So I play Roller Derby now. It's like quiddich, but on skates.
The local team is called Darkside Derby and yes, their website does say, 'Come to the Dark side,' but they left off 'we have cookies.' I haven't roller skated since I was a kid, and ice skating usually happens after a few drinks so I naturally had an overinflated estimation of my own skills, you know, as you do. I'm really good at falling. I can hit the ground ten times out of ten.
Darkside held a meet and greet for their new members last Sunday so Sunbeams and I headed over to scope it out. Now, a few hours earlier I had been looking up directions how to get to their skating rink and it's *way* out in the country and I had a thought, "Wow, that's a really shitty location for a skating rink. How can they possibly stay in business?"
Then I had another thought. "What if I can't rent skates?"
A frantic phone call to whoever's phone number is on the website told me that, no, I can't rent skates, but I could borrow some, or go over to the sporting goods store in town and buy some cheap skates for thirty bucks. Guess what I did? If you said, 'decided not to spend money until I made sure these people were crazy in a good way instead of in a bad way,' you're right! Pat yourself on the back!
The way to their practice rink looked like the opening to every horror movie I've ever seen. Field and cows and more fields and more cows with the occasional trashed out, falling down trailer house for a little variety.
Honestly, if we broke down, according to the Laws of Hollywood, there's absolutely no way we wouldn't end up chased by vampires or cannibals. Or vampire cannibals. Sunbeams even asked me if I was sure this was legit and not a cover for human smuggling. He wanted to make sure we weren't going to get bashed in the head and wake up in Mexico.
Then we saw their warehouse, it looks like barn, next to another trailer house, but there were twenty cars parked there so if it was a cover for cannibals or smuggling, we weren't the only suckers. Or were we? Remember that movie about vampires in the trucker hotel?
Turns out it was legit, with a cement floor with a rink outlined in colored tape. Imagine my disappointment.
So we get inside, there's twenty other people skating and even more woman putting skates on and getting ready. I signed a wavier and planted my non-skate-bringing ass in the front row. The team did a demo, and then the coach sorted out who had to borrow skates, I wasn't the only one, and we were off! In a very wobbly, unsteady way. Turns out I skate better when buzzed.
The way it works is you go to the practices, and when you're really good, you can skate on the team. Nice and upfront, with no minimum times for anything. Now, the girls on the team can skate circles around me without breaking a sweat so I've got to practice on my own also if I actually want to play on the team.
The team practices 7 hours a weeks already, so I've got to carve out some time.
The sooner I get good, the sooner I can play. The position I want is Blocker, which from what I can tell, is basically a Bludger on skates. I would zip around and knock the other team over, and not get in trouble for it.
How is that not totally awesome?
Here's a video. After the first minute, you get the idea why I'm so in love. How did I not know about this before now?