing deeply. When he brought a tray in a bit later, smiling at her kindly, she barely managed to smile back at him. How could she tell him any of it?
“Friend troubles, is it?” He asked kindly, pouring them both a cup, and she saw a plate of the short bread biscuits that had been her favourite as a child, and wanted to cry all over again.
“You could say that.” She took the cup of tea, breathed in the scent of it, reaching for a biscuit.
“Well, I’m sure whatever it is it will work out?” He sipped his own tea, looking at her, she realised, slightly fearfully under his kind smile. She realised the last time he’d seen her cry was when she was a small child.
“Why did you leave mum?” She asked, suddenly, and he blanched.
“Oh well, we didn’t.” He sighed, putting his cup down. “We didn’t get along so well, after a while. We were different, your mum and I. She’s very.” He sighed again, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “She didn’t want to be tied down. And she, I didn’t leave her, sweetheart.” He reached a hand to her knee, squeezing after a minute. “She left me, took you with her, broke my heart.” Naomi was alarmed to see tears in his eyes.
“Dad…” She started, but he sniffed quickly and squeezed her leg again, shaking his head.
“She’s your mother, Naomi. I know that. The woman I married, and your mum, well, they’re different people, and I won’t pretend to know them both.” He gave her a small smile. “I tried to find you, but she moved around so much that, well, it was nearly impossible. And when she called me,” He turned to her. “Asking if I’d mind if you stayed with me while you finished college, if I’d make sure you were alright cos she didn’t think you were happy with her, well, I don’t think I’ve been that happy, love, since the day you were born.” He squeezed her leg, again, and she put her hand over his. “But if you’re unhappy here, I’ll do whatever I can to help you, you have to know that.”
She took a deep breath, and nodded at him. “I’m not unhappy. Just. I’m a bit confused at the moment.”
He nodded, pulling his hand back and reaching for his tea. “You’re not, uh, pregnant are you, love?”
She nearly spat her tea out in shock. “Jesus. No.” She almost wanted to laugh at the relief on his face. “No, Dad, not pregnant.”
He sighed deeply, chuckling himself after a moment. “Well, whatever it is, it can’t be that bad then, can it?” As he smiled at her, looking into her eyes with kindness, she wondered if that was true.
That night, she dreamt Cassie was standing in front of her again, smiling and reaching her hand out, and there were arms wrapped around her from behind. Over Cassie’s shoulder, she could see bright red hair, and Cassie turned slightly, and there was Emily. Emily had her face against Cassie’s back, her arms around Cassie’s waist, squeezing her tightly, her eyes shut.
She watched as a tear leaked out from Emily’s eye, slipping down her cheek, and Naomi reached forward suddenly, taking Cassie’s hand.
V^^^^^V
Naomi held her head up high when she sat down on the bench, not completely surprised to see Emily sitting there waiting for her. Emily had made a move as if to stand up when Naomi approached, but had seemed to stop herself.
“Cassie’s interesting.” Naomi said, looking out across the park, seeing the elderly couple chatting and laughing together on the other bench.
“That wasn’t my idea.” Emily replied softly, and Naomi felt Emily’s eyes on her. “Your neck is healing really well.”
“Fuck you.” Naomi frowned, reaching up to touch her neck, and seeing Emily flinch out of the corner of her eye.
“I deserve that.” Emily murmured, sitting as far from Naomi on the bench as was possible.
“So. Vampires.” Naomi sat a little straighter, turning to glare at Emily. “Are you fucking kidding me?” She couldn’t control her voice, how angry and bewildered she sounded.
Emily licked her lips, giving her an awfully sheepish grin. “I wanted to tell you.” She shut her eyes for a moment. “But how the fuck do you tell someone you’re interested in that you’re a, well, monster?”
Naomi rolled her eyes. “I don’t know, but you fucking do it before like, feeding off them, or whatever. Seriously Emily. That’s fucked up.” Naomi angrily reached into her bag, pulling out a packet of cigarettes. “Do you want one?” She asked tersely, lighting her own, and Emily shook her head.
“We only smoke them so it looks like we’re breathing.” Emily looked at her beseechingly, and Naomi thought she was going to be ill again.
“Jesus Christ, this is real isn’t it?” She blew out the smoke, reaching her other hand up to rub her eyes.
“It wasn’t just about feeding off you, okay? You have to know that.” Emily had shifted closer to her, and Naomi frowned, shifting further away.
“I don’t know that. I don’t know anything.” Naomi felt her stomach drop, suddenly. “Is that why I was always so fucking hung over, then? Because of you?” She glared at Emily, feeling so much anger she didn’t know what to do with herself.
Emily shut her eyes. “Yes.” She said simply. “That first night you came out with us, was meant to be the only night. I liked you, I wanted to try you.” Emily flinched as Naomi swore next to her.
“Fucking Jesus, Emily.”
“I know. Just, please listen. It’s a give and take, okay? It’s how we avoid killing people. Give them drugs, feed off them a bit, let them go, and it all boils down to a hang over and no one gets hurt.” Emily licked her lips again, gazing out over the park, glancing at Naomi every now and again.
“You don’t think this hurt?” Naomi pointed to her neck, felt stupid because her voice was wavering and there were tears starting to form in her eyes again.
“I’m addicted to you.” Emily whispered desperately, moving closer to Naomi. “I can’t get enough of you. Do you know that?” Emily reached out, stopping just short of touching Naomi’s knee.
Naomi felt her breath catch, torn between anger and reciprocity. “You fucking used me.” She said, sucking on her cigarette and struggling to compose herself. “And you don’t even bloody exist!” She stubbed her cigarette out on the bench, turning to Emily. “And you fucked me in a bathroom stall.”
Emily flinched. “I didn’t mean to use you.” Naomi jerked her head away when Emily gently touched her fingers to her hair. “I’m so sorry.” She said, licking her lips again.
Naomi shut her eyes. They were only words, but they meant something. “What do you want from me?” She whispered, turning to stare at Emily, her eyes hurt and pleading with her not to lie this time.
Emily gazed back steadily, without blinking, licking her lips. “Just you. I want you.”
Naomi felt herself shudder, felt Emily take hold of her hand and squeeze.
“Be brave, Naomi, and want me back.”
V^^^^^V
Chapter Six: No More Dreaming Like A Girl So In Love With The Wrong World
Chapter: 5/9 Who Is The Lamb And Who Is The Knife
Pairing: Naomi/Emily
Word Count: 8593
Disclaimer: I don't own, or claim to own, anything related to Skins. Borrowing the characters and throwing them into an entirely different universe altogether. I also don't own Twilight, and wouldn't ever want to. Chapter title from Florence And The Machine's 'Rabbit Heart (Raise It Up)'
Summary: After things have taken a completely unexpected turn, Naomi turns to some familiar and one unfamiliar, but lovely, source to help her make sense not only of the possibility of vampires, but also of being a great dirty lez. (summary courtesy of doopits thanks, friend!)
Previous Chapters: Chapter One: Cause Anywhere Is Better Than Here
Chapter Two: Like Stars Burning Holes Right Through The Dark
Chapter Three: The Youth Is Starting To Change
Chapter Four: Happiness Hit Her Like A Bullet In The Back
Who Is The Lamb And Who Is The Knife
When she woke up she saw model airplanes suspended from a ceiling she’d never seen before. Her head hurt, and as she rolled onto her side, she heard a crinkling noise and felt something on her neck. She reached a hand up, still half asleep, and when she touched the bandages it all came rushing back.
Jesus fucking Christ.
She felt her heart thudding in her chest, and her eyes shot open. She thought, for a good few minutes, she was going to be sick. Violently. She sat up, clutching her stomach, and caught sight of three bodies in sleeping bags on the floor. She was breathing heavily, loudly. Her eyes were drawn to one of the walls in the bedroom she was in, and she frowned at it when she realised what it was.
It was a map, of sorts, with names scrawled all over it, in different colours, and a network of lines linking them all. Above the lines, words were written and scribbled out. She saw her own name, and threw back the blankets, getting out of the small single bed, and treading carefully over the sleeping bodies on the floor.
Naomi was linked to Pandora although the word friend written above the line had a question mark next to it. The same was above the lines to Thomas and JJ, and she felt slightly guilty as she reached out to run her hand over them. She traced another line from her name that led to Emily and jerked her hand back when she realised her fingers had lingered over the letters. Above the line was written friend or victim? and she frowned at it, stepping backwards and away from the wall. She cast her eyes over the other names, Cook’s and Katie’s, Effy’s and Freddie’s, the lines between them blurred as tears began to leak out of her eyes. She tripped on someone, falling to the ground, and starting to cry because she didn’t know. Didn’t know anything, any more, the least of all what she meant to anyone.
V^^^^^V
She remembered Pandora squealing and jerking the car forward, driving like a maniac as Cook had made as if to run after them. She thought she’d seen Effy behind him, holding his arm back, but she wasn’t sure. She also thought she’d seen fucking fangs in Emily’s mouth. But surely that had been the drugs. Fucking surely that wasn’t real.
She’d held her hand to her neck, had tried not to cry when JJ delicately applied a bandage, even though, as he pointed out, the blood was already congealing around the wounds. She wanted to check her thigh, had an awful feeling she knew what the sharpness had been against it in the bathroom cubicle, but the very thought had brought back everything that happened in the tiny stall, and it made her stomach drop with sickness and heat, and she was still fucking high as anything and it was all too much.
Thomas had tried to talk to her, but once the bandage was on her neck she put her face in her hands and refused to look at anyone.
JJ had rambled about following her, because they were worried she’d been brainwashed, and had finally gotten the courage to intervene. She didn’t know if he wanted a fucking congratulations or what, but she didn’t acknowledge anything he’d said, only a slight nod when he suggested they all camp at his house on account of staying together.
She had woken them up when she’d tripped over Pandora, falling to the ground and bursting into tears, and Pandora had looked at her in alarm before crawling over and hugging her, awkwardly. JJ jumped up, mumbling something about blood levels and left the room, and Thomas had offered a kind hand to her shoulder, rubbing gently and softly singing a French song she didn’t recognise.
“Here. It’s full of vitamin C and excellent for blood loss as mum always makes me drink at least a litre when I donate.” JJ thrust a juice bottle in her face, and Naomi just stared at it for a moment because, really. She saw Emily offering her the same with a guilty smile, and pushed Pandora off of her.
“I’m going to be sick.” She stood up quickly, pushing past JJ and leaving the bedroom, completely lost because she didn’t know where the bathroom was.
“Second door on the left.” Thomas said behind her, and she lurched toward it.
As she vomited into the toilet, feeling her neck twinge with slight pain every time she did so, reminding her of whatever the fuck had happened the night before, she realised, to add insult to injury, that she wasn’t wearing underwear. And she remembered why, couldn’t get the whole thing out of her head for just a moment. Saw Emily moving downwards, felt Emily’s tongue in her mouth and thigh between her legs, heard the ripping sound of her underwear, felt something sharp against her thigh even as Emily’s fingers curled inside her.
Fuck. She was going to have a panic attack.
She rested her head against the toilet seat, reached up blindly until she found the flush button, and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. She was fucking hung over, and confused. The previous night felt like a dream, like it couldn’t be real. If she wasn’t in fucking JJ’s house, because that had to be where she was, she would’ve written the whole thing off as a bad trip. She felt her neck bandage, and quickly pulled her skirt up, peering at the bit of skin that joined her groin to her thigh, and finding nothing. No marks, no bruises, no sign that skin had broken at all. She sighed in relief, because maybe that meant, maybe that was because, maybe this whole thing was…
She remembered, then, Emily rubbing her thumb over her neck after that first night they’d gone out. Rubbing away the raised bumps of what she’d thought was a hickey. Remembered Emily lingering over the area near her groin after she’d orgasmed, shook her head because the whole thing was ridiculous, and impossible, and there had to be a better explanation. Maybe someone had accidently cut her as Thomas and JJ had dragged her away? And maybe the light had caught Emily’s teeth oddly, making them appear bigger than they were?
She took heaving breaths, standing and washing her hands in the sink. She stared at her own reflection, looked at the bandage, brought the edges of it back with trembling fingers, and examined the wound underneath. There were two slightly raised bumps, a small perfect hole in the middle of each, not too far apart. She hastily pressed the edges of the bandage back against her skin, and hurried back to JJ’s bedroom.
“Naomi, are you alright?” JJ stepped forward, Pandora and Thomas giving her concerned looks.
“I want to go home.” She hugged her arms around herself, couldn’t look at any of them.
“Do you want to talk about it? Because my therapist is dead keen on talking through hardship, says it helps ease the pain and shock and if you’d like to, we’d all love to talk to you about it.” JJ gave her an anxious smile, and she found herself staring at his braces for a moment, flashes of Emily entering her mind, but she pushed them away.
“I just want to go home.” She murmured, and Thomas smiled at her.
“Of course. You need your own bed, your father. We will talk when you are ready. Please. Pandora, you can show her where the phone is?” He turned to Pandora, who looked at him slightly panicked.
“Bonkers! I have to call mum, promised her I was staying at Aunt Elizabeth’s. She’s probably gone mental! Come on, Nai.” Pandora grabbed her by the arm, and led her out of the bedroom.
“My phone…” Naomi started, and then realised she’d left her jacket, and phone, and keys, and everything, in the car Effy had picked her up in the night before.
“You can call first.” Pandora offered her, holding out the phone with a shy smile. “Don’t worry, Nai. It gets easier.”
Naomi stared at Pandora for a moment, before taking the phone and dialling her dad. She had no idea what she was going to say to him about her neck, or why she probably looked like absolute shit. But before he arrived, Pandora took her into the bathroom and helped her wash her face, and all three of them gave her a hug when her dad showed up, his smile halfway between delight and confusion.
“I thought you were out with Emily last night, sweetheart.” He said as she buckled her seatbelt and squinted at the sunlight shining right into her bloody eyes.
“Change of plan.” She just said, turning her head, and she felt his eyes on her neck.
“Something happen to you last night?” He asked, his voice concerned and a hand reaching over to gently touch her knee.
She forced herself to look at him, give him a smile. “Just an accident, we were playing twister and Pandora’s nails are really long and…” She trailed off, shrugging as he mock winced.
They didn’t talk after that, and when she got home she went straight to her bedroom and lay down, shutting her eyes and forcing herself to think of someone beating a drum, over and over, the steady rhythm making it easier to block everything out and fall to sleep.
She didn’t dream, thankfully. Slipped into complete blackness, and only woke up because her dad was knocking gently on her door, and when she called for him to come in she saw her jacket in his hands. She sat up, her heart starting to race.
“Where did you get that?” She asked, and he just smiled.
“Your friend Emily dropped it off, said you’d left it in her car when she dropped you at JJ’s house. Lovely girl, that.” He gently put her jacket on her bed, and she stared at it.
“Emily was here?” Her voice cracked, and she hated that she wanted to run down the stairs in case she was still there.
“Said she couldn’t stay long. I invited her in, the poor thing was just standing there in the rain, but she was in quite the rush.” Her dad paused before leaving her room. “Naomi, are you alright? You’re sleeping an awful lot today.” His brow creased, and she wanted to roll her eyes at the concern on his face, because he had no bloody clue.
“Yeah, dad. Just had a busy week at college, catching up. You know.” She watched him nod, and shut her door behind her, and she lunged at her jacket.
Her phone was in one of the pockets, her purse in another, cigarettes and lighter all there. She hated herself for it, but pulled her jacket to her nose and inhaled, the faintest trace of Emily lingering in the material. She felt herself starting to cry again, and shook her head, willing herself to pull it together.
She stared at her phone, a single message from Emily staring back at her. ‘I’m so sorry. Please let me explain. I’ll wait till you call me. It’s not what you think.’ and she scrolled through her phone book until she found Emily’s name, her thumb hovering over the ‘Call’ button. She bit her lip, and threw her phone onto her bed.
She didn’t believe in vampires. She didn’t even believe in God. She was disinclined to believe in anything that didn’t have a scientific explanation behind it. Yes, her neck had weird puncture marks in the exact bloody spot that Emily had been nuzzling. But that could’ve been enthusiasm, particularly since they’d just fucked in the bathroom and Emily hadn’t, well, experienced any kind of release. Naomi shut her eyes as she remembered the orgasm, and Emily’s tongue against her. No one had done that to her before, and she felt the slight stirrings of arousal as she remembered. Her eyes shot open. Fuck’s sake, she had more to deal with right now.
She put her hands over her face, and took a deep breath.
Plus, she’d been on drugs, amazing drugs, and couldn’t be certain that what she’d seen around Emily’s mouth, or in her mouth, were actually real. Right? The lights were flashing, and there were loads of people around, and maybe it had been nothing? Thomas and JJ were the ones she should be angry at, filling her head with this shit. It wasn’t real. It couldn’t be.
She lay down on her back, staring at her ceiling, wishing it was night time so she could see the fake little stars on her ceiling.
They never ate anything. That was weird. It would’ve been weirder if any of them were overweight, though, she thought. They could all have some kind of eating disorder. That could explain it.
Fuck’s sake, she thought, why was she even debating this? There was a rational explanation. Had to be.
She’d never seen any of them in sunlight. But so what? They went camping, right? And colleges let their students go camping whenever the sun shone all the fucking time, she thought and rolled over with a frown. And they all lived together in some kind of commune, and Chris had looked really young, her own age, but had graduated years before…
Well, fuck. Obviously he was some kind of child genius. Or had, as he said, good genes.
She’d never actually seen them take drugs, had she? Had swallowed her own, but never once seen any of them, particularly Emily, with a pill of their own. Had assumed they took them before giving her one, which was weird now she thought of it. The few times she had done pills in London, they’d all taken them at the same time to ensure they’d all hit together.
And, her stomach dropped, the sharpness in her mouth when things with Emily got too heated. Her lip had bled both times, and the first time Emily had moved so fast to the end of the bed, had moved so incredibly fast…
No, she thought, sitting up quickly. No. It was bloody impossible. She remembered Cook howling with laughter when she’d told them after JJ’s birthday that someone thought they were vampires, remembered Pandora’s pyjama party story. Emily’s version had made sense. They just got out of control, and that was that. Cook was an aggressive lover, hence Pandora’s bruises, and Pandora’s mum probably hurt herself going to the bathroom or something.
It could all be explained. Had to be explained. She wished, for the first time, that they really were a sex cult because at least that didn’t require her to have a mental breakdown. Well, not too much of one.
Later, she pushed her food around her plate, eating half-heartedly. Every time she chewed something, especially the steak, she had a flash of one of them against the neck of a stranger at a club. She’d seen them all do it over the weeks, hooking up with randoms, always the same aggressive neck kissing. Every single week.
Which, she thought, gently touching her fingers to the bandage against her neck, what the fuck did Emily do to her neck every week? And her hands, when Emily touched Naomi’s knee, or arm, or neck, or anywhere, were always cool. Not cold, and not unpleasant, but just cool, while her own always became clammy and sweaty in the clubs, or sometimes while they slept.
Naomi excused herself after dinner, citing coursework responsibility, ignored her dad’s concerned look and rushed upstairs to her room. She wanted to remember putting her head on Emily’s chest, and hearing a heartbeat. Wanted to, but couldn’t. Had that ever happened? As silly as it was, she was starting to become desperate for anything that pointed toward normalcy.
She threw herself on her bed, curling into a ball and screwing her eyes shut, jumping slightly when her phone started to buzz. She picked it up quickly, seeing Thomas’ name on her screen.
“Hi.” She said, putting an arm over eyes.
“Are you alright?”
She sighed. “Not sure, really. Can’t seem to work it all out.”
“It would be very hard.”
“Yeah, well. Thanks for checking up on me.” She rubbed her eyes for a moment, as she heard whispered voices on the other end, and a scuffling.
“Naomi, hi. I just wanted to put forward again that if you wanted to talk about things that could be very beneficial for you and I’m here, if you like, to listen because while I may talk a lot I’m also a very good listener and I would,” She listened as he swallowed and sucked in a breath. “Listen to you.”
“Thanks, JJ.” She felt tears coming to her eyes again, and wondered when the fuck she’d become so emotional. “I just can’t make sense of it.”
“Of course, it’s scientifically impossible.”
She snorted. “Yeah. Listen, even if they are what you say they are. Aren’t you worried they’ll come after you?”
She heard JJ’s voice crack just slightly. “Absolutely. However, they didn’t when me and Thomas befriended Pandora after what they did to her, and if I look at it from a perspective other than fear, I think it would be silly of them to come after us because no one believes us anyway and I think that, since they’re at college, they’re trying to fit in or something and killing us would expose them quite a bit. I think so, anyway.”
“Right.” She said, sighing again, because she couldn’t believe she was talking seriously about vampires with JJ, of all people.
“Of course, I’m bloody petrified hence Thomas and Pandora are staying at mine again. Luckily Pandora’s aunt is more relaxed than her mother, or we’d get arrested for kidnapping or something.”
She listened as JJ chuckled. “Why do you think it was me?” She asked softly, squeezing her eyes shut, hoping JJ understood what she meant and she wouldn’t have to explain.
She heard JJ sigh, and then mumble the question to someone else. She heard shuffling, and then Thomas was back.
“I do not think it was anything you did. I think it was just unfortunate that they could get to you. They are very charming. Anyone would succumb.”
Naomi opened her eyes. That wasn’t the answer she expected, nor wanted, nor believed.
“Thanks. For everything. Even the apparent stalking.” She half smiled at her ceiling, rolling her eyes at herself.
“You are welcome. Call us if you need company, or are in trouble. We will see you on Monday?”
She paused, then, biting her lip. The thought of college was awful.
“You’re still going? Even if they’re there?” She didn’t want to, not one bit.
“Of course. There is nothing they can do to us there except call us names, and glare. And they do that anyway.”
“Well, glad you’re so calm about it. Bye, Thomas.” She hung up, feeling slightly disappointed when she saw that Emily hadn’t messaged her again. The thought made her feel sick. She didn’t want to keep thinking of Emily, particularly with anything resembling fondness.
But what had happened in the bathroom, well. Even if Emily was some blood sucking creature from hell, she’d still had sex, with a girl, in a bathroom, and it had been the most incredible experience of her life. She hadn’t known she could orgasm that hard, hadn’t known she could feel that much from kissing someone. Hadn’t known that she could want someone that badly.
It was decidedly unfair, she thought, that not only did she have to deal with possibly being a lesbian, but also the notion of freaking vampires as well.
V^^^^^V
On Monday she waved to her dad with a cheery smile as she left the house, Emily usually driving her to school these days, and only let it fall from her face when she’d locked the front gate behind her. She wasn’t going to college. Couldn’t stomach the idea. Had spent the previous day shut up in her room, sometimes staring at her phone, sometimes at her neck, wondering what the fuck she was meant to do.
She wanted to call Emily, but every time she went to she felt like she was going to have a panic attack, kept seeing her in the club with the fangs. Or big teeth. Or whatever they were. And blood on her mouth.
She almost called JJ the night before, wanting to talk to someone because she was driving herself crazy. But she didn’t want confirmation that vampires actually existed, as he would try to convince her. Because he seemed to believe it. And she wanted to talk to someone who didn’t, and who wouldn’t look at her like she was crazy.
Which ruled out everyone, really.
She would call Emily. Eventually. As she walked down her street, wondering where she would go, she looked at the clouds overhead and couldn’t help but wonder what would happen at college. Would Cook beat the shit out of Thomas and JJ, and Katie attack Pandora? Or would Cook, Katie, and even Emily, laugh at the three fucking vampire evading musketeers because of how ridiculous the whole thing was? And her. Would they be laughing at her because she, maybe, believed it too? Jesus, she thought, looking away from the sky. She didn’t know which was worse.
She walked aimlessly, gripping her shoulder bag tightly against her. She wanted to go back to London, wanted her mother. Wanted the world she knew back because this one was making her bloody mental.
Every time a car drove by her, she glanced at it, half expecting Emily to find her, demand she get inside and tell her the whole thing was nonsense. But none of them stopped, none of them were recognisable. She was alone.
She kept walking, having no idea where she was going, nor even how long she’d been walking for. She saw a park, and thought, fuck it.
It was lovely, really, and there weren’t many people in it. Some walking, some sitting on benches with newspapers and steam rising off the cups they held, almost all of them above the age of fifty. Naomi walked through it until she saw an empty bench under a large tree, and walked toward it, sitting down with a small sigh, closing her eyes and breathing in. Well, this was better than college, at least.
She turned her head, saw an elderly couple on a bench a little ways off. She felt the corners of her mouth lift slightly as she watched them. The woman had a knitted hat on her head, and was laughing and pointing at the tree above Naomi. Naomi could hear chirping, and wondered if the woman was laughing at birds. Which would have made her roll her eyes, but it was almost sweet, particularly since the woman kept nudging the man next to her, and he was doing his best to ignore her. He was holding a newspaper, his glasses painfully thick even from a distance. The woman was undeterred by his refusal to look at what was making her so happy, and after a while reached into the bag by her side and pulled out a sandwich, handing one half to the man who took it without looking at her. Naomi watched them as they ate, something in her chest squeezing when the man finished his sandwich and put a hand on the woman’s knee, patting it as she leaned into his shoulder.
“Sweet, aren’t they?” A voice said beside her, and Naomi turned quickly to see a girl standing near her, a smile on her face, long blonde hair moving with the breeze.
“Yeah, I suppose.” Naomi replied, feeling slightly embarrassed that she’d been caught watching an elderly couple, because really.
“I’ve always wanted a love like that.” The girl said, and Naomi frowned slightly.
“Like what?” She had no idea who this person was, and something was telling her to get up and walk away, or be rude enough so the girl would.
“That lasts.” The girl shrugged slightly, looking at Naomi with wide open eyes. “May I sit with you?” She asked, and Naomi felt a tinge of annoyance. She wanted to be alone, wasn’t that bloody obvious?
“I guess.” Naomi shifted slightly, though there was more than enough room on the bench. The girl sat down happily.
“Do you like the park?” The girl was leaning forward, her hands resting on the edge of the seat, looking at Naomi over her shoulder.
“It’s nice.” Naomi said, grabbing her bag and deciding she would find somewhere else.
“I hope you don’t mind me joining you. I didn’t particularly feel like being alone.” The girl shut her eyes as a strong breeze rustled the leaves above them, and made the ends of her hair dance around her shoulders.
Naomi shrugged, sighing. Fuck it, she thought. Maybe this would be a good distraction.
“You alright?” Naomi bit her lip, squinting slightly at the girl next to her, not really caring about the answer. But maybe she was a mental case, and fucked if she didn’t feel like one at the moment too.
“Everything will be.” The girl opened her eyes, looking sideways at Naomi. “You don’t look alright.” The girl shut her eyes again as another breeze blew past them.
Naomi thought she should feel offended, but she didn’t. “No.” She squinted at the sky, wondering if it was going to rain. “Things have turned to shit.”
The girl opened her eyes, gazed at Naomi for a moment, and then smiled suddenly. “Oh, wow, that’s sad for you.”
Naomi frowned, wondering why the bloody hell the girl was smiling. “Right.” She said, deciding again that she was going to leave. This girl was giving her the creeps.
“You should talk about it.” The girl leant backwards, resting against the bench, and turned to Naomi expectantly. Naomi sighed, what the fuck, really?
“It’s slightly unbelievable.” Naomi glanced at the girl, and then rolled her eyes. “Completely, actually.” She watched as the girl gave her a bright smile.
“Completely unbelievable is my favourite.”
Naomi raised her eyebrows. “I’m talking science fiction, impossible stuff.”
“Like Frankenstein?” The girl lifted her hands, moving them over the breeze, as if she was conducting an invisible orchestra. “Or extraterrestrials? I think they’re lovely.”
“What?” Naomi, despite herself, was intrigued. The girl was peculiar, but had something about her. Not that she found her attractive, or anything, because she might’ve had lesbian sex but it hadn’t turned her into a raging bull dyke. Something about this girl calmed her, and she realised she hadn’t thought specifically of Emily since the girl had sat down.
“Intelligent life existing on other planets. More advanced than us silly humans, experimenting on us like we do on rats. Knowing we’re not the only ones responsible.”
“Responsible for what?” Naomi was watching the girl as she stopped moving her hands, and looked back at Naomi.
“The universe.” The girl smiled at her again, her eyes drifting shut and her face turning toward the sky. “I really like this park.” She said, and Naomi felt something click as she thought this girl had to be on something. For some reason, the thought relaxed her.
Naomi chuckled. “I suppose so. Interesting way to look at it.” Naomi leant back, shutting her eyes briefly too as another breeze blew against them.
“I think it’s best to look at things from as many ways as possible. So you get every detail, and don’t miss anything.” When Naomi opened her eyes, the girl had tilted her head slightly and was gazing her. “There is always another side to a story.”
Naomi looked away from the girl, feeling slightly creeped out again.
“Have you ever read Gregory Maguire?” The girl asked suddenly, and Naomi shook her head. “I love him. He writes fairytales from the perspective of the bad characters, and makes you realise they weren’t so bad. Someone else just painted them that way.”
“Right.” Naomi mumbled, looking over to the other bench and watching as the old man helped the woman stand up, and they started to shuffle their way out of the park. As the man shakily opened an umbrella, Naomi realised it was starting to rain. “Fuck.” She said, standing.
The girl blinked at the sky, smiling in the rain. “Perhaps I’ll see you again?”
Naomi shrugged, walking quickly backwards. “Bye.” She said, turning and starting to run, remembering she’d seen a bus shelter on her way and standing under it, shivering. When a bus pulled up, she got onto it, and only got off when it reached a strip of cafes and shops.
She sat in a cafe, sipping hot chocolate, her philosophy coursework spread out in front of her because, she thought, even if she wasn’t going she didn’t want to fall behind again. She kept thinking of the girl in the park though, and what she’d said. It was true, really. Emily deserved to have her side of the story heard. She scratched absently at the bandage on her neck, wincing when it hurt.
V^^^^^V
She called JJ instead, that night.
“How was today?” She asked, biting her lip harder than she meant and grimacing.
“Strangely normal, which wasn’t to be expected but is awfully relieving.”
She frowned. “They didn’t say anything?”
“Oh well, Cook spouted the usual insults at me, and kept throwing paper at Pandora in philosophy, and at lunch time he was glaring at us quite strongly, but otherwise we evaded being killed or maimed in anyway.”
She rolled her eyes as JJ chuckled, because this wasn’t fucking funny.
“And Emily?” She asked tersely, waiting as JJ paused.
“She wasn’t there today. Or Katie, for that matter, which was extra relieving for me.”
She blew out a breath. Right. So Emily was avoiding her as much as she was avoiding Emily? If she wasn’t a bloody vampire, why else bother? She felt a heaviness in her stomach, and closed her eyes.
“Will you be there tomorrow, Naomi? Or do you want to, well, talk about anything…”
She cut him off. “I don’t know, JJ. And no, I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t even know what I’m meant to be talking about.” She sighed.
“I can’t imagine it’s easy being in love with a vampire.” He said softly, and for a moment she had no idea what to say.
“I have to go.” She hated that her voice was shaky, and that his was strong.
“I hope to see you tomorrow.”
“Bye, JJ.” She hung up, heart thudding in her chest, and she wondered how much more of this she could take before she had a heart attack.
She wasn’t in love with Emily. That was stupid. She’d had sex with her, really quite good sex actually, and couldn’t get her out of her head. But that wasn’t love. It wasn’t love that she missed her so much she could hardly stand it, or that her heart beat impossibly fast at the thought of calling her. She touched her neck, the bandage off, and ran her fingers gently over the raised bumps. That, certainly, wasn’t love.
That night she dreamt of the girl in the park, smiling at her softly and reaching toward her. The girl had someone else’s arms wrapped around her, from behind, but Naomi couldn’t make out who it was. The girl reached toward her, but Naomi couldn’t bring herself to reach back.
V^^^^^V
She sat on the same bench in the park the next day not because she expected to see the girl again, but because she liked the view. Particularly liked that the old couple were back. This time the woman had a book, and the man was dozing next to her.
Naomi was smiling as she watched them, feeling at ease.
“Oh, wow, what happened to your neck?” The girl was seated on the bench beside her, and Naomi was slightly alarmed to realise she hadn’t noticed her approach.
Naomi reached her fingers up quickly to touch the slightly raised bumps, and blushed. “I don’t really know.” Because she didn’t.
“Is it painful?” The girl was staring at the marks.
“Sometimes.” Naomi replied, thinking, in more ways than one.
“A dog bit me when I was very young, and I remember that hurting.” The girl absently ran the fingers of one hand over the back of the other.
“Oh?” Naomi just said, rummaging through her bag and pulling out a sandwich. “Want half?” She asked, feeling her breath catch slightly because she really wanted the answer to be ‘Yes’.
“Oh, wow, thanks.” Said the girl, reaching for the half sandwich, and Naomi bit into her own, squinting at the elderly couple as they did the same. “Spencer. That was his name.”
Naomi looked at the girl, chewing quickly and swallowing. “Pardon?”
“The dog that bit me. He was mine, and I was being too rough with him. So he bit me.” The girl was playing with the sandwich in her hand, and after a moment Naomi looked away.
“I’ve never had a dog.” She said, taking another bite.
“They’re lovely, I think everyone should have one at least once.” The girl smiled happily, her eyes drifting shut for a moment.
“Even though yours bit you?” Naomi raised an eyebrow, finishing her half sandwich and sipping from a bottle of water she’d remembered to bring.
“He didn’t mean it. We were playing, and I was too rough, and he bit me by accident. I knew he felt terrible afterwards. I still loved him.” The girl leant backwards, eyes opening, and Naomi realised the half sandwich was gone from her hands. She offered the water bottle, but the girl shook her head.
“Well, a dog doesn’t really know any better.” Naomi shrugged, looking back at the elderly couple as the man woke up, and opened a newspaper.
“You didn’t tell me, yesterday, about the completely unbelievable something that’s bothering you.” The girl had shut her eyes again, and Naomi wondered for a moment why she kept doing that.
“Oh, well.” Naomi took a deep breath. “Believe in vampires, by any chance?” Because the girl was loopy, anyway, so why the fuck not?
“Yes.” The girl said, smiling and tilting her head toward the sky.
“Oh.” Naomi said back, frowning because she hadn’t expected that, or had at least expected more than that.
“Is that what bit you?” The girl was looking at her, blinking prettily.
“I don’t know.” Naomi replied, and her shoulders sagged. “There was this girl, at college, Emily,” Naomi glanced sideways at the girl when she said Emily’s name. “And I thought we were really good friends, and then, now, I don’t know. I think she might’ve been, well, using me. But I also,” Naomi sighed deeply, the girl smiling at her patiently. “Don’t believe in vampires, so.”
“So why be wary of something you don’t believe in?” The girl raised her eyebrows, and Naomi frowned.
“Because I don’t know what to believe.” And it was true. The same thoughts had been rattling around her head for days, and she hadn’t come to a solution, or at least one she could stomach.
“Tell me more about Emily. I think that name is lovely.” The girl shut her eyes, lifting her face toward the sky and waited.
Naomi wasn’t sure where to begin. “Well, she’s very nice. Or I thought she was. She has this bright red hair, like really bright, but she pulls it off. And a freckle near her eye, on her cheek. I don’t know why I like it so much, but I do. And sometimes, when she laughs, it makes everything else not matter.” Naomi blushed, awfully, and shifted awkwardly on the bench.
“It sounds to me like you love her.” The girl was smiling at the sky, and Naomi felt panicked for a moment. “The Beatles were right, you know.”
Naomi frowned, annoyed that the girl kept wandering off during their conversations and she couldn’t seem to follow. “I don’t love her.” Naomi said, her voice low, and she scoffed, embarrassed.
The girl looked at her after a moment, reaching her hand out to gently touch Naomi’s knee. Her hand was cool, and Naomi shivered slightly, as a breeze blew up around them.
“There used to be something in me that made me hate everything.” The girl shrugged, taking her hand away. “But then the sky opened up, and so did everything else, and I realised all you need is love. Everything else makes you rot inside.” The girl pulled a face, but started smiling again.
Naomi floundered for a moment, and then stood. “Right, well, nice to talk to you again but I should go.” She felt stupid, hating herself for opening up.
“Perhaps I’ll see you again?” The girl had her eyes shut, was swaying slightly and humming.
Naomi didn’t respond, walked away from the girl briskly, and everything she’d said to her. She caught the bus to the cafe again, spreading coursework in front of her, and frowning at it until she stopped thinking about her stupid declaration and could focus on it.
She was definitely not calling Emily that night. Or ever. Maybe. Particularly since she was definitely not in love with her, and resented that anyone thought so.
V^^^^^V
“I’m not in love with Emily.” She said, instead of ‘Hello.’ when JJ picked his phone up that night, and she huffed out an exasperated breath.
“Oh, well then, if you say so Naomi, though it would be understandable particularly if you’d been brainwashed or something which, I believe, they do so you let them drink from you.”
“Fuck’s sake, who even says they exist at all? Why the fuck did you even intervene because I was happy, JJ, before you and bloody Thomas ruined everything!” She hung up on him, throwing her phone into the corner of her room, and then throwing herself onto her bed.
Again she dreamt of the girl that night, reaching toward her, with arms wrapped around her from behind. The arms were clutching the girl tightly, and Naomi thought she caught a glimpse of bright red hair over the girl’s shoulder. But still, she didn’t reach back.
V^^^^^V
The girl was waiting for her when Naomi walked over to the bench, and sat down without a word.
“They’re not here today.” The girl nodded toward the other bench, and Naomi felt a little disappointed that the elderly couple weren’t sitting there, after all.
Naomi didn’t say anything, just looked around the park, slipping her shoes off and running her feet through the grass.
“I believe in everything.” The girl said softly, and began to hum again as Naomi sighed and then looked at her.
“Everything?” Naomi asked, because that was silly.
“Yes.” The girl just said, slipping off her own shoes and scrunching her toes delightedly in the ground.
“Why?” Naomi frowned, curling her toes over blades of grass and trying to pull them out.
“Why not?” The girl responded, smiling at the sky. “I don’t mind admitting that there are things beyond my comprehension. That the world is much bigger than me.”
Naomi wanted to roll her eyes. “But some things are impossible.” She muttered, her face lighting up when she saw the elderly couple shuffling slowly to the other bench, her arm through his.
“Is Emily, your Emily who you don’t want to love, a vampire?” The girl was watching the couple too, her head tilted to the side.
“Allegedly.” Naomi replied, watching as the couple sat themselves down and pulled a book and a newspaper out of a bag.
“Your neck looks better.” The girl said, and Naomi nodded. There were just scabs on her neck now, the bumps gone, and it didn’t really hurt anymore. “Have you talked to her?”
Naomi shook her head. “I can’t. I don’t know what to say.” Naomi sighed, reaching into her bag for her sandwich, offering half to the girl, who took it.
“You could say, ‘Are you a vampire?’, and see what she says?” The girl was smiling coyly, playing with the sandwich, and Naomi rolled her eyes, biting into her own.
“And she could say, ‘Are you crazy?’, and laugh in my face.” Naomi chewed, squinting at the sky.
“Is that a bad response?” The girl asked, shifting herself back until her legs could swing back and forth over the edge of the bench.
“Well, not really I suppose. Better than, ‘Yes, prepare to die.’” Naomi snorted, feeling lighter than she had in days.
“Better than constantly wondering.” The girl said softly, jumping up when Naomi looked at her and tumbling onto the grass. The girl lay on her back, her arms behind her head, and her eyes closed. “Can I ask you a question?” The girl squinted at her for a moment, and Naomi shrugged, finishing her sandwich, wondering when the girl had finished hers. “If your Emily is a vampire, and wants to kill you, why didn’t she when she had the chance?” The girl started to hum softly again, and Naomi frowned, taking longer to drink from her bottled water than she needed.
“So what, you’re saying that she isn’t a vampire, and I’m just stupid?” Naomi put her water in her bag, feeling entirely stupid because that question hadn’t entered her head once.
“Maybe.” The girl said. “Maybe I’m saying she is a vampire, but doesn’t actually mean you harm. She sounds lovely. She doesn’t sound like a killer. And she could’ve, at any time since you’ve known her, any night you’d gone out with her, any of them could’ve killed you. Easily.” The girl was staring at her now, a smile on her face, her eyes wide and intense.
Naomi felt her blood run cold. “I didn’t tell you any of that.” She hurriedly put her water in her bag as the girl shrugged.
“You don’t have to tell someone something for them to know it, Naomi.” The girl gazed at her calmly. “Oh, wow.” She said softly, as Naomi realised she hadn’t told the girl her name.
“Fuck.” Naomi said, standing. “Who are you?” She felt her breath hitch, felt her heart starting to hammer in her chest.
The girl stood gracefully, her head tilted, a delighted smile on her face. “My name is Cassie, and I’m ever so enchanted to meet you.” The girl stuck her hand out, and Naomi recoiled from it.
“But, but you ate my sandwich.” Which was pathetic to say, but she didn’t know what else she could say.
“Did I?” Cassie said back, laughing and clapping her hands together. Naomi frowned, looking at the bench, seeing bits of white between the bench slats, the sandwich halves on the ground beneath the tree.
Naomi ran, then, feeling stupidity and anger licking at her heels, and tears in her eyes. She ran the entire way home, her dad reaching for her in alarm when she burst through the front door, and she was grateful that he just held her, and waited till she had calmed down to ask any questions.
“Naomi, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” He stroked her hair, and she clung to him tightly.
“I hate it here.” She sobbed into his shoulder, and he sighed.
“Oh love, I thought you were doing so well.”
She breathed in the smell of him, trying to calm herself down, letting the feeling of his hand against her hair ground her.
“I’m not.” She mumbled, feeling childish.
“Why don’t I make us a cup of tea, and you can tell me why you’re home so early, ey?” He pulled back from her, giving her a small smile, and she nodded.
He went to make the tea, and she slumped onto the lounge, breathing deeply. When he brought a tray in a bit later, smiling at her kindly, she barely managed to smile back at him. How could she tell him any of it?
“Friend troubles, is it?” He asked kindly, pouring them both a cup, and she saw a plate of the short bread biscuits that had been her favourite as a child, and wanted to cry all over again.
“You could say that.” She took the cup of tea, breathed in the scent of it, reaching for a biscuit.
“Well, I’m sure whatever it is it will work out?” He sipped his own tea, looking at her, she realised, slightly fearfully under his kind smile. She realised the last time he’d seen her cry was when she was a small child.
“Why did you leave mum?” She asked, suddenly, and he blanched.
“Oh well, we didn’t.” He sighed, putting his cup down. “We didn’t get along so well, after a while. We were different, your mum and I. She’s very.” He sighed again, rubbing his eyes with one hand. “She didn’t want to be tied down. And she, I didn’t leave her, sweetheart.” He reached a hand to her knee, squeezing after a minute. “She left me, took you with her, broke my heart.” Naomi was alarmed to see tears in his eyes.
“Dad…” She started, but he sniffed quickly and squeezed her leg again, shaking his head.
“She’s your mother, Naomi. I know that. The woman I married, and your mum, well, they’re different people, and I won’t pretend to know them both.” He gave her a small smile. “I tried to find you, but she moved around so much that, well, it was nearly impossible. And when she called me,” He turned to her. “Asking if I’d mind if you stayed with me while you finished college, if I’d make sure you were alright cos she didn’t think you were happy with her, well, I don’t think I’ve been that happy, love, since the day you were born.” He squeezed her leg, again, and she put her hand over his. “But if you’re unhappy here, I’ll do whatever I can to help you, you have to know that.”
She took a deep breath, and nodded at him. “I’m not unhappy. Just. I’m a bit confused at the moment.”
He nodded, pulling his hand back and reaching for his tea. “You’re not, uh, pregnant are you, love?”
She nearly spat her tea out in shock. “Jesus. No.” She almost wanted to laugh at the relief on his face. “No, Dad, not pregnant.”
He sighed deeply, chuckling himself after a moment. “Well, whatever it is, it can’t be that bad then, can it?” As he smiled at her, looking into her eyes with kindness, she wondered if that was true.
That night, she dreamt Cassie was standing in front of her again, smiling and reaching her hand out, and there were arms wrapped around her from behind. Over Cassie’s shoulder, she could see bright red hair, and Cassie turned slightly, and there was Emily. Emily had her face against Cassie’s back, her arms around Cassie’s waist, squeezing her tightly, her eyes shut.
She watched as a tear leaked out from Emily’s eye, slipping down her cheek, and Naomi reached forward suddenly, taking Cassie’s hand.
V^^^^^V
Naomi held her head up high when she sat down on the bench, not completely surprised to see Emily sitting there waiting for her. Emily had made a move as if to stand up when Naomi approached, but had seemed to stop herself.
“Cassie’s interesting.” Naomi said, looking out across the park, seeing the elderly couple chatting and laughing together on the other bench.
“That wasn’t my idea.” Emily replied softly, and Naomi felt Emily’s eyes on her. “Your neck is healing really well.”
“Fuck you.” Naomi frowned, reaching up to touch her neck, and seeing Emily flinch out of the corner of her eye.
“I deserve that.” Emily murmured, sitting as far from Naomi on the bench as was possible.
“So. Vampires.” Naomi sat a little straighter, turning to glare at Emily. “Are you fucking kidding me?” She couldn’t control her voice, how angry and bewildered she sounded.
Emily licked her lips, giving her an awfully sheepish grin. “I wanted to tell you.” She shut her eyes for a moment. “But how the fuck do you tell someone you’re interested in that you’re a, well, monster?”
Naomi rolled her eyes. “I don’t know, but you fucking do it before like, feeding off them, or whatever. Seriously Emily. That’s fucked up.” Naomi angrily reached into her bag, pulling out a packet of cigarettes. “Do you want one?” She asked tersely, lighting her own, and Emily shook her head.
“We only smoke them so it looks like we’re breathing.” Emily looked at her beseechingly, and Naomi thought she was going to be ill again.
“Jesus Christ, this is real isn’t it?” She blew out the smoke, reaching her other hand up to rub her eyes.
“It wasn’t just about feeding off you, okay? You have to know that.” Emily had shifted closer to her, and Naomi frowned, shifting further away.
“I don’t know that. I don’t know anything.” Naomi felt her stomach drop, suddenly. “Is that why I was always so fucking hung over, then? Because of you?” She glared at Emily, feeling so much anger she didn’t know what to do with herself.
Emily shut her eyes. “Yes.” She said simply. “That first night you came out with us, was meant to be the only night. I liked you, I wanted to try you.” Emily flinched as Naomi swore next to her.
“Fucking Jesus, Emily.”
“I know. Just, please listen. It’s a give and take, okay? It’s how we avoid killing people. Give them drugs, feed off them a bit, let them go, and it all boils down to a hang over and no one gets hurt.” Emily licked her lips again, gazing out over the park, glancing at Naomi every now and again.
“You don’t think this hurt?” Naomi pointed to her neck, felt stupid because her voice was wavering and there were tears starting to form in her eyes again.
“I’m addicted to you.” Emily whispered desperately, moving closer to Naomi. “I can’t get enough of you. Do you know that?” Emily reached out, stopping just short of touching Naomi’s knee.
Naomi felt her breath catch, torn between anger and reciprocity. “You fucking used me.” She said, sucking on her cigarette and struggling to compose herself. “And you don’t even bloody exist!” She stubbed her cigarette out on the bench, turning to Emily. “And you fucked me in a bathroom stall.”
Emily flinched. “I didn’t mean to use you.” Naomi jerked her head away when Emily gently touched her fingers to her hair. “I’m so sorry.” She said, licking her lips again.
Naomi shut her eyes. They were only words, but they meant something. “What do you want from me?” She whispered, turning to stare at Emily, her eyes hurt and pleading with her not to lie this time.
Emily gazed back steadily, without blinking, licking her lips. “Just you. I want you.”
Naomi felt herself shudder, felt Emily take hold of her hand and squeeze.
“Be brave, Naomi, and want me back.”
V^^^^^V
Chapter Six: No More Dreaming Like A Girl So In Love With The Wrong World