Private journal entry
This weekend was problematic. We lost in Quidditch and I lost in Rapier. I shouldn't even have fenced with the state of mind I was in at that time. Rerrich talked to me today and he informed me that if he once more saw me fence while not in control of myself, he would put me off the team. Which is not going to happen. I'll make sure of that.
I know perfectly well why I was less than concentrated. And the quidditch match had nothing to do with it. I did my best and it was not any fault of mine, that we lost.
The problem was and is William. Why I said those things to him Saturday, I don't know. I don't know what I've let myself into. I have no idea how to act and what more is, William seems to be gone. This mornings announcement implies that it's not because of me, he's left. And that he'll be back, but why didn't he at least leave a note? I don't understand him and I don't understand myself and I don't know when he'll be back. We need to talk about it, although I don't know what to say or ask.
Then there's Ronan, I think that was the Centaurs name. What he said was disturbing and I have no idea how to interprete it. I'll have to go through the divination and Astrology books in the library if I want to figure it out.
Macnair owled me and it seems I'll finally be able to demonstrate my skills on Wednesday. Vector didn't see a problem when I asked her and told me to use the two lessons on Wednesday to prepare for Friday. I will do it now instead, then I'll have no problem with freeing up Wednesday afternoon completely.
Baddock does well in avoiding me right now. I suppose he learned that lesson properly yesterday. It will be good for a while to be able to look over my shoulder and not see him every fucking time.
Davies suprised me Sunday. He actually cheered when I won the Sabre finale. Is he up to something? I'll have to watch him.
I know perfectly well why I was less than concentrated. And the quidditch match had nothing to do with it. I did my best and it was not any fault of mine, that we lost.
The problem was and is William. Why I said those things to him Saturday, I don't know. I don't know what I've let myself into. I have no idea how to act and what more is, William seems to be gone. This mornings announcement implies that it's not because of me, he's left. And that he'll be back, but why didn't he at least leave a note? I don't understand him and I don't understand myself and I don't know when he'll be back. We need to talk about it, although I don't know what to say or ask.
Then there's Ronan, I think that was the Centaurs name. What he said was disturbing and I have no idea how to interprete it. I'll have to go through the divination and Astrology books in the library if I want to figure it out.
Macnair owled me and it seems I'll finally be able to demonstrate my skills on Wednesday. Vector didn't see a problem when I asked her and told me to use the two lessons on Wednesday to prepare for Friday. I will do it now instead, then I'll have no problem with freeing up Wednesday afternoon completely.
Baddock does well in avoiding me right now. I suppose he learned that lesson properly yesterday. It will be good for a while to be able to look over my shoulder and not see him every fucking time.
Davies suprised me Sunday. He actually cheered when I won the Sabre finale. Is he up to something? I'll have to watch him.