(no subject)
Author: dark_spryte
Pairing: S/R
Prompt: For Skell
Rating: PG
Summary: Remus is deluded. (Ah yes, I have brilliant summaries.)
Word Count: 1080
The face that stares back at me from the mirror isn’t one I recognize. Its eyes are hollowed and dull, its cheeks sunken and its skin a sickly yellow. I bend down, methodically splashing water on my face. The water is cool, it forces me awake, but the sense behind those blank hazel orbs is shut. I turn off the icy water, still staring at my reflection. I look worse than Him. I look like a drug addict. And I guess I am, in some way. Only my drug is lost, and I am left stranded on a place between the living and the dead.
“Moooooony.”
“Yes?”
“I’m bored.”
“I can see that.”
“That’s not the correct response! You’re supposed to look at me and pay rapt attention to the wonderful Sirius Black here!”
“I have a test tomorrow, I need to study.”
“Then I guess I’ll just have to make you pay attention.”
“What? Sirius- mmmhpf”
I find myself in the kitchen, and I pour myself a cup of water with my shaky hands. Dirty, unkempt. The water touches my lips. They feel parched and dry. Broken. I choke on the water, cough desperately. My lungs feel constricted all over again, but all I can feel is that my lips are cracked and ugly. Not soft and pink. Not the way it was Before. Unable to feel that warm heat, slick, smooth, undeniably tasting of Him. And I drop the glass on the dirt-strewn floor. It shatters, broken in so many places, but broken again. Without looking, I grip the edges of the table and point at the pieces with my wand.
Some things can be healed as easily as a muttered spell, but others can never be healed.
“Moooony!”
“Yes?”
“You’ve been avoiding me, haven’t you?”
“No!”
“That was a quick answer. You have been avoiding me. Look, Remus, whatever happened the last time was a mistake. I assure you, it won’t happen again.”
“You- Yes, it was a mistake.”
I prowl the streets like a zombie. Out of place. My clothes are ragged and grey. People who walk by me stare as though I’m dirty. I wonder why I don’t feel dirty anymore, even without Him. I wonder what I’m doing here, outside, trying to live. My stomach feels hollow. My heart feels hollow. The former I can solve, the latter I can only ignore. I round on a corner, my legs moving of their own volition. This road is walked, familiar, memorized, because He loved coffee.
“Mooooony!”
“Yes?”
“Don’t put sugar in your coffee! It’ll ruin the taste! Coffee ought to be drunk black and pure.”
“Oh.”
“Did something hap-”
“Pure like how witches and wizards should be?”
“You know I didn’t mean that. I saw Bellatrix just now. What did she say to you?”
“Nothing.”
“I’ll kill her.”
“Forget it, Sirius! I’m used to being seen as scum!”
“You, Remus Lupin, are NOT scum. You are the single, most beautiful person I know.”
The waiter sets down a cup of strong black coffee. I smile but I guess it came out more of a grimace, the waiter just stared. I don’t care. I need the caffeine. The swirling black liquid reminds me of Him. Even though he never once drank coffee black after that, I knew he loved it. Just like I knew it still hurt him to leave his family, even if he never let it show. I knew he loved it Black.
“Moony”
“Yes?”
“I left.”
“Left?”
“They disowned me.”
“What? Sirius- What are you going to do now?”
“I’m staying at James’ place for the moment.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m not. I just… Can I sleep here tonight?”
“I- yeah. Yes, you can.”
I stare out the window, looking at people passing me by. Over and over, until the faces bleed into one. The same. Faceless. A voice behind me grips me. His voice. I hear it, loud an clear, as though it calls to me, reaching out and grabbing me. The blood in my veins run cold. I turn around, desperate. Drink forgotten. I see a dark head, walking steadily away from me. A back I know so well.
“Moony”
“Yes?”
“I joined the Order.”
“What?!”
“I want to get rid of them, Moony! I saw what they tried to do to you. I’m not having any of that happen again.”
“Sirius-”
“I know, Moony, I’ll be fine.”
I dash out of the coffee house without paying for me drink. Yells follow behind me, curses, screams. I can’t hear any of them. His voice reverberates in my head until I am drowning in it. I know it’s him. I know he didn’t leave me. I just know. He’s not gone. He wouldn’t leave me. He promised. I ran out onto the open street. My target lost in the crowd. My heart clenches painfully. No.
“Mooony.”
“Yes?”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
“Even if something happens to me? Even if I do something wrong?”
“Yes, Sirius. I’ll always believe you.”
I’m wading through the mass of people, gripping futilely onto an adrift piece of wood in the wide open ocean. I’m lost. But I keep trying. I know I saw Him. I’ll believe in Him this time. I won’t let myself repeat the mistake I did when He was captured and put into Azkaban. I’ll believe Him. He won’t have left me alone in this world. My breath hitches. I see that familiar dark head just a few metres before me. I run.
“Moooony.”
“Yes?”
“What do you think happens after you die?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have a religion. What do you think?”
“I think we never truly die. We’ll live on in the hearts of those who love us still.”
“That’s a surprise, coming from you.”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean? And here I thought you loved me!”
“I- I do. Love you, I mean.”
“Then I’m not afraid of death, because I’ll be with you, even when I’m gone.”
I grab his shoulders. A little too tightly. He turns. His face sours in a nasty expression and shouts at me. Something about me being a lunatic. I don’t hear it. The face is not right. It’s not smiling and laughing and welcoming, it’s not haughty and arrogant and filled with life, it’s not dark and handsome and beautiful. It’s not my Sirius.
The fact pierces me like a sword through my heart.
Why?
-End-
Pairing: S/R
Prompt: For Skell
Rating: PG
Summary: Remus is deluded. (Ah yes, I have brilliant summaries.)
Word Count: 1080
The face that stares back at me from the mirror isn’t one I recognize. Its eyes are hollowed and dull, its cheeks sunken and its skin a sickly yellow. I bend down, methodically splashing water on my face. The water is cool, it forces me awake, but the sense behind those blank hazel orbs is shut. I turn off the icy water, still staring at my reflection. I look worse than Him. I look like a drug addict. And I guess I am, in some way. Only my drug is lost, and I am left stranded on a place between the living and the dead.
“Moooooony.”
“Yes?”
“I’m bored.”
“I can see that.”
“That’s not the correct response! You’re supposed to look at me and pay rapt attention to the wonderful Sirius Black here!”
“I have a test tomorrow, I need to study.”
“Then I guess I’ll just have to make you pay attention.”
“What? Sirius- mmmhpf”
I find myself in the kitchen, and I pour myself a cup of water with my shaky hands. Dirty, unkempt. The water touches my lips. They feel parched and dry. Broken. I choke on the water, cough desperately. My lungs feel constricted all over again, but all I can feel is that my lips are cracked and ugly. Not soft and pink. Not the way it was Before. Unable to feel that warm heat, slick, smooth, undeniably tasting of Him. And I drop the glass on the dirt-strewn floor. It shatters, broken in so many places, but broken again. Without looking, I grip the edges of the table and point at the pieces with my wand.
Some things can be healed as easily as a muttered spell, but others can never be healed.
“Moooony!”
“Yes?”
“You’ve been avoiding me, haven’t you?”
“No!”
“That was a quick answer. You have been avoiding me. Look, Remus, whatever happened the last time was a mistake. I assure you, it won’t happen again.”
“You- Yes, it was a mistake.”
I prowl the streets like a zombie. Out of place. My clothes are ragged and grey. People who walk by me stare as though I’m dirty. I wonder why I don’t feel dirty anymore, even without Him. I wonder what I’m doing here, outside, trying to live. My stomach feels hollow. My heart feels hollow. The former I can solve, the latter I can only ignore. I round on a corner, my legs moving of their own volition. This road is walked, familiar, memorized, because He loved coffee.
“Mooooony!”
“Yes?”
“Don’t put sugar in your coffee! It’ll ruin the taste! Coffee ought to be drunk black and pure.”
“Oh.”
“Did something hap-”
“Pure like how witches and wizards should be?”
“You know I didn’t mean that. I saw Bellatrix just now. What did she say to you?”
“Nothing.”
“I’ll kill her.”
“Forget it, Sirius! I’m used to being seen as scum!”
“You, Remus Lupin, are NOT scum. You are the single, most beautiful person I know.”
The waiter sets down a cup of strong black coffee. I smile but I guess it came out more of a grimace, the waiter just stared. I don’t care. I need the caffeine. The swirling black liquid reminds me of Him. Even though he never once drank coffee black after that, I knew he loved it. Just like I knew it still hurt him to leave his family, even if he never let it show. I knew he loved it Black.
“Moony”
“Yes?”
“I left.”
“Left?”
“They disowned me.”
“What? Sirius- What are you going to do now?”
“I’m staying at James’ place for the moment.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I’m not. I just… Can I sleep here tonight?”
“I- yeah. Yes, you can.”
I stare out the window, looking at people passing me by. Over and over, until the faces bleed into one. The same. Faceless. A voice behind me grips me. His voice. I hear it, loud an clear, as though it calls to me, reaching out and grabbing me. The blood in my veins run cold. I turn around, desperate. Drink forgotten. I see a dark head, walking steadily away from me. A back I know so well.
“Moony”
“Yes?”
“I joined the Order.”
“What?!”
“I want to get rid of them, Moony! I saw what they tried to do to you. I’m not having any of that happen again.”
“Sirius-”
“I know, Moony, I’ll be fine.”
I dash out of the coffee house without paying for me drink. Yells follow behind me, curses, screams. I can’t hear any of them. His voice reverberates in my head until I am drowning in it. I know it’s him. I know he didn’t leave me. I just know. He’s not gone. He wouldn’t leave me. He promised. I ran out onto the open street. My target lost in the crowd. My heart clenches painfully. No.
“Mooony.”
“Yes?”
“Do you trust me?”
“Of course.”
“Even if something happens to me? Even if I do something wrong?”
“Yes, Sirius. I’ll always believe you.”
I’m wading through the mass of people, gripping futilely onto an adrift piece of wood in the wide open ocean. I’m lost. But I keep trying. I know I saw Him. I’ll believe in Him this time. I won’t let myself repeat the mistake I did when He was captured and put into Azkaban. I’ll believe Him. He won’t have left me alone in this world. My breath hitches. I see that familiar dark head just a few metres before me. I run.
“Moooony.”
“Yes?”
“What do you think happens after you die?”
“I don’t know. I don’t have a religion. What do you think?”
“I think we never truly die. We’ll live on in the hearts of those who love us still.”
“That’s a surprise, coming from you.”
“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean? And here I thought you loved me!”
“I- I do. Love you, I mean.”
“Then I’m not afraid of death, because I’ll be with you, even when I’m gone.”
I grab his shoulders. A little too tightly. He turns. His face sours in a nasty expression and shouts at me. Something about me being a lunatic. I don’t hear it. The face is not right. It’s not smiling and laughing and welcoming, it’s not haughty and arrogant and filled with life, it’s not dark and handsome and beautiful. It’s not my Sirius.
The fact pierces me like a sword through my heart.
Why?
-End-