(no subject)
Man...like..a million years ago I was joking with Cate about how I would write a story about her life. We were joking that she lived in a septic tank?? (don't ask) so anyway, I wrote this and I just found it and wondered what the CRAP was I on? It doesn't even make sense, and it's so disturbing. so that is why I shall post it here. (btw, I don't remember actually trying to write a good story, it was just a quick stupid joke thing)
The Life Of Caitlin
I awoke in a damp and dark atmosphere. I'm not sure exactly what I shall do, but instincts points to the only way out. I struggle and brake threw that sticky, rubbery barrier, and I take the swim of my life. If I do not make all the right decisions, I could be faced with death. I am careful though, and dodge all of the dangerous poopies. Finally I am submerged in fresh and clean air! I dispose of the mucusy crap in my lungs. I am now ready to concur the world. (Even though 10 minutes into the world does not seem like much to you…) I find myself with a whole new ballpark of dangers. I must seek refuge!!
I find myself in a warm, safe, cave far for civilization. I doze for a few hours while plotting my next moves. Yes, I can think while I sleep; a rare gift given to me by my alien mother. I am later presented by a strange and eerie sense. It’s very strange, but it is an overwhelmingly powerful force. I arise from my slumber, and follow this sense. I find myself surrounded by Greek, gnomish elves. They speak in such a tongue I do not understand much. "Oogaly woogalyy…maseetraa comeca" they chant. With their little warty hands, they issue for me to follow. I follow, and soon I realize they are taking me to their master. I wonder if this will be a bigger version of the ugly little buggers. Suddenly, I see a bright and beautiful light ahead. It's almost hypnotizing. A tall and elegant horse walks from the light. "I am Auleeca,” the horse explains.
Auleeca tells me about the world problems, and how I must help to save it. Of course I am stubborn, and only think of myself. I viciously try to attack the “what seemed to be defenceless horse." (Looked like a tasty meal!) Effortlessly, the horse throws me to the ground, and nearly kills me. If only I had died, I prayed. Auleeca then tries to explain to me what must happen, and because of my alien blood, I am a brutal part of this mission. She tells me how I would have everything I ever wanted. My heart skipped a few beats, and I immediately settled down and asked if that included people? "Yes" she replies. "Prince William?" I eagerly ask. Laughing, she agrees again. Now that I know of the new circumstances, I willingly await for what needs to be done. If I succeed, I get all that I dream of! But If I fail, I will die. No biggy, I tell myself. I am now ready to venture the world!
Geared up, I head toward the stables to saddle up a horse I shall use to ride to complete my mission. Lazily, I decide not to groom the horse. I figure, wild horses don't need to be groomed? I quickly throw on a saddle, tighten the girth, and messily put on the bridle. Satisfied all the buckles where buckled, and loose ends tucked, Meleera and I start our journey. Annoyed that Meleera is nothing like Auleeca, and is just a stupid horse, I push onward. We travel for days and days, when suddenly the horse just dropped. "I need food,” the horse said softly. "Yeah, well, so do I!" About to eat the horse, I remember what Auleeca said. A little more ticked that I can't eat the horse, I take the food from my pack and give it to her. Hording some for myself.
At last, the green storm meadows. We have reached out destination. Jumping for joy and excitement was interrupted by Meleera's hoof stabbing me in in gut. I stop, out of breath and glare at the old mare. "What the..!?" I shout. "Before you take your little PAINIC attack next time, would you PLEASE get off my back before you do so?! Or at least notify me so I can jab you again?!"
Annoyed, I put that to the back of my mind, and run to claim my goal! I get up to the building, and note it's a convenient store. "My god!" I think to myself. "What the hell is a convenient store doing..CLOSED?!" I read the sign on the door: "We are closed forever, and will never come back! MWAHAHA! Please leave us a message.
Frustrated, I grab the pen which is tired to the door, and scribble "And you call your self a CONVENIANT STORE?! It's not to CONVENIANT when you’re CLOSED you know!!!" Wondering when they'll get the message, I stop and wonder where I will get the bread now. "Stupid store" I pout.
On the way back, I begin to wonder why this "horse" of all mighty power needs bread? Didn't she say I could get whatever I wanted? Confused, I shove that from my mind, and begin to wonder if the horse will still allow me to get Wills. I mean, I DID come out here. It's not my fault the store was closed.
Days later, when I arrive back, the horse seemed somewhat...pleased to see me. A little frightened, I tell her about her bread. But all she says was "Aw, don't worry about it, our farms grew the grain needed for it". Raging with anger, I set my revenge to kill the horse. The horse then reminds me about my prize and tells me to go into room nine to collect all that is I want. Forgetting the anger, I go into the room. The door slams, and then disappears. "That was a little too cool…"
"Caitlin"
"Caitlin" the voice calls again
"CAITLIN! FOR GOD SAKE!!"
"Yes? Who’s calling? Mom? Is that you?"
"No Caitlin, I just wanted to inform you that you will be trapped in here foreever!" I heard the voice’s evil laugh, then wonder when I will get my goods.
*5 years later*
"Hello? When am I getting my stuff? Hellllooo??"
This concludes our story of Caitlin the freak. The End.