Comments | darkcancer: The Watch on the Wrist of God

darkcancer

The Watch on the Wrist of God

Jun 25, 2004 17:02

(NOTE : Okay, so I slightly changed the title, but the start of this epic tale is here. As was policy with the "Journal" story, let me know all of your input, good and bad, and I'll take it into concideration. :D Enjoy ( Read more... )

Comments 6

lemurstew June 26 2004, 05:05:54 UTC

I like that..not as much as the paperboy story..it did seem to drag during the business men talking parts..but I have odd noise in the background to distract me, so that might've made a difference

darkcancer June 26 2004, 15:33:31 UTC

The business men part was my first actual attempt at writing two people discussing money EVER. Hard to believe that in all my stories, this is the first one to have that. It definately is due for possible editing, but it conveys the basic concept I wanted it to at this point in the story - I might add or remove upon it once things have progressedf further. :D

Thanks for reading!

a little critisism with the praise... devils_bane June 27 2004, 09:05:22 UTC

Let's do the bad before the good ( ... )

A little critisism with the praise is a good thing darkcancer July 15 2004, 01:40:09 UTC

I appreciate your input, Devon, and you don't need to worry about sounding mean - it's what critiqueing is all about :D

I actually did not do any research into the financial angle, this is all prior knoledge (which means little to me, personally, I just know it looks good and works :P ). Also, that scene does drag on abit, but it's strictly to form relations between the two, and pave the road to disaster. :D I may, infact, add more depending on how the two develop.

And for those that keep telling me I should be published, I'm just waiting for the next great idea to strike - so far, everything has eventually fallen flat or is not really something I want to dedicate hundreds of drafts and mailing out for. :P I've still got hopes for this one, so we'll see :D

Thanks,
Seth

binty_minty June 28 2004, 15:35:46 UTC

I like the intro to the story, I agree with others about some parts " draggin" on, perhaps if some of these where cut short it would be " better"??? LOL Seth you have amazing talent keep it up!! You are awsome and very smart!<-- sorry this comment is so grade 4 ish I am at work and can only type when no ones looking... Love ya Seth

flufflerin July 15 2004, 12:40:16 UTC

hey you. I'm off to work, I only got to read the first few paragraphs. :o I didn't even notice this was up before, and you didn't msg me to let me know! I don't know if you'll even check the comments for this entry, I'll read the whole thing after work. Anyway, I read up to the paragraph that included the "said streets" that Devon had critiqued, and I think that she could be right. However this is just my opinion and I don't mean to offend anyone, but I think that I like the use of "said streets" in the story. A technique a lot of my favourite authors use (neil stephenson, dean koontz, stephen king) is to describe setting from a characters point of view. I have a good example from Tommyknockers but I don't have time to post it here. These writers are exceptionally good at bringing the reader into the story and it's characters. Stephen King uses this technique a lot (especially with characters that aren't very bright) because the slang used just in preliminary paragraphs gives you a feel to who the character is. But I'm a ( ... )