Fic: Battleships
Title: Battleships
Author: Jayne Leigh
Summary: Matt and Danny declare war on each other! Jordan has to step in but gets caught up in it herself.
Rating: PG
Characters or Pairing: Matt, Danny/Jordan
Disclaimer: I don't own them!
Battleships
“I'm bored.”
Suzanne looked up from her work to Matt who was stood in the doorway.
“Shouldn't you be writing?” She asked.
“Been there, done that... got the t-shirt.” He replied. “Now I'm bored.”
“The show is all done?” Suzanne questioned, surprised as it was only Monday.
“Well, no...” He shook his head. “But I'm bored.”
She rolled her eyes and started to work again.
“Play with me.”
“What are you? 5 years old or something?”
“No, I'm your boss.” He reminded her. “Play with me!”
“Okay, lets play hide and seek...” She told him. “You go hide first.”
He looked at her for a moment. “You're teasing me, aren't you?”
She sighed. “Why don't you play games on the internet... I signed you up for that one site last week.”
“Okay, fine...” He sulked slightly. “But if it’s not fun, you're gonna play with me.”
“Fine.” She agreed, relieved when he turned and went back into his office.
Matt logged onto the gaming site, rolling his eyes when he saw Suzanne had put his user name as boss_sexy. He looked at the lists of games trying to decide what to play.
Battleships.
He hadn't played that since he was a kid. He clicked on the link, deciding to play another player on-line rather then the computer. There were 3 people waiting for a game. There was a guy from Germany, another from France and someone from LA. Matt decided to go for the guy in LA for two reasons. One: he didn't speak German and only a little French. Two: The LA guy's user-name was studio60rocks, so he was obviously a fan and would never guess who his opponent actually was.
Danny looked from his paperwork when his computer beeped. He had been waiting all day for someone to play him but there was hardly anyone on-line...he tried to play the French man but all he kept asking him was 'comment allez vous' and Danny didn't have a clue what that meant. He kept telling him that but he didn't understand Danny either. It wasn't long before Danny got annoyed and gave up. Deciding to get some work done until someone else logged on.
“About time.” He muttered, dropping his pen and moving closer to the computer, relieved to see that the other player was also American. He started typing in the instant message box at the bottom of the page.
Studio60rocks: I've been waiting to play someone.
Boss_Sexy: Well good because I'm bored out of my mind! I'm meant to be working though.
Studio60rocks: Hey, me too.
They both started to position there ships. Their game was silent until 5 minutes in when Matt was the first to sink one of Danny's ships.
Boss_Sexy: Haha, yes!
Studio60rocks: Okay, its only one ship!
Then Matt managed to locate another ship, sinking it straight away.
Boss_Sexy: That's two!
Studio60rocks: The game isn't over yet!!
The game only last another 10 minutes, with Matt sinking all of Danny's ships and Danny not being able to find any of his.
Danny become competitive and Matt become arrogant the more they played.
“Danny? Can you sign these?” Suzanne asked, quietly knocking on the open door.
“Damn it!” He hit his fist on the desk as he lost for the 6th time.
“I could come back...” She started.
“No, it's okay...” He told her. “I hate this guy!”
“What guy?” She asked, as he sighed some paperwork.
“Oh, just some guy I'm playing battleships with... He's so big headed.” He replied. “I mean, his user name is Boss_Sexy.... how arrogant is that?!”
“Boss_Sexy, really?” She tried not to laugh.
“I know, crazy right?”
“No... No its just that...Matt, is Boss_Sexy.”
“What?”
“Yeah, I signed him up to the game site at the same time I did you...” She told him. “I wondered why he had been so quiet for the last 2 hours!”
“I don't believe it...” Danny started.
“Can I go now?” She asked.
“Yeah...don't tell him that I'm playing him.”
“Okay.” She nodded, turning and leaving the office.
Boss_Sexy: Wanna lose another game?
Danny looked up from the computer and out of the window where he could see Matt, sitting with his feet up on the desk, waiting for a reply.
Studio60Rocks: I can see you.... I know you're in your office....
Matt read the message as he picked up a can of Red Bull.
Studio60Rocks: Stop drinking Red Bull! You drink too much of it!
Matt froze with the can held to his lips. He slowly started to look around the office. He jumped and nearly fell off his chair when the door opened suddenly.
“Danny! I think someone's stalking me!” He panicked.
“What?”
“There's some freak on the internet! He's watching me!” He told him, walking towards him. “There must be a camera in here somewhere!”
“It's me you idiot!”
“What is?”
“It's me you're playing! I'm studio60Rocks!”
“Really? You went with the name studio60Rocks...that's so unoriginal.” Matt claimed. “And you really suck at battleships!”
“Oh and what kind of name is boss_sexy!” Danny countered. “And I do not suck!”
“I beat you 6 times!” He replied. “In all those games, you only sunk 2 of my ships!”
“Well, I was just warming up!” Danny exclaimed in annoyance. “I'll beat you in the next game!”
“You're on!” Matt told him. “You're going down further then your ships!”
“We'll see my friend! We'll see!” Danny shouted back as he stormed out of the office into his own.
XxXxX
“Hey, Matt... I'm having trouble with this sketch, can you help me?” Tom asked as he walked into his office.
“Sure...just do me a favour first.” Matt said, his eyes on the computer screen.
“Sure.”
“Go to Danny's office and tell him he sucks.”
“What?”
“Just do it.” Matt told him.
Tom looked unsure at him for a moment before sighing and doing as he was asked. He knocked on Danny's door and walked in when he heard him shout.
“Danny...Matt wanted me to tell you, you suck.” Tom said.
Danny looked up confused at him but looked back down when he heard a noise on his computer. Matt had just sunk his last ship.
“Damn it!” He shouted.
“Uh, I'll be going now...” Tom said, back towards the door just as Matt started to shout from his office.
“I'm King!!”
“Shut up!!” Danny shouted back.
“You shut up, loser!” Matt replied.
Tom stood in the corridor confused and slightly scared. He didn't know whether to risk going back into see Matt.
“Hey, what's going on?” Jordan asked him, stopping when she saw him stood there.
“I think the executive producers have gone crazy.”
She rolled her eyes. “They went crazy years ago...”
“I think they've declared war on each other.” He added.
“Danny in his office?” She asked, ignoring his comment.
“Uh, yeah.”
Danny didn't notice Jordan walking into his office; he was so caught up in the game.
“Haha, Die!”
Jordan was taken back by his comment. “Me?”
“What?” He looked up. “Sorry, didn't see you there.”
“What are you doing?” She asked, looking on the screen. “I don't pay you to play games.”
“Just taking a break.” He assured her, typing a message to Matt.
Studio60rocks: Gotta go, Jordan's here.
Boss_Sexy: Okay, I'll beat you later!
“Who's Boss_Sexy?” Jordan questioned, sitting down in the chair in front of his desk.
“Matt.”
“You're playing games and chatting to Matt on the Internet?” She asked. “You know, he's right in his office.”
“It's complicated.” Danny told her. “So, what you doing here?”
“Well, I was just taking a break too.”
XxXxX
Matt decided to do a bit of work whilst Danny talked to Jordan, so he went to go and find Tom and help him with his sketch. When he finished, he went back to his office and stopped dead in the middle of the room when he saw his computer wasn't there.
“Oh, he's gonna get it.” He muttered, storming out of the office and into Danny's. “Where is it?”
“Where's what?” Danny looked up from his work.
“My computer! What have you done with it?”
Danny sighed. “Probably the same place as mine.... Jordan confiscated it.”
“What?! Why would she do that?!” Matt through his hands in the air, annoyed.
“Because I pay you two to run the show not to play immature games!”
Matt jumped forwards at the sound of her voice behind him.
He glared at Danny. “You could have told me she was here!”
“Sorry.”
“Anyway, you can't take my computer! I need it.” He turned back to Jordan.
“Use a pen and paper because until I can trust you two to act mature and sensible, you're not getting them back!” She pointed at them both before walking off.
“This sucks!” Matt claimed. “She's your girlfriend, can't you say anything?”
“No, she'll make me sleep on the couch.”
“So, all you do then is go home to yours.”
“She'll just make me sleep on my own couch...” Danny commented standing up. “Even if she's not there.”
“You're scared of her?” Matt laughed.
“Matty, she's an angry pregnant woman.... Do you want to argue with me?” He asked.
Matt thought about it for a while. “Okay, I'm going to go down to the writers room...”
“Yeah, I got to talk to Cal about cameras.” Danny nodded as they both started to walk out. “We get the show finished when we can finish our game.”
XxXxX
“You're a meant to be a grown man.” Jordan commented as she watched Danny log onto the Internet. She had just given them both their computers back and straightaway Matt ran off with his back to his office.
“Someone needs to take Matt down.” He replied.
“Why?”
“Because he keeps winning.”
“So?”
“So, I need to win!” He told her.
“You're really competitive.”
“He's gotten too big headed.”
“Okay, so what's the score so far?” She asked.
“Matt's won 10 times.”
“How many games have you played?” She asked.
“10.” He muttered.
“Wow, Matt's right... you do suck!”
“I don't suck!” He shouted.
“Yeah, you do!” They heard Matt call from his office.
“Okay, let me help you.” Jordan moved around to his side of the desk.
“Oh, I thought this was immature.” He mimicked her.
She gave him a look. “Well, we can't have Matt Albie thinking he’s great!”
“Okay, this game isn't as easy as it looks...” Danny started but before he could finish, she had made a move and hit a ship.
“It's not rocket science.” She commented, giving him a smile.
“Okay, lets do this!” Danny said.
The game was over in 10 minutes, although they started out good, they only managed to sink that one ship of Matt's. The next game had a similar result.
“How the hell is he doing this?!” Jordan asked, frustrated.
“I think he's cheating.”
“How?” She looked at Danny. “Can we cheat too?”
“I don't know...” He shrugged.
“I'm not cheating...you're just really bad at this.”
They both looked up when they heard Matt's voice, as he leaned against the doorframe.
“And you're cheating!”
“How?” Danny asked.
“Two against one! That's not fair!”
“I'm not helping him!” Jordan insisted.
“Oh please... you're still bad but in the last two games, he's improved.”
“Okay, fine I am helping him.” Jordan claimed. “But he needs it!”
“I was doing fine on my own...” Danny started but fell silent when they both just looked at him.
“Okay, she can help you...” Matt told him.
“Why don't we make things interesting.” Jordan suggested. “We'll play three more games... and who ever loses...”
“Which will be you...” Matt cut in.
“Has to do a forfeit.” She didn't bother to stop talking when he did.
“What kind of forfeit?” Danny asked, a little concerned.
“I'm not sure...” She said, thinking.
“The winner decides?” Matt suggested.
“Yeah, okay...” She agreed.
“May the best person win.” He said holding his hand out to her.
“Don't worry, I will.” She smiled, shaking it.
“I don't like this.” Danny commented, once Matt had left.
“Shut up and play.” Jordan told him.
“Yes, ma'am.” He sighed, sitting back down in front of the computer.
An hour later, Danny and Jordan stared at the computer.
“We lost.” Jordan mumbled. “How did we lose?”
“I think it's something to do with Danny sucking.” Matt grinned at them as he walked in.
“I don't suck!” Danny insisted but they ignored him.
“Okay, so what does Danny have to do?” Jordan asked.
“What do you mean?” Danny looked at her. “We were a team!”
“Hey, I was just helping you out.” She shrugged.
“Nah, he's right... we shook on it.” Matt told her.
“Okay fine! What have you decided?”
“You have to wear the 'Matt's my hero t-shirt'....” He told them.
“The what?” Jordan asked.
Danny sighed and explained. “He made Jeannie wear it to a wrap party.”
“Except on the back it will say 'And Danny sucks'...” He added.
“Are you serious?” She asked.
“Yeah, I'm hoping they're going to catch on and that millions will be sold all around the world.” He claimed. “I'll have someone make them up...”
“Well, I guess that isn't so bad.” Danny stated.
“What?” Jordan looked at him.
“It could be worse.” He shrugged.
“I'm glad you brought that up.” Matt stated.
“Uh-oh...” Danny sighed.
“As Danny was so bad...”
“I wasn't....”
“You lost 15 games in a row!” Matt stopped him.
“Fine, I suck!” He agreed.
“Good, now you've admitted it... You have to do an extra forfeit.”
“What?! I didn't agree to that!”
“On Friday, you have to go on stage and introduce the guest host...” Matt told him.
“Wearing the t-shirt.” Jordan said.
“And a shower cap.” Matt stated.
“A pink shower cap.” Jordan added.
“What?! Jordan, you're meant to be on my side!” He looked at her.
“I'm sorry but we lost because you suck!”
“This is crazy.... I'm not doing it.”
“Danny!” She glared at him.
He stepped back away from her. “Yeah...okay.”
“Great!” Matt grinned. “I'll get the t-shirts to you as soon as I can.”
XxXxX
“Hey, can I ask you guys something?” Simon asked Tom, Harriet and Jeannie, as they all got ready for the show. “Why have Jordan and Danny been wearing those t-shirts all week?”
“They lost a bet to Matt.” Harriet explained.
“Yeah, I think he's hoping to get everyone in the studio to wear one at some point.” Jeannie added.
“Hey, guys...quick, hurry up...you need to see this.” Jordan stuck her head around the door of the dressing room.
“What is it?” Tom asked as they followed her.
“Just watch.”
They all watched confused as Danny got onto the stage, as they reached where Matt was stood, grinning.
“Okay, Ladies and Gentleman....” He started.
“Danny.” Matt called from the side, causing him to look over. Both Matt and Jordan patted their heads, to tell him he's forgotten the shower cap.
He glared at them both as he pulled it from his pocket and started to put it on.
“Oh...My....God.” Simon said, as they all stared at their executive producer. The audience were laughing already.
“As I was saying... Ladies and Gentleman, you're probably wondering what I am doing...well, I lost a bet to Matt Albie the other day and this is my forfeit...” He explained. “But lets get on with the show... Please welcome our guest host, Bruce Willis.”
He stayed on the stage until Bruce had come out and shook his hand, before walking off, past everyone.
“I hate you.” He said to Matt and Jordan.
“You love us!” Jordan called after him as he headed towards his chair.
“Uh.. It might be safer if I come and watch the show with you.” Jordan stated when Danny turned and glared at them both.
“Okay.” He shrugged. “Lets go.”