A Fear
Title: A Fear
Summary: On the freighter, Daniel knows his fears. Then he meets Charlotte, and his fears change.
Point of view: Daniel Faraday
Rating: G
Characters/Pairings: Dan/Charlotte
Spoilers: Season 4
Words: 601
Disclaimer: I don't own Lost. Pity.
Author's Note: I love comments, thanks!
When they first recruited me and I boarded the freighter, everyone sort of skimmed over the life-threatening part of our purpose. So I was oblivious.
When they gave me a gun as a "precaution," and taught me to aim and shoot, I came to the realization that this mission isn't quite what they had originally made it out to be. Then I felt fear. Fear that I could die. Fear that I would never discover all of the things I'm meant to find, that I'd come here to find. Fear that when we make it to the island, I'll lose my life for some purpose that I don't even really care about or know the entirety of.
Here I am, though, still alive. But with new fears.
Charlotte sits beside me, with that hollow look in her eyes that she gets sometimes. She's staring at the crackling fire in front of us, but not really looking at it. She's thinking, and I always wonder what about. When she wears that hollow expression, a million emotions flit across her face, so unnoticeably that you have to look hard to really see them.
Suddenly, she looks up and blinks a few times, and her grip loosens on the cup in her hands.
She turns to me, and I remember that I'm still staring at her. She gives me a smile. The smile that makes me look away and then turn right back so I can see it again. The smile that makes me smile.
After I learned to handle a gun, I learned to handle Charlotte. Okay, not really. I still don't know what I'm doing. But I have a better idea. Of what makes her angry, what makes her grin. When to speak, when to not. How to try and understand.
I'm still scared that I'll die. But not so much for what I came here to do, anymore, but because if I die, I won't see Charlotte again. And I'm just now realizing this. And I've never felt this way before, so it's hard to recognize.
I'm afraid, more than anything else now, that Charlotte won't make it back to the freighter with me. That would be worse than dying. Being without her grin and sarcastic smirk that are sometimes hard to tell apart. Being without her.
Charlotte presents herself like she's not afraid of anything. I wonder if she's really like that, though. Sometimes, I wonder if she's scared.
"What?" Charlotte's still smiling, but her head is tilted towards me, questioning. It's like she already knows the answer. Like so many others have given her the look that I must be giving her right now, and she's asked them the same. But I don't want to be like so many others.
I think about telling her why exactly I look at her the way I do, but I can't. I just can't.
"Nothing." I say instead. Maybe now I shouldn't. Maybe tomorrow I will. One day, I will.
"Okay." She nods, her smile fading into what looks a little like disappointment. And she must know, but not really. "G'night, Dan." She stands and puts a hand on my shoulder.
"Goodnight." I whisper, but it's hard to say since my throat has gone so dry.
She can't say it either. She can't say what we both feel. Or maybe she can't say because she doesn't feel it.
There's something about the way that her fingertips drag across my shoulder and the way her lips turn up into that same smile, but sadder. Something about her gives me back that bit of hope that maybe she does feel what I do.
I stare into the fire long after Charlotte leaves.
But I don't really look.