*insert guttural scream here*
I was elated when I finally got out of work today. The beast that was my life had once again been foiled in its attempts to swallow me whole. I was victorious, and now had an entire weekend to lock myself away and play Kingdom Hearts II. Life was good, but it was going to get much, much, better. Or so I thought.
I was halfway out the door when my manager stopped me. She asked me if I could help the university with some sort of fundraiser. Now, to be perfectly honest, I couldn't have cared less about this sort of thing at that moment. I love helping people out, and I'm truly greatful to ASU West for giving me a job, but, I was exhausted, and KINGDOM HEARTS II WAS WAITING FOR ME AT HOME, DAMMIT!
I politely declined her offer and started making my way out when she asked again, more desperately this time. Apparently, only six people had shown up, and this entire event was going to be a disaster if they couldn't find more people. I didn't know what was going on, but I grudgingly offered my help. I'm very bad at this "Saying NO!" thing if someone needs my help. Bah.
By the time I'd gotten to the location of the fundraiser, I wished I hadn't volunteered. You see, this wasn't one of those "stand at the door and hand out flyers" deals. No, no, no. This was one of those things where I got to stand on stage and have people place bids to take me out on a date.
I really was in no mood to be going out with anyone tonight, so I figured that I'd just weird people out when it was time to introduce myself and scare potential dates away. It was perfect! There was no way it could go wrong! Besides! All the guys around me were FAR better looking than I was, so it was starting to look like I wouldn't have to go out with anyone at all.
They gave me five minutes to introduce myself. I spent five minutes talking about my exploits against the Evil Noodles, the Evil Potatoes, and Al Gore. There was no hooting or hollering when I finished speaking. Hell, the entire place had gone silent. Bidding started at $10. Nobody said anything. Just as I was getting ready to walk off and go home, somebody in the back offered $15. Another person offered $20. Yet another offered $27.68. The bidding went on for what seemed to be an eternity, but finally stopped at $120. I was flabbergasted. If my legs weren't frozen, I'd have run away screaming.
Shortly after I got off stage, my "date" came to pick me up. I think I spent the first ten seconds or so after we met just gawking at her with my jaw firmly glued to the floor. She wasn't just pretty. She was like, howl-at-the-moon, pinch-me-I'm-dreaming gorgeous. Suddenly, this didn't seem so bad anymore. Unless things went horribly, horribly wrong, nothing could go wrong, right? RIGHT?!?
...Yeah, you can already tell where this is going.
We started off by going to dinner at The Olive Garden. Now, I hate Italian food (save breadsticks, and some of the soup), so I just settled for some soup. It wasn't much, but I didn't mind. I don't eat much when I'm out with someone, as I'm usually too busy talking/listening on the person to focus on food. Besides, Amoré (now that's a name you don't hear very often) had already spent $120 to take me out. I didn't want to make it worse my eating into her moneys any more than I already had.
Dinner started out nicely. It turned out that she was as big a geek as I was, and more importantly a DDR player (can you say SCORE?!?). She was witty, smart, and (aside from her strange hatred of cotton candy and Jewish people) someone I could totally see myself with. Literally two seconds I'd finished contemplating this, she suddenly grabbed my hand, and professed that she loved me. She claimed that she'd never met anyone like me before, and would probably never meet anyone like me again, and promised to never let me go. Before I had the chance to let any of this sink in, SHE ASKED ME TO MARRY HER. Let me say that again, in case you didn't catch it the first time: SHE ASKED ME TO MARRY HER.
Now, I'm not the type of guy that runs screaming at the mention of the words "love" and "marriage", but at the same time, I'm going to be just a *little* anxious if I hear those words directed at me on a first date.
I hate saying "No" and I hate hurting people, but in this case, I had to do both. There really was no other way. I wanted to say something dramatic and poetic and comforting all at once, but all I managed to squeak out was a weak "Sorry, I can't. I don't know you as well as I'd like".
Yeah, um, she really didn't take that too well.
My refusal unleashed a five minute long tirade about how all men were scum, and how I was just like her father. My enraged psycho-date then proceeded to yank the tablecloth off the table (creating a hell of a mess in the process) before storming off to the ladies' room. By the time she was done, the entire restaurant was staring at me. Annoyed and a little flustered, I went outside and got some air.
Amoré joined me about a half-hour later, and apologized for what happened in the restaurant. I accepted her apology, all the while secretly rejoicing on the inside that I'd never have to see her again. Once she dropped me off at school, I could go home, and play Kingdom Hearts II, and everything would be okay again.
Once she was done apologizing, she asked if I'd like to go to her apartment for cookies and DDR. Now I'm the kind of person who believes that DDR can fix just about anything, so I happily accepted. Besides, I'd probably ripped a minivan sized hole in her self esteem earlier tonight, so this would be my way of making it up to her. Plus, I'd get cookies!
Her apartment was nice. It was also on the bottom floor, so I wouldn't have to worry about pesky neighbors when playing DDR. As she went off to change into her "DDR clothes", I excitedly turned the PS2 on, only to be greeted by Britney's Dance Beat. Thinking that there must be some sort of mistake, I flipped through her collection of B-Movies, PS2 games, and hentai (Urotsukidoji?!? WHAT THE HELL?!?). I was saddened to realize that the promise of DDR had been nothing more than a sham. She'd probably confused DDR with Brittany's Dance Beat somehow, and thus, had lured me to her apartment. I could do one of two things at this point:
1. Run the hell away, and never see her again.
2. Play Britney's Dance Beat and stay for cookies.
My curiousity ended up winning out, and I started playing Brittany's Dance Beat. Her crappy soft pad wasn't really registering anything, but I didn't really care. I was having too much fun trying to figure out why the hell I was dancing to "Baby One More Time".
About two seconds before the song ended, something tackled and pinned me to the floor. Amoré had apparently failed to locate DDR clothes of any sort, and as a result, saw it fit to pounce on me clad only in her birthday suit. As I tried to regain my bearings, Amoré decided that she'd gotten bored of Brittany's Dance Beat, and instead started playing a game I've since affectionately dubbed "Make Abilash gag on your tongue!"
After an eternity of frenzied squirming, I finally managed to free myself. My escape however, was far from flawless. Somewhere in the struggle, she'd managed to grab a hold of my shirt an rip in two. On top of all that, I somehow managed to hit my head against her coffee table during my daring escape. Luckily, there was no blood (it's a shame that I can't say the same for the grogginess, though).
Amoré quickly capitalized on my dizziness and handcuffed my left hand to a heavy oak chair. After she'd gotten me a glass of water, I quickly regained my wits and demanded that she take me back to campus, and followed it up with a threat to call the police. This seemed to take the fight out of her, but at the same time, reduced her to a sobbing mess. As I tried to to comfort her with my free arm, the door suddenly flew open, and a guy walked in.
It didn't take him too long to make assumptions about what had been going on. The guy turned red and started to run towards us. Amoré screamed. I got ready to trip him, and then call the police. Time seemed to freeze for a split second.
Before I knew what was happening however, the guy suddenly fell to the floor and started bawling his eyes out, aplogizing to Amoré for being "stupid", and asking her to forgive him, and repeating over and over again that he loved her.
I suppose that seeing his naked girlfriend and his very expensive-looking oak chair both clinging to a half-naked stranger for dear life must have been too much for him. Yikes.
Amoré released my arm from her death grip shortly after this, and ran to him crying, repeatedly telling him that everything was going to be okay, and she forgave him. As the two sobbing messes embraced, I frantically scanned the room for a key. Not finding one, I tip-toed out of the apartment, with the chair in tow.
Somewhere on the four mile walk back to campus, a policeman stopped me, and asked me what in the hell had just happened. I told him everything and declined the option to press charges, as I'd figured that Amoré had probably learned her lesson (whatever that might be).
The policeman took me back to the ASU West police station, cut the handcuffs off, and gave me a new shirt. I did however, have to tell the other policemen the story three or four more times so they could laugh their asses off at my expense. Ah well, I suppose that it was a fair trade for killing the handcuffs and giving me the extra shirt. I'm pretty sure my parents would have done worse to me had I come home like that. Heh. Besides! I now know most of campus security on a first name basis now! That can never be a bad thing!
Well, I'm finally back home now, and I think I'm going to run off and play some KHII. Heaven knows I've earned this.
*runs off*
Oh, and minimoose350, here's my enigmatic LIA rip. The album is in its original megamix format, but if you want individual songs from the megamix, just ask. I can also provide you with a songlist if you'd like.
I was halfway out the door when my manager stopped me. She asked me if I could help the university with some sort of fundraiser. Now, to be perfectly honest, I couldn't have cared less about this sort of thing at that moment. I love helping people out, and I'm truly greatful to ASU West for giving me a job, but, I was exhausted, and KINGDOM HEARTS II WAS WAITING FOR ME AT HOME, DAMMIT!
I politely declined her offer and started making my way out when she asked again, more desperately this time. Apparently, only six people had shown up, and this entire event was going to be a disaster if they couldn't find more people. I didn't know what was going on, but I grudgingly offered my help. I'm very bad at this "Saying NO!" thing if someone needs my help. Bah.
By the time I'd gotten to the location of the fundraiser, I wished I hadn't volunteered. You see, this wasn't one of those "stand at the door and hand out flyers" deals. No, no, no. This was one of those things where I got to stand on stage and have people place bids to take me out on a date.
I really was in no mood to be going out with anyone tonight, so I figured that I'd just weird people out when it was time to introduce myself and scare potential dates away. It was perfect! There was no way it could go wrong! Besides! All the guys around me were FAR better looking than I was, so it was starting to look like I wouldn't have to go out with anyone at all.
They gave me five minutes to introduce myself. I spent five minutes talking about my exploits against the Evil Noodles, the Evil Potatoes, and Al Gore. There was no hooting or hollering when I finished speaking. Hell, the entire place had gone silent. Bidding started at $10. Nobody said anything. Just as I was getting ready to walk off and go home, somebody in the back offered $15. Another person offered $20. Yet another offered $27.68. The bidding went on for what seemed to be an eternity, but finally stopped at $120. I was flabbergasted. If my legs weren't frozen, I'd have run away screaming.
Shortly after I got off stage, my "date" came to pick me up. I think I spent the first ten seconds or so after we met just gawking at her with my jaw firmly glued to the floor. She wasn't just pretty. She was like, howl-at-the-moon, pinch-me-I'm-dreaming gorgeous. Suddenly, this didn't seem so bad anymore. Unless things went horribly, horribly wrong, nothing could go wrong, right? RIGHT?!?
...Yeah, you can already tell where this is going.
We started off by going to dinner at The Olive Garden. Now, I hate Italian food (save breadsticks, and some of the soup), so I just settled for some soup. It wasn't much, but I didn't mind. I don't eat much when I'm out with someone, as I'm usually too busy talking/listening on the person to focus on food. Besides, Amoré (now that's a name you don't hear very often) had already spent $120 to take me out. I didn't want to make it worse my eating into her moneys any more than I already had.
Dinner started out nicely. It turned out that she was as big a geek as I was, and more importantly a DDR player (can you say SCORE?!?). She was witty, smart, and (aside from her strange hatred of cotton candy and Jewish people) someone I could totally see myself with. Literally two seconds I'd finished contemplating this, she suddenly grabbed my hand, and professed that she loved me. She claimed that she'd never met anyone like me before, and would probably never meet anyone like me again, and promised to never let me go. Before I had the chance to let any of this sink in, SHE ASKED ME TO MARRY HER. Let me say that again, in case you didn't catch it the first time: SHE ASKED ME TO MARRY HER.
Now, I'm not the type of guy that runs screaming at the mention of the words "love" and "marriage", but at the same time, I'm going to be just a *little* anxious if I hear those words directed at me on a first date.
I hate saying "No" and I hate hurting people, but in this case, I had to do both. There really was no other way. I wanted to say something dramatic and poetic and comforting all at once, but all I managed to squeak out was a weak "Sorry, I can't. I don't know you as well as I'd like".
Yeah, um, she really didn't take that too well.
My refusal unleashed a five minute long tirade about how all men were scum, and how I was just like her father. My enraged psycho-date then proceeded to yank the tablecloth off the table (creating a hell of a mess in the process) before storming off to the ladies' room. By the time she was done, the entire restaurant was staring at me. Annoyed and a little flustered, I went outside and got some air.
Amoré joined me about a half-hour later, and apologized for what happened in the restaurant. I accepted her apology, all the while secretly rejoicing on the inside that I'd never have to see her again. Once she dropped me off at school, I could go home, and play Kingdom Hearts II, and everything would be okay again.
Once she was done apologizing, she asked if I'd like to go to her apartment for cookies and DDR. Now I'm the kind of person who believes that DDR can fix just about anything, so I happily accepted. Besides, I'd probably ripped a minivan sized hole in her self esteem earlier tonight, so this would be my way of making it up to her. Plus, I'd get cookies!
Her apartment was nice. It was also on the bottom floor, so I wouldn't have to worry about pesky neighbors when playing DDR. As she went off to change into her "DDR clothes", I excitedly turned the PS2 on, only to be greeted by Britney's Dance Beat. Thinking that there must be some sort of mistake, I flipped through her collection of B-Movies, PS2 games, and hentai (Urotsukidoji?!? WHAT THE HELL?!?). I was saddened to realize that the promise of DDR had been nothing more than a sham. She'd probably confused DDR with Brittany's Dance Beat somehow, and thus, had lured me to her apartment. I could do one of two things at this point:
1. Run the hell away, and never see her again.
2. Play Britney's Dance Beat and stay for cookies.
My curiousity ended up winning out, and I started playing Brittany's Dance Beat. Her crappy soft pad wasn't really registering anything, but I didn't really care. I was having too much fun trying to figure out why the hell I was dancing to "Baby One More Time".
About two seconds before the song ended, something tackled and pinned me to the floor. Amoré had apparently failed to locate DDR clothes of any sort, and as a result, saw it fit to pounce on me clad only in her birthday suit. As I tried to regain my bearings, Amoré decided that she'd gotten bored of Brittany's Dance Beat, and instead started playing a game I've since affectionately dubbed "Make Abilash gag on your tongue!"
After an eternity of frenzied squirming, I finally managed to free myself. My escape however, was far from flawless. Somewhere in the struggle, she'd managed to grab a hold of my shirt an rip in two. On top of all that, I somehow managed to hit my head against her coffee table during my daring escape. Luckily, there was no blood (it's a shame that I can't say the same for the grogginess, though).
Amoré quickly capitalized on my dizziness and handcuffed my left hand to a heavy oak chair. After she'd gotten me a glass of water, I quickly regained my wits and demanded that she take me back to campus, and followed it up with a threat to call the police. This seemed to take the fight out of her, but at the same time, reduced her to a sobbing mess. As I tried to to comfort her with my free arm, the door suddenly flew open, and a guy walked in.
It didn't take him too long to make assumptions about what had been going on. The guy turned red and started to run towards us. Amoré screamed. I got ready to trip him, and then call the police. Time seemed to freeze for a split second.
Before I knew what was happening however, the guy suddenly fell to the floor and started bawling his eyes out, aplogizing to Amoré for being "stupid", and asking her to forgive him, and repeating over and over again that he loved her.
I suppose that seeing his naked girlfriend and his very expensive-looking oak chair both clinging to a half-naked stranger for dear life must have been too much for him. Yikes.
Amoré released my arm from her death grip shortly after this, and ran to him crying, repeatedly telling him that everything was going to be okay, and she forgave him. As the two sobbing messes embraced, I frantically scanned the room for a key. Not finding one, I tip-toed out of the apartment, with the chair in tow.
Somewhere on the four mile walk back to campus, a policeman stopped me, and asked me what in the hell had just happened. I told him everything and declined the option to press charges, as I'd figured that Amoré had probably learned her lesson (whatever that might be).
The policeman took me back to the ASU West police station, cut the handcuffs off, and gave me a new shirt. I did however, have to tell the other policemen the story three or four more times so they could laugh their asses off at my expense. Ah well, I suppose that it was a fair trade for killing the handcuffs and giving me the extra shirt. I'm pretty sure my parents would have done worse to me had I come home like that. Heh. Besides! I now know most of campus security on a first name basis now! That can never be a bad thing!
Well, I'm finally back home now, and I think I'm going to run off and play some KHII. Heaven knows I've earned this.
*runs off*
Oh, and minimoose350, here's my enigmatic LIA rip. The album is in its original megamix format, but if you want individual songs from the megamix, just ask. I can also provide you with a songlist if you'd like.