Inanis - Short Drabble
Title: Inanis
Pairing: Harry/Draco
Warning: Character Death
Summary:“I can feel them coming, I’m scared.”
Words: 849
I sit and watch him from my usual spot, a dark green chair next to his bed. His eyes open slowly and he smiles weakly, acknowledging my presence. A pained look crosses his face, as he turns his head slightly towards me.
“How did we ever get this far?” he asks, the words come out slowly.
I squeeze his hand in encouragement. This is the first time he’s talked in days. “What do you mean Drago?” I ask, confused by his question.
“One moment you feel like you can conquer the world, the next it’s all slipping away.”
While he speaks his eyelids keep fluttering shut. I see how much strength speaking takes, but I can’t bring myself to interrupt him. He wouldn’t have said anything if it wasn’t important, and all I want to hear now is his voice. I force myself to listen to the words, but they make no sense to me, not yet.
“I thought you and me would own the worlds together,”
“We will.” I say, although I know it’s not true.
“I wish I could stay just a while longer. Every morning I ask for another day, here with you. I don’t want to go there alone.” He now takes longer pauses between every word; words I don’t want to hear. But they come to be, they travel from his lips to my ears. They are his, so I treasure them, no matter how much they hurt.
“You won’t be alone not now, not ever.” I reassure him, although I don’t know if it’s true. My eyes begin to sting dangerously. Feverishly I try to blink the tears away. I don’t know what to say to make him less scared of what’s to come. It’s the only thing I can do now, because my desperate attempts to keep him here with me have failed.
“I’m scared without you.” He says. His eyes are closed; apparently he’s given up trying to keep them open. “And I’m sorry.”
Frantically I wipe the tears from my cheeks, glad that he can’t see them fall. “About what?” I ask, when he doesn’t continue. I stand up from my chair and ignore the dancing stars in front of my eyes. I touch his hair and his pale skin; both are surprisingly silky underneath my fingertips as always.
“You know how you always tell me you love me? I just realized that I’ve only told you that I love you twice. I just want you to know, that it never changed.” He whispers now, his breathing is becoming irregular.
“Of course,” I say, as my heart starts jumping in panic. “It’s alright, it’s alright.” I try to calm him down by stroking his hair and cheeks.
“No, it’s not. I know how many times you must have wondered…” He trails off and starts to cough.
“Just breathe,” I hear myself say. There’s a big knot in my stomach and my chest feels tight. “You’re going to be alright.”
“Har-ry,” he chokes on my name and all I can do is touch him and weep. His skinny fingers close around my wrist, searching for my hand.
I climb on top of the bed and wrap my arms around him tightly. “I’m here, I’m here. I won’t leave.” I don’t know where these words are coming from; I never even said them. Inside all I can do is break down and cry.
“I can feel them coming, I’m scared.” He says his eyes are open wide.
“Oh god-“ I cry out hoarsely. “Don’t let them take you. Don’t take him. Don’t take him.” I say, although I don’t know who I am talking to. I kiss his cold skin hundreds of times, and press his body tight to mine. Maybe if I hold him close enough I will trap his soul as well. He can’t leave me. I am scared without him too. I am scared of the loneliness I will feel. Already I feel like I’m missing a limb. “I love you, stay with me. I love you, I love you, I love you.” To be honest I don’t remember how many times I’ve said ‘I love you’.
The last movement I feel is his lips pressing against my forehead. I keep repeating that I love him, but I know he left. It was quiet before, but now it is silent.
I bury my head into the little nook in his neck, my nook, and wet his skin with my tears. I’m desperately holding on to what is left of my dragon. It’s not enough, and I know I will have to give this up soon too.
Now his body feels as empty as our house without him. I dare not look at him, afraid of what I might see. His eyes might be open, allowing me to see deep into the depths of his body, the hollow depths. His lips might be parted, inviting mine on his, but that too will be vacant.
At that moment I know that my life will be inanis, empty, and without meaning. Forevermore.