TVD 5x01: Please be so kind as to keep the murdering to the comforts of your own home.
UM SO HI. I'm alive. I know, this has been bad. It's been...some months. What's the point of even trying to justify it. I fail. This we know.
So there was a new TVD tonight. To be perfectly honest, I don't have it in me to write anything of substance. So what follows is an extremely brief LOL post. Starting off with:
THINGS I ENJOYED:
~apparently what the music people on this show were doing last summer is listening to all the music I've been listening too this summer too. Carry on.
~while I wasn't as flail-y about the D/E sexytimes as I would have been a year or two ago (you know, back when I was convinced that Damon and Elena boning would be the solution to all the world's problems), I did shallowly enjoy them getting it on all over my screen.
~to that end, the moment that DID make me fangirl for a moment was when Elena stopped the door for one last kiss. I DON'T KNOW IT WAS JUST SO CUTE GUYS, OK?
~any hint of Damon/Jeremy, however strange or forced or whatever. Bro-shippers gonna bro-ship, y'know?
~Bonnie doing everything. Bonnie being flawless. I just like looking at her, really.
~Damon's one-liners in full form. My particular favourite being this exchange:
Jeremy: says the guy who once killed me.
Damon: Yes, in the privacy of your own home!
BRILLIANT. Also, I have a thing for these two talking frankly about that time one of them murdered the other. What can I even say about that.
~Katherine talking about getting blisters from running in heels. PREACH, SISTER. I still have a painful scab from a blister I got from a pair of relatively comfortable heels I wore last Wednesday. Why, pretty shoes. Why.
~Liz Forbes.
THINGS I DID NOT ENJOY:
~Stefan and his weird hallucinations. Stupid. Damon being the evil voice of humanity-shunning? Stupid. The switch apparently being a real thing still? Stupid. Elena being Stefan's guardian angel of douche-itude? STUPID. Pretty much everything about these sequences was stupid. Go away please never come back Gollum agrees.
~Caroline still stanning Stefan in a gross and obnoxious way. So I guess I will continue to dislike Caroline this season? At least in this respect.
~Bonnie's dad dying. It was cruel and terrible and effective, but kind of too mean at this point. Bonnie's life is bad enough. It is pretty much objectively the worst, really. This was not necessary.
~Rebekah leaving. For why tho.
~every promo of The Originals. Sorry, kids. I do not endorse this show.
THINGS THAT ARE LOL BUT SORRY NO:
~Damon's haircut. Why. Have we not been through enough.
~Matt having a threesome. Hilarious. But no. This kid does not do threesomes in Amsterdam. Yes, he's a boy. But also, he's Matt.
~THE DORM ROOM. THE FUCKING DORM ROOM. NO. JUST. NO. I legit yelled out "oh, come ON" at my screen and had to pause to collect myself. Allow me to explain. Ok, guys, I have a pet peeve about wildly unrealistic TV show college life. I have not at all concealed disdain for how every show has its entire cast of characters, regardless of intellect or desires, magically ending up at the same place, a world-class fictional college conveniently just a quick hour drive from everyone's hometown! Nope. Doesn't happen. Not a thing. But even worse? The fucking PALATIAL dorm rooms. Look, I went to college. It was a nice college. By senior year, I managed to get myself a room in one of the nicest dorms on campus. My room? About a quarter of the size of that fucking estate. Even if it's a triple. Just. Nocurr. THERE IS NO DORM ROOM IN THE HISTORY OF DORM ROOMS THAT BIG. I don't know why I get so angry about this. Just. Stop it, TV. College doesn't work like this. You don't get massive deluxe suites with queen-sized beds and private bathrooms and refrigerators you didn't just buy at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. NO MORE OF THIS, TV.
THINGS THAT ARE JUST LOL:
~Stefan drowning over and over again. Was I supposed to feel sympathy? Because I pretty much just lol-ed.
~the mystery of Silas!Stefan lasting less than one episode. Which I actually sort of enjoy. Still. Lol at wrapping that up pronto.
~This exchange:
Silas!Stefan: why are you in my brother's bathtub?
Katherine: the question is, why aren't you?
MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY, KATHERINE. THOUGH PROBABLY NOT IN THE WAY YOU'RE THINKING THEM. #incest is best
~Mystic Falls and its obsession with paper lanterns. SO MANY PAPER LANTERNS. Maybe it's that every time someone dies in this town, a new paper lantern is lit. Soon the paper lanterns will outnumber the living 10 to 1. Only a matter of time.
K, that's it. I'm probably forgetting a few things, but what can you do. Come at me.
So there was a new TVD tonight. To be perfectly honest, I don't have it in me to write anything of substance. So what follows is an extremely brief LOL post. Starting off with:
THINGS I ENJOYED:
~apparently what the music people on this show were doing last summer is listening to all the music I've been listening too this summer too. Carry on.
~while I wasn't as flail-y about the D/E sexytimes as I would have been a year or two ago (you know, back when I was convinced that Damon and Elena boning would be the solution to all the world's problems), I did shallowly enjoy them getting it on all over my screen.
~to that end, the moment that DID make me fangirl for a moment was when Elena stopped the door for one last kiss. I DON'T KNOW IT WAS JUST SO CUTE GUYS, OK?
~any hint of Damon/Jeremy, however strange or forced or whatever. Bro-shippers gonna bro-ship, y'know?
~Bonnie doing everything. Bonnie being flawless. I just like looking at her, really.
~Damon's one-liners in full form. My particular favourite being this exchange:
Jeremy: says the guy who once killed me.
Damon: Yes, in the privacy of your own home!
BRILLIANT. Also, I have a thing for these two talking frankly about that time one of them murdered the other. What can I even say about that.
~Katherine talking about getting blisters from running in heels. PREACH, SISTER. I still have a painful scab from a blister I got from a pair of relatively comfortable heels I wore last Wednesday. Why, pretty shoes. Why.
~Liz Forbes.
THINGS I DID NOT ENJOY:
~Stefan and his weird hallucinations. Stupid. Damon being the evil voice of humanity-shunning? Stupid. The switch apparently being a real thing still? Stupid. Elena being Stefan's guardian angel of douche-itude? STUPID. Pretty much everything about these sequences was stupid. Go away please never come back Gollum agrees.
~Caroline still stanning Stefan in a gross and obnoxious way. So I guess I will continue to dislike Caroline this season? At least in this respect.
~Bonnie's dad dying. It was cruel and terrible and effective, but kind of too mean at this point. Bonnie's life is bad enough. It is pretty much objectively the worst, really. This was not necessary.
~Rebekah leaving. For why tho.
~every promo of The Originals. Sorry, kids. I do not endorse this show.
THINGS THAT ARE LOL BUT SORRY NO:
~Damon's haircut. Why. Have we not been through enough.
~Matt having a threesome. Hilarious. But no. This kid does not do threesomes in Amsterdam. Yes, he's a boy. But also, he's Matt.
~THE DORM ROOM. THE FUCKING DORM ROOM. NO. JUST. NO. I legit yelled out "oh, come ON" at my screen and had to pause to collect myself. Allow me to explain. Ok, guys, I have a pet peeve about wildly unrealistic TV show college life. I have not at all concealed disdain for how every show has its entire cast of characters, regardless of intellect or desires, magically ending up at the same place, a world-class fictional college conveniently just a quick hour drive from everyone's hometown! Nope. Doesn't happen. Not a thing. But even worse? The fucking PALATIAL dorm rooms. Look, I went to college. It was a nice college. By senior year, I managed to get myself a room in one of the nicest dorms on campus. My room? About a quarter of the size of that fucking estate. Even if it's a triple. Just. Nocurr. THERE IS NO DORM ROOM IN THE HISTORY OF DORM ROOMS THAT BIG. I don't know why I get so angry about this. Just. Stop it, TV. College doesn't work like this. You don't get massive deluxe suites with queen-sized beds and private bathrooms and refrigerators you didn't just buy at Bed, Bath, & Beyond. NO MORE OF THIS, TV.
THINGS THAT ARE JUST LOL:
~Stefan drowning over and over again. Was I supposed to feel sympathy? Because I pretty much just lol-ed.
~the mystery of Silas!Stefan lasting less than one episode. Which I actually sort of enjoy. Still. Lol at wrapping that up pronto.
~This exchange:
Silas!Stefan: why are you in my brother's bathtub?
Katherine: the question is, why aren't you?
MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY, KATHERINE. THOUGH PROBABLY NOT IN THE WAY YOU'RE THINKING THEM. #incest is best
~Mystic Falls and its obsession with paper lanterns. SO MANY PAPER LANTERNS. Maybe it's that every time someone dies in this town, a new paper lantern is lit. Soon the paper lanterns will outnumber the living 10 to 1. Only a matter of time.
K, that's it. I'm probably forgetting a few things, but what can you do. Come at me.