What is it about college?
Why do I always find myself goofing off and partying in college? I just don't get it.
I know why I did it in Japan. The JET Program is nothing but a paid extension of college. But that still doesn't explain why I do this in college. My brain likes to pull some dirty tricks.
Off-Campus
Brain Guy 1: Jello shots. Now.
Me: But we have no jello to make them with.
Brain Guy 2: You'd best be getting this guy some Jello shots. He controls the conscious filter that keeps you from saying stupid things.
Me: But if we get drunk, we fails anyway.
Brain Guy 2: Doesn't matter. He'll start screwing with you on purpose.
Brain Guy 3: And we could meet women!
Me: How would Jello shots at home get us women?
Penis: Did someone mention drunk women?!!!!!
Me: Crap, now you woke up the penis.
Brain Guy 1: What do you say penis? Jello shots?
Penis: Hell. Yes.
Me: But we have no Jello shots! We aren't in college!
Brain Guy 1: Nuh-uh. You subjected us to work, which killed off a good colony of brain cells. You now need to kill us off more creatively with intoxicating substances.
Me: Fine. I'll go get some rum. You guys happy now?
Penis: Does the rum come with women?
Me: No...
Penis: Crap.
Me: But if I buy Sailor Jerry Rum, we can look at the hula girl and try to pretend that she's around.
Penis: I can make do, but know that I am not pleased. Expect me to not cooperate the next time you want sex more than once in a day.
Me: See what you did brain?
Brain Guy 3: If you'd been killing us off with alcohol and narcotics the way we wanted you to be doing in the first place, we wouldn't be having this problem.
On-Campus
Brain Guy 1: Booze. Jello shots. Give them to me.
Me: But we're 30 years old dammit. We outgrew the partying and drinking stage.
Brain Guy 1: You refuse me? Fine. I'll call out the big guns. Hey! Penis! Scantly clad women await at a Halloween party!
Penis: Women? In costume? That sounds good.
Brain Guy 2: It really does. You've been working us pretty hard between the research paper, classes, lesson planning and trying to decipher the body language of all the students in each of the classes. It's been years since we've done it like this.
Brain Guy 3: And if you remember, back then, you did tend to bribe us with copious amounts of alcohol.
Me: But we have work to do!
Penis: Women. In costume. I haven't taken control for a while... Want me to hit the override buttons again and take control of the body?
Me: Not particularly. The last time you did that may have been fun, but it caused a lot of problems. I'm still trying to get out the strawberry stains.
Brain Guy 1: Then give in to the temptation.
Me: Now if I agree to this, we'll limit the alcohol and we won't be posting about it on LJ, right?
Brain Guy 1, 2, and 3: Suuuuure. You can trust us.
Which means one thing. My brain lied to me. Again.
I know why I did it in Japan. The JET Program is nothing but a paid extension of college. But that still doesn't explain why I do this in college. My brain likes to pull some dirty tricks.
Off-Campus
Brain Guy 1: Jello shots. Now.
Me: But we have no jello to make them with.
Brain Guy 2: You'd best be getting this guy some Jello shots. He controls the conscious filter that keeps you from saying stupid things.
Me: But if we get drunk, we fails anyway.
Brain Guy 2: Doesn't matter. He'll start screwing with you on purpose.
Brain Guy 3: And we could meet women!
Me: How would Jello shots at home get us women?
Penis: Did someone mention drunk women?!!!!!
Me: Crap, now you woke up the penis.
Brain Guy 1: What do you say penis? Jello shots?
Penis: Hell. Yes.
Me: But we have no Jello shots! We aren't in college!
Brain Guy 1: Nuh-uh. You subjected us to work, which killed off a good colony of brain cells. You now need to kill us off more creatively with intoxicating substances.
Me: Fine. I'll go get some rum. You guys happy now?
Penis: Does the rum come with women?
Me: No...
Penis: Crap.
Me: But if I buy Sailor Jerry Rum, we can look at the hula girl and try to pretend that she's around.
Penis: I can make do, but know that I am not pleased. Expect me to not cooperate the next time you want sex more than once in a day.
Me: See what you did brain?
Brain Guy 3: If you'd been killing us off with alcohol and narcotics the way we wanted you to be doing in the first place, we wouldn't be having this problem.
On-Campus
Brain Guy 1: Booze. Jello shots. Give them to me.
Me: But we're 30 years old dammit. We outgrew the partying and drinking stage.
Brain Guy 1: You refuse me? Fine. I'll call out the big guns. Hey! Penis! Scantly clad women await at a Halloween party!
Penis: Women? In costume? That sounds good.
Brain Guy 2: It really does. You've been working us pretty hard between the research paper, classes, lesson planning and trying to decipher the body language of all the students in each of the classes. It's been years since we've done it like this.
Brain Guy 3: And if you remember, back then, you did tend to bribe us with copious amounts of alcohol.
Me: But we have work to do!
Penis: Women. In costume. I haven't taken control for a while... Want me to hit the override buttons again and take control of the body?
Me: Not particularly. The last time you did that may have been fun, but it caused a lot of problems. I'm still trying to get out the strawberry stains.
Brain Guy 1: Then give in to the temptation.
Me: Now if I agree to this, we'll limit the alcohol and we won't be posting about it on LJ, right?
Brain Guy 1, 2, and 3: Suuuuure. You can trust us.
Which means one thing. My brain lied to me. Again.