(no subject)
Things have been going pretty well. I haven't quite gotten a routine down yet with the new work schedule, but I am o.k. with that. As long as I am in bed between 10-11pm I am good to go.
A couple weeks ago some strange things kept happening, which had me completely freaked out. I got up one morning and found the hall light on. I always turn it off, but I dismissed it thinking that perhaps I had forgotten. 2 nights later, it happened again. That caused me to start second guessing myself. Then one morning I had gotten ready for work and right before I left, I filled Jessie's water bowl in the sink. She has a very large bowl and I have to lean against the sink to be able to fill it. When I got home that night, there was a dirty cup sitting on the edge of the sink, about to fall off. I had used this cup like 2 days before and had put it on the side of the sink w/ the rest of the cups. For the life of me, I have no idea how this cup got to the edge of the sink like that. Then, one morning I got up and when I opened the bedroom door, I heard the toilet running. It had just been flushed, but I had JUST gotten up. That was the final straw. I called Gretchen that night for a little phone therapy because I was completely freaking out. We decided to chalk it up to my being completely exhausted and perhaps I was getting up in my sleep and not realizing it. That would explain everything except the cup. I wasn't home all day that day. I have since decided to just put it all aside and not worry about it. If strange things like that start happening again, or continue, then I will be more concerned. For now, let it be exhaustion.
I have really been struggling with my issues as far as the whole Shawn Michael and Charles Anthony situation. Gretchen keeps telling me just to be honest with both of them and with myself. So, I went out on a limb and told Charles Anthony about my BPD. I was completely cared to death that he would reject me and never write again. I was given the complete opposite reaction. He has been completely understanding and says that he is more than willing to help me in any way that he can. I sent him a complete outline of the disorder so that he would have a better idea as to what it's all about. His response was that he believes love can cure any illness. Hopefully I will be able to drive up to Toledo soon to meet him. I am rather nervous, but anxious about that. I sorta wish I had someone to go with me for the drive. That would be kinda nice. It would be fun if I could go up on a Friday and spend the night. I have never actually checked out the Toledo area. As far as Shawn Michael goes.... he is finally starting to open up to me and tell me the complete truth about who he really is and how it truly feelings inside about things. It's about damn time, considering we have been friends for 12 years. Some of the stuff has been a complete shock, but I am willing to accept it, as long as he is willing to get help. I did however find out over the weekend that he stole some money from me. It was about $30 that was all $2.00 bills that both my mom and dad had saved for me over the years since I was a baby. I had the money is a special lock box. He was the only other person who knew the money was in there and also knew where the key to the box was. When I found out, I was so furious that I wrote him this completely horrible letter. I didn't send it though. I decided instead to give him a chance to tell me the truth, so I wrote him a letter and told him that he needs to tell me anything and everything that he done behind my back while he was living with me. I also told him that if he isn't completely honest with me then I will never speak to him again. I can't keep letting him get away with the lies. It's not fair to me. Tough love sucks, but that's why it's called tough love. If he is completely honest with me and tells me that he took the money, then perhaps, somehow we can work it out. Yeah, it's just money, but it was extremely sentimental to me because of who it came from. It can't be returned or replaced. That's what makes the differance. I think I am going to have to look into getting a safety box at the bank. I think that is my best choice. Basically the balance of our relationship now lies in the way that he responds to my letter. So we shall see.
I went to the Dr. about my thyroid 2 weeks ago. He put me back on the medication and also ordered blood work. I also mentioned the headaches and so he put me on something for that. I went back this past Friday for the test results and everything was normal. I had also lost 6 lbs in the two weeks, so that is encouraging. I know it's not a lot, but it's a start. I just have to keep my ass on the medication. That is the most important part because if my metabolism doesn't work, then I will never lose the weight that I want to lose. The Dr. also asked me how the headaches were doing. Same as usual. So he prescribed me another rx for it. I know he's not ordering more tests because he knows I don't have insurance, but it still erks me that Dr's will just fling drugs at you before they will truly investigate to find out what the true problem is. I mean, something is causing these headaches. Yeah, it could be all psychological, but for some reason, I don't think that it is. I am suppose to go back in a month so I guess we will see then what he wants to do.
O.k. enough rambling for now. I guess if I updated more often I wouldn't have this problem. Oh-well. Such is life.
A couple weeks ago some strange things kept happening, which had me completely freaked out. I got up one morning and found the hall light on. I always turn it off, but I dismissed it thinking that perhaps I had forgotten. 2 nights later, it happened again. That caused me to start second guessing myself. Then one morning I had gotten ready for work and right before I left, I filled Jessie's water bowl in the sink. She has a very large bowl and I have to lean against the sink to be able to fill it. When I got home that night, there was a dirty cup sitting on the edge of the sink, about to fall off. I had used this cup like 2 days before and had put it on the side of the sink w/ the rest of the cups. For the life of me, I have no idea how this cup got to the edge of the sink like that. Then, one morning I got up and when I opened the bedroom door, I heard the toilet running. It had just been flushed, but I had JUST gotten up. That was the final straw. I called Gretchen that night for a little phone therapy because I was completely freaking out. We decided to chalk it up to my being completely exhausted and perhaps I was getting up in my sleep and not realizing it. That would explain everything except the cup. I wasn't home all day that day. I have since decided to just put it all aside and not worry about it. If strange things like that start happening again, or continue, then I will be more concerned. For now, let it be exhaustion.
I have really been struggling with my issues as far as the whole Shawn Michael and Charles Anthony situation. Gretchen keeps telling me just to be honest with both of them and with myself. So, I went out on a limb and told Charles Anthony about my BPD. I was completely cared to death that he would reject me and never write again. I was given the complete opposite reaction. He has been completely understanding and says that he is more than willing to help me in any way that he can. I sent him a complete outline of the disorder so that he would have a better idea as to what it's all about. His response was that he believes love can cure any illness. Hopefully I will be able to drive up to Toledo soon to meet him. I am rather nervous, but anxious about that. I sorta wish I had someone to go with me for the drive. That would be kinda nice. It would be fun if I could go up on a Friday and spend the night. I have never actually checked out the Toledo area. As far as Shawn Michael goes.... he is finally starting to open up to me and tell me the complete truth about who he really is and how it truly feelings inside about things. It's about damn time, considering we have been friends for 12 years. Some of the stuff has been a complete shock, but I am willing to accept it, as long as he is willing to get help. I did however find out over the weekend that he stole some money from me. It was about $30 that was all $2.00 bills that both my mom and dad had saved for me over the years since I was a baby. I had the money is a special lock box. He was the only other person who knew the money was in there and also knew where the key to the box was. When I found out, I was so furious that I wrote him this completely horrible letter. I didn't send it though. I decided instead to give him a chance to tell me the truth, so I wrote him a letter and told him that he needs to tell me anything and everything that he done behind my back while he was living with me. I also told him that if he isn't completely honest with me then I will never speak to him again. I can't keep letting him get away with the lies. It's not fair to me. Tough love sucks, but that's why it's called tough love. If he is completely honest with me and tells me that he took the money, then perhaps, somehow we can work it out. Yeah, it's just money, but it was extremely sentimental to me because of who it came from. It can't be returned or replaced. That's what makes the differance. I think I am going to have to look into getting a safety box at the bank. I think that is my best choice. Basically the balance of our relationship now lies in the way that he responds to my letter. So we shall see.
I went to the Dr. about my thyroid 2 weeks ago. He put me back on the medication and also ordered blood work. I also mentioned the headaches and so he put me on something for that. I went back this past Friday for the test results and everything was normal. I had also lost 6 lbs in the two weeks, so that is encouraging. I know it's not a lot, but it's a start. I just have to keep my ass on the medication. That is the most important part because if my metabolism doesn't work, then I will never lose the weight that I want to lose. The Dr. also asked me how the headaches were doing. Same as usual. So he prescribed me another rx for it. I know he's not ordering more tests because he knows I don't have insurance, but it still erks me that Dr's will just fling drugs at you before they will truly investigate to find out what the true problem is. I mean, something is causing these headaches. Yeah, it could be all psychological, but for some reason, I don't think that it is. I am suppose to go back in a month so I guess we will see then what he wants to do.
O.k. enough rambling for now. I guess if I updated more often I wouldn't have this problem. Oh-well. Such is life.