(no subject)
It's very late and I just finished watching Titanic. I've learned after watching it so many times that I will not be able to fall asleep for a few hours, so I'm going to try to sort out some of my feelings. Usually when I watch it, it feels good to cry and finally let this built-up burst of emotion just explode out, but tonight I have this lingering feeling of genuine despair and sadness, and I don't really even know how much of it has to do with Titanic. I'm weird for letting that movie effect me so much. There is just nothing else that strikes a cord in my soul as much as it does, and it's for so many reasons. But I think one of the reasons I'm so sad now is because there are a lot layers to the movie, and each time I watch, I discover a new one. Tonight something hit me. Rose was trapped. She was stuck in this life that she wasn't happy in, just going through the motions and never being free. All of a sudden this whole new world opened up for her--suddenly she could take off her corset and she could drink beer and she felt happy. That's all I could think about the whole movie--just how happy she was. It's amazing just how much one decision or one person can change your life. Because you can spend all your time being unhappy, living a life that you never wanted, or you could do all the things you've ever dreamed about doing. Tonight, I wished I was Rose.
I worry that the day will come when I don't cry and become suicidal after watching Titanic. I feel that something inside me will have to die in order for that to happen, so I grow concerned if I ever watch it and don't become hysterical.
On another note that I feel I must mention, I will tell those of you who haven't figured it out that I will be attending Simmons in the fall, and I am very excited about it. Who would have ever imagined that I would end up at a women's college.
So I suppose I'll attempt to go fall asleep, we'll see how it goes...