A Criminal's Tale
So Nithya, Alex and I went to Mayfair today to see Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle, and ended up theatre hopping to some other crappy movies- namely AVP andPrincess Diaries II.
After movie hopping, we notice a very cool looking cardboard cutout of Mia Jovovich for the new Resident Evil movie. We decided to take her.
As we exited the theater, we were foiled by rotund black lady who was standing in an office near the exit. We planned to take her out a different exit, but those bitches had head sets, and the entire staff, including "Tricky AZN 15 y/o" and "Rotund White Chick" were on to us. We failed miserably.
We then decided to go to West Town, where they weren't on to us.
I infiltrated the building with my charm, not to mention my $8 and 50¢. Nithya, the back door girl, waited for me let her in the rear. Alex played the role of getaway driver.
We successfully capered Mia, as well as a Paparazzi. And then we saw her. Angelina. So beautiful in that leather, with that eye patch. And we couldn't resist. This over-ambition lead to our demise.
We hid the other cutouts in the car- and I reentered the theatre, where I was greeted with suspicious glares.
I had a fake cell phone conversation- to throw them off. And while no one was looking, i went for her. I ripped her delicate cardboard attachment, and fled the theatre.
We began to drive away, when a disgruntled theatre employee aptly named "Mr. please stop!" ran out the theatre doors and threw himself in front of my car. Alex, the skillful getaway driver that he is, swerved around him and we got away.
The time, 9:30. A telephone call. A voicemail message. A ruined meal at pizza shuttle.
They got my license plate number. 3 police squad cars, 1 waukesha- 2 brookfield, arrived at my home and interrogated my mother to the point of breaking.
We have court date for stealing a cardboard cutout of Angelina Jolie. MY MOTHER GAVE HER BACK TO THEM!!!!!! Whatever, I've decided i'm a queer after all. Fuck.
I don't know if i can ever love again.