The suspense is over......
Cut because I am sure not everyone really cares about my shitty ass day! Ok. Monday night at work I had pretty much come to the conclusion that I really didn't want to drive 7 hours to Indiana to my grandma's for turkey day. It's always crowded and I really don't spend "time" with anyone and its a long drive to make by yourself in a 4 day period. I wasn't certain though if I was going to go or stay. Tuesday night I started coughing and my chest felt really compressed. Now M* is sick, Lee was sick last week, mom has been sick for the past 2 weeks, and Evan has been sick. I was bound to catch something. By the time I got off work Wed. morning I felt like crap. Not a head cold or anything like that, just a cough w/chest congestion. I go home and M* makes me pancakes and I go to bed. I end up getting up at around 2:30, after he had gotten home from helping my brother clean the garage and basement at his house. (Keep in mind that M* has a terrible head cold, and it had to have been obvious to my brother, because he sounds all stuffed up) I get up and I am coughing like terrible and I am freezing cold. The apartment windows and doors all have terrible cracks around them and the cold air just pours in. I decided to call my mom, at my grandma's, and tell her I am not coming because I am sick. My sister answers and tells me not to dare go over to my brothers and get the babies sick. !!!DUH!!! They had taken Anthony to the er Tuesday night because he had a 105 fever and think that he might have a blood virus or something. So anyway, M* comes in the room and lays down on the bed and falls asleep. I got up and started packing a bag. I had decided that if I wasn't going to Indiana then I would come stay at my mom so that I could have some time to myself. Mardi woke up and started asking questions. We got into it because he couldn't understand why I needed more time to myself again. He then said that he believed I was going off to meet some other guy. I said forget it then and threw my stuff on the floor and layed down. He took off and left. After about 15 mins I said fuck it and decided that I was going anyway. Why should I stay there in that freezing ass apartment and fight with him when I can come to my moms and have some peace and quiet. As I was leaving I realized that I had his wallet in my purse so I drove down the street and found him and Lee walking, pulled over, handed it to him, and drove off. When I got to mom's I called him to see if he wanted the number here incase he would want to call me. We ended up spending the next 2 hours on the phone fighting. He says that I shouldn't get mad when he says that he thinks I am meeting someone else because that is what is ex done to him and that it is normal because he hasn't learned to trust me completely. That made it even worse. Made me feel like he thinks I am nothing but his fucking x-wife. We went round and round and really didn't get anything accomplished. Finally I just told him to call me in the morning when he got up. This morning I hear someone come in the front door and my brother, Shawn, hollars in asking if I was there. I yelled back that I was and he said that mom had called him and asked him to come clean the cat box but that since I was there would I please do it so that he wouldn't have to get the baby out of the car. Yeah, no problem. He then says thanks and Happy Thanksgiving, then leaves. I was kinda like "what the fuck?" Why didn't he just invite me to come over to his house for dinner? 2 minutes later the phone rings and its M* telling me that he has just gotten up and that he needs to get ready to go because my brother should be there soon to pick him and Lee up. Shawn had invited them for dinner because he thought I was going to Indiana. I told M* what my brother had said and how I felt like I wasn't welcome. He said that he would ask Shawn about it when he saw him. I was under the impression that M* would then call me and let me know either I was invited or that I wasn't. The phone never rang. Finally around 4 I gave up and decided to eat a bowl of cereal. For some dumb as reason I kept thinking that maybe he would still call me to say come over. At almost 7pm the phone rings and it is M*. I didn't answer the phone - just let the machine get it. He then called the house 3 more times and the cell phone 3 times. I didn't answer. At that point I was devistated that my boyfriend had just spent Thanksgiving Day with MY family, without me, that I truly didn't want to talk to him. I gave in though and about 45 mins later I called him. He said that he didn't really have a very good time because I wasn't there. He sounded like shit. I asked why he never called me back and he said that he didn't know he was suppose to. DUH! From what he told me, Shawn had talked to my sister and I guess my sister told him that I didn't want to come over to their house because I didn't want to risk getting the kids sick. That's why I wasn't invited. Thing is, I only have a cough, not a cold, not strep throat, just a damn cough. M* has a fucking cold!!!! Yet he was there all damn day. M* asked me if I was mad at him because he spent the day with my family. I told him that I actually thought he might ask Shawn to bring him over to my moms so he could see me, or he would have at least called me, but nothing. He then said "I did call you and you didn't answer the phone". Yeah, you called me after you got home. It never crossed his mind to have Shawn bring him over here to see me. Just like I am sure it never crossed my brothers or his wife's mind to fix me a dinner plate and bring it over to me and maybe hang out for a few minutes. Hell No - fuck Darian - it doesn't matter that spend the holiday alone. It's fine that she ate cereal and left over fucking speghetti for dinner. M* asked me again if I was mad at him and with tears in my voice I said "no I am not mad at you, I am so thankful that you got to spend the holiday with someone, I love you bye" and I hung the phone up. Did he call me back, NO. Has he emailed me, NO. Because he doesn't fucking care anymore than my brother and his wife care. Well fuck them. Fuck this damn day. I truly don't think that I could have ever went to M*'s family for a holiday if I knew that he hadn't been invited, and especially if I knew that I was sicker then he was and shouldn't be there around little kids. I told M* that considering the mood I am in, I think it is better that I stay away. He is all the time talking about how selfish I am and how everything is all about me, me, me. Well, I guess today it wasn't about me at all. And I bet I could guess exactly why it never crossed M*'s mind to have Shawn bring him over here after dinner. Because Shawn had just reformated M*'s hard drive and has had his computer for the past 2 days. Therefore, M* hasn't been able to play his precious fucking Diablo game. So I am quite sure that getting home and setting up his computer was what was at the top of his priority list. Just like I am sure that is exactly what he is doing even though he is very sick and should be in bed getting some rest. When I lived in Florida and I had to spend Thanksgiving away from my family, this guy I was dating, Paul, said that I couldn't come to his family's house for dinner because of this rule his parents have about outsiders and holidays. Ok whatever. But at least, after he had finished at their house, he fixed me a plate of food and came over and spend the rest of the evening with me. It was sad being away from my family, but at least being thought of in that small manner helped make up for it. I think it is wrong that my own family couldn't have thought of me that way. Well, Uma wants me to color her hair for her next weekend and I am going to tell her that I have decided that I shouldn't do it. She can keep using store bought shit and ruin her hair, I don't fucking care. She doesn't believe me that the Wal-mart stuff you buy isn't good for her hair anyway. Let her ruin her hair. I know she believes that I don't know anything anyway. Fuck her. Let Shawn and M* become new best friends. M* can fix their cars and help him do guy stuff around the house, I don't fucking care. Because there will come a time when they really need me, and if I am not there for them, then I will be the bitch. I am the one they think is unreliable. I am the one they treat like the dumb kid. I am sick and fucking tired of it and as soon as I can get through my schooling I am moving the fuck away from them. I didn't miss them when I lived in Florida so I damn sure won't miss them when I leave again. I will miss my nephews, like crazy, and my mom too. This is just pure bullshit. I hate fucking holidays!!!!!!!!!!!!