oneshot, boys' generation
Title: boys' generation
Fandom: SNSD
Word Count: 1621Summary: Crack crack crack crack.
Disclaimer: about as real as Lumpy Space Princess not having any lumps.
When Taeyeon turns into a boy, naturally the first thing she does is run into the living room, naked, where everyone is gathered, to present her new form.
“Oh my God, guys look, I have a dick,” and starts bouncing up and down.
Seohyun screeches.
“UNN-OPP-WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
The rest of the girls are less concerned with honorifics. Sooyoung goes back to reading her magazine without much pause, only adding, “I thought it’d be bigger to be honest.”
*
Yuri is a horrible boy. She complains about peeing and missing her boobs and curves and only feels comfortable in the gym. Comfortable until more and more girls start showing up just to watch Yuri work out.
Their pawing and purring distract her from her reps and there’s only so much she can take of them groping her.
“Get some self-respect!” she’d yell at them.
Then she’d sashay out of the gym, working her lost hips.
*
The morning Seohyun becomes a boy, she walks into the kitchen in a suit, short slicked back hair and a clean shaven face. Jessica lingers by Seohyun, her nose sniffing at the boy’s shoulder.
“You smell nice.”
“Thank you, unn-noona.”
“Oh give it a rest,” Sunny sighs out over her cereal.
Tiffany chews her bread in thought as she looks Seohyun up and down. “You know, I think out of all of us, you pull this boy thing off the best.”
In all truth, Seohyun did handle this better than anyone could. Her grace as a girl was displayed as stoic poise as a boy. Seohyun didn’t need bulging muscles or any other kind of bulge; her mere presence had always caught people’s attention regardless of sex.
In typical Seohyun fashion, she viewed the change as a learning experience and specifically wanted to test the gender role theory.
“One of you get me a sandwich.”
The whole room became quiet enough to even hear the sudden absence of the girls’ breathing. No one knew what to say until Sooyoung rescued them all.
“Bitch, you may be a boy but remember you’re still the youngest.”
Seohyun blushed madly and in typical boy fashion apologized for the rest of the day with flowers and chocolates.
*
Tiffany surprised everyone. They thought she’d have the hardest time, but who said she had to be straight?
“Oh my Gawd, no. She didn’t. Tell me she didn’t.”
Yuri cringes at the laugh afterwards, somehow more high pitched than when Tiffany was a girl. Yoona stomps out of the room, because it is three in the morning for God's sake.
"Who the hell is she talking to?"
Taeyeon blows at the steam of her tea, unable to sleep for different reasons.
"Who else is the biggest queen in K-pop?"
Yoona threw her head back, knowing now it was truly helpless.
"Why doesn't she just three way Key too while she's at it!"
Tiffany, unfortunately, hears.
"THANKS FOR THE IDEA, BABE."
No one sleeps then.
*
Jessica is more uncomfortable by the change then she lets on. She's smooth and cool and it immediately makes every girl in the dorm fall in love with her a little bit, even if they don't admit it. They stutter and are awkward around her and in turn it just makes her want to hide in a hole.
She shows up at her sister's dorm with a duffel bag, unable to handle their crushes, and it's only the first day.
"What's wrong with you?" Krystal asks.
"Are you blind? I think what's wrong is painfully obvious."
Krystal rolls her eyes.
"Apart from that, I mean."
"The people I have shared soap, clothes, and on occasion bras with are suddenly acting like I'm a stranger. I know I'm hot guy, but next week I'll be back to having a vagina again. It's not that big a deal!"
Krystal, for one, treats her sister-turned-brother as she always does--she leaves her alone to work it out by herself.
The f(x) girls return home one by one and they're no different with their demeanor, whispering and giggling in the kitchen and their bedrooms, until Amber shows. She's tired after a long day and plops onto the couch next to Jessica, who has turned to reading a book to calm down. Amber asks some banal questions that help Jessica's mood better than the book. After an hour, Jessica puts the novel aside completely.
"Why aren't you acting weird around me like everyone else?"
Amber glances at her absentmindedly and goes back to channel surfing.
"Look at me, Jessica, you think I judge people by their looks?"
Jessica smiles for the first time that day and Amber has to excuse herself to get some water because she can't let Jessica see her blush.
*
By the third day of Sooyoung's boyhood, she had collected 8 random girls' numbers, broken a couple hearts, had been the cause of two cat fights and got a pair of panties.
"You are too good at this," Jessica sneers, slightly envious of how effortlessly charming Sooyoung was, especially after her own debacle as a boy.
"You just didn't know how to use your assets to your advantage. Being a girl, I know exactly what girls want, what they want to hear and what they want me to do. It's too easy."
Sooyoung grins and it reminds Jessica of all the villains in TV dramas she has seen-- the bad playboy who sleeps with half of the population but has a heart of gold. Sooyoung leaves to prey on some new poor unsuspecting girl and Jessica reconsiders that heart of gold.
*
The girls barely see any of Yoona the week it's her turn. She's either out partying, or coming back home muddy and with paint on her clothes after a hardcore paintball match, or screaming into her headset in the middle of the day during a heated Starcraft game. She walks around the dorm in nothing but her boxers and drinks milk from the carton and doesn't throw out the energy drink cans she leaves around the floor of the couch. She speaks obnoxiously loud and the girls have to remind her not too laugh so loud or else the neighbors will know there's a male in the dorm and God knows the frenzy that'd result from that reaching the tabloids. She pranks the girls and scares them and even when they gang up on her in retaliation, she still wins.
"You know what the worst part is?" Hyoyeon says at the breakfast table as Yoona's once girlish snore/purring now sounding like a full blown tractor echoed from her bedroom. "She's not any different at all."
Everyone nods solemnly.
*
Sunny only had one thing on her agenda. The one thing she's always wondered and wanted to do as a boy but never could because she lacked the proper parts. The girls all shout, "Ewww" when she tells them and cover their ears but she is not deterred. She waits patiently and in the morning when she wakes and discovers she is a boy her ecstatic whoop of joy awakes everyone. She runs to the bathroom, pushing past a semi-conscious Taeyeon and basically slamming the door in her face.
It's not a full minute that Sunny rushes out of the bathroom again with a look of pure joy on her face, only to sprint to her bedroom and emerge fully clothed.
"Hey, where are you going?" Taeyeon asks, bewildered by all the movement.
Sunny barely gets the words out before she closes the apartment door.
"TO PEE ON ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING."
*
Hyoyeon is the last to turn into a boy. The girls all have endless advice and endless gripes about the whole situation which makes Hyoyeon dread the whole thing when in the beginning she was looking forward to the transformation. Everyone has done all the cool things and for the most part Hyoyeon mopes around the dorm because turning into a dude is old news now anyway.
On her last day, she goes out for a walk and no one mobs her or asks her for an autograph and that part is quite nice. At a café, she orders a cookie and a bitter coffee and relaxes and it really is quite wonderful. She had forgotten how it was to be in a crowd of people and just be no one.
When she finishes her coffee and goes to throw out the trash she bumps into a girl, her eyes red and lips quivering. Hyoyeon knew that look well; she'd seen it on her friends one too many times.
"Are you alright?"
She pulls out a pack of tissues and hands one to the girl. The girl wipes her cheeks and blows her nose lightly.
"I'm fine, and thank you."
"Can I ask what's wrong?"
The girl doesn't answer for a moment, thinking the conversation was over a question ago.
"My date stood me up."
Hyoyeon sighs. She knows a lot about that too.
"I'm sorry, boys can be such scumbags."
The girl lets out an awkward laugh and looks down.
"Anyway," Hyoyeon wasn't about to let this poor girl be by herself, "which way you heading?"
Turns out home for both of them is in the same direction and they hold a polite and engaging conversation for the trip.
On the girl's steps to her house, she gives Hyoyeon a kiss on the cheek and sighs wistfully.
"You are the sweetest person I have ever met. If only you were a girl."
Hyoyeon never sees the girl again but as she walks home and remembers all the girls' experiences as boys she realizes she had the best, hands down.
**
AN: I've been working on this for like a year and I had a few written and by accident I came across it today and shelled out the rest of the girls. This is pure crack, and it was requested by an anon (yay, I fulfilled a request lol) and inspired by this very funny piece written by black_goose so go read it!