Faces
It's late, it's Spring. He stands on a balcony overlooking a quiet street. High clouds overhead keep the night from becoming too cool, just the way he likes it. A breeze slides by, lifting the reddish long hair up and away from his back. His nature turns his face towards the wind, letting it catch in his mane and sweep it up and back.
I should love this time of year, y'know. So much Life and Energy in the air, so much to absorb and charge up with. So, why am I so bummed? He thinks to himself as he take a pull off the cigarette in his hand.
"Clearly, ese, you can't seem to get your mind off the womens." A voice drifts from some corner of his consciousness.
"And what would you know?" He retorts.
"I know you're thinking about those ones that got away. That movie always makes you think of them.
The red's smile, the dom's voice. All of their touch, c'm on man... I can smell it." As a set of feline blue eyes peer from the depths of his mind at him."Leave it alone, man. Just leave it alone, ok?" He sighs. With that he turns to let a gust whip his hair across his face, obscuring his line of sight.
It's hard to not think about them all the time. And that life, the one he was living so long ago. As a mundane, normal person. Before other worlds and darkness. Before curses and undead. Before God tossed him to the wolves.
He loves his family now, but it's like he can never be good enough for them. Like he's some kind of loser that they all just pity. Like, when your friends used to say, "hey man, she's out of your league!"
And you feel like stabbing them because what kind of shit would put such a stupid limitation on his friend? Or when someone tells you, "you've got a backwards 'L' on your forehead." You just want to punch them in their face.
Of course, those are usually innocent remarks. Maybe even joking and playful. But they really suck to hear. You spend so much of your time in your life building these people up, just to be treated like shit....
"Maybe it's a good thing we can't die, then." A chuckle.
"Hardly. How is that supposed to be good?" A huff.
"Well, ya know.. You get to outlive them and prove them wrong." Triumphant voice!
"No. I'll be alone." Sad response.
"But, you'll have me!"
"For all the good, that's like talking to myself. Actually... I am talking to myself. Jesus shit." He flicks the spent cigarette angrily. "Goddamnit all." He away from the balcony, dropping to the grass below with ease, and starts to walk South.
All these feelings of loss and jealousy, and depression... It's enough to drive him in the opposite direction. Push him away, push him North. To the driving snows, and the barren tundra. Why would he want to stay and suffer such inequalities? Why would anyone want to spend eternity being ridiculed, mocked and threatened? Even if it is in jest.
"... It's like those idiots who pretend like they're going to punch you, and assume you must be stupid enough to just stand there and take it, because they've never had to throw down with a real fighter. And so when you try to tell them they wouldn't get the end result they want, they get all defensive, and start making things worse for you, like they can bully ya... y'know?" His voice drifted in. For being so much more feral and animalstic, Myst's voice was oddly identical to his own. And yet they always stood on polar opposites from each other.
"What was that Myst?"
"Y'know, how those guys think they're the only bad-asses on the planet, and because you don't look all fat and bulky they think they can push you around and call you friend at the same time... It's bullshit. Humans just trying to make themselves feel better at the expense of whoever is closest."
"Yeh. I guess. But, no, I dunno, I tend to just feel this way all the time. I'm so sick of being left out, that I'd rather just withdraw completely from the world." He sighs and glances down the length of his borrowed body.
"At least this time you have someone to confide in..." Quips the voice.
"And someone to snuggle up with. But since the baby was born, not much sleep or snuggle."
"You'll adjust."
"We hope."
"Quit complaining and lets get a drink."
"I guess so." He sighs and strolls to go find a soda.
((end. for now.))