Baseball college essay....

[dany14k]

The best writing is often personal. All kinds of experiences-serious, funny, unexplained, fleeting-can influence our lives and help make us who we are. Tell us about a person, place, or event in your life that has particular meaning for you, and why it is important to you. We’d especially like to hear about someone or something that has affected

Comments

[xashhx]

its really goooood!!!!

is it a true story?

[vanillafog7]

* lay in the dirt....

not lied

[dany14k]

its not in the present

[dany14k]

layed in the dirt?

[dany14k]

thanks to jaki...

theatre gods....no caps

[carathecarebear]

Pitching for T-ball was a tough gig.

Dan, if it was possible for me to love you anymore, that line would have done it.

[anonymous]

random observations from a lover of all things word..

great essay! not exactly sure whether it's supposed to informal or not....but if it's a college essay, i imagine not. so avoid sounding like you're talking--for example, "Ok, I didn’t exactly pitch a ball, but I did get to stand where the pitcher would stand, and I got to wear a uniform that possible pitchers could wear."
take out the "OK" to make it sound less "talk-y"

After my baseball incident (and an aching jaw) I threw all forms of athleticism out the window, leaving me nowhere to turn.
--the basebal incident sort of already includes the aching jaw..so the parentheses are kind of unnecessary.

Stunned, I staggered and fell over on my back, knocking the wind out of me.
--the dangling modifier 'knocking the wind out of me' doesn't refer back to "I"..i.e., you didn't knock the wind out of you. it is also kind of colloquial and stunned and staggered and fell on my back capture the feeling well enough.

good luck!!

[dany14k]

thanks alot, i'll keep that in mind :)