Barricaded by blood...

[dans_la_reine]

My old journal gave up lots of little pleasures. Some of my very favourites were moments with Chloe. Most of my moments since then have found their way onto flickr or paper diaries, do you think LJ will always be here? Should I be duplicating things of importance? Do you

Comments

[haddayr]

Words cannot express how much I loved this post and the people in it.

[dans_la_reine]

Thank you so much for saying! *tackles you to the ground* I love you and your family too.

[morty_baby]

I love you. The perfect mom juuust like me. And my own departed mom.

Did I tell you that my one and only child hates me and hasn't talked to me since October 3 2009? Yes. Yes I have.

Butterfly kisses to you.

[dans_la_reine]

OMG ggl I remember stories about your mom. WE ARE NOT LIKE HER OMG SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUTUP.

Well, that's the thing with intimate loves (you were entwined, had eachother, two peas) and intense passionate people. I know there's an ache and a deep enduring, hate is love, better she hate than not care at all, do you think? I don't know, what the hell does she want you to do? She's sulking. God. Horrid are the ways of the betrayed heart, that's how it is, something unforgiveable, she wasnt the one and only. well, it's chilling. She's taking you for granted, certain you'll always be there, nurturing you in her way.

The memory I have of you two is that sleepover spread you made for one of her birthdays, every food imaginable, all lovingly prepared by you for her, and her gifts, when she took all her presents away.

It's too bad you can't shake her until her brain rattles and she sees reason. That would be my impulse. "It's going to be all over one day. Stop wasting time. we love eachother. Come to mommy. I miss you."

[morty_baby]

And the thing is that my man keeps saying that I have to deal woth it instead of just letting it eat me away and I tell him that no I don't have to deal with it at all. It bugs the crap iup of him. I intend to die and then she will get it. Just like me and my mother. And then she will have her own regrets as I do.

[dans_la_reine]

I can't help but think you'll be more at ease if you open yourself to the possibility of a reunion, you don't have to do much at first, just open, there is so much love between you both. It is scary. Daughters are annoying. The possibility of hurt is enormous. But you are hurting anyway. And because I am morbid, I mean, I can't even type the hideous fear, you know, the big fear of all parents, what if, just what if.

I don't want to push or be preachy, You're doing the best you can, she is doing the best she can. Life is hard.

lovelove love to you.

thank you thank you thank you

[zuma]

this was such a beautiful post.

LJ's recent travails struck a mortal chord for me and i appreciate your rhetorical questions. i appreciated this post even more in the light of the fragility of things and their preciousness.

thank you for this oh so good beginning to my day.

Re: thank you thank you thank you

[dans_la_reine]

thank you so much for noticing the details and being so charming

[janradder]

This was absolutely wonderful. I'm still grinning from reading it.

[dans_la_reine]

--smiles back-- the ages when fantasy and reality mingle are such a delight (except when theyre not haha

[oikade]

Yaaaay! Dans La Reine posts!!! I can't wait to arrive home and spend some more time on these. :)