Keeping the closet door closed [Chapter 1]
Texting isn’t always without risk… and the consequences could be devastating
What a shitty day. That’s the least Jiyong could say about the previous 24 hours. He was sitting with his hands in his hair in his private dressing room on a chair that was already occupied with various pieces of clothing. They just finished their concert. The chair wasn’t normally used as some sort of closet, but then again this didn’t turned out to be a normal day.
He got up early in the morning so he could do stuff before the concert. He planned on eating a healthy breakfast for once, but it got interrupted by an angry call for the CEO himself. He usually didn’t get scolded (that was more Seungri’s thing), but sending a gay movie to your boss instead of the promised track, did the thing. And, although the track was due to this morning, the entire 45 minute phone call wasn’t about the song at all, it was solely about closet doors staying closed.
You see, Jiyong did a fine job at keeping his sexuality a secret from almost everybody. But some people found out. Jiyong himself didn’t utter a word about the subject. He was sure his parents knew… well, his mom anyway. Perhaps his bandmates knew. Youngbae always smiles in a sad way when he bragged (and lied) about one of the many girls he’s scoring. But he never said anything so he couldn’t be sure.
The only one he was sure of that knew, was Kiko. He did date her, but after a week she figured out why he was not into certain stuff. He tried though, and she knew that. They stayed friends, why wouldn’t they? They both loved fashion. Kiko encouraged him to talk about it with people. But she was Japanese and he was living in Korea, things were, and still are, very different. So he only talked to her about it. She was very supportive and it helped to talk.
‘Would they really treat you different? Perhaps you should give them more credit.’ Kiko was sure that the rest of the group would understand and support him. He toughed about the advice Kiko gave him and made a decision to tell at least one of the members soon. But that was before the phone call this morning. The string of angry text messages that followed made sure he would never, ever tell anyone. He was sure his boss wasn’t going to either. Messages like ‘you’re an idol, we’d lose all the fans!’ , ‘God doesn’t approve of this!’ and ‘Have you even tried to just date a girl?’ filled up his phone throughout the day.
How did he ever made a mistake like that? It’s not like he kept work files next to him movies. But yesterday was a long day and surely he must’ve made a mistake. He wanted to lie to his, at first. Telling him it was just a joke. But he was too shocked and frightened to do so. He’d brace himself for the rest of the day. He felt like breaking down in his room would be perfect, but he had stuff to do before the concert later that day.
He did do everything he had to do, but it went everything but well. The band’s appointment with the hairdressers came first. They all left the hotel together. Everyone in the minivan was in a good mood. Daesung was singing trot while Seunghyun provided a very weird but fitting dance, which made Seungri laugh uncontrollably. Youngbae however did ask him if he was alright, but he just answered that he didn’t sleep that well.
The appointment itself went way worse however. His thoughts weren’t distracted by the members having fun. He tried to read some article in a fashion magazine, but he got interrupted by constant texts from the boss. And when his hairdresser said something in the line of: “My, aren’t you popular today.”, he snapped.
The moment he stopped yelling at her, he felt bad. He knew she only wanted to break the silence, but it all became too much. He didn’t curse that much, but in his minute of verbal rampage he did. Everyone in the room was staring at him. The hairdressers looked scared, but the rest of the group had a variety of expressions. Seunghyun just ignored it and kept staring at his reflection in the mirror, Daesung’s eyes were playing Ping-Pong between him and the verbally assaulted girl. Seungri got up with a slightly angry face and started walking towards him, but Youngbae stopped him. The disappointment displayed in his eyes told him enough.
Jiyong got up from the chair, not caring if his hair was finished or not. He made his way towards the door and muttered some sort of apology for his behavior, although he wasn’t sure anyone heard it. The moment he left the building, he felt better already, less pressured. He figured a long walk in the city would do him some good.
He wandered around for the rest of the day. At first, he got a call from Youngbae, but he choose to ignore it. He put his phone on vibrating without sound and put it back in his pocket. He felt it go off constantly, but he wouldn’t pick it up… He just couldn’t right now.
Minutes turned into hours and it started to get dark outside. The concert wouldn’t be until later that night but he had to get ready. His boss was already pissed, not being prepared and ready for a concert would be catastrophic. He ran to the nearest street and called a cab.
The cab ride itself wasn’t that bad, he figured out how he was going to handle tonight. He had to smile for hours, pretending everything was more than fine. He could do that, it wasn’t like he didn’t do that before. But meeting his other band members after what happened this morning was another matter. He didn’t want to see their angry faces, he didn’t want to get scolded again and he certainly didn’t want to explain himself and his actions… He’d have a breakdown for sure.
But the meeting turned out to be inevitable. They had separate dressing rooms, but make-up was done in a large room. He saw Seunghyun first. Luckily for Jiyong, he tried to avoid confrontations at all costs. They never fought before or had an argument and Seunghyun clearly didn’t want to start now. Daesung’s face came into his line of vision next. He was looking at him with and unreadable expression. When he went over and put a hand on Jiyong’s shoulder. The gesture could be described as a normal friendly pat, but he knew Daesung was trying to make him feel better. He secretly loved that. Daesung was always so kind, even when that person didn’t deserve his kindness. The door opened and Seungri and Youngbae got in. They were talking to each other till they say Jiyong. The conversation had and abrupt end and the entire room was silent again.
Jiyong expected Seungri to be angry and yell at him, but he was met by more silence. Youngbae must have seen his confusion because he started to talk.
“We’re all shocked and angry about the fact that you yelled at that nice girl this morning. That was beyond rude...” Youngbae paused and calmed down a bit.
“But I also know that you were upset this morning, so we figured that those two things are connected…” He told them, why did he do that? Jiyong became protective.
“Will you tell us what’s wrong.” It wasn’t a question, Youngbae all but ordered him to tell. But no way in hell he was going to say anything. If there’s one thing that he wasn’t going to do soon (or ever), was coming out of the closet. The problems with his boss proved that that was a very bad idea.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” He snapped back. Jiyong didn’t give any of them the chance to ask more questions. He took a couple of make-up tools, took his clothes of the rack and went to his dressing room. If Jiyong took the time to look at his fellow bandmates and friends before storming off, he’d noticed that their expressions all changed to confusion and worry.
“You were right, something’s wrong with hyung…” Seungri exhaled.
“Yeah, and by the way he reacted earlier and now, it seems there’s something very, very wrong…” Youngbae agreed with him. His hands were going through his hair in slight desperation. If he didn’t want to talk, Jiyong wasn’t going to… not until the problem either went away or it was too late.
“How-“ Seungri started but soon was interrupted when the door swung open to reveal an angry CEO.
“Is Jiyong here already?!?”
“Ah sir, he’s in his dressing room, but…” Daesung almost whispered but the CEO cut him off as well.
“I don’t care, I need to speak with him NOW! The four of you continue to get ready and don’t dare to disturb us!” He roared while opening Jiyong’s door and smashed it close a second later. The remaining four members looked at each other in fear.
‘For the boss to be this angry and Ji… this never happened before, even during the scandal a few years back he stayed supportive. Tis isn’t good!’ Youngbae toughed.
TBC
What a shitty day. That’s the least Jiyong could say about the previous 24 hours. He was sitting with his hands in his hair in his private dressing room on a chair that was already occupied with various pieces of clothing. They just finished their concert. The chair wasn’t normally used as some sort of closet, but then again this didn’t turned out to be a normal day.
He got up early in the morning so he could do stuff before the concert. He planned on eating a healthy breakfast for once, but it got interrupted by an angry call for the CEO himself. He usually didn’t get scolded (that was more Seungri’s thing), but sending a gay movie to your boss instead of the promised track, did the thing. And, although the track was due to this morning, the entire 45 minute phone call wasn’t about the song at all, it was solely about closet doors staying closed.
You see, Jiyong did a fine job at keeping his sexuality a secret from almost everybody. But some people found out. Jiyong himself didn’t utter a word about the subject. He was sure his parents knew… well, his mom anyway. Perhaps his bandmates knew. Youngbae always smiles in a sad way when he bragged (and lied) about one of the many girls he’s scoring. But he never said anything so he couldn’t be sure.
The only one he was sure of that knew, was Kiko. He did date her, but after a week she figured out why he was not into certain stuff. He tried though, and she knew that. They stayed friends, why wouldn’t they? They both loved fashion. Kiko encouraged him to talk about it with people. But she was Japanese and he was living in Korea, things were, and still are, very different. So he only talked to her about it. She was very supportive and it helped to talk.
‘Would they really treat you different? Perhaps you should give them more credit.’ Kiko was sure that the rest of the group would understand and support him. He toughed about the advice Kiko gave him and made a decision to tell at least one of the members soon. But that was before the phone call this morning. The string of angry text messages that followed made sure he would never, ever tell anyone. He was sure his boss wasn’t going to either. Messages like ‘you’re an idol, we’d lose all the fans!’ , ‘God doesn’t approve of this!’ and ‘Have you even tried to just date a girl?’ filled up his phone throughout the day.
How did he ever made a mistake like that? It’s not like he kept work files next to him movies. But yesterday was a long day and surely he must’ve made a mistake. He wanted to lie to his, at first. Telling him it was just a joke. But he was too shocked and frightened to do so. He’d brace himself for the rest of the day. He felt like breaking down in his room would be perfect, but he had stuff to do before the concert later that day.
He did do everything he had to do, but it went everything but well. The band’s appointment with the hairdressers came first. They all left the hotel together. Everyone in the minivan was in a good mood. Daesung was singing trot while Seunghyun provided a very weird but fitting dance, which made Seungri laugh uncontrollably. Youngbae however did ask him if he was alright, but he just answered that he didn’t sleep that well.
The appointment itself went way worse however. His thoughts weren’t distracted by the members having fun. He tried to read some article in a fashion magazine, but he got interrupted by constant texts from the boss. And when his hairdresser said something in the line of: “My, aren’t you popular today.”, he snapped.
The moment he stopped yelling at her, he felt bad. He knew she only wanted to break the silence, but it all became too much. He didn’t curse that much, but in his minute of verbal rampage he did. Everyone in the room was staring at him. The hairdressers looked scared, but the rest of the group had a variety of expressions. Seunghyun just ignored it and kept staring at his reflection in the mirror, Daesung’s eyes were playing Ping-Pong between him and the verbally assaulted girl. Seungri got up with a slightly angry face and started walking towards him, but Youngbae stopped him. The disappointment displayed in his eyes told him enough.
Jiyong got up from the chair, not caring if his hair was finished or not. He made his way towards the door and muttered some sort of apology for his behavior, although he wasn’t sure anyone heard it. The moment he left the building, he felt better already, less pressured. He figured a long walk in the city would do him some good.
He wandered around for the rest of the day. At first, he got a call from Youngbae, but he choose to ignore it. He put his phone on vibrating without sound and put it back in his pocket. He felt it go off constantly, but he wouldn’t pick it up… He just couldn’t right now.
Minutes turned into hours and it started to get dark outside. The concert wouldn’t be until later that night but he had to get ready. His boss was already pissed, not being prepared and ready for a concert would be catastrophic. He ran to the nearest street and called a cab.
The cab ride itself wasn’t that bad, he figured out how he was going to handle tonight. He had to smile for hours, pretending everything was more than fine. He could do that, it wasn’t like he didn’t do that before. But meeting his other band members after what happened this morning was another matter. He didn’t want to see their angry faces, he didn’t want to get scolded again and he certainly didn’t want to explain himself and his actions… He’d have a breakdown for sure.
But the meeting turned out to be inevitable. They had separate dressing rooms, but make-up was done in a large room. He saw Seunghyun first. Luckily for Jiyong, he tried to avoid confrontations at all costs. They never fought before or had an argument and Seunghyun clearly didn’t want to start now. Daesung’s face came into his line of vision next. He was looking at him with and unreadable expression. When he went over and put a hand on Jiyong’s shoulder. The gesture could be described as a normal friendly pat, but he knew Daesung was trying to make him feel better. He secretly loved that. Daesung was always so kind, even when that person didn’t deserve his kindness. The door opened and Seungri and Youngbae got in. They were talking to each other till they say Jiyong. The conversation had and abrupt end and the entire room was silent again.
Jiyong expected Seungri to be angry and yell at him, but he was met by more silence. Youngbae must have seen his confusion because he started to talk.
“We’re all shocked and angry about the fact that you yelled at that nice girl this morning. That was beyond rude...” Youngbae paused and calmed down a bit.
“But I also know that you were upset this morning, so we figured that those two things are connected…” He told them, why did he do that? Jiyong became protective.
“Will you tell us what’s wrong.” It wasn’t a question, Youngbae all but ordered him to tell. But no way in hell he was going to say anything. If there’s one thing that he wasn’t going to do soon (or ever), was coming out of the closet. The problems with his boss proved that that was a very bad idea.
“There’s nothing to talk about.” He snapped back. Jiyong didn’t give any of them the chance to ask more questions. He took a couple of make-up tools, took his clothes of the rack and went to his dressing room. If Jiyong took the time to look at his fellow bandmates and friends before storming off, he’d noticed that their expressions all changed to confusion and worry.
“You were right, something’s wrong with hyung…” Seungri exhaled.
“Yeah, and by the way he reacted earlier and now, it seems there’s something very, very wrong…” Youngbae agreed with him. His hands were going through his hair in slight desperation. If he didn’t want to talk, Jiyong wasn’t going to… not until the problem either went away or it was too late.
“How-“ Seungri started but soon was interrupted when the door swung open to reveal an angry CEO.
“Is Jiyong here already?!?”
“Ah sir, he’s in his dressing room, but…” Daesung almost whispered but the CEO cut him off as well.
“I don’t care, I need to speak with him NOW! The four of you continue to get ready and don’t dare to disturb us!” He roared while opening Jiyong’s door and smashed it close a second later. The remaining four members looked at each other in fear.
‘For the boss to be this angry and Ji… this never happened before, even during the scandal a few years back he stayed supportive. Tis isn’t good!’ Youngbae toughed.
TBC