(no subject)
I've stared at this blank page for hours on end daily.
I want to give it my all. I want to be in this 100%. Events can be so disheartening, but I want to be confident. I want to know that you are there for me as I wish to be there for you. I get so hurt when I suspect you aren't, or that things may be changing. Change terrifies me. I want to hold on to so many things that just aren't there any more. Create those same things in different places. Live my god damned lie. I can paint the most beautiful and realistic delusions. You may never want to leave. Please don't leave. I know I can be cold. I know I can be a flake. I question my worth of friendship and effort every single time. I try not to let you define my perception of myself, but there are times your opinion means the world.
No more cryptic messages, I just want you to see that I am a scared little girl. I wear my manly bravado so gracefully at times. I'd love nothing more than to cry on your shoulder, but until I can, I need to know that you'll never take it away from me.
Call it selfish, or spoiled, or just plain stupid.
See beyond my wall... and stay with me anyway?