THE RULES
Title: The Rules
Written By: sydneyalexis
Timeline: Post 513/future fic
Rating: PG [coarse language]
Summary: The Liberty Gang take it upon themselves to teach Gus to 'just say no'…sort of.
Author Notes: Many thanks go out to shadownyc for the beta!
Gus was twelve when the DARE program rolled in to his school's auditorium with all its cheesy music, Power Point poisoning, and horror filled stories.
Hours of his life wasted listening to some uniform drone on and on about how evil drugs were, not to cave to peer pressure, and how to avoid 'dangerous situations.' Like he hadn't heard this shit from the whole fucking Liberty Gang. Granted, their explanations had been a great deal more colorful…and informative.
Emmett
"The most important thing to remember is to stay hydrated," Emmett explained, waving his hand for emphasis. "And to not get addicted because there's nothing more pathetic than a tweaked out twinkie."
Gus nodded and quickly changed the subject because, even after all these years, Em still got tetchy on that particular subject.
Ted
Ted, the self-admitted Crystal Queen was the second to corner him. His little talk had been filled with opera allusions, rehab mumbo-jumbo, and how the cost of drugs affects ones saving account.
"You should never use drugs to fill a need; it's a slippery slope…"
Gus sat, eyes glazed over, listening to Ted drone on. A good ten minutes into a very one-sided conversation, Ted mentioned money and that seemed like enough of an escape hatch for Gus.
"…not to mention how it will affect your financial future…"
"Yeah…and then I might have to sponge off of my best friends' kid's college fund," he interjected with a teasing smile.
As Ted started waffling for something to say, Gus slid out of the diner booth and escaped into the afternoon.
Ben and Michael
The Wonder Duo was obviously using him as practice for having the talk with JR. Not that Gus minded. After all, it was almost amusing to watch. It was all very my life is a sitcom-esque complete with the cup of hot cocoa, the calming touch on his arm, and the patented look of concern and aged wisdom Ben had and Michael was trying - and failing - to copy.
"The important thing to remember is that, no matter what happens, Ben and I will be there for you."
They made it sound like he'd gotten himself knocked up.
Smiling serenely, he nodded not trusting himself to not laugh out loud.
Lindsay and Mel
His mothers went for the tag team approach, filled with straight-from-the-pamphlet discussions. Essentially their speech boiled down to one sentence - all drugs are bad and should be avoided at all costs.
Gus smiled, nodded, and, in the end, responded with, "Unless, of course, there's punch and the B-52s involved."
He left the room with a significant look at both of his wide-eyed parents.
Sometimes it was fantastic to have a family that kept few secrets.
Carl and Deb
Deb, ever the straightforward grandmother, went for the absolutely direct approach. In the middle of dinner, she cuffed Gus on the back of the head and said, "Don't even fucking think about doing that shit because, if I find out that you did, I'll put your balls in a vice so tight you'll be singing soprano."
The declaration was followed by Carl calmly nodding in agreement before asking what was for dessert.
Daphne
Aunt Daphne's message was simple: "If you're going to do it, at least score it off of Brian; his stuff's always choice."
Brian and Justin
As with all major topics of discussion, his dads presented the topic in tandem, and always with the same fucked up sense of humor.
Brian began with a smirk and a meaningful look at Justin that was lost on Gus.
"Why do I get the feeling that I've gone over this before?"
Justin rolled his eyes. "I imagine you had to go over it several times with Michael; he's always been slow on the uptake," he replied in a cocky tone.
The corners of Brian's mouth turned up in a not-quite-smile before turning his attention back to his kid.
From there, they revealed 'the rules' like the well-oiled not-married-but-might-as-well-be couple they were:
"Don't take shit from someone you don't know," he started.
"Don't take anything unless someone you trust is with you," Justin continued.
"Don't leave your drink unattended."
"If someone tries to push anything into your mouth, spit is out."
"And don't ever become as pathetic as dear Theodore was," Brian finished.
Gus nodded his head in agreement, letting the words of wisdom seep in. Finally, he replied with:
"Wait. When was Ted not pathetic?"
Written By: sydneyalexis
Timeline: Post 513/future fic
Rating: PG [coarse language]
Summary: The Liberty Gang take it upon themselves to teach Gus to 'just say no'…sort of.
Author Notes: Many thanks go out to shadownyc for the beta!
Gus was twelve when the DARE program rolled in to his school's auditorium with all its cheesy music, Power Point poisoning, and horror filled stories.
Hours of his life wasted listening to some uniform drone on and on about how evil drugs were, not to cave to peer pressure, and how to avoid 'dangerous situations.' Like he hadn't heard this shit from the whole fucking Liberty Gang. Granted, their explanations had been a great deal more colorful…and informative.
Emmett
"The most important thing to remember is to stay hydrated," Emmett explained, waving his hand for emphasis. "And to not get addicted because there's nothing more pathetic than a tweaked out twinkie."
Gus nodded and quickly changed the subject because, even after all these years, Em still got tetchy on that particular subject.
Ted
Ted, the self-admitted Crystal Queen was the second to corner him. His little talk had been filled with opera allusions, rehab mumbo-jumbo, and how the cost of drugs affects ones saving account.
"You should never use drugs to fill a need; it's a slippery slope…"
Gus sat, eyes glazed over, listening to Ted drone on. A good ten minutes into a very one-sided conversation, Ted mentioned money and that seemed like enough of an escape hatch for Gus.
"…not to mention how it will affect your financial future…"
"Yeah…and then I might have to sponge off of my best friends' kid's college fund," he interjected with a teasing smile.
As Ted started waffling for something to say, Gus slid out of the diner booth and escaped into the afternoon.
Ben and Michael
The Wonder Duo was obviously using him as practice for having the talk with JR. Not that Gus minded. After all, it was almost amusing to watch. It was all very my life is a sitcom-esque complete with the cup of hot cocoa, the calming touch on his arm, and the patented look of concern and aged wisdom Ben had and Michael was trying - and failing - to copy.
"The important thing to remember is that, no matter what happens, Ben and I will be there for you."
They made it sound like he'd gotten himself knocked up.
Smiling serenely, he nodded not trusting himself to not laugh out loud.
Lindsay and Mel
His mothers went for the tag team approach, filled with straight-from-the-pamphlet discussions. Essentially their speech boiled down to one sentence - all drugs are bad and should be avoided at all costs.
Gus smiled, nodded, and, in the end, responded with, "Unless, of course, there's punch and the B-52s involved."
He left the room with a significant look at both of his wide-eyed parents.
Sometimes it was fantastic to have a family that kept few secrets.
Carl and Deb
Deb, ever the straightforward grandmother, went for the absolutely direct approach. In the middle of dinner, she cuffed Gus on the back of the head and said, "Don't even fucking think about doing that shit because, if I find out that you did, I'll put your balls in a vice so tight you'll be singing soprano."
The declaration was followed by Carl calmly nodding in agreement before asking what was for dessert.
Daphne
Aunt Daphne's message was simple: "If you're going to do it, at least score it off of Brian; his stuff's always choice."
Brian and Justin
As with all major topics of discussion, his dads presented the topic in tandem, and always with the same fucked up sense of humor.
Brian began with a smirk and a meaningful look at Justin that was lost on Gus.
"Why do I get the feeling that I've gone over this before?"
Justin rolled his eyes. "I imagine you had to go over it several times with Michael; he's always been slow on the uptake," he replied in a cocky tone.
The corners of Brian's mouth turned up in a not-quite-smile before turning his attention back to his kid.
From there, they revealed 'the rules' like the well-oiled not-married-but-might-as-well-be couple they were:
"Don't take shit from someone you don't know," he started.
"Don't take anything unless someone you trust is with you," Justin continued.
"Don't leave your drink unattended."
"If someone tries to push anything into your mouth, spit is out."
"And don't ever become as pathetic as dear Theodore was," Brian finished.
Gus nodded his head in agreement, letting the words of wisdom seep in. Finally, he replied with:
"Wait. When was Ted not pathetic?"